Inflated self-esteem in a child of 7 years. "Mom, why am I nobody": how to raise a child's self-esteem and make him self-confident

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Whether your children will be successful in life and how their fate will turn out depends on their confidence in themselves and their abilities. Whether the son is studying for one triples or fives, whether he is going to enter a school or an international university - all this is secondary. Chemistry, physics and other school subjects in the future may simply not be useful to him. The main thing is that the child knows his worth and strives for more, and does not stop there.

How to understand your child's self-esteem

Success in the classroom is what parents usually put in the first place. As a result, it turns out that the neighbor's boy, who studied for one triple, drives a chic jeep. And Masha, a diligent student and the pride of the school, works in an inconspicuous company as an ordinary employee.

Notorious, living by the rules, content with what he has. Too self-confident is convinced that he is not appreciated and not loved, despite the fact that he is the best specialist on this planet. As a result, the last two categories of people are disappointed in life, and they shift their failures onto others.

There are signs by which you can understand what kind of self-esteem your child has. First, listen to what he says about himself. If in his set of phrases for characterization there are “lazy”, “greedy”, “clumsy”, “ugly”, “stupid”, then it's time to sound the alarm.

Such children believe that they simply do not have the right to make a mistake - otherwise, they will be dissatisfied. If the baby constantly asks about the correctness of his actions (even banal washing), then ask - why is he doing this? He'll probably frown and say, "I don't know."

You just pay attention to how the baby responds to your request, for example, to wash his boots. He will do it slowly and very strangely: his hands are trembling, a lot of fussy movements. This is also a sign of low self-esteem - in this way he tries not to make mistakes in fulfilling the request.

Very often, this state goes too far, and then a self-confident loser grows out of a child with low self-esteem.

Such people:

They are always the object of ridicule, smirks and bullying.
Usually lonely - no friends, no girlfriends, no just good friends.
They do not make their own independent decisions and are ready to follow any person.
Under the yoke of failures, they can completely wilt and "hit all the hard" - alcoholism, drug addiction, theft.

Fear, loneliness and continuous failures are constant companions of people with low self-esteem. It is unlikely that any of the parents dreams of seeing their child like this. It is necessary to take action immediately, as soon as the first signs of such problems are noticed. And in no case should you blame him for anything - your self-esteem certainly does not increase from your reproaches.

Low self-esteem

Does your son constantly complain that his desk mate is smarter, prettier, better dressed? Or did he often say that you do not love him? Constant tearfulness, fear of punishment, expectation of the worst, self-doubt - all these are the first signs of low self-esteem.

If no steps are taken, in the future he will be offended in the class, he will not be able to adapt even to small changes in life.

If you try your luck elsewhere and pick him up from school (or transfer him to another class), the situation will not change in any way. The student sets himself up for failure by repeating to himself “I won’t be able to study for five”, “I won’t solve this problem”, “I am a loser”, etc.

Heightened self-esteem

Usually children with high self-esteem believe that they are always right in everything. At the same time, they can argue that the deuce control work- this is not their inattention, but the nitpicking of the teacher. They are not accustomed to realizing their mistakes, there is no authority for them. Often they do not even respect parents or experienced mentors.

A small person seeks to subjugate everyone to himself, using other people's weaknesses, desires, aspirations, trying to stand out from the background of other people's failures.

Usually such children are ringleaders, aggressors and rather cruel leaders in the future. “I know better”, “You won’t succeed, but I can” - at first, such an initiative of the child touches the parents. And, unfortunately, loving dads and moms realize too late that they raised a tyrant.

Adequate self-esteem

Such a child is not afraid to ask for help, because he understands that it is impossible to know and be able to do everything. At the first failure, he does not give up and does not go with the flow, but first tries to solve everything with his own efforts. He knows that he is loved and appreciated, so he is not afraid to appear weak. The kid never shifts responsibilities to others. Having helped one of the comrades, the student will not ask for a reward for this.

If your child has adequate self-esteem, he will not play on his nerves, demand special treatment from friends, relatives or acquaintances, or look for benefits everywhere. He accepts people for who they are. To the best of self-confident people in the future it is much easier in life, as they are never disappointed in friends, family, work. They really see things.

How to raise your child's self-esteem

There are ways to raise self-esteem and raise a self-sufficient, self-confident person. And the sooner you start to act, the higher the probability of getting a good result. At an older age (17-18 years), without the help of a psychologist, you are unlikely to be able to radically change anything in the character of your son or daughter.

Regardless of age, status and gender, a person needs praise no less than a monetary reward.

Having said Right words approving this or that act, you will consolidate the good habits of your child. If you stop enjoying, for example, excellent grades, a room cleaned on time or washed dishes, as a result, the student will lose interest in this. For you, an ode to the garbage taken out is stupidity, for a baby it is a vital necessity. Don't take it similar actions as a matter of course.

When Not to Praise

But you need to praise the child correctly and in moderation. In some moments it is better to hold back, as flattery can do a lot of harm.

Dishonest Achievements

When a student got a good mark by copying a test from a neighbor in his desk, he showed resourcefulness. Therefore, to blame for ingenuity does not make sense. But to admire the way he acted in this situation is not worth it. Try to explain to him that he appropriated other people's works for himself. If this happens for the first time, you can refrain from expressing your own opinion.

natural data

Expressive eyes, a graceful nose, excellent hair - all this is good, but these are not the merits of your child. Of course, we must say that he is beautiful. But only occasionally, so that the baby knows and realizes that he is no worse than the rest.

Things

Admiring the fact that a schoolboy has a beautiful backpack is just as bad as telling a girl that she looks great thanks to a dress. To some extent, it's even embarrassing. Clothes, toys and other little things that you bought or donated are taken for granted by adults.

Pity or desire to please

Some believe that flattery can bribe a child or raise his self-esteem. And this is one of the biggest mistakes adults make. But children are very sensitive to lies, hypocrisy and flattery. By telling a clear lie, you can push the baby away from you.

For what to express praise and gratitude

But you need to praise the child in the following cases.

Talent

Does the child sing, dance, draw or play an instrument? Encourage him for trying to find himself, even if he doesn’t succeed at first. Do not throw phrases that the second Pushkin or Michael Jackson will not work out of him. This will reflect very badly on his self-esteem, he will immediately lose interest in what is happening.

Honest merit

Whatever your child does, praise him if he put in his effort. Let it be a trifle: help around the house, homework done on time, a game with a younger brother, a book read. Anyone is pleased when their actions, which are beneficial, are appreciated.

For future success

Learn how to motivate a student. Can't solve the problem? Say that you are confident in his success. Is there a test coming up? But you don’t even doubt that your child will succeed in writing a job perfectly. Do not forget to praise your daughter before leaving the house, and then in the evening you will definitely be pleased with your achievements.

Self-Esteem Techniques

Simple tricks will help raise your child's self-esteem and feel self-confidence.

When making any decision, always ask your child for advice. This will help him understand his importance and raise his self-esteem. However, in this case there is one "but". Even if your opinion differs from the wishes of the baby, try to follow his recommendations. Otherwise, the effect of this technique will be completely opposite - you will develop a lot of complexes and fears. And next time you will simply be afraid to express your thoughts.

Ask for help

The son will perfectly cope with a broken stool, the daughter will sew up a button that has come off the blouse. Do not try to do everything yourself, ask your children for help. At the same time, treat them as equals and do not demand immediate fulfillment of your whims. Duties (cleaning, washing dishes, peeling potatoes) are completely different, their younger family members must perform unquestioningly.

feign weakness

Having taken everything upon themselves, parents raise greenhouse children. In the future, as adults, many of them cannot even cook soup. And this is not to mention more serious tasks. Any work will cause discouragement. After all, before everything was done for them by those around them - grandmothers, mothers, friends. In adulthood people should be able to answer for themselves.

You can ask to take care of a sick family member, go to the store and buy everything you need. Teenagers can already pay bills, send mail, walk the dog. How older child the more he should help his parents. Of course, it’s also not worth dumping all the worries around the house on him.

Six Rules of Punishment

Did the daughter or son go wrong, and you once again put them in a corner, muttering sullenly that nothing good will ever come of him? Don't be surprised if your setup works. After all, you subconsciously drive thoughts into the child’s head that he is bad, stupid, etc. But mothers should not forgive everything and leave misdemeanors unpunished. You just need to learn how to do it right.

In order not to harm the self-esteem of the child, he must be punished correctly.

Harmlessness

There should be no physical, psychological violence. Moral humiliation will lead to a drop in self-esteem or, even worse, will embitter the child. Remember, bullying minors can deprive you of parental rights.

Doubts

If you are not sure that it was your son who broke the glass at school, do not punish him. But even when, after two or three weeks, he confesses to a misconduct, you should not deprive him of the computer as a preventive measure. Otherwise, he will simply stop sharing with you what happens to him in life.

Do not punish more than once

No matter how serious the offense was committed, you should not be angry with the child forever. Do not remember this situation, do not punish again. Even after a year, do not reproach for mistakes if it is difficult for you to forget about them. Otherwise, he will constantly feel guilty, will not be able to move on.

Do not take personal items

Your child was presented with a car on the remote control, and you took it away until he corrects his grades? By saying and showing that things do not belong to him, you develop fears in him, an inferiority complex. Over time, he will begin to think that he does not deserve what he has, he will be afraid of losing even unnecessary things.

Cancel punishment

If the kid made a mistake, but quickly corrected his mistakes, or you punished him for nothing, then do not be afraid to change your mind. Otherwise, next time he will not want to take any action to improve the situation. After all, what's the point in trying to change yourself if the result is the same.

Express your love

Despite the fact that the child was guilty and was punished, you still need to show maternal feelings. It is impossible to ignore him, defiantly remain silent or angrily answer questions and requests. If he asks for help or he needs advice, forget about grievances and disagreements for a while. After all, you are a mother first and foremost.

When not to punish

Remember once and for all, everything must have its place and time! It is not always worth rushing to conclusions, making decisions without listening to the other side. And in some cases it is strictly forbidden to punish, even if the child is really to blame. So, we let everything go by itself or wait a while if:

You are on edge, not feeling well, very tired or not digesting the situation.
The child is sick, busy with lessons, eats, plays, or you have guests.
When you are not able to understand the background of the act, while the child cannot explain his actions.
The child himself suffered shock, trauma, cannot cope with his feelings, fears and emotions.

How to help an insecure child adapt

What if the child is overweight, has birth defects or is too shy? It makes no sense to convince a schoolboy that stupid classmates are pestering him. This will only exacerbate the problem. In this case, there are several ways to get peers to respect him.

Things

Give your child something that will help them stand out in the crowd. It is not necessary to buy an expensive mobile phone or tablet. In elementary grades, these can be toys, in senior grades - a good bag, shoes, jewelry. Children are very cruel, so classmates who look much worse, wear old clothes, are often disliked. Remember, it's better to buy two or three good sweatshirts from the store, rather than buying a whole wardrobe in stock.

But do not go on about, do not buy him everything. Do not give gifts for something (good study, achievements in sports, cleaning the house), otherwise in the future a gift will be required from you for any occasion. But if you promised something, please, keep your word. The child must trust you.

Mugs

Sign up your son for football, the girl for dancing or a music school. Choose youth sections based on their potential. Interacting with the team and doing what he likes, the child will be liberated and find himself. The guy playing the guitar will always be the life of the party.

Speaker courses

As soon as your child learns to talk, start seeing a speech therapist. It will help to put the speech correctly and correct some defects. Children often cannot pronounce complex sounds, which further affects their self-esteem. In elementary and high school, you should go to classes where specialists will teach oratory.

Have you noticed that some kids have an amazing ability to communicate with everyone around them - peers, teenagers, adults? They are happy, always in a good mood and attract the attention of everyone around them without exception. And some gloomy loners with whom there is nothing to talk about. This is a sad sight. But this means only one thing - such an uncommunicative little man has low self-esteem, and only parents are to blame for this. After all, the family is the basis of the future character of the child. It is mom and dad who form the child’s internal assessment of their behavior, skills, and even intelligence.

How to help your child become more confident

Treat your child as a person, a mature person. If you come up with something for yourself, it does not mean that he thinks the same way as you. For example, the son says: "I'll go for a walk." What does he mean by this, what does he think about? Yes, everything is simple: "I'm tired and I just want to clear my mind, run a little with friends and chat with that girl from the next entrance." And what does mother think - he is lazy, does not want to help me and thinks only of parties! From here come bans, tears, resentment and scandals. Mutual understanding worsens, and the child immediately feels like a slave who is simply not allowed to go for a walk.

It is necessary to talk only “on an equal footing”, otherwise the child will not become an independent person. See for yourself - try to behave like an adult relative. You will immediately see a response - he will begin to realize his importance, be more frank and stop perceiving the advice of his parents as excessive guardianship.

Try to praise him for everything. Even if something went wrong, your baby deserves praise only for having the courage to do a useful thing. Be sure to gently and gently show the child how to do everything right - just unobtrusively and not with pretensions.

Look for an approach to your child. All children are different - they are individuals! Naturally, what is good for one parent may not be good for another. You can try different options, but the most effective is a dialogue in the form of "question-answer". Moreover, it is the child who must give the answer.

Be sure to create your own world for the baby. Ideally, this should be a separate room with low shelves, a large mirror and personal items. If this is physically impossible to do, then at least separate a corner in the room with a screen - even if he still has at least a minimum of personal space. This will teach him to be independent: low shelves will allow you to involve the child in cleaning, a mirror will help you monitor your appearance. Such trifles form the basis of the formation of a disciplined and responsible person.

Constantly emphasize to him that you completely trust. This is very motivating to take action. And, by the way, children who are treated with respect and trust are much less likely to turn into alcoholics, drug addicts and criminals - they simply do not understand how they can let their relatives down. No need to constantly prompt and control his actions. It is imperative to talk about the possible negative consequences and clarify: “You are an adult and must understand everything yourself. We trust you."

How to find an approach to your child

Yes, being a parent is hard. So that he was calm, and balanced, and fair, and kind, and wise. No one promised easy ways, you have to educate a person, and everything depends on mom and dad.

Children, like sponges, absorb absolutely all the information, and do not think that after yesterday's punishment, nothing happens in the child's head. Quite the opposite! He thinks, worries, doubts and makes one right (as it seems to him) decision: as his mother says, so it is.

Psychologists often advise parents to talk to the baby in an affectionate way. It is not at all necessary to call a 15-year-old teenager by a childhood nickname, but at a young age it is very useful. Even in these words, he will feel kindness, love and attention.

Do not scold your child in front of other people and peers. Even if they are grandmothers or uncles, neighbors or nephews. In no case should you humiliate a small person! And teaching and punishment in the presence of outsiders is a real humiliation. You just can’t imagine how many people remember this childhood “shame” of theirs all their lives.

It is from this moment that problems with mutual understanding can begin. Another point: if you find a diary with personal notes from a teenager, then never, under any circumstances, mention this. He will stop trusting you.

Walk with your child more often and play games with him. Do not replace communication with computer games - this is not the best hobby. But playing with cubes, making an application, making some kind of craft will be very useful! In the end, decorate some picture - this is very necessary for both you and the baby.

Be kind to your child. No troubles and problems should be displayed in the attitude towards him - remember that he just has nothing to do with it. Throw out your resentment and anger on anything, but not on him. Better take a walk down the street, put your thoughts in order and calm down. Or ask the child to leave the room for a few minutes, say that you have a headache and want to rest. Find any option, but start communicating with your dearest person only in a good mood.

Olga Davydova, an expert at the MENTORI National Mentoring Resource Center of Rybakov Fonda, tells the story.

Adequate self-esteem is what determines the success (and happy comfort, which is much more important) of a child in studies, hobbies, communication with peers, classmates, friends and parents.

When it comes to the current generation, you can hear two opposing points of view. First: “Oh, these introverted children, they sit at home and don’t show their nose out the door.” The second: “Oh, these impudent youth, they should take the crown off their heads!”

Method 1: Check if the conditions are too high

If your child is showing anxiety symptoms (such as "I'm nothing", depression, secretiveness, cynicism), first analyze the cause. It may be trite that your requirements are simply incommensurable with the possibilities.

In grades 5-6, Olya was an excellent student and a favorite of teachers. The frank dislike of the whole class did not prevent her from participating in competitions and furiously pulling her hand before anyone else, annoying with the questions “What's next?”. Nevertheless, both Olya herself and her parents understood that the “best” position was rather situational, and the interpersonal relationships that developed in the class (it came to fights with the “upstart”) would not lead to good. Olya was transferred to a gymnasium in a neighboring city, the program of which was distinguished by an increased level of complexity. And what do you think? In the 7th grade, Olya began to have problems with self-esteem. And how did you want? 30 people in the class, and all the "geniuses", "upstarts" and activists.

Think that perhaps it’s just that your child’s environment has changed: you transferred him to a lyceum, the class has become specialized - mathematical, classmates go to a tutor without exception in English. A teenager may quite rightly develop an inferiority complex. Do not make excessive demands on him and never compare with others in his favor. Analyze the situation together.

Method 2. Opinion of peers

For teenagers, the opinion of peers is the truth in the highest instance. So if "Katya, Vasya and Mark said that I look like an idiot," then your opinion is unlikely to help correct the situation. Exhortations in the style of "Who do you trust more?" won't help. Your child trusts you, but the youth around trusts you. And you shouldn't blame him for it. If appearance really affects the self-esteem of your teenager, it is better to meet him halfway. But only if he can argue why it is he who needs the green hair color, and not his classmates.

Think on family council what is more important to you: a downtrodden teenage girl with a killed self-esteem or the principles that torn jeans or informal clothes are not for the Ivanov family. The child will outgrow the color of the hair, and the corsets, and the ears on the rim.

Another case is if there is real bullying at school. For nationality, for funny speech defects, for being an excellent student / thin / fat - the choice of children is cruel and specific. Take a closer look at who your teen hangs out with, and if you find out that his low self-esteem is the result of targeted bullying, then simply transfer him to another school. The psyche of children breaks down very easily, so a new round of the war for justice can be postponed, it is better to act.

Method 3. Praise

Do you like it when your boss praises you? Let him not give an increase, let KPIs not be met, as they are shamelessly overpriced! But one small "Clever!" and “Thank you, you are a real leader” make you smile and be sincerely happy for yourself. And after all, mind you, bosses do not praise just like that - only for deeds.

The same with teenagers. For the good - praise, for the unworthy - scold, so as not to bring down the value orientations. The main thing - never get personal, talk only about actions. Not "Sasha, you're an idiot", but "Sasha, it was very unwise to forget the keys to the house." And not “Katya, don’t act like a fool!”, But “Katya, it doesn’t suit you at all to be killed like that because of the four.”

“Can’t you, or what?”, “Even Sasha from a neighboring yard can, get together!”, “Is that how girls behave?”

Firstly, any gender binding of the qualities “You are a girl, be careful”, “You are a boy, be stronger” damages the child’s self-awareness. You have to be neat and strong, because you are a good person, "my beloved son" and "I'm worried about you."

Secondly, any comparison with another child/person deals a huge blow to self-esteem. Never compare those you love with another object of attention. If your husband tells you: “Sveta, don’t doubt yourself, you are beautiful, here is Katya, my colleague, she has no doubts, she is always confident and therefore attracts attention!” - it is unlikely to cheer you up. What is Katya? Why is Katya here? Why should I be like Katya?

How to do it

Depending on the age of the child, you have two behaviors: “Come on together” and “You will definitely succeed, let's try again, and if anything, I will help you.”

If the child is not old enough, you can try to overcome difficulties together. If we are talking about a teenager, then you should not do for your son or daughter what he or she can do on their own. Such a struggle with difficulties will not benefit self-esteem, since the feeling of satisfaction from solving a difficult task will not come. You can prompt and direct, but support should not be excessive.

Method 5. Develop your talent

Every person has a talent, or, in the language of entrepreneurs, a competitive advantage. You can endlessly try to improve what does not work out - this was discussed in the previous paragraph about overcoming difficulties. But strengthening the "favorite" sides is your chance to have a self-confident child.

So, if your child draws well, send him to courses, and if he loves football, sign up for a team and find a good coach. If you are good at sewing yourself, start making designer toys and share your success with your friends. If you are good at photography, go to a city or studio photo shoot. Luckily for us, social media is not only home to bad news, but also beauty to share.

It is easier for any of us to endure life's difficulties and failures, knowing that in some OWN way he is at his best.

5. Sign up for a gym, start running, or work out at home. Daily pride for the difficulties you have overcome is provided to you.

6. Do something that is not typical for you: go to the shooting range, shoot from the bow, if you are already an enviable "silovik", then go to the ball - a historical reenactment.

7. Get yourself a hobby. Not a temporary hobby, but a favorite thing. Write poems, draw by numbers, cook new dishes every week. Collecting is also, of course, a hobby, but it is better if it is creative, not consumer.

8. Smile more often. Our brain reacts positively even to a “fake” smile.

9. Talk to people who love you. Talk about everything that surrounds you, what happened during the day, what you read in the book. Organize family meetings and a discussion club a couple of times a week.

10. Get a "Notebook of Success" or several different checklists with challenges to yourself. Write down in a notebook everything that happened, even if it's some kind of trifle. Sheets can be thematic: “10 places in hometown where I've been", "30 new words I've learned", "10 new books to read", "5 bad habits that I'm struggling with." A banal checkmark next to a random item improves your mood, believe me!

The personality of the child begins to form long before the first words and steps. And only in a few years - by the age of five - parents will see the result of their educational efforts. It will be expressed in the characteristics of the character of the child, his behavior, interests, habits, communicative qualities.

In every age period the “building blocks” of personality are laid down. And each stage is characterized by so-called normative fears, fears, barriers.

In communication with adults and peers, in solving game problems and everyday events, these structures interact with each other. The ability to solve problems, cope with non-standard situations develops, and as a result, self-esteem and self-confidence are formed.

Self-esteem- this is the degree of awareness of one's own advantages and disadvantages, assessment of one's own personal qualities and performance results.

Self-esteem can be both positive and negative.

But self confidence- this is an integral, already formed quality, a positive attitude towards oneself, a willingness to overcome obstacles on the way to the goal.

At the same time, high self-esteem is not yet self-confidence, but may become its basis in the future. In the educational process adequate self-esteem- the key to the formation of a calm, deliberate and safe behavior. Therefore, it is important for parents to know how to help a child become self-confident already in early childhood.

From this article you will learn

How and when self-esteem is formed in childhood

At an early age, the baby acts thoughtlessly, not predicting the results of his actions, only under the influence of a momentary desire. At this stage, parents begin to shape future self-esteem with the help of limiting phrases: “ Ai!», « It is forbidden», « Painfully and show the child the possible consequences.

Gradually there is purposefulness, dependence on the situation. The child begins to follow more complex verbal instructions and receives reward or punishment for this.

"You are the most beautiful in the world"

Preschool children often hear such phrases - today it is fashionable to nurture leaders and inspire irresistibility in business kids who see no barriers in front of them. In psychology this is called affirmation- an attitude that influences subsequent behavior.

But everything is good in moderation. Acquaintance with failures is better to organize at an early age than to treat a child for neuroses when the first teenage difficulties in communication and achievements arise.

Do you criticize or praise your child more often?

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Primary school is a period when self-esteem is more influenced by academic success. The first teacher is the most authoritative elder in the life of a younger student, and it is important to choose a modern teacher who develops talents and helps in the development of better personal qualities.

Parents should avoid criticism and conflict based on academic performance, patiently help memorize the multiplication table and solve problems about trains.

Self-esteem of a teenager often depends on the opinions of peers. The leading activity at this age is communication and knowledge of all facets social life adult. Every day of a teenager is a competition in adulthood, study fades into the background. Girls focus on looks, boys focus on physical strength.

It is difficult for adolescents to adequately evaluate themselves, because a confident sense of adulthood conflicts with insufficient life experience. The result of this conflict is anxiety, self-doubt, fluctuations in self-esteem, and a decrease in school performance.

In order to raise a teenager's self-esteem, it is necessary to maintain contact with the child by all means, explaining the limitations by external factors: "You are still a minor, you need to grow up and gain experience." To teach the lad reflection, analysis of situations and trust in elders.

What is my child's self-esteem?

The shy preschooler turns away from the neighbor on the playground and silently takes the offered candy. Parents panic: “Our child is not self-confident!” But suddenly he just lacks the experience of communication and expression of emotions?

Not exaggerate! A shy child is psychologically healthy. Shyness and shyness are natural behaviors for preschoolers. On the other side of the norm - uncontrollable verbal activity and a bold desire to get to know everyone. Thus - through external demonstration - character is formed.

The parental view of the personality of the child is not always objective. Mother and father tend to overestimate or underestimate. Often they do not take into account age norms. Therefore, before you ask yourself how to raise a self-confident child, you should find out if it is necessary right now - to conduct a diagnosis.

The video below shows examples of different games and exercises to easily find out what self-esteem your child has.

Diagnosis of self-esteem in early childhood (up to 6 years)

The first year of life is the stage of laying the character. The question of how to increase a child's self-esteem, its diagnosis during this period does not make sense. It is difficult to draw an age limit for diagnostic methods; it is more convenient to focus on the level of speech development. As soon as speech becomes active and developed, conversations can be conducted with the child according to the diagnostic protocol.

Diagnosis of self-esteem in schoolchildren (6–10 years old)

Ask them to draw seven circles and distribute in them the names of all close people (animals are also allowed) and the word “I”. A shift to the left is evidence of an increase in self-esteem. The express method also allows you to determine the circle of trusted persons of the student. The following results should be alarming:

placement of "I" from 5th to 7th place (very underestimated self-importance);
surrounding "I" with empty cells;
surrounding the "I" with animals or inanimate objects.

In these cases, look for contact with the child and help him gain confidence in his abilities. Repeat the test in a few weeks, compare the results. Notice also how academic performance and emotional state will change when the child begins to receive support.

Diagnosis of self-esteem in a teenager (12-18 years old)

A teenager is perhaps the most tender age in psychological terms. Therefore, it is better to use standardized and verified methods that do not require personal contact with the researcher. It is better not to diagnose at home, but pushing a teenager to self-knowledge is a good tool. Let him study his character, cognitive abilities, intelligence, and at the same time self-esteem. In the professional complex, special questionnaires and exercises are used.

We form adequate self-esteem for the baby (up to 6 years old)

At the preschool stage, the child already has a fairly developed will and life experience, has mastered the basic safety rules, but still makes annoying mistakes.

Important! You should not create a child constant protection from dangers and a situation of success in everything and everywhere. This forms a wrong perception of the world around. Let the kid safely make mistakes.

For self-esteem, it is important that the child didn't hear setting phrases: " you will fall!», « You will not make it!" It is necessary to properly build the process of stuffing cones:

Warn the child about possible consequences according to the formula: “Don't jump from there. Up there - can it hurts to fall."
To give the opportunity to make a mistake (providing safety).
In case of a positive result, repeat the warning: "You did well, you did it, let's try together next time." In case of error: “I really sympathize with you. I know you're in pain. But didn’t you and I say that you can fall?”

This approach demonstrates to the child that parents believe in him and fear for him, but are ready to support any choice. In the end, this choice turns out to be imaginary: the child will trust the opinion of mom and dad more than direct prohibitions. In the preschool period, this good way behavior management and formation of an adequate assessment of their capabilities.

Important ways to master the experience of adults in 2-5 years:

observation of correct behavior, imitation;
visit kindergarten;
game by age and goals;
reception "One boy ..." (an instructive story, invented specifically to work out the situation)
fairy tales, folk and therapeutic.

It is fairy tales that allow not only to form behavior, self-assessment and ideas about the main life processes, but also to get rid of fears! And games can work wonders if you use them thoughtfully and systematically, organize the playing space and enjoy the process sincerely.

We increase the self-esteem of a schoolchild (6–10 years old)

For the first time, the student has two important motives: be like everyone else" and " to be different from everyone, to be better". The first is needed when general rules apply. The second arises in the conditions of competition and refers to self-esteem. If a child achieves success in a competition, then his self-esteem rises.

Help develop his personal special skill: artistic or technical.
Take part in a relay race, an olympiad, promise a reward for success in a math test. Do not forget to praise for the minimum progress and motivate you to take the next step.
Building confidence in a ten-year-old is very simple: explain that you are proud of him, his skills, his best qualities. That you love him not for something, but because he is, you value him as a person and are ready to help.

Children are very responsive to the sincerity of adults, to an instructive, benevolent tone. They are happy to make contact, even after serious conflicts. However, conflicts are best avoided.

Raising the self-esteem of a teenager (12-18 years old)

In this video psychologist, founder of the “Academy of Professional Parenting” Marina Romanenko talks in detail about what parents need to do so that a teenager with self-esteem would be all right. We recommend watching to the end.

The student who seemed independent and self-sufficient suddenly turned into an insecure young man. anxiety symptom which cannot be ignored. Professional diagnostics will help to understand the reasons, as well as a confidential conversation with a father or mother. Choose the most appropriate method and try to raise the teenager's self-esteem before it becomes problematic:

Emphasize young man on that G it is much more important to be yourself than to conform to other people's ideals. Give examples from the lives of people who are significant to him (relatives, peers, or even stars).
Have conversations without instructive intonations. Try to explain by your own example that in order to achieve success, you need to truly accept and love yourself.
Shift your attention away from the problem area in which low self-esteem has formed.
Keep up your hobbies, be interested in your teenager's extracurricular life, even if you don't approve of anime, gothic or street art too much. Be truly proud of your results joint work: hang a diploma for participation in an exhibition in the common room, post a report on a joint trip to a hip-hop competition on a social network.
Forget negative ratings and criticism. You have to overcome the evil teacher in yourself. Explore a few NLP technician and learn to give a negative assessment in a positive way: “ You've come up with a great idea! What if we add/change here?..” Conflict with a teenager is a sure way to lose his trust for a long time.

Important! Don't expect your teen to obediently comply with demands. Any conflict model of behavior is doomed to failure. Another strategy is also ineffective - to lower the requirements in response to the protest.

Teenagers protest at every convenient occasion, expressing their opinion and their position. Parents should not underestimate the power of a teenager's personality. His sense of self is equal to that of an adult, and self-esteem and self-confidence can go off scale, even with low self-esteem. Such is the sign and paradox of growing up.

Of course, there is no universal memo on building relationships with children. Modern families are very individual. An important concept for the formation of the correct parental position is happiness.

Happiness in a psychological sense, it is a feeling of harmony between oneself, one's inner world and the environment.

And it should be remembered that happiness for a child does not always consist of bricks thrown by parents. Children have the right to bring into their lives the building material that is comfortable for them right now.

A happy child maintains contact with his parents and considers them one of the components of his happiness. This cannot be achieved by force or coercion. Do not try to pay off with expensive gifts or holidays either. Mom and dad need a child every day!

It is important that the father makes objective Complimenting daughter about her appearance, a mother supported her son in sports achievements. Both parents remain best friends in relation to the child.
Keep secrets with the kids in the kitchen, but interact with each other, do not try to stick to your own line. If mom and dad are working in the same direction, it is easier to strengthen relationships with children.
Should not be given much importance psychological norms, if the child feels comfortable, is in a positive mood, is emotionally stable and is not prone to conflict. Correction of self-esteem with small deviations from the age norm is not always necessary.
Learn to admit your weakness and timely contact the experts. A consultation with a family psychologist can sort out the reasons for all your parental failures in a couple of hours.
Interact with school teachers, be interested in the results of planned psychodiagnostic studies. Ask for recommendations. A successful parent should be open to information and experience, not be afraid to acquire new behaviors and engage in self-education.
Finally, study teaching experience on the Internet. Watch documentary TV shows about psychologists and nannies. You can start with Dr. Komarovsky's program on how to raise a child's self-esteem.

Oddly enough, in order to raise a child with self-confidence, it is enough to be loving and attentive parent. Communicate, spend time together, note changes in the behavior of the child in time, help him return to a positive path of development, support his hobbies and positively evaluate achievements.

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Adequate self-esteem plays an important role in a person's life. And for a child, there is nothing worse than an underestimation of their own abilities and successes. Seven years of age can be called a transitional period. At the age of seven, children say goodbye to kindergarten and go to school, and building relationships with classmates and the teacher largely depends on what their self-esteem is.

If a child soberly and correctly assesses his abilities and qualities, then he will have no problems with learning and communication. The formation of such a quality as self-esteem begins in preschool age, so by the age of seven it is already fully formed. If you notice that your child underestimates himself, you need to urgently change the situation.

What's wrong with low self-esteem at the age of seven?

If the child is not confident in himself, then he does not feel comfortable. He is especially uncomfortable in the new conditions, which is schooling. He worries, always thinks about the worst, is afraid of being deceived, offended, worries that he will not be able to cope with the tasks. In communicating with peers, he also thinks about the bad, does not trust and does not know how to be friends.

Doing homework turns into torture for both the child and the parents. He is sure in advance that he is not up to the task, he is always set to fail. Children with low self-esteem do not like to try something new, attend circles or sections, and engage in activities that are unusual for them. Comparing themselves with other children, they do not see their own positive qualities, but only note the advantages of their peers.

Thus, the child develops the attitude “I am bad”, “I can’t”, etc. In the future, this can greatly affect his life.

Techniques for improving self-esteem in a seven-year-old child

A seven-year-old child is already quite an adult who understands and is aware of his actions. You can talk with him, discuss and reach an agreement. This is the basis of the basic techniques recommended by psychologists.

Let the child feel like an adult. First, ask him for advice in any matter. This should be an area in which he understands at least a little so that the baby does not feel insincerity. For example, if a boy is fond of football, ask him to choose the right soccer ball as a gift to dad. The main rule is the need to follow the advice of the child. Secondly, do not be embarrassed to ask a little person for help. A seven-year-old girl is quite capable of helping her father wash the dishes after dinner, and a boy is able to carry a small bag of groceries home instead of his mother.
If your child is passionate about an activity, be sure to encourage it. Even if you do not want your child to become an artist in the future, enroll him in an art school if he has talent. If your daughter has a pleasant voice and loves to sing, send her to a music school to develop her abilities.
In case of any failure, talk to the child and try to find out why it happened. A detailed analysis and analysis of the situation will help him not to make such mistakes in the future.

These techniques work especially well on the example of a mother and son, since here you can simulate many more situations where a boy can prove himself strong and mature.

The importance of praise

Praise and encouragement of success is the fastest way to increase self-esteem in a child. It is the lack of an adequate assessment of his actions that leads to an underestimation of self-esteem in children. However, the main thing here is not to overdo it, you also need to be able to praise correctly.

When not to praise children:

out of pity;
if you want to make a good impression on the child;
his clothes, toys, things are not subject to praise;
no need to evaluate and praise the appearance of the child.

The child is very suggestible. You cannot throw phrases that he will not succeed, that in the future a talented good person will not grow out of him, that he will not cope with any business. Direct suggestion leads to psychological programming of the future life of a seven-year-old.

Praise is also a suggestion, but only positive. Every child has their own talents. The task of parents is to identify and develop them. Reward your child when he expresses himself in any direction, regardless of your wishes, and be sure to praise him for his successes.

If your child won a competition, got an A in school, or just did a beautiful craft, be sure to praise him and tell him how proud you are of him. The pride of parents is the best incentive for the further development of the child.

Low self-esteem in a child makes him very vulnerable and often leads him to find himself in difficult or unpleasant situations. Parents, in turn, do not always realize that it is their style of behavior and the manner of communicating with their son or daughter that are one of the first reasons for the appearance of timidity, shyness and inability to defend their opinion in their child.

Parents often face a difficult question: “How to achieve obedience?” And not everyone is ready to follow the advice about reasonable boundaries and giving the child freedom of action. We are so afraid of raising naughty children that we raise insecure and repressed personalities. Such a child will not be able to reveal all his natural potential and will not strive for success, since he will not have faith in his own strengths and capabilities.

What to do if you notice that your child is offended because he is afraid to express his point of view, dependent on the opinions of others and does not know how to refuse? Start with yourself and your relationship to the child, says Olga Utkina.

How to increase self-esteem in insecure children?

Since I realized my mistakes and began to build relationships with my eldest daughter, I have been tormented by one question: what if everything that I am doing now is already useless? What if all my shouting, criticism and inattention of the first years of her life has already done their dirty work, and she will remain an insecure child?

No book on child psychology supported me in this matter: it was everywhere said that the early years are the most important for developing and strengthening self-confidence and trusting relationships with parents and the world.

It turns out that if I came to my senses too late, then nothing can be fixed, no matter how involved, sympathetic and soft I become?

It was at the moment of my furious introspection that Kira had problems at school: she increasingly came home sad. It turned out that she became close friends with a classmate who suddenly began to spread rot. It wasn't school bullying, more like a classic humiliating close relationship. Here the girls are playing a board game, Kira is losing. It happens.

But suddenly a friend says: “Kira, you play so badly, and I only support those who win.” He gets up and moves away from her. The next day they play with dolls, Kira is in a good mood, she starts to sing. Girlfriend immediately says: “Shut up! I can't listen to this, you sing terribly!" This friend is quite pretty and smart, polite girl from a good family, one day she could play with Kira at every break, and the next day defiantly ignore her.

Almost every day, my daughter complained and suffered, and also constantly told how awkward and stupid she felt around this friend and how she wanted to get praise from her.

I was torn apart: I felt terribly guilty, because only a person with extremely low self-esteem can get into such a relationship.

What does a child's self-esteem depend on? Of course: first of all, from the relationship at home. She yelled at the child, criticized, did not take into account her opinion and feelings - here, get it.

I decided to try to increase my daughter's self-esteem using the express method. And she began to praise her constantly and a lot. As if trying to make up for all the time lost on criticism, I simply began to sing like a nightingale: clever, beautiful, how beautifully you do this and that, but you are much better than all these evil girlfriends! However, this did not give any effect.

Kira continued to feel stupid and worthless and still suffered from criticism and tried to curry favor by seeking praise. I stopped raising my voice a long time ago, began to spend almost all my free time with her, coped with her jealousy of my younger sister (and they became one great team), the atmosphere at home was calm - without quarrels, screams and scandals. But Kira continued to be an insecure child, dependent on someone else's opinion.

A book about Summerhill School, a British private school that professes the principles of democratic education, set me in the right mood.

Its founder, Alexander Neill, described his teaching path in some detail and told how exactly he communicated with his students. In Summerhill, as a rule, "difficult" children were sent to study - those with whom parents and regular schools could not cope. Moreover, the pupils of Summerhill were children from wealthy and educated families - education there cost a lot of money.

I read and understood: everything can be fixed, you just need to reconsider your behavior and the principles of communication with your daughter. Neill described the most difficult cases: children-arsonists and fighters were sent to him, some were inclined to torture kittens, others did not want to bathe for months, others were pathological liars, others were thieves, someone was completely knocked out of the desire to learn by constant rods.

In the entire history of the school, Neill remembers only two or three times when he failed to help. All other children with him certainly became calm, happy and confident (of course, if their parents were later also ready to reconsider their methods of education).

In fact, everything that Alexander Nill did at Summerhill is described by Julia Gippenreiter, Lyudmila Petranovskaya and dozens of classic books on child psychology: complete acceptance, one hundred percent trust, soft but clear setting of boundaries, control of irritation and offensive criticism, well-deserved praise , freedom of choice, positive thinking. All this was sorely lacking for me, and I decided to start gradually developing these lines of behavior in myself.

1. I began to teach my daughter to notice the good.

My daughter couldn't be happy. When they bought ice cream for her, she immediately said: “Why one?” If they gave a toy: “Why this one and not another one?” Before, I only grumbled: “You always don’t like everything!”

Then I tried to play a game with her before going to bed: each of us took turns naming five bad and five good things that happened during the day. This was doubly helpful. In the “bad” section, she learned to analyze her feelings and emotions, and in the “good” moment, she suddenly realized with surprise that the day was not so bad.

I, speaking of “good”, told her how pleased I was that she helped me do the cleaning, she brushed her teeth herself and very high quality, she was nice to younger sister. It was not obsessive flattering praise, but flowed very organically into the game. Kira noticed her positive sides.

2. I gave my daughter freedom of choice.

Previously, it was important for me to express my opinion on any occasion: for example, I was terribly worried about what Kira was wearing. I criticized her choice of clothes, poking my nose at the fact that things "do not fit." I was one of those who, having put new shoes on a child, began to annoy: “Do not scrape your shoes on the asphalt - you will peel off the capes”, “Do not climb into a puddle - you will wet the new one”, “Do not walk on the grass - it will leave stains”. God! It was darkness. Now I understand that I tried to compensate for the lack of attention with smart clothes: they say, look, I'm a good mother, I buy beautiful things for my child.

Now Kira chooses combinations that are completely ridiculous at times, and I am silent. This is her choice - so she feels comfortable and confident. She wallows on the grass, in the ground and in the sand, picks in puddles and mud, climbs trees. Of course, freedom of choice concerns not only clothing.

I began to consult with her whether we should go to the park or to the playground; she can choose a separate dish for her dinner if she does not like what I cook for the whole family; we began to give her pocket money so that she could learn to decide for herself what and how much she would spend it on. Freedom of choice does not mean permissiveness. All major decisions are still made by parents, but why not give the child a say in the little things that concern his childhood life?

3. I stopped using the verb "guilty"

I replaced the concept of "guilt" with the word "responsibility". And if “guilt” implies punishment and remorse, then responsibility implies the ability to solve a problem that has arisen, ask for help or accept failure by drawing conclusions.

Sometimes it's not easy not to yell hurtful words if a child spills a glass of sticky sweet juice on the floor, but simply offer a rag and help. And if the child climbed the fence and fell, then there is no need to finish him off with phrases like “For what they fought, they ran into something” or “I told you, it’s my own fault now.” The person is already feeling bad, he has already realized the consequences of his behavior. Now all he needs is support.

4. I do not demand more from my daughter than she can do.

Once, when my youngest daughter had just learned to sit, I left her in a chair next to Kira and decided to leave the room for a minute. “Follow your sister,” I said to Kira, who at that moment was enthusiastically watching the cartoon. A second later, the youngest fell off the chair. I ran to the scream and began to scold Kira: “How could you, why didn’t you follow your sister, I asked!” Now I understand that I just shifted my responsibility to her.

A six-year-old child, of course, can follow the baby, but this is not included in the set of his indispensable skills and responsibilities. If she does this, then this is a bonus, a gift, but not a given. That is, I demanded from her what she was not yet ready for, thus causing in her a feeling of guilt and inferiority. Now I clearly measure its capabilities with my desires and try not to demand more.

5. I learned to let go and accept the consequences.

Kira loves to cook. At school they have a large kitchen, children from the first grade are allowed to cut salads with real knives, they cook pizza together, rolls and cook soups. At home, cooking always turned into a nuisance: Kira wanted to pour flour, beat eggs, measure out sugar, but I only thought about a mountain of dishes and an hour of cleaning. And she began to force and criticize: “Well, how are you pouring, yet by, let me, move away.” The fun didn't work.

Now I think this way: your child genuinely enjoys baking these pies, yes, after that there is a lot of cleaning, but this does not happen every day! You can sit in a clean kitchen and stare at gadgets, or you can have fun, smeared in flour.

An hour of chaos, during which the child can do what he is really good at. Isn't it worth the little effort? I suddenly realized that the problem was not that my daughter, as it seemed to me, was not interested in anything except the iPad. And that what she is interested in is too inconvenient for me.

Therefore, all that remains for her is to watch the iPad. Cooking? Oh no, too much cleaning. Chemical experiments? Oh, we don’t have vinegar and soda, and I’m too lazy to go to the store. Well, let's watch the iPad. Mom is comfortable, the initiative and excitement of the child is at zero.

6. I taught my daughter to say “no” and stand up for her boundaries.

Once we were walking in the park with a large group of children, and Kirin's friend called her after the walk to visit. We were about to leave, a friend was waiting by the car, but then Kira's stomach ached. She was literally twisted, but she said with tears: “I can’t help but go, he’ll be offended, I promised!”

Here it is, this common mechanism in action: “If I refuse - no matter what I feel bad at the moment - I will become bad for my friend / husband / mother and they will no longer love me. Therefore, I will crawl, but I will do what is expected of me.

From that moment on, I gently and unobtrusively began to explain to Kira that, yes, promises, agreements and assistance to loved ones are very important. But if you want to sit alone at home tonight, and your friends insistently invite you to go for a walk, you are not obliged to go out. And if you have your own plans, you should not change them (unless, of course, this is a matter of life and death). First think - do I want, is it convenient for me? And only then make a decision.

Every time, as soon as a situation of choice arose, I said: “Think for yourself and evaluate whether you want and whether you have the strength to do what you are asked to do.” If you don't want to, that's fine, you can refuse. I myself learned to do this only by the age of 30, having spent a lot of time on unnecessary conversations, uninteresting companies, negative emotions and resentments, performing some unnecessary actions only for fear of “not pleasing”. And this, of course, is a sad experience that should be avoided.

7. I started to build confidence in myself.

As soon as I began to analyze the behavior of my daughter, it became clear that she was my copy. After all, I don’t know how to rejoice, I feel worse than others, I don’t know how to say “no”, I don’t guard my boundaries, I criticize myself and constantly seek someone’s praise. How can I make my daughter a happy confident person if I am not one myself? It is impossible to describe here the whole long way of my reflections and introspection.

This method helped me: I began to deliberately overpower myself in situations where I wanted to act not in my own interests. I began to train the “self-interest” muscle, and every day this behavior becomes more and more natural for me.

Yes, I still fall into insecurity from time to time, but I like myself in the mirror more and more often, I stopped aloud and even mentally criticizing myself and tolerating such criticism from others, I learned to refuse without guilt and excuses. We can say that Kira and I are walking this path together - and we have already made a lot of progress.

A month ago, I noticed that Kira no longer tells me anything about that girlfriend who offended her so often. I decided to ask myself, and she answered like this: “You know, in friendship with her, I always felt bad. And I didn't like it."

They still communicate, but no longer as an oppressor and a victim, but as ordinary classmates - these relationships have ceased to be important for Kira, she has ceased to want to seek favor and praise. She is gradually learning to receive all this from the inside, but I will try to help her with this.

How to raise a child's self-esteem without spoiling his character

Classroom performance is what moms and dads usually put in the first place. As a result, it turns out that the neighbor Vasya, Petya or Kolya, who studied for one triple, drives a chic jeep. And Masha, a diligent student and the pride of the school, works in an inconspicuous company as an ordinary employee.

Unfortunately, parents rarely pay attention to the self-esteem of their child. It doesn't matter if it's too high or too low. Any, even a very small deviation from the norm is bad. The thing is that a self-confident person, regardless of circumstances and obstacles, will be able to achieve more in life. Notorious, living by the rules, content with what he has. Too self-confident is convinced that he is not appreciated and not loved, despite the fact that he is the best specialist on this planet. As a result, the last two categories of people are disappointed in life, and they shift their failures onto their parents, children, and those around them.

How to understand your child's self-esteem

Low self-esteem

Does your child constantly complain that his desk mate is smarter, prettier, better dressed? Or did he often say that you do not love him? Constant tearfulness, fear of punishment, expectation of the worst, self-doubt - all these are the first signs of low self-esteem.

If no steps are taken, in the future the child will be offended in the classroom, he will not be able to adapt to any, even the smallest changes in life. Unfortunately, if you decide to try your luck elsewhere and pick him up from school (or transfer him to another class), the situation will not change in any way. The kid initially sets himself up for failure, repeating to himself “I won’t be able to study for five”, “I won’t solve this problem”, “I’m a loser”, etc.

Usually children with high self-esteem believe that they are always right in everything. At the same time, your child may argue that the deuce on the test is not his inattention, but the teacher's nitpick. The child is not accustomed to realizing his mistakes, there is no authority for him. Often he does not even respect parents or experienced mentors. The little man seeks to subjugate everyone to himself. He uses other people's weaknesses, desires, aspirations, trying to stand out against the background of other people's failures.

If your child has adequate self-esteem, he will not play on his nerves, demand special treatment from friends, relatives or acquaintances, or look for benefits. He accepts people for who they are. To the best of self-confident people in the future it is much easier in life, as they are never disappointed in friends, family, work. They really see things.

Beware of low self-esteem!

There are many ways to raise a child's self-esteem and raise a self-sufficient, self-confident person. And the sooner you start to act, the higher the probability of getting a good positive result. At an older age (17-18 years), without the help of a psychologist, you are unlikely to be able to radically change anything in the character of your son or daughter.

How to praise children

Regardless of age, status and gender, a person needs praise no less than a monetary reward. By saying the right words that approve of this or that act, you will consolidate your child's good habits. If you stop enjoying, for example, excellent grades, a room cleaned on time or washed dishes, eventually the student will lose interest in this. For you, an ode to the garbage taken out is stupidity, for a baby it is a vital necessity. Do not take such actions for granted.

Four cases when it is impossible to praise

But you need to praise the child correctly and in moderation. In some moments it is better to hold back, as flattery can do a lot of harm. So, four situations in which you should be silent:

When a child got a good mark by copying a test from a neighbor at his desk, he showed resourcefulness. Therefore, to blame for ingenuity does not make sense. But to admire the way he acted in this situation is not worth it. Try to explain to him that he appropriated other people's works for himself. If this happens for the first time, you can refrain from expressing your own opinion.

Expressive eyes, a graceful nose, excellent hair - all this is good, but these are not the merits of your child. Of course, you need to say that your wonderful child is a very beautiful little man. But only occasionally, so that the baby knows and realizes that he is no worse than the rest.

Many people think that flattery can bribe a child or raise his self-esteem. And this is one of the biggest mistakes adults make. In fact, children are very sensitive to lies, hypocrisy and flattery. By telling a clear lie, you can push the baby away from you.

For what to express praise and gratitude

Does the child sing, dance, draw or play instruments? Encourage him for trying to find himself, even if he doesn’t succeed at first. Do not throw phrases that the second Pushkin or Michael Jackson will not work out of him. This will have a very bad effect on the self-esteem of the child, he will immediately lose interest in what is happening.

Whatever your son does, praise him if he puts in his effort. Let it be a trifle: help around the house, homework done on time, a game with a younger brother, a book read. The child is pleased when actions that benefit are appreciated.

Self-Esteem Techniques

When making any decision, always ask your child for advice. This will help him understand his importance and raise his self-esteem. However, in this case there is one but! Even if your opinion differs from the wishes of the baby, try to follow his recommendations. Otherwise, the effect of this technique will be completely opposite - you will develop a bunch of complexes and fears. And next time you will simply be afraid to express your thoughts.

The son will perfectly cope with a broken stool, the daughter will sew up a button that has come off the blouse. Do not try to do everything yourself, ask your children for help. At the same time, treat the child as an equal and do not demand immediate fulfillment of your whims. Duties (cleaning, washing dishes, peeling potatoes) are completely different, their younger family members must perform unquestioningly.

Having taken everything upon themselves, parents raise greenhouse children. In the future, having become adults, many of them cannot even cook soup. And this is not to mention more serious tasks. Any work will cause discouragement. After all, before everything was done for them by those around them - grandmothers, mothers, friends. In adult life, people should be able to answer for themselves.

You can ask to take care of a sick family member, go to the store and buy everything you need. Older children can pay bills, send mail, walk the dog. The older the child, the more he should help his parents. Of course, it’s also not worth dumping all the worries around the house on him.

How to properly punish a child

Has your child been guilty, and you once again put him in a corner, muttering sullenly that nothing good will ever come of him? Don't be surprised if one day your setup works. After all, you subconsciously drive thoughts into the child’s head that he is bad, stupid, etc. But this does not mean that mothers should forgive everything and leave misconduct with impunity. You just need to learn how to do it right.

Six Rules of Punishment

There should be no physical, psychological violence. Moral humiliation will lead to a drop in self-esteem or, even worse, will embitter the child. Remember, for bullying minors you can even be deprived of parental rights. Abroad, for example, if a bruise is found on the body of a student, even neighbors can complain to the police.

Doubts

If you are not sure that it was your child who broke the glass at school, do not punish him. But even when, after two or three weeks, he confesses to a misconduct, you should not deprive him of the computer as a preventive measure. Otherwise, he will simply stop sharing with you what happens to him in life.

Do not punish more than once

No matter how serious the offense was committed, you should not be angry with the child forever. Do not remember this situation, do not punish again. Even after a year, do not reproach for mistakes if it is difficult for you to forget about them. Otherwise, the baby will constantly feel guilty and will not be able to move on.

Do not take personal items

Your child was presented with a car on the remote control, and you took it away until he corrects his grades? By telling and showing that things do not belong to him, you develop fear and an inferiority complex in him. Over time, he will begin to think that he does not deserve what he has, and will be afraid of losing even what he does not need.

Cancel punishment

Express your love

Despite the fact that your child was guilty and you punished him, you still need to show maternal feelings. It is impossible to ignore a child, defiantly remain silent or angrily answer questions and requests. If the baby asks for help or he needs advice, forget about grievances and disagreements for a while. After all, you are a mother first and foremost.

When not to punish

Remember once and for all, everything must have its place and time! It is not always worth jumping to conclusions and making decisions without listening to the other side. And in some cases, it is strictly forbidden to punish, even if the baby is really to blame. So, we let everything go by itself or wait a while if:

You are on edge, feeling unwell, very tired or have not digested the situation;
The child is sick, busy with lessons, eats, plays, or you have guests;
When you are not able to understand the background of the act, while the child cannot explain his actions;
The child himself suffered shock, trauma, cannot cope with his feelings, fears and emotions.

How to help an insecure child adapt

What if the child is overweight, has birth defects or is too shy? Believe me, it makes no sense to convince a student that stupid classmates are pestering him. This will only exacerbate the problem. In this case, there are some pretty good ways to get other kids to respect him.

Give your little one something that will help them stand out in the crowd. It is not necessary to buy an expensive mobile phone or tablet. In elementary grades, it can be toys, in senior grades - a good bag, shoes, jewelry. Children are very cruel, so classmates who look much worse and wear old clothes are often disliked. Remember, it's better to buy two or three good winter jackets from the store, rather than buying a whole wardrobe in stock.

But in no case do not go on about your child and do not buy him everything. Do not give gifts for something (good studies, achievements in sports, cleaning the house), otherwise in the future a present will be required from you for any occasion. But if you promised something, please, keep your word. The kid needs to trust you.

Sign up your son for football, the girl for dancing, try sending your children to a music school. Choose the sections that are most in demand among young people, naturally taking into account the potential of your child. Interacting with the team and doing what he likes, the child will be liberated and find himself. The guy playing the guitar will always be the life of the party. A girl who can sing will never be left without attention.

As soon as your child learns to talk, start seeing a speech therapist. It will help to put the speech correctly and correct some defects. Children often cannot pronounce complex sounds (p, k, g, etc.), which further affects their self-esteem. In elementary and high school, you should go to classes where specialists will teach oratory.

As a last resort, if the child is constantly sad, cries with or without reason, complains about life and does not respond well to criticism, visit a specialist with him. An experienced psychologist will be able to find the key to your child's heart and tell you how to behave in a given situation. The main thing is not to wait until everything resolves itself.

How to boost your child's immunity

A delicate children's body is very susceptible to various diseases. It is worth the baby to breathe cold air, drink cold water or get cold feet, and a cold is guaranteed. For some reason, children very easily pick up viral infections. They need constant protection as their immune system is not yet fully developed.

Often, after the transfer of any disease, the child needs to be helped to increase the protective functions of the body, since after the illness, the immune system exhausts all its resources.

How to boost the immune system of a child after antibiotics

Every mother is well aware of the harmful effects of antibiotics on the child's body, despite the fact that these drugs help get rid of more complex diseases. And the name (“anti” - against, “bio” - life) speaks for itself. Antibiotics are known to kill both harmful and beneficial bacteria. After all, a healthy intestine is the key to strong immunity due to the fact that the bacteria in it protect the body from pathogenic microbes. It is from the intestine that you need to start strengthening its protective functions, because it absorbs the largest number nutrients from food.

Useful intestinal microflora contributes to the process of digestion, the synthesis of vitamins, as well as an increase in the level of interferon and immunoglobulins. Changes in the gut microflora caused by antibiotics can cause health problems. The child's body reacts especially sharply to this. In this case, doctors recommend the use of drugs that restore the intestinal microflora.

One of these medicines is Acidolac, a drug designed specifically for a vulnerable child's body. It is produced in the form of a sachet. To prepare the medicine, you need to dissolve the contents of the sachet in yogurt, milk or water. It should be taken before meals. The medicine restores the intestinal microflora well during and after taking antibiotics, because it contains a large number of useful lacto- and bifidobacteria.

Kefir, yogurt, cottage cheese, fermented baked milk are very useful for children - all fermented milk products. Ordinary kefir is able to activate the work of beneficial bacteria in the intestines and restore its microflora. Even for preventive purposes, many parents include kefir in their baby's diet every day.

If the child is breastfeeding, then to raise his immunity it is required breast milk, which contains bifidus factor, which promotes the growth of beneficial bacteria. If he is on artificial feeding, then due attention should be paid to his nutrition. Avoid fatty and fried foods, include more fruits and vegetables that contain vitamin C in your diet.

A good tool for restoring the intestinal microflora is also the drug Linex. The medicine is contained in capsules, and it will naturally be difficult for a child to swallow them. You can open the capsule and dissolve its contents in water. You need to take the medicine 1-2 capsules three times a day.

How to increase the child's immunity before kindergarten and school

As a rule, after a few days of the first visit to kindergarten or school, children begin to get sick. Some parents grumble at educators and teachers as if they did not see it. But often the reason lies not in drafts, not in educators and teachers, but in the fact that the immune system fails due to stress. And for a child, a change of scenery is already stressful. There are cases when children come home with a new virus two weeks after the illness. How to raise the immunity of a child if he is often sick? Help at home will come folk methods, drugs that help strengthen the immune system, and hardening of the body.

Hardening should be carried out from 3-4 years of age, preferably in game form. The child will be much more interesting this way. Start with morning routines and exercises. After a few general strengthening exercises, move on to water procedures. To begin with, you can rub the baby with water, the temperature of which should be 22-25 ° C, constantly lowering the temperature of the water by 0.5 degrees, but not lowering it below 16 ° C. Rub his torso, neck and arms for 3-4 minutes. Then pat your body dry with a towel and rub it until you feel warm. After the procedure, you should dress him in warm clothes. You can also harden the children's body with the help of a contrast shower. Walk more often, regardless of the weather. Even in rainy weather, you can breathe fresh air on the balcony. The main thing is to dress the child warmly.

Parents should not wrap the baby tightly or wear very warm clothes. This will create a greenhouse effect and lead to a cold. The child's immunity must be maintained constantly, not only before visiting kindergarten or school. His growing body needs vitamins and minerals. In this regard, children should be given multivitamin preparations adapted for them. It is especially important to take these drugs during the period of the so-called hypovitaminosis, in the autumn and spring. But in order to choose the right medicine, you need to consult a pediatrician.

How to raise and strengthen the immunity of a frequently ill child with folk remedies

If your baby is often sick and is more often at home than in kindergarten or school, then you need to take serious measures to raise his immune system. As always, folk methods will come to the rescue. Echinacea infusion is considered one of the most effective medicines. The medicinal properties of this plant have been known for a long time. It is a good immunostimulant. You can buy an infusion of echinacea at any pharmacy. It should be given diluted to children. The number of drops should correspond to the number of full years of the child. The medicine can be added to compote or tea and consumed every day. Then you should take a break for two weeks and continue the course again. It is worth remembering that echinacea infusion should not be given to children who are under two years old.

No less effective and useful is propolis. It is a unique beekeeping product with excellent antibacterial and antiviral properties. In order to increase the immune system of the child, it is necessary to give him warm milk with the addition of propolis for a month. The dosage depends on the age of the baby. One drop of infusion corresponds to one year of his life. After a course of treatment, you need to take a month break, then resume treatment.

Many parents boost their children's immune system with ginger. To prepare the medicine, peel the ginger, finely chop it, add water and boil for 8 minutes. Then add a spoonful of honey to the broth and a little lemon juice. It will turn out a very tasty drink that your child will like. It is recommended to take it in the case when the child came from the street wet and cold. Beneficial features ginger improves blood circulation, tone, invigorate. In this regard, it is not necessary to give this medicine at bedtime. It is better to give the baby a drink in the morning, before kindergarten or school. This will give a special charge of vivacity for the whole day.

No less useful for strengthening the protective properties of the body is an infusion of wild rose with the addition of honey. It can be drunk like tea. This is a pleasant and tasty drink that your child will definitely like.

How to raise immunity in a child: Komarovsky

The well-known pediatrician Yevgeny Komarovsky claims that there is no magic pill in the world that instantly strengthens the immune system. To strengthen the body's defenses, competent hardening, physical exercises, good nutrition, timely bowel movements, the maximum possible pastime in the fresh air, protecting the child from frequently ill children are required.

To restore the baby's immunity after an illness, first of all, you need to minimize his contact with other children so that he does not catch another virus. After all, the body after an illness is very susceptible to other diseases. Don't visit places with him. large cluster of people.

Dr. Komarovsky claims that there is no medicine in the world that enhances the protective properties of the body. Strengthening immunity is a long process that is achieved by observing the right lifestyle: nutrition, rest, physical activity, sports, proper functioning of all organs and systems of the body, hardening and positive attitude both mother and child.

Surgut. Sections - Tests

We evaluate the level of self-esteem.

Child psychologists often use a rapid test called the "Ten Step Test" or simply "Ladder". It allows you to check children's self-esteem, and you can use it to check children from the age of three. However, it is worth noting that only from the age of six does a child's self-esteem become more or less realistic, and therefore this test will be more reliable for testing schoolchildren.

The essence of the test is as follows: draw a ladder of ten steps and show your drawing to the child. Say that boys and girls are standing on this ladder: on the very bottom - bad, evil, ill-mannered, cowardly; and on the highest steps - the best children (kind, courageous, well-mannered, honest). The higher the steps, the better guys stand on them.

Ask your child where he would stand on this ladder himself or ask him to put his favorite toy on one of the steps (in psychology, it is believed that a child projects his own “I” onto a toy). If a child put himself on the bottom three steps, according to the test, he has low self-esteem and considers himself a failure. If the kid puts himself on the fourth, fifth, sixth or seventh steps, then he has quite adequate self-esteem. But the eighth, ninth, tenth steps indicate that the child's self-esteem is too high. Although this, moreover, may indicate that the child understands that he is loved in the family, that he succeeds a lot and that it is possible to solve any problems that arise together with his parents.

Another interesting method for determining a child's self-esteem is the projective projective method "Tree" by D. Lampen, adapted by L. Ponomarenko. According to the instructions of the methodology, the child is invited to look at a picture with a tree and men and start coloring it.

Moreover, first the child must color the trunk and branches of the tree in brown (as he paints, he examines and studies the picture in detail, noticing what each of the little men is doing and what his mood is). Then it is proposed to color in red the little man who, in the child's opinion, is most similar to him (mood, position); and in green - the little man he would like to be in the future.

So, little men No. 1, 3, 6, 7 are chosen by children who easily overcome obstacles and who are not afraid of the difficulties that arise in communicating with peers or adults. No. 2, 11, 12, 18 and 19 personify sociability and the ability to make friends. With number 20, a kid associates himself with high self-esteem, a leader by nature and self-confident. No. 4 is chosen, as a rule, by the child who is in absolute harmony with himself and does not want to go forward, achieving new goals. No. 5 characterizes physical weakness, fatigue, shyness; No. 8 - detachment and withdrawal into one's thoughts; No. 9 - lightness and craving for entertainment. Little people under No. 13 and 21 are chosen by closed and anxious children; and No. 10 and 15 - kids who feel good and comfortable in the children's team. With number 14, children associate themselves who have a crisis state or a strong inner fear at this moment. No. 16 personifies the baby, adapting to any opinion and ready for sacrifice. No. 17 characterizes a child who is not able to cope with emerging problems on his own.

Thus, children with the most adequate self-esteem and a harmonious internal state choose little men under the numbers: 1, 2, 3, 6, 7, 10, 11, 12, 15, 18, 19. But the parents of children who chose No. 14, 8, 13, 16, 17, 21, one must be especially attentive to one's children.

Signs of low self-esteem

Often children, especially getting into children's team, begin to evaluate themselves lower than they really are: they feel worse than others, they begin to compare themselves with other children and find shortcomings in themselves. Parents notice how such a child turns from a cheerful and kind baby into a whiny, gloomy, insecure capricious. So, low self-esteem is manifested in the following behavior of the child:

is afraid of people and tries to play more alone or only with close people;
constantly waiting for insults and ridicule from peers;
demonstrates the behavior of the victim: afraid to object or defend his own point of view;
I am sure that nothing works out for him and never will work out,
does not know how to make decisions and get out of a difficult situation with peers;
constantly demonstrates uncertainty, mood swings, whims, fears.

Many mothers and fathers are aware that their child has low self-esteem, but are lost and do not understand how to change the current situation. So what steps can you take to boost your child's self-confidence?

13 Tips for Boosting Children's Self-Esteem

1. Don't label your child. In a fit of annoyance, many of the parents throw phrases at the child: “What a fool you are!”, “You are a terrible slob”, “You are just a dumbass!”, “You will not be of any use in the future”, etc. If the child a day he hears unflattering reviews about himself from the closest and dearest people, he is unlikely to think otherwise about himself and grow up with adequate self-esteem and a confident look into his future.

2. Don't compare your child to other children. Often, children themselves understand that, for example, "Masha is much more capable in her studies", and "Misha is stronger and more self-confident." Your child himself constantly compares himself with his peers and, thus, forms an internal self-esteem. And if you also "help" him in this - regularly criticize and give offensive comparisons - sooner or later your child's self-esteem will fall to the very minimum. To avoid this situation, on the contrary, emphasize the merits of your child in comparison with other children.

3. Do not scold for academic failures. If school sciences are difficult for a child, you should not scold him daily and aggravate the situation even more. When parents every day take out a diary from a child’s portfolio and chastise him for every bad mark (and some ambitious moms and dads even scold him for a four), you most likely won’t have to expect self-confidence from the child. If you want to pull up your child in studies, study with him additionally. And in the case when the baby is very worried that he did not get a five, inspire the idea that excellent grades are not the main thing in life, the acquired knowledge is much more important.

4. Do not suppress the child in quarrels. Allow him to express his point of view and defend his own opinion. Do not suppress the baby where it is not necessary. Often, parents make a serious mistake when they do not allow the child to say a word in their defense. Such a severe suppression of the personality can have the most negative impact not only on self-confidence, but also seriously undermine the child's psyche.

5. Provide the right to choose. Allow your child to make some decisions for himself - when choosing toys, items of clothing or a walking route. All this will not only make him more independent, but also strengthen his self-confidence.

6. Talk to your child. Often, a confidential conversation in a calm atmosphere works real miracles. Most children love long conversations in which parents reminisce about their childhood, share similar stories from their school life, and tell how they coped with the difficulties that arose.

Tell us how you were afraid of something or something you could not do, but how successfully you coped with the difficulties and how you became more and more confident over time.

7. Praise your child. It is no secret that in Eastern families, where a child is often praised and openly proud of his achievements and successes, notorious people rarely grow up. A child from the cradle should be aware that in the family he is considered the best in the world. Tell the girl that she is very beautiful, talented and capable. Emphasize to boys that they are smart, strong and dexterous.

Every day, focus on the real virtues of the baby. If your child is good at math or sports, focus on that. No achievement or ability of a child should go unnoticed in the family.

8. Speak the right attitude words.“We are glad that you were born with us”, “we love you very much”, “we understand you”, “we will always protect you”, “we trust you” - these are the phrases that should be spoken daily in the family. The main thing is that they speak sincerely. As a rule, children feel false, and next time they will not take these words seriously. Therefore, find such expressions in which you would sincerely believe yourself.

9. Give your child small tasks that he can successfully complete. Perhaps your child is perfectly able to wipe the dust or ideally put his things in the closet - which means you need to ask him to do this and emphasize the excellent performance of the task. Show your child that he can do some things even better than you.

10. Learn not to be afraid of failure. Explain to your child that everyone makes mistakes and it's only natural. Teach your child to solve problems without losing heart and boldly looking forward. Tune in to positive thinking and accustom to an optimistic perception of the world.

11. Pick up literature which would teach to get out of the most difficult situation with dignity and would clearly demonstrate that only a strong-willed and self-confident person can solve any problem. Suggest reading "Robinson Crusoe", "The Tale of a Real Man" or similar stories to start with, which can teach a child not to be afraid of difficulties.

12. Find an area where the child would be most successful. So, for example, if a kid cannot draw and he himself understands that his paintings are much worse than those of his little colleagues in the art studio, you should not take your child there. You can often hear from parents: “The work that has been started must be completed, and the child must graduate from a music (art) school.” As psychologists assure: this is not the right approach and nothing useful in development creativity And it won't give you confidence. Each kid will definitely find the area where he could show his talents to the maximum: someone in singing, someone in sports, someone in a theater studio. But these talents do not appear immediately - sometimes you need to try several sections-circles in order to understand what the child is really strong in. Support all the undertakings of the child and give him the opportunity to choose an activity to his liking.

13. Create the right environment at home. A calm, harmonious aura in the house, a favorable psychological climate - perhaps one of the most important points in psychological development child. If a child sees parents who love each other, understands that he is loved and respected as a person, then he will grow up with adequate self-esteem and self-confidence. Do not forget that what kind of self-esteem your child will have depends, first of all, only on the parents themselves.

How to improve self-esteem for a 13 year old

How to increase self-esteem in a child

Already at preschool age, a child's self-esteem begins to form, which depends on the children's environment and the influence of parents. The formation of a positive and adequate self-esteem depends on the atmosphere in the family, whether parents can understand and support the child in a difficult situation, whether they empathize. If everything can be answered positively, then the child has healthy self-esteem. The main thing is that the child feels safe. He can make decisions, ask for help, and admit his mistakes. A child with adequate self-esteem knows his own worth, and therefore strives to appreciate others.

Inflated self-esteem is observed when the child considers himself right in everything. At the same time, he does not see his weaknesses, treats his classmates disdainfully, condescendingly, tries to manage the children's team and considers himself a leader. Such children consider themselves to be the best and lower, scoff at the achievements of other children.

Causes of low self-esteem in children

A child with low self-esteem experiences anxiety, feels insecure in his own abilities. As a rule, such children cannot find protection among their peers, so they build a defensive wall around them. The child thinks that he will be deceived, offended, underestimated or insulted and ridiculed. They are always set to fail. It is very difficult for such children to join the children's team, so they do not participate in any activities anywhere. A child may develop an attitude that he is bad, that he cannot do anything, or that he will not succeed.

Low self-esteem can develop in a child due to the frequent use by parents of the phrases “you can’t do it”, “you can’t”, etc. This can lead to very adverse consequences. The child will begin to feel flawed, incapable of anything. Such phrases can also develop an inferiority complex. When raising children, parents and educators do not notice how they make a gross mistake: they evaluate not the act that the child committed, but the personality itself.

Often, parents set an obedient child of a neighbor from the third floor as an example to their child. Thus, parents believe that the child will begin to behave well, will be a diligent and diligent student. And this is fundamentally wrong. The child has a feeling of envy and hatred for this "standard" of obedience. The child can only be compared with himself.

What can I do to improve my child's self-esteem?

There are some techniques to increase self-esteem in children 6-8 years old.

The desire of the child to any activity must be encouraged. You can not say that the baby will not become an artist, dancer, singer. With these phrases, you can discourage the child from all desire to achieve the goal.
It is necessary to encourage and praise the child for marks, crafts, beautiful drawings, etc.
Say the words more often: “You can do it!”, “You will succeed!”, “I believe in you!”. Just don't overpraise the child.
There are both rewards and punishments. It must be neither physical nor psychological. It is important that the punishment is the same for all faults.
Gifts cannot be taken from a child. Never!
Analyze with the baby his failures, what they depend on, etc. The child should feel that there is a trusting and close relationship between you.
In any situation, ask your child for advice or help. Even if the advice is not the best, thank the child anyway. He will know that his opinion is taken into account too. The baby will feel on a par with the parents.

Adults should remember that, first of all, what kind of self-esteem a child will have depends on their positive example. A correct explanation of actions, how to do and how not to, will allow the child to gain confidence in himself and in his own abilities.

How to increase a child's self-esteem?

All parents will be pleased when their child develops adequate self-esteem. This is wonderful, just take it and evaluate yourself. I wonder how many parents are able to evaluate themselves adequately? How are you going to teach your child that. What do you not know or do not know how to do? But it is about parents in 90% of cases that the self-esteem of a child, a teenager, a young man, a girl, and, as a result, adult men and women, depends.

We interact with the world and as a result of this interaction we receive an assessment of our actions, victories and defeats from loved ones. Who is closer to a child than parents? NOBODY! Even if an adult with excellent self-esteem repeats for a year that he is a weakling, a schmuck, a lazy person, a bum, an armless man, and with the sexual sphere everything is bad with him and nobody needs it, believe me, in a year or two you will either get a maniac who will shoot people, who responded negatively about him, or a complete alcoholic.

Dear parents, praise children for their slightest victories and correct actions. Moreover, the right actions are not always what you think is right. Try to understand the logic of the act of a teenager, a child.

Suppose a boy had a fight, earned a bruise and tore his shirt and a classmate's shirt. Parents give him a full set of additional punishments, he was scolded at school, but maybe he was right? Or was he defending someone, or just talking bad about his parents? Understand the reasons. If the child was right in tearing someone's shirt, teach them how to do it in a way that doesn't have repercussions at school. Explain that he must act in such a way that both the guilty are punished and the innocent do not fall under distribution. Let him put on an old shirt before the fight. Let him find his opponents outside the school. It is good and right for a man to be a warrior. Protect your rights. When you teach a child to act in this way, you will lay down the correct stereotypes of behavior, raise self-esteem, explaining that he did everything right. Help him get wrestling or boxing skills in sections. This again will increase his self-esteem.

The more often a child achieves success in small things, the more he believes in himself and the faster he moves on to big victories. You just need to clearly convey the information that there are simple things where you can win without difficulty, but there are complex things where you need to make more efforts, while being upset to no avail, the main thing is to show that you believe in him, and next time he will take a step closer to victory.

Give the opportunity to take the initiative and only praise when he takes the first steps. The girl prepared the first borscht - PRAISE. Praise even if it's too salty or undercooked. Better help next time. If you kill the initiative from childhood, then you will never wake it up in adulthood. A mother who protects her son or daughter from milestones of troubles and problems at a young age faces insurmountable obstacles when she tries to push them into her own life. The habit of being freeloaders and parasites persists forever.

Support during failures.

When a child fails in a particular matter, help, but do not do it for him. It is clear that you will be able to do what is difficult for him. But after all, he or she needs to get his own set of mistakes, bumps, and skills. If you want to clean up after your child for the rest of your life, do it from childhood. If you want to wash the dishes yourself, teach him that he does not wash the dishes. You yourself spoil everything, and then complain - who can help you if you yourself do everything the other way around? I know several “young” people whom my mother cooks to eat at the age of 40. If he doesn't cook, they won't lift their ass. And who is to blame? Mom is to blame! I had to be expelled to the hostel and sent for a part-time job during my studies. I would quickly figure out how to cook scrambled eggs and how to wash the floors.

Set challenging tasks for your children.

Pust does by himself or herself everything that he or she is able to do at his or her age. At the age of 13, girls gave birth to children. And you are afraid to let the child pour juice from the package. It will spill, it will pour over, then show how to wash it, let it tinker with a rag, wipe it off, but pour half a glass and be SATISFIED! He completed his task, achieved his goal, praise him, praise him for what he has achieved, and help restore what was destroyed or soiled. Let him stack toys, help in the kitchen, sculpt, draw, collect, clean, dress - let him or her accumulate his experience. But set tasks adequate to age and skills.

Let you grow and learn from your own experience, without being overprotective or compared to others. As a child, I was annoyed by the comparison with the girls with excellent students and the nerd with an excellent student. Everyone kicked him in the ass, and I didn't want to be like him at all. How can a boy take girls as an example? Or do you want to raise a girl out of a boy, teach how to cook, sew and marry? If you see that part of the task entrusted to the baby is beyond his power for objective reasons, help in a specific place, and give the result and success completely into his hands.

Help a nerd who teaches mathematics well to play sports, go in for sports with him, teach him to punch offenders in the nose. This will help the child to become the necessary step for him in the children's hierarchy, and will undoubtedly increase self-esteem. At an early age, there are no other indicators than physical strength. And no one will judge by the mind, all children are cruel and, as in any team, others will have to be pushed out in order to take their rightful place. This must be learned from childhood.

The child feels sincerity, and if praise is false, then he will not repeat the sad experience. It is also better to praise the result or actions than to praise him. What a neat room, or how well you behaved with the doctor. The child must be satisfied with the result achieved in order to learn and nurture positive feelings.

The lack of high self-esteem prevents them from occupying the positions of elders in adult and adolescent life, and then leaders and directors. It is impossible to resist problems and stress, it is difficult to make friends, find a partner or life partner. Such people are immediately involved in activities, being sure of success and good luck.

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How to boost your child's self-esteem

Often parents are faced with the problem that the child has very low self-esteem. The kid is afraid to express himself, is embarrassed to communicate with peers and constantly thinks that he is worse than the others. It is not so easy to fight low self-esteem, but it is best to do it at an early age, when the child is still growing and changing, otherwise adolescence threatens with many complexes and disappointments.

First of all, it is necessary to figure out whether self-esteem is really lower than necessary. It is easy to understand this if you regularly communicate with the child on various topics, listen to what he thinks about himself and other peers, and observe his manner of communicating with others. Most often, children with low self-esteem do not know how to make new connections, they are afraid to do something on their own and are sure that they will not succeed. To find out what the baby’s self-esteem is, it’s enough to conduct a simple test: a ladder or 10 steps is drawn on a sheet of paper, where the children are capable, skillful and smart at the top, and weak and incapable at the bottom. The child should mark himself on this ladder. If he is at the bottom, it is worth starting work on his self-esteem.

Praise and support and independence

In order for a child to be self-confident, he must be praised. All victories need to be somehow celebrated in the memory of the child, with a good word or a small gift. In case of failure, for example, a bad grade at school, it is worth telling the child that such a result is not very good, but instead of screaming and complaining, it is better to help the baby, find the cause of the failure with him and eliminate it.

In addition, the child should always feel that he can turn to his parents for help. However, it is important to observe the line here: you should not do for the child what he can handle on his own, but help should be provided in case of doubts and difficulties. You need to tell your child that he will definitely cope with all the difficulties, and if any obstacles arise, the parents will always support him.

A child gains confidence when he is given a certain amount of independence. Already with early age it is necessary to give the opportunity to make decisions: choose the color of clothes, the sports section, friends with whom it is pleasant to communicate. Solving such small problems makes the child more self-confident, he begins to understand that he can easily choose and cope with difficulties. It is important to support your child's decisions, even if you think they are a little wrong or hasty. A child is an adult in the future, and the sooner he gets used to the need to be independent, the easier it will be for him further.

Parents should be friends for their child, kind, but strict and fair. If a misdemeanor has been committed, sometimes it is worth punishing, but at the same time it is necessary to objectively assess the situation: was the misconduct committed consciously or by accident. In the first case, the punishment is appropriate, and in the second it will be more logical to explain and tell why you should not do this. In no case can we say that a child is a punishment, it is very difficult with him, and he always causes difficulties, creates problems. In this case, the baby will decide that his parents do not like him and self-esteem, accordingly, will fall. Let the son feel himself the pride of his parents, because then he will behave in such a way that they can be proud of him.

Never compare a child to others. Often parents say: But Masha studies better than you! Sasha is more educated and modest! . In this case, the baby will constantly compare himself with others and look for various shortcomings and problems in himself. It is more important to point to improvements in character or, conversely, to say that last year's successes were more significant. The child should see that it has become better or worse in him, and not compare himself with others.

If a child has external or physical disabilities that make him feel bad or are a mockery of others, it is very important to help him. In vain, parents recommend not paying attention, it is important for the baby that he does not hear unpleasant things addressed to him. If possible, fix the problem. A weak boy should be enrolled in the sports section, and a plump girl should be given to dancing or gymnastics. It doesn’t matter to the child that facial skin problems are an age-related problem, he wants to get rid of the problem, and therefore ridicule. Therefore, parents should turn to specialists and professionals if there really is an opportunity to get rid of the problem, otherwise, you need to try to hide the flaw and then it already makes sense to explain that the flaw is not important.

In addition, it is important to try so that the child does not differ too much from others. The desire to raise children without a computer is, of course, commendable, but a son or daughter needs technology to establish contacts. By playing the same games on the computer, children have more topics to talk about, more common interests. And if parents are worried about vision or posture, you need to limit the time, as a complete ban will ruin relationships with peers, turn the baby into a white crow.

Raising a child's self-esteem is not so easy, the main rule is to love your children, listen and hear them. The self-esteem of children who live in a calm family with friendships, help and support is rarely low. So, love, care, attention and support - the best components education.