How to build a conversation with a girl? Search for common interests.

There are situations when you need to keep up a conversation with a person whom you see for the first time. Not only do you have to somehow start a conversation, but you still need to somehow continue it. It is even worse if you have to conduct a dialogue with an interlocutor who is absolutely not interesting to you. What to do when the conversation, to put it mildly, does not stick?

What I see, I sing about

Look around. What is around you at this moment? Any phrase can become a stick that kindles a fire of conversation: about the design of the room in which you are, about what is happening outside the window, or even the question “what is the password for wi-fi”.

Classic example: “It’s lovely weather today, isn’t it?”. The main thing is to be positive and never complain. When you see a person for the first time, it's not best time to say something negative.

Search for common interests

To be aware of the events taking place in the world means to be able to maintain a conversation with any person. It's a good idea to review the day's or last week's briefings before the meeting.

They will become a real "lifeline" of your conversation. If suddenly there is an awkward pause, you can choose some event and ask the interlocutor's opinion about it. As a last resort - to tell the details and enlighten the same person about what is happening in the world.

Right questions - right answers

You should try to ask such questions that you can get extensive answers to them. Options such as: “what are you fond of” or “what do you do in life” are suitable.

Such questions help a person to focus on a single object. It could be home, work, family, hobbies. The interlocutor feels more relaxed, talking on topics familiar and close to him.

Language will bring to Kyiv

Asking questions that can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no” gives you an added advantage. All that is required is to listen carefully to the interlocutor. Since on the basis of the received answer it will be possible to form new leading questions.

Initiative is not punishable

If the "partisan" continues to stubbornly remain silent, it's time to take your own initiative. We begin to bombard the interlocutor with questions in order to find out as much information about him as possible: about his hobbies, interests, worldview, habits.

It's no secret that each of us loves to amuse his ego, so he is unlikely to refuse to talk about himself once again. Here are some good questions: “What books do you read?”, “The Internet resources you most visit?”, “What are your hobbies?”. They will help to learn a lot about a person and bring the conversation out of the pit of silence.

Let's play with facial expressions

Listen to the interlocutor and play along with him. If he's trying to be funny, even if it's not funny, at least smile. There's no need to be wildly enthusiastic if you don't care who won Chelsea or Spartak, but raising your eyebrows a little isn't that hard.

However, this medal also has a downside. There are comrades who, as soon as you begin to listen to them attentively, abruptly change the topic of conversation or fall silent altogether. Thus, there may again be an awkward pause.

What to do when all efforts to keep the conversation coming to naught?

There is no chance. You can relax and state this fact with peace of mind with the phrase a la: "Let's go garlic: something is not going well today." Of course, this is a last resort. But it can work!

Psychologist Olga Romaniv

Compatibility of partners plays an important role in relationships. But often this influence is greatly exaggerated, especially with age. Many believe that life experience allows them to immediately understand whether “their” person is a new acquaintance or not, and that one meeting, or even a first glance, is enough to make an unambiguous conclusion. Maybe, before dismissing a person, it is worth talking to him first? And how to do it competently, the founder and head of the Classics of Relations Dating Club, a psychologist and writer, will tell Olga Romaniv.

What stops us from communicating?

« Prejudices, stereotypes, attitudes and expectations(often unrealistic) that we overgrow as we grow up. Our character acquires rigidity, stubbornness, rigidity, and habits - stability. And our personality becomes much more precious to us than a constructive relationship with a loved one.

For comparison, you can recall the impressions of youth, when everyone new person represented for us a whole world, unfamiliar and mysterious, which was interesting to explore and try to understand. It was much easier to find a common language, topics for conversation, to accept someone else's point of view. And the level of hormonal activity gave unforgettable emotions and an active desire to please.

With age, unfortunately, the conformity of the partner comes first. our list of set requirements that are so hard to give up. If only a man would not break the given rhythm of our life and harmoniously fit into what is already happening, without introducing (oh, horror!) His own expectations and ideas about relationships. And if both potential partners have such attitudes, then we get an unsolvable task of establishing harmonious relations between them. It is about similar situations that they say: "Someone must be smarter." In this case, the smarter will be the one who has the information, skills and willingness to change. It is the flexibility inherent in our youth that ensures development.

6 rules of communication

1 Make it a rule to compliment a man. Of course, sincerely. This will relax the interlocutor, show him that you are interested in him, allow him to open up. Praise will serve as a great help in the process of the whole conversation - you will win over your partner.

2 If you find it difficult to carry on a conversation – ask questions. But only the ones that really interest you. Communication will leave a pleasant impression only if it was interesting for both of you to communicate. In addition, on the topic that is most fascinating to you, you will always have something to say and what to ask the interlocutor. Tortured questions of positive emotions will not bring.

3 Avoid long stories and watch the other person's reaction. Brevity is not only the sister of talent, but also the key to comfortable communication. Let it be left unsaid. This is a great opportunity to meet again and continue communication. By the way the interlocutor reacts to your story - listens enthusiastically, asks questions or is distracted, holds back a yawn - you can understand how active his attention is to you.

4 Feel free to show positive emotions. They are contagious! Surely you have noticed more than once how in the presence of a gloomy, dissatisfied person, the mood deteriorates and you want to run away as soon as possible. But the cheerful optimist with his one smile returns faith in his own strength and in the future. So share the positive! Complaints, especially against former gentlemen, indignation, boredom and pessimism repel others!

5 Try to avoid topics of politics, religion, money and past relationships. They are too subjective and can lead to a conflict of views. Set them aside for the time when stability and trust will appear in your relationship with a man.

6 Be sure to smile! This will help you build a bridge from your heart to the heart of a man. This is where love comes to us.

Man cannot live without communication. Almost all of our time free from sleep, we communicate with friends and strangers. Usually, unless, of course, a person has grown up isolated from civilization, there are no problems with communication. However, when it comes to communicating with a girl they like, male representatives often come to a screeching halt. It would seem, what is so difficult? After all, there are so many topics that can be discussed. But even an already highly educated person, who knows a lot of interesting things, and is not deprived of oratorical skills, a conversation with a girl often does not go well.

Everyone is to blame for the fear of saying something wrong and forming a bad opinion about themselves. As a result, it really forms, but not because of a wrong phrase, but because of an absurd silence. So what to do in such situations? Everything is very simple - you need to talk about yourself, as well as listen to what the girl says to you (the second is even more important). There is nothing to be afraid of. The conversation will start by itself, and there will be no trace of primary timidity. And if you don't know how to keep up a conversation with a girl so as not to put yourself in a bad light, follow a couple of simple tips, and if she likes you, everything will go just fine. Knowing that you are on the right path will help you feel confident.

So, the main thing in a conversation is not to tire the lady and not let her get bored. After all, you need to leave a positive impression about yourself, and for this, she must associate you with pleasant sensations. Therefore, do not turn a conversation with a girl into a lecture about football or C++ programming. For these purposes, you have friends.

You can start a conversation with chatter, which does not oblige you to anything: weather, mood, last news, study, etc. But don't dwell on these topics for long. They are just there to start a conversation. Then you need to arouse the girl's interest. Let her talk about what she is interested in, even if you yourself do not understand anything about it. In spite of everything, show your interest, even if it is artificial, praise her, make a light compliment - all this will help you create a pleasant impression of yourself.

When it comes to you, in no case do not complain about anything, even if things are not going well. This is your wife who can take pity on you and provide assistance, and an unfamiliar girl should see in you. But don’t go too far, boasting will not lead to good either. It is best to have a conversation with a girl in a half-joking tone. Tell lively and cheerfully. Do not load it with all the details of your work or study. Let her have a slight feeling of mystery coming from you after communication, even if you are the most ordinary person in life.

In general, the conversation should be conducted only in a positive and slightly frivolous tone: there should not be any disputes and negative emotions, even if you consider her opinion to be wrong. A conversation with a girl is not a place for self-affirmation and sticking out your “ego”, it is - exciting game, in which you will receive its location as a prize.

However, the situation changes slightly if you have a conversation with a girl on the phone. In this case, it will not be used, and therefore your spell on it is unlikely to work. If you haven't dated a girl in a while, it's best to use your phone for one purpose only - to arrange a new date. The same applies to which gives you even fewer opportunities to reveal yourself. Leave the Internet for and finally go out on a real date. And then it all depends on you. The main thing is to feel confident and not be afraid. Believe me, the girl is going through the same way as you, and it is you who should charge her with a sense of calm and self-confidence.

OK. You need to keep up a conversation with someone you see for the first time. Do not sit with your mouth closed. A simple "how are you?" won't fit. “That’s not the kind of question you should ask a stranger,” says communications expert and author of The Art of Easy Conversation, Debra Fine. Catch three saving phrases.

If you've never dated: "What are you doing now?"

“It is not always correct to ask a person directly about what he does for a living,” says Fine. “Maybe he just got fired and he’s looking for new job. Or maybe he is so dreary that he does not want to talk about these tedious papers that he shifts every day in his free time.

Your wording is better: it will give the interlocutor the opportunity to talk about what he wants to talk about. If it's about work, okay, let it be about work. And if it's about a hobby, let it be about a hobby. All the better!

If you already know: “Well, see you!”

Imagine: you have already met her and even know something about her, but you (seemingly) have no common interests. Start by asking, “How have you been all this time?” - show that you are really interested in what has been going on in her life since the last time you saw each other.

New job? Ask her about the biggest achievements in the new place. Is she preparing to run a marathon? Ask to advise you useful things as a beginner in this matter. “People love to talk about themselves. Give them that opportunity,” Fine advises.

In the case of a one-sided dialogue: "Yes and ..."

To keep the conversation going, follow the golden rule of all stand-up comedians: repeat and confirm everything the other person says, and then add something of your own to it. If someone says, “Yesterday was a beautiful day,” you can say, “Yes, it was!” – and the whole dialogue will end there. Instead, say something like, “Really, I was so happy to finally get out of the house and go to nature!”. Wait for the interlocutor to start talking about the kebabs that he ate at the dacha with his family. See? The conversation is arguable.

Irene was friends with Katya for almost two years. They did a lot together: they went shopping, as is customary for girls, discussed boys, sat in cafes for a long time, laughed at each other's unfunny jokes, talked about everything directly and openly. Irene boldly called this friendship ideal, which could not be better. One cold winter evening, the friends were sitting, as always, in a small cozy cafe and sharing new impressions over a cup of coffee. Snow was falling in fluffy flakes outside the window, but the room was warm and cozy. The friends have been sitting here for almost two hours, talking about everything in the world.

Irene spoke mostly, she talked about what is happening in her life, what she thinks about all this, what men appear on her horizon, talked about which cookies are delicious and which are not, where it is better to go for a birthday, retold the contents of a recently read book, uttered clever, in her opinion, phrases, assumed what the weather would be like tomorrow, gossiped about acquaintances, looking at herself in the reflection of mirrors, she spoke in one breath, stopping occasionally to get more air into her lungs and continue the conversation. Katya sat silently, looking from the face of her interlocutor to her glass of coffee, she nodded when Irene addressed her, smiled when the girl said something funny, and incessantly crumpled paper napkins in your hands.

And then the moment came, which comes in every women's conversation - they started talking about boys, that is, about one boy. 1859 Irene recently met Ilya, and now he wrote to her every day. Ilya was a simple guy who did not have any special abilities, his only feature was his silence, which the girl really appreciated in him. She could prove something to him for hours, and he could listen to her silently at that moment.

You know, he writes every day, but I don't understand why he writes at all? Irene was outraged.

Why? - Kate wondered.

You see, every day he writes questions: hello, how are you, what are you doing, and he answers my answers in monosyllables, as if he wants to get rid of me. This is strange, because why do you need to start a conversation, so that later you can answer all my remarks: yeah, it’s understandable - it’s so sad. He seems to shift all the responsibility for the conversation onto me, and then I myself come up with topics for conversation.

And you ask him why he writes. Katya suggested.

And I told him directly that our conversation was not going well with him, and he said: where did you get this from? Is he that stupid? I don’t understand, well, it’s clear that the conversation is not going well. This is so strange, it seems to me that the conversation does not work out, but it doesn’t seem so to him at all, maybe this comes from the fact that he is really narrow-minded, because he is always silent. I once said to him: "Tell me something." And he replies: “What should I tell? I like listening to you."

Maybe he really is such a person, maybe he really likes to listen to you?

No, no, we just don’t have common topics for conversation, it’s always only me who talks, but he doesn’t give any thought, you know what I mean?

Yes, but maybe he's just shy, he likes you, but he doesn't know where to start?

I don't think so, we just don't have a conversation.

Well, it's okay, - her friend reassured, - after all, it also happens with us that the conversation does not go well.

Irene frowned and looked at her friend questioningly. She was silent for the rest of the evening. After all, she could not even think that in their ideal friendship they could not have a conversation, it always seemed to her that the conversation never stops for a minute, and there are no difficult moments. She sincerely could not understand: how could she miss something?