Individual consultations on family education of the child. Parent-child relationship counseling

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Working with parents is one of the important activities of employees of preschool educational organizations. Various forms of such work are known: performances at parent meetings, holding thematic seminars and round tables, individual counseling, designing information stands, holding joint parent-child events, etc. All of them require careful preparation and significant time costs. The materials presented in this article can be directly used in the practical work of the educator, as well as in the educational process of preparing students in the specialty "Preschool education".

The topic "Characteristics of styles of family education" is hotly discussed in the pedagogical literature. But, unfortunately, parents do not always think about how to educate and what impact their actions have on the development of the child. Let's think. After all, many negative consequences of family education can be prevented by knowing the main characteristics of parental behavior styles.

A family is a small group based on marriage and consanguinity, whose members are united by living together and maintaining a household, emotional connection and mutual duties to each other.

A social institution, that is, a stable form of relationships between people, within which the main part of people's daily lives is carried out: sexual relations, childbearing and primary socialization of children, a significant part of household care, educational and medical care.

Styles of family education are the most characteristic ways of parents' attitude to a child, using certain means and methods of pedagogical influence, which are expressed in a peculiar manner of verbal communication and interaction.

Each historical era is characterized by its own styles of education. It depends on what type of personality society is interested in. Many scholars have paid great attention to the study of parenting styles in different historical eras. Among them are J.A. Komensky, I.G. Pestalozzi, J.J. Rousseau and others.

The style of family upbringing should be understood as the most characteristic ways in which parents relate to their child.

Child development begins in the family. And here we can distinguish two types of influencing factors: the environment and the influence of parents. Perceiving the world, the child learns what is good and what is bad, what line of behavior to choose in a given situation, how to respond to certain events. Parents should help the child learn all this, contribute to the development of the will, the ability to make the right choice, even if it is difficult, to adhere to moral positions in any circumstances.

The choice of style of family education is influenced by:

Types of temperaments of parents, their compatibility.
Traditions of families in which the parents themselves were brought up.
Scientific and pedagogical literature read by parents.
The level of education of parents.

The main way parents influence is their example, young children always perceive their parents as a model, copy their actions, accept the views of their parents, trusting them unlimitedly. An equally important role in shaping the personality of the child is played by the attitude of parents towards him.

Many works of psychologists devoted to child-parent relationships are based on the typology of family education styles proposed by D. Baumrind more than 30 years ago, which meaningfully described three main styles: authoritarian, authoritative, democratic, and permissive.

Conniving style (synonyms in other sources: indifferent, indifferent, gopoopaka, indifference);
Liberal (non-interference, in some sources the liberal style is equated with conniving);
Authoritarian (autocratic, dictate, domination);
Authoritative (democratic, harmonious style, cooperation).

Let's present the characteristics of each style in the form of a table, where the first column will describe the actions of parents, the second - the behavior of children as a result of applying the style.

Permissive style and its characteristics

Parental behavior (R.)

Children's behavior (D.)

Parents (R.) unconsciously demonstrate a cold attitude towards the child, indifferent to his needs and experiences. R. do not set any restrictions for children, they are only interested in their own problems. R. are convinced that if their child is dressed, shod and fed, then their parental duty is fulfilled. The main method of education is a stick and a carrot, and immediately after the punishment, encouragement can follow - “if only you don’t yell.” R. often demonstrate a two-faced attitude towards others. In public, R. show boundless love and trust for their child, emphasizing his dignity and justifying pranks. They develop a child only because they want to get the maximum benefit from it. Such R. like to repeat: So what, I myself was like that and grew up to be a good person. Permissive style keywords: Do what you want!

(D.) left to their own devices. Alone, they are forced to deal with their little problems. Untouched in childhood, they feel lonely. D. rely only on themselves, showing distrust of others, have many secrets. Often, D. are two-faced, like their parents, they demonstrate servility, flattery, toadying, they love to lie, talk and show off. Such children do not have their own opinion, they do not know how to make friends, sympathize, empathize, because they have not been taught this. For them there are no prohibitions and moral norms. The learning process for D. is unimportant, the end result is important - a mark that they sometimes seek to cry out, defend, challenge. D. are lazy, do not like labor, either mental or physical. They make promises, but do not fulfill them; they are undemanding to themselves, but demanding to others. They always have someone to blame. Self-confidence at an older age borders on rudeness. The behavior of D. indifferent R. is problematic, which gives rise to constant conflict situations.

Liberal style and its characteristics

Parental behavior (R.)

Children's behavior (D.)

In contrast to the conniving style, liberal parents (R.) deliberately put themselves on the same level as the child, giving him complete freedom. There are no rules of conduct, prohibitions, real help that a little man in a big world needs so much. R. mistakenly believe that such education forms independence, responsibility, and contributes to the accumulation of experience. R. do not set the goals of education and development, letting everything take its course. The level of control is low, but the relationship is warm. R. completely trust the child, easily communicate with him and forgive pranks. The choice of a liberal style may be due to the weakness of R.'s temperament, their natural inability to demand, lead, organize. They either do not know how or do not want to raise a child and, moreover, relieve themselves of responsibility for the result. Key phrase: Do what you think is right.

The children of liberal parents are also left to their own devices. When they make mistakes, they are forced to analyze and correct them themselves. As adults, out of habit, they will try to do everything alone. D. is likely to develop emotional alienation, anxiety, isolation, and distrust of others. Can D. be capable of such freedom? The formation of personality in this case largely depends on the environment outside the family. There is a danger of D.'s involvement in asocial groups, since R. are unable to control their actions. Most often, either irresponsible and insecure D. grow up in liberal families, or, on the contrary, uncontrollable and impulsive. At best, children of liberal parents still become strong, creative, active people.

Parental behavior (R.)

Children's behavior (D.)

Authoritarian parents show a high level of control and a cold relationship. R. have clear ideas about how their child should be and achieve the goal by any means. R. are categorical in their demands, uncompromising, any initiative, independence of the child is suppressed in every possible way. R. dictate the rules of behavior, they themselves determine the wardrobe, social circle, daily routine. Methods of punishment, command tone are actively applied. R. like to justify themselves by the fact that “I was also punished, but I grew up to be a good person”, “An egg does not teach a chicken!”. At the same time, R. strive to give their child all the best: clothes, food, education. Everything except love, understanding and affection. Keywords authoritarian style: Do as I want!

D. experience a lack of parental affection and support. They are well aware of all their shortcomings, but are not sure of themselves and their merits. D. often has a feeling of his own insignificance, a feeling that his parents do not care about him. A personality with a weak I is formed, unable to contact with the outside world. The results of an overly demanding upbringing: either passivity or aggressiveness. Some children flee, closing in on themselves, others fight desperately, releasing thorns. Lack of closeness with parents causes hostility, suspicion and to others. Often D. of authoritarian parents run away from home or commit suicide, finding no other way out. Finding a tyrant in yourself in time and not breaking the life of a child is the primary task of authoritarian parents.

Democratic style and its characteristics

Parental behavior (R.)

Children's behavior (D.)

Warm relations, high control are the optimal conditions for education, according to psychologists. Democratic parents talk to children, encourage initiative, listen to their opinion. They coordinate the activities of the child and set rules based on his needs and interests. R. recognize D.'s right to freedom, but require discipline, which forms D.'s correct social behavior. R. is always ready to help, cultivating, however, independence and responsibility. R. and D. cooperate, act on an equal footing, authority, however, remains with the adult. Democratic style can be called the "golden mean". Keywords: I want to help you, I listen to you, I understand you.

Democratic style forms a harmonious type of personality, which, as we remember, is the main goal of modern education. D. grow up independent, proactive, reasonable, self-confident people. These may not be ideal children at all, but they listen to comments and try to control their behavior. D. often become excellent students, leaders in the team. By raising children in a collaborative way, parents also contribute to their future. Such D. will cause a minimum of trouble, and as adults, they will be a support for the family.

Probably, after getting acquainted with the characteristics of styles, you have a question: “How so? None of these styles apply in our family!” or “All styles have a place in our family!” or “Our family has an individual style of upbringing!”. And you will be right. Family parenting styles are not always applied by parents in their purest form. For example, in some families, cooperation can sometimes border on indifference, dictate to non-intervention, depending on the situation.

Parenting styles are applied by parents unconsciously, but they cannot be absent. Lack of education is also a style. Family parenting styles are not always applied by parents in their purest form. For example, in some families, cooperation can sometimes border on indifference, dictate to non-intervention, depending on the situation.

Random alternation of styles, inconsistent actions of parents speak of a chaotic upbringing. Conversely, parents can overdo it with care, and then cooperation develops into overprotectiveness. In some sources, you can find a description of the judicious and adversarial styles, but, again, they can be considered as variants of the main 4 styles.

D. Baumrind distinguishes three types of children, the character of which corresponds to the styles of parenting:

Authoritative parents are proactive, sociable children.
Authoritarian parents are irritable, conflict-prone children.
Indulgent parents are impulsive, aggressive children.

So how should children be raised? The use of democratic style alone is not always effective, although in terms of personality development it is certainly the best.

The choice of the style of family education primarily depends on the personality of the children and parents, on family traditions and moral principles. A huge imprint is imposed by the conditions of education of the parents themselves.

In the conditions of a preschool educational institution, much attention is paid to the pedagogical education of parents, including on the problem of parent-child relations.

Forms of work of a preschool organization with parents on family education:

Conducting general (group, individual) meetings;
Pedagogical conversations with parents;
Round table with parents;
Thematic consultations;
Conferences with parents;
Joint leisure;
disputes;
Open classes with children in preschool for parents;
Organization of “corners for parents”;
family visit;
Window dressing (photomontages);
Open days;
Parent Universities;
Working with the group's parent asset.

There is an opinion that any, even the most delicate, upbringing deforms the child. The whole question is how much.

Of course, a person cannot survive outside of society - we need to pass on our ideals, knowledge and experience to children, teach them to live in this world, to cope with external difficulties on their own. But for a person who has not yet figured out his own problems, it is extremely difficult to maintain a balance in education.

As a result, the problems of our parents (of which they are not to blame) are reflected on us, this leaves an imprint on the upbringing of our children, and they already add their unresolved issues to this baggage, and send them further along the chain. Paradoxically, this most often comes from the best of intentions: because “it’s better for you”, “I know what I’m saying” and “don’t repeat my mistakes”. But the fact is that the child simply needs to be given the opportunity to make his mistakes and leave room for free will.

Folk wisdom says: “If your plans are for a year, this rye, if for decades, plant trees, if for centuries, raise children.” We hope that the questions raised during our consultation helped you to determine your attitude to the problem of choosing the style of family education.

Literature.

Agavelyan M.G., Danilova E.Yu. Interaction of teachers of preschool educational institutions and families - M. Sphere, 2009
Evdokimova E.S. Pedagogical support of the family in the education of a preschooler - M. Sfera, 2008
Pastukhova I.O. Creation of a single space for the development of the child. Interaction of the preschool educational institution and the family - M. Sfera, 2007

Natalia Dobrynina
Consultation for parents "Fundamentals of family education"

Basics of family education.

When and where does it start raising a child in a family? What and how influences his character and behavior? As a rule, such questions, while the child is small, most parents don't care. Yes, and why think about them, if there are already a lot of various everyday worries and problems. But some time passes, these questions are put on the agenda by life and, above all, by the emerging abnormalities in the behavior and character of the child. And usually when time is somehow lost, parents they begin to show some anxiety and look for answers to such questions that are now worrying them. It's important to do this for yourself. conclusions: upbringing the child should begin from the first days of his life. Correctly and accurately performed daily routine of the child - basis of his upbringing and formation in infancy. Mistakes parents in education sooner or later they make themselves felt with various consequences, sometimes even difficult to correct. Of course, no one is immune from misses, but if an error is discovered, parents should quickly and fix it as painlessly as possible.

With questions education own child parents have to face every hour and every minute. And among them is such a very important and difficult: Is it necessary to satisfy all the desires of the child and how to satisfy them? From how it will be decided parents during education, will largely depend on the formation of the future life attitudes of the child, his ability to correlate his desires with the desires and interests of the people around him. One cannot agree that every desire or whim should be quickly and unconditionally fulfilled. Similar actions- is not a manifestation of love and attention to children, as, unfortunately, some people think parents. But rather, it is the appearance of laziness in questions education: after all, it is easier to give a child what he asks than to truly understand his desires and intelligently direct them. But the frequent application of the ban can lead to undesirable consequences: children who were treated very strictly and endlessly or very often restrained, limited, usually grow up timid, uninitiative and even gloomy. In addition, frequent, especially unmotivated application of prohibitions leads to their relatively rapid depreciation. In these cases, children either stop responding to them properly, or over time, as they get older, they try to get around them very resourcefully, even taking the path of deception. parents. That's why parents should try to explain to the child in an accessible and understandable way what caused the ban, for what reasons it is impossible to satisfy his desire. It is useful to talk about what undesirable consequences the fulfillment of one or another unreasonable desire can lead to, while appealing to various feelings. child: pity, compassion, shame, embarrassment, justice, etc. And, finally, babies are very sensitive to the form and tone of addressing themselves. Usually children do not like direct instructions or orders, and even said in a state of irritation. But the same request, but expressed in a calm and good-natured manner, will be much more effective and efficient.

For so many preschoolers, managing themselves, their desires and behavior, as a rule, begins with imitation. parents. Parental intonations, expressions, actions are almost always borrowed and sometimes very accurately by children reproduced– this should never be forgotten.

Besides, parents must learn to understand their child, to be able to take his place, because the adult was already a child, and the child is not yet an adult. But understanding does not mean always giving in. However, trying to figure it out is always necessary.

I would like to note that it is not worth fixing your attention on all the little things, not to react categorically negatively and even more monotonously to every slight deviation from the norms of behavior. If you see that an accidental breakdown has occurred, that the child himself is discouraged, you must be extremely careful in your conclusions. If you are faced with, perhaps, an insignificant, but really negative act that cannot be classified as accidental, you need to respond promptly and immediately. It is very important to stop a bad deed in time and pedagogically correctly, because many serious violations begin with trifles, which parents did not respond in a timely manner. Any influence, be it an explanation of some moral norms or a suggestion about the wrongness of the child's actions, should take place without fussiness, in a calm tone, without irritation. Parents preschool child must clearly understand that children brought up not only by instructions, remarks and conversations (even the smartest and most interesting ones, but through activities organized by adults. When a child does something with parents, he joins their interests and assimilates their experience, their relationship to things and phenomena.

But you also need to be able to encourage! First of all, it should be emphasized that this measure does not always give the desired effect. Moreover, improper use of it can cause serious harm. education. In cases where a child receives rewards undeservedly, without sufficient grounds, it loses its educational value. Why should children be encouraged? If a child studies well, works conscientiously, behaves in an exemplary manner, he can be praised or even rewarded. But at the same time, it is important to take into account not only the final result, but also the efforts expended by him, the diligence and perseverance shown by him. Also parents should be especially attentive to children who have a hundred difficult things. But they are more often reproached than encouraged. Meanwhile, it is they who most of all need encouragement by approval. In general, when using this form of influence, one should carefully approach the individual characteristics of a particular child.

One of the very significant and important factors influencing the formation of a child is the microclimate of the family, itself family environment, world and range of interests parents, level family relationships and their relationship to the environment. In the first years of his life, the child looks at the world around him through the eyes of parents. But not only our conversations, views and assessments have an impact on children. Our actions and deeds have an even greater influence on the character and behavior of the child. It is quite obvious that the moral face of a child is, to a certain extent, a photograph family relations. And not even a photograph, but rather an x-ray that captures the level of these relationships. If they are kind, if parents treat each other with love and respect, children will also develop a benevolent attitude towards family members and other people, even behavior and the necessary balance in actions and deeds. But if scandals and quarrels, drinking and other immoral manifestations flourish in the family, children grow up with a broken psyche, withdrawn and suspicious.

Unfortunately, there are not many families where the children "feed" love, surrounded by excessive reverence and admiration. The child gradually becomes "epicenter" family life. Taking this boundless love for granted and feeling your "overvalue" regardless of the actual qualities, children become selfish and narcissistic egoists, very demanding of others, but completely undemanding to themselves. With any difficulties in life, they begin to whimper, looking for parents of comfort and protection. This is how helpless and sometimes unscrupulous whiners are formed.

There are families where the children's need for love remains unsatisfied at all. Parents are cold, alienated from the child, love only themselves. As a result, children get the impression that they are superfluous, unnecessary, worthless. These painful childhood experiences leave an imprint on the future character, and sometimes on the whole future life. parental love, like nothing else, contributes to the emergence and strengthening of self-esteem, self-confidence and self-esteem.

I would like to add that one of the main and very important principles family education is the unity of action parents. It is sometimes referred to as a single line in education. Single line in education is, in other words, the same exactingness, a united front in the approach to children. Success largely depends on how well it is implemented by all family members. Single line in education should be carried out by parents in the organization of all aspects of life and activity children: both when presenting requirements for their performance, and when applying incentives and punishments, and in all other cases. The lack of a single line education children quite often leads them to disobedience. An essential aspect of the same problem is the observance and implementation of uniform requirements by the family and kindergarten. (school). It is very important that all family atmosphere, the daily influence of the family were directed to the same goal as upbringing in kindergarten (school). Single focus education in the family and kindergarten (school), the unity of the requirements for the child will contribute to a more successful solution of the problem of forming a harmoniously developed personality, worthy citizens of our country.

Today, before our eyes, profound changes are taking place in the most important institution upbringing in the family. Employment, and sometimes complete preoccupation with the chosen business, leave parents less and less time for everyday, deep communication with their growing and imperceptibly maturing children. A difficult situation arises when a rapidly growing child finds himself alone in the world of the most complex human relationships, when he is left alone with many life problems, and parents busy with their own affairs and worries, often do not bother to really look into the inner world of a son or daughter. And childhood is a blooming spring morning of human life. Just as a clear spring morning carries a charge of cheerfulness and good mood for the whole day for each of us, so the bright time of childhood forever leaves an indelible mark on a person’s heart and necessarily affects his human qualities. The main thing is not to miss this time, which then can not be returned! AT preschool age the foundation of the future person, his personality is being laid, and what kind of house will be built on this foundation depends only on us adults!

Literature:

1. Medvedev G. P., Nadyarny Everything begins in the family ... From the ABC family education. -Rostov, Prince. ed., 1979.-96s.

Consultations for parents on family education, social and mental development of the child.

BASIC RULES OF FAMILY EDUCATION.

Dear Parents!
Kindergarten offers you cooperation in the upbringing of your child. We are a kindergarten, teachers are also interested in your child becoming a full-fledged person, a cultured, highly moral, creatively active and socially mature person. For this we work, give our souls and hearts, our experience and knowledge to children. In order for your cooperation to be fruitful, we recommend that you adhere to the following basic rules of family education in raising your child.

1. A family is a material and spiritual cell for raising children, for marital happiness and joy.
The basis, the core of the family is marital love, mutual care and respect. The child should be a member of the family, but not its center. When a child becomes the center of the family and parents sacrifice themselves to him, he grows up as an egoist with high self-esteem, he believes that "everything should be for him." For such reckless love for himself, he often repays with evil - neglect of parents, family, people. No less harmful, of course, is an indifferent, all the more neglectful attitude towards a child; avoid extremes of love for a child.

2. The main law of the family: everyone takes care of each member of the family, and each member of the family, to the best of his ability, takes care of the whole family. Your child must firmly grasp this law.

3. Raising a child in a family is a worthy, continuous acquisition of useful, valuable life experience in the process of family life. The main means of raising a child is the example of parents, their behavior, their activities, this is the child's interested participation in the life of the family, in its cares and joys, this is work and conscientious fulfillment of your instructions. The word is an aid. The child must perform certain household chores, which become more complicated as they grow older, for themselves, for the whole family.

4. The development of the child is the development of his independence. Therefore, do not patronize him, do not do for him what he can and should do for himself. Help him in acquiring skills and abilities, let him learn to do everything that you know how to do. It’s not scary if he does something wrong: the experience of mistakes and failures is useful to him. Explain to him his mistakes, discuss them with him, but do not punish for them. Give him the opportunity to try his hand at different things to determine his abilities, interests and inclinations.

5. The basis of the child's behavior is his habits. See to it that good, good habits are formed in him and that bad habits do not arise. Teach him to distinguish between good and evil. Explain the harm of licentiousness, materialism, lies. Teach him to love his home, his family, good people, your edge. The most important habit for him should be the observance of the daily routine. Develop a reasonable daily routine with him and strictly monitor its implementation.

6. For the upbringing of a child, contradictions in the demands of the parents are very harmful. Coordinate them with each other. Even more harmful are the contradictions between your demands and those of the kindergarten, school, and teachers. If you do not agree with our requirements or you do not understand them, come to us and we will discuss the problems together.

7. It is very important to create a calm, friendly climate in the family, when no one yells at anyone, when even mistakes are discussed without scolding and hysteria. The mental development of the child, the formation of his personality to a large extent depends on the style of family education. The normal style is democratic, when children are given a certain independence, when they are treated with warmth and respect for their personality. Of course, some control over the behavior and learning of the child is necessary in order to help them in difficult situations. But it is more important to contribute in every possible way to the development of self-control, self-analysis and self-regulation of their activities and behavior. Do not insult the child with your suspicions, trust him. Your trust, based on knowledge, will bring up personal responsibility in him. Do not punish the child for the truth if he confessed his mistakes himself.

8. Teach your child to take care of the younger and older in the family. Let the boy give way to the girl, this is the beginning of the upbringing of future fathers and mothers, the preparation of a happy marriage.

9. Keep track of your child's health. Teach him to take care of his own health, oh physical development. Remember that the child is going through age crises in one form or another.

10. A family is a house, and like any house, it can deteriorate over time and need to be repaired and updated. Be sure to check from time to time to see if your family home needs updating and refurbishment.
We wish you success in the difficult and noble cause of family upbringing of your child, may he bring you joy and happiness!

TYPES OF FAMILY EDUCATION

The family plays the main role in shaping the moral principles and life principles of the child.

Parents - the first educators - have the strongest influence on children. More J.-J. Rousseau argued that each subsequent teacher has less influence on the child than the previous one. Parents are prior to all others; kindergarten teacher, primary school teacher and subject teachers. They are given by nature the advantage in the upbringing of children. Ensuring family education, its substantive and organizational aspects are the eternal and very responsible task of mankind.

Type of family education as an integrative characteristic of parental

value orientations, attitudes, emotional attitude to the child, the level of parental competence - is a significant factor in the formation of "I" in childhood, determines the development of the child, his position in relation to the world.

Hypersocial upbringing, or “correct parents”.

The hyper-social type of upbringing in the family does not cause bewilderment among others, on the contrary, it is supported and approved in every possible way. Neighbors, educators, relatives will admire a well-bred child: he will always say hello and will not forget to say goodbye, he will give a chair and read a rhyme with readiness, he will never bother screaming and running around, and white socks worn in the morning will remain the same until the evening. Only a few, having assessed everything with the experienced eye of a professional or, having listened to their own feelings, will think: “Something is not right here, it is painfully “correct”, as if not a child at all, but a little “old man”.

The parents made the child so, driven by “good intentions” and knowledge gleaned from numerous books. Even before the birth of the child, a “plan” for his development was prepared, in which the parents clearly defined the main “milestones”: “swim before walking”, a nursery from a year and a half, circles, sections that are more prestigious, a gymnasium with foreign languages and preferably an external student , institute ... The plan may be different, depending on what falls into the zone of parents' life values - sports, business, politics, healthy lifestyle life.

Many parents do this, but few are obsessed

fulfillment of the intended. The life of a child from the very first days is subject to strict rules. The regime and discipline are strictly observed, much attention is paid to instilling norms of behavior. The methods of upbringing are not too diverse: control, encouragement, punishment, but within this framework, parents can be very inventive. What are the obedience grades, behavior schedules, points, money, gifts and their deprivation, the summation of misdeeds and the requirement of public repentance. All this applies not to a teenager out of hand, but to a still small child who is not psychologically ready to be “correct”. The child is deprived of the right to choose, and his own inclinations and desires are not taken into account. Very soon the child begins to understand that in order to be loved, one must be obedient. They fall into the category of prohibited

feelings of anger, resentment, fear. Yes, and you can rejoice only within the limits of what is permitted, not very noisy and adhering to the norms of behavior. Love becomes a bargaining chip: if you eat porridge - you love it, if you don't eat it - you don't love it, and so on in everything.

Kindergarten attracts hyper social parents with all the same rules and disciplinary norms. The institution is chosen carefully, preference is given to one where there are many additional developmental activities and children have almost no time to play. The same pattern is repeated when the child grows up to school.

The consequences of hypersocial upbringing do not always end tragically. But people who grew up in such families often experience problems in building relationships and communication. Their categoricalness and the presence of firm principles, acceptable in a business environment, do not allow building warm family relationships.

Egocentric parenting, or everything for the child.

Can parental love be too much? Probably not, but its excessive manifestations while ignoring the interests of others is the essence of the egocentric type of education. The child is perceived by parents as an extra value, the meaning of life, an idol to which the whole way of life of the family is subordinated. In the family for the child there is no concept of regime, discipline, the word “no” is pronounced extremely rarely, and even then so uncertainly that it costs nothing for the child to turn it into “it is possible”. Sometimes parents make attempts to impose any restrictions or even punish the child, but very soon the feeling of guilt makes them regret what they have done: “Well, he is still small and does not understand that it is not good to take without permission and spoil other people's things, cause inconvenience to those around him. shouting, running around, whims. Surrounding - both children and adults, faced with such a king, for some reason refuse to play the role of subjects, and what causes delight at home is perceived indifferently at best. Any attempts by someone from the outside - relatives, acquaintances, educators - to make it clear that such upbringing is wrong, are met with bewilderment: “After all, we love our child and want him to have a happy childhood!” They are sincere in their desires, they really feel good; the role of parents sacrificing everything for the sake of the child, they took on voluntarily and are happy to fulfill it, no matter what madness their child comes up with.

In such a family, some “talent” will definitely be revealed in the child and will be developed with all their might. This will take a lot of time and money. And, perhaps, parents will deny themselves the most elementary, easily buying for the child everything that they consider necessary for its development.

The egocentric type of upbringing is difficult to imagine in large family, Basically, these are families in which one child grows up, surrounded by a large

the number of adults. Often such an attitude towards a child is introduced by a grandmother, when the appearance of a grandson or granddaughter gives her life a new meaning.

In the lives of people adored in childhood, stress and tragedy often occur. The situation that others cope with faster can cause depression or a nervous breakdown in this person. Children's illusions about the fact that everyone loves you turn into bewilderment and disappointment. Inability to adapt to life can be expressed in the absolute inability to take care of yourself, not to mention those around you. When such people have children, they can repeat the parental scenario in their upbringing or, on the contrary, they will be indifferent, indifferent, capricious if they perceive the baby as a rival. The only way to learn to live harmoniously with others is to learn elementary lessons such as

“know how to share”, “think about your neighbor”, “rejoice in what you delivered to another

joy". It is better that they be mastered in childhood, so that undivided

parental love did not turn into pain.

Anxious and suspicious upbringing, or to love means to be afraid.

Nothing torments the soul of parents so much as fear for their child. A similar condition is often found in parents whose children go to kindergarten for the first time, to a new school, go to a camp or country house, go to the hospital, or simply go away on a visit. This is a natural anxiety caused by the situation, worries about the child, a violation of the usual way of life. Almost all parents experience this, but over time, anxiety disappears, fear for the child disappears or rarely occurs. Life is on its way. But it also happens differently. Fear for a child is born along with his appearance, and sometimes even earlier. Fear and love merge into one

anxious thoughts constantly overcome, even when there is no threat to the life, health and well-being of the baby. They keep an eye on the child, even when he grows up he can do without it. Common diseases in such families cause panic. Very often, such mothers turn to specialists with the question: “Is this normal, is everything all right with him?”

Parents who perceive the world around them as hostile and full of complexities seek to prepare their child for the “hardships of life”. They begin to teach him something early, thoroughly prepare him for entering school. Sometimes, in anticipation of the upcoming difficulties, they do not notice that they are harming the child themselves right now.

The described behaviors include suspiciousness and suspicion. For no reason, a woman does not let her child go outside, because a maniac can steal him. It is especially difficult for a child if the same anxious grandmother lives under the same roof with her family.

Where does the line of care and reasonable insurance end and begin

reinsurance based on fears and suspiciousness? After all, tragic cases with children do happen, and many parents blame themselves for being too careless about everything. But, as practice shows, children of anxious parents under guardianship become victims of accidents at least, and perhaps even more often than their peers. This is due to the fact that excessive parental care makes them very sensitive to any impact. Mother's attitudes towards life very early begin to be accepted by the child as truth: since the mother is afraid for him, then something must really happen. He also has his own fears: vampires, nightmares, adult guys - everything is like everyone else

children, but they will leak heavily and will not disappear with age, but will take on a new form.

In behavior, such a child shows shyness and suspicion, reluctantly makes contact with new people. Fears crowd out the curiosity inherent in children, openness. As an extreme option - a neurotic state that turns into a neurosis. Obsessive movements or thoughts, sleep disturbance or rituals that have appeared in the child's behavior are a sure sign that it is necessary to analyze everything that happens and turn to a psychologist.

But it also happens differently. The child very early begins to protest against the parents' attempts to protect him from something and becomes stubbornly fearless. This option exhausts anxious parents even more, and the methods of education change: instead of guardianship, strict control appears, a strict system of prohibitions is introduced, followed by punishment, and a war of “who wins” begins.

Education without love

Not loving your child is unnatural. Any society, regardless of moral principles, religion, culture, with condemnation treats “cuckoo” mothers, fathers who do not recognize their children. But there are still abandoned, unloved children, and options for parental rejection, which will be discussed, can occur in a different, less pronounced form.

A child who is a source of disappointment for his parents and

irritation, even outwardly different from other children. Not finding manifestations of love from loved ones, he will try hard to get them from other adults: an ingratiating look, the desire to please, please, take an adult by the hand, get on his knees. However, it also happens differently. The kid, who has not known affection and tenderness from birth, completely rejects something like that from adults. His attitude to the world is hostile, he is aggressive, withdrawn, indifferent. All of the above are extreme

manifestations of rejection. It can be seen socially

dysfunctional families from parents who do not read books like this, and do not think about education at all.

Meanwhile, rejection is also found in ordinary, outwardly prosperous families. The reasons are very different: one of the spouses is against the birth of a child or the family is on the verge of divorce, financial difficulties, pregnancy was not planned ... The baby was born, and he is already unloved. Disappointment in the child may come later. For example, the birth of a girl when everyone was expecting a boy, a physical defect, the “ugliness” of a child, a capricious, neurotic child.

Sometimes temporarily rejection is replaced by acceptance and even adoration. Parents also change, “ripen”, grow wiser. Random early pregnancy, difficult childbirth with complications for the mother can slow down parental feelings.

But it also happens differently. Outwardly caring, “decent” parents devote both time and effort to the child, but only the methods of upbringing do not cause skill. Constant control, all kinds of punishments - from physical to more severe moral ones, after which forgiveness may come, but there is never repentance on the part of parents. It seems to them that with this child it is impossible to do otherwise. Irritation and annoyance are caused by his behavior, appearance, actions, habits, character traits. The child is called “unlucky”, “handless”, “loose”, “stupid”.

Parents are trying to remake the child, to fit him to their standard, which they consider correct.

Rejection in the family may be directed at one of the children, the one who, in the opinion of parents, loses in comparison with a brother or sister. Fortunately, rejection is rarely global. The father does not love the child, but the mother adores and pities, or the teacher, neighbor, distant relative will give warmth to the baby.

The consequences of such upbringing always affect the character, attitude to life, behavior of the child, and later on the adult. Various kinds of neurotic manifestations and neuroses are an indicator that they are trying to remake a child, “break” his nature and deprive him of love. Unconscious, but very strong attitudes to life, which are formed in childhood, do not allow later to create a full-fledged family: “Love is pain”, “I am not worthy of love”, “The world is hostile to me”. The severity of the consequences depends on the degree of rejection and the individual characteristics of the child.

The family creates personality or destroys it, it is in the power of the family to strengthen or undermine the mental health of its members. The family encourages some personal inclinations, while preventing others, satisfies or suppresses personal needs. The family structures the possibilities for achieving security, pleasure and fulfillment. It indicates the boundaries of identification, contributes to the appearance of the image of the person's "I". The family prepares the child for life, is his first and deepest source of social ideals, and lays the foundations for civic behavior.

Children of early preschool age.

Introduction……………………………………………………………………….
Chapter 1. Theoretical foundations of the study of family counseling in a preschool educational institution as a way to improve the pedagogical culture of parents of children of early preschool age………………..
Peculiarities of interaction between kindergarten and family……………….
Characteristics of the forms of increasing the pedagogical culture of parents………………………………………………………………….
Features of family counseling for parents of children of early preschool age……………………………………………….
Conclusions on Chapter 1………………………………………………………………
Chapter 2. Features of the organization of family counseling to improve the pedagogical culture of parents of children of primary preschool age ........
2.1. Purpose, tasks and methodology of the ascertaining experiment……………
2.2. Analysis of the results of the ascertaining experiment…………………
Conclusions on Chapter 2……………………………………………………………….
Conclusion
Literature
Applications

Introduction

Over the thousand-year history of mankind, two branches of the upbringing of the younger generation have developed: family and public. Each of these branches, representing the social institution of education, has its own specific capabilities in shaping the personality of the child. The family and the preschool institution are two important institutions for the socialization of children. Their educational functions are different, but for the comprehensive development of the child, their interaction is necessary. [Arnautova E.P. We plan to work with the family. // Management of the preschool educational institution 2002, No. 4. - 66s., p. 28].

The first school of education of a growing person is the family. Here he learns to love, endure, rejoice, sympathize. Any pedagogical system without a family is a pure abstraction. In the conditions of the family, emotional and moral experience is formed, the family determines the level and content of the emotional and social development of the child. Therefore, it is so important to help parents understand that the development of the child's personality should not go spontaneously. [Davydova O.I., Bogoslavets L.G., Mayer A.A. Working with parents in kindergarten: Ethnopedagogical approach. - M.: TC Sphere, 2005. - 144 p. - (Supplement to the journal "Management of preschool educational institutions."]

Today, the potential of the family is undergoing a major transformation. [Unified educational space for kindergarten, family and society / Authors and compilers: T.P. Kolodyazhnaya, R.M. etc. - Rostov-n / D, 2002. - 119 p.] Teachers note a decrease in her educational potential, a change in her role in the process of primary socialization of the child. Modern parents have a hard time due to lack of time, employment, lack of competence in matters of preschool pedagogy and psychology. Closest to the preschooler and the problems of his upbringing are the teachers of preschool educational institutions, who are interested in creating favorable conditions for the development of each child, increasing the degree of participation of parents in the upbringing of their children. A full-fledged upbringing of a preschooler takes place under the conditions of the simultaneous influence of the family and the preschool institution. The dialogue between the kindergarten and the family is built, as a rule, on the basis of the teacher's demonstration of the child's achievements, his positive qualities, abilities, etc. The teacher in such a positive role is accepted as an equal partner in education.

In order for parents to become active assistants to educators, it is necessary to involve them in the life of the kindergarten. Working with a family is a difficult task, both organizationally and psychologically and pedagogically.

The problem of interaction between a preschool institution and a family today remains relevant, sometimes acquiring an aggravated character. Difficulties in relations between families and educational institutions may be associated, for example, with the mismatch of mutual expectations, with the sometimes distrust of parents in educators. The misunderstanding between the family and the kindergarten falls heavily on the child.

The family and the preschool institution are two important social institutions of the child's socialization. Without parental participation, the upbringing process is impossible, or at least incomplete. It is necessary to strive to ensure that parents are not spectators and observers, but active participants in the life of their child.

Therefore, it is now so important to improve the pedagogical culture of parents, to maintain and build effective, friendly and ethical relationships between kindergarten and families.

Target of our study: to theoretically substantiate the conditions for the development of interaction between kindergarten and parents through family counseling to improve the pedagogical culture of parents.

An object research: organization of interaction with parents of children of primary preschool age.

Subject research: conditions for organizing family counseling for parents of children of early preschool age.

Hypothesis research: family counseling in a preschool educational institution as a form of improving the pedagogical culture of parents of children of early preschool age will be effective if the teacher works systematically with parents, creates a comfortable psychological atmosphere for parents and children in a preschool educational institution, taking into account the individual characteristics and problems of each family;

Tasks research:

1) study and analysis of theoretical and special literature on the problem under study;

2) revealing the essence of the concept of "family counseling";

3) studying the forms of family counseling for parents in a preschool educational institution.

Stages research:

Theoretical analysis of pedagogical, psychological, scientific and methodical literature.

Conducting an ascertaining experiment.

Organization of effective interaction between teachers and parents through family counseling to improve the pedagogical culture of parents of children of primary preschool age.

Description and presentation of the results of the study.

The study was conducted on the basis of GBDOU No. ... district of St. Petersburg.

Parent counseling.

The largest group of visitors psychological consultation are parents with children who do not have any deviations from the normal course of development, but at the same time there are certain difficulties associated with age or psychological characteristics.

Typical complaints of parents about the disobedience and stubbornness of children (especially in times of crisis); bad memory; inattention; disorganized behavior; slowness; timidity; restlessness; laziness; "shamelessness"; deceit (which is often mistaken for the so-called pseudo-lie, i.e., childish fantasizing); weak will - more precisely, involuntary behavior (Burmenskaya et al., 1990).

These diverse complaints, often related to the problems of the parents themselves, can be grouped into the following groups:

1. Ignorance of age-related developmental norms, incorrect educational attitudes and ideas. The attitude towards the always obedient child and the desire to achieve the constant superiority of one's child over others are widespread, which leads to an overestimation of the requirements for children. At the same time, the importance of personal forms of communication and gaming activity in child development.

2. Psychological problems of parents. For example, a divorce from her husband causes persistent negative feelings in a woman, which are often transferred to her son: “He is as lazy as his father ...” A woman considers these (exaggerated or even far-fetched) properties to be inherited from her father;

3. Personal characteristics of parents: authoritarianism, egocentrism, rigidity, lack of maturity, anxiety, etc. - often lead to complaints about problems in children. Dissatisfaction with the behavior of children in such cases is often explained by the mechanism of projection;

It is very important to carefully evaluate the nature of the parents' complaints and how they reflect the child's real psychological problems. The counselor should identify the real psychological mechanism underlying the children's problems, rather than attempting to hypothesize on parental reports and theoretical assumptions alone.

Individual counseling of parents includes several stages. Each stage implements its own tasks and uses appropriate techniques (Silyaeva, 2004).

The purpose of the first stage is to create a trusting, frank relationship with parents, especially with those who deny the need for cooperation. For this purpose, a form of individual counseling is used, such as

During a brief initial conversation, direct or indirect criticism of the actions of parents, doubts about their pedagogical competence are excluded. Criticism is appropriate only in a tactful manner after analyzing all the information, including the results of the examination of the child. At the first meeting, even the mildest disapproval of the parents' actions can provoke strong defensive reactions in them, which will close the way for a frank discussion of all the problems that the child has.

The second stage comes after a comprehensive examination of the child. It includes several goals:

A detailed analysis of the general state of mental development and personality characteristics of the child, as well as the nature, degree and causes of the identified difficulties;

Explanation of specific measures to help the child, taking into account the specifics of his development, explanation of the need for parents to participate in the general system of psychological and pedagogical support;

Discussing the problems of parents, their attitude to difficulties in the behavior, communication or education of the child;

Planning follow-up meetings to assess the dynamics of the child's condition under the influence of diverse factors.

If any abnormality is found in a child during a diagnostic examination, it is necessary to inform the parents very carefully and carefully. It is recommended that each statement about the incompetence of the child in one form or another of mental activity be supported by specific facts that clearly reflect the characteristics of developmental disorders. In addition, parents need to be prepared for consultations with specialists and for subsequent corrective work with the child.

At the third stage, corrective work is carried out, here the tasks of counseling change: they involve the formation of pedagogical competence in parents through training and involving them in corrective measures as active participants in the process.

Most effective forms The individual impacts at this stage are:

Joint discussion with parents of the course and results of correctional work;

Analysis of the reasons for the insignificant progress in the development of certain aspects of mental activity and the joint development of recommendations for overcoming negative trends in the development of the child;

Individual workshops on teaching parents joint forms of activity with children, which are corrective (various types of productive activities, articulatory gymnastics, psycho-gymnastics, educational games and tasks);

Assistance to parents in solving their own problems and in determining the prospects for personal self-development.

In order to facilitate communication and mutual understanding in the process of counseling, it is necessary to respond to specific conditions or circumstances, to feelings and attitudes reflected in stories about situations or events. Useful information For the counseling process, the key to understanding the parent-child relationship may come from their non-verbal behavior.

The psychologist-consultant pays special attention to those factors family life, which could affect the occurrence of problems in the child: violations of communication and interaction within the family (difficulty understanding between its members, difficulties in making a common decision, inability to force others to listen to themselves), broken emotional ties, etc. In this case, you can rely on on the basic principles of interaction between parents and children, which underlie special training sessions with parents (Bayard, Bayard, 1991):

1. Discord and crisis between you and your child is an opportunity for you to change and develop.

2. You and your child have the same human rights.

3. Your child is a competent and worthy person.

4. You are also competent and there is no situation where you are helpless, there is always something you can do to help yourself.

5. Your task is to fulfill, express and care for your inner self.

6. You are responsible for what you do.

7. Your child is responsible for what he does.

If you have advanced to this level, now your task is to maintain these installations. Essentially, they are embodied in two principles:

1. Perceive the child as a competent and worthy person.

2. Trust that he is capable, trustworthy, and responsible for his actions.

Convey this belief to him with:

- direct messages: "I trust you to make the right decisions yourself";

- respect, i.e. when you listen to the child, assuming that he himself can solve his problems;

- Experiences of joy and pleasure from the child's decision-making.

It is easy to agree with these principles; but learning to live in accordance with them in all the various situations that life presents is difficult.

The starting point for counseling should be this moment. This allows you to highlight and discuss the unrealistic expectations of the parent, expressed, for example, in such requests: "We want our child to always obey." Making such unrealistic expectations often hides an unconscious fear of not being able to cope with a difficult situation or with one's own emotions in the event of inevitable disagreements.

Speaking about the unrealistic expectations of parents, it is necessary to highlight the types of inadequate requests to the consultant. Such requests contain extreme generalization, an attitude to avoid a problem instead of a solution, a neurotic desire for idealized perfection (perfectionism), as well as manipulative requests to control someone's behavior. Be sure to ask the question: when did the child first have this problem? If a parent says it "always was," then it's possible that it wasn't seen as a problem in the past, but some major life change has led to it being re-evaluated. Another typical question to help organize a counseling situation is: how do you see the result of our joint work?

During the collection of information, the consultant at some point comes up with a hypothesis that includes an idea of the cause of the problems that have arisen, which can be hidden from the mind of the parent (and child), as well as possible ways out of the current situation.

It is possible to formulate two groups of tasks that specialists should solve when counseling “problem” children, but rather when counseling their parents (Semago, 2003):

1) creation of psychological conditions for adequate perception by parents of information about the developmental features of their child, to increase readiness for long-term work on its correction and education;

2) liberation of parents from feelings of guilt and stress.

Families that came to the consultant because of problems in the development or education of the child can be divided into several conditional groups. Some gradually solve the problem, focusing on the issues of upbringing, education, or, possibly, treatment of the child. Other of the children's problems, even if they are minor from the point of view of the environment, create an insoluble emotional situation. Their condition at the time of visiting a psychologist acquires the features of a mental trauma, and after identifying the child's problem, it turns into a post-stress syndrome. Parents with initially high rates of social adaptation are able to quickly overcome the psychogenic situation without pronounced personal decompensation. In such families, protective mechanisms arise that help in overcoming a traumatic situation. Advisory assistance in this case is effective with little psychological support from parents, if the interests of the child are at the center of the work. In parents with initially low rates of social adaptation, a child, even with minor problems, often suffers from chronic personality decompensation. With such families it is necessary to carry out intensive psychotherapeutic work.

The most important indicator of the state of parents during counseling is their emotions: the feelings that they are experiencing at the moment, and the degree of their severity. This area requires the consultant's constant attention and evaluation throughout the consultation. In order to effectively build counseling work, it is necessary to determine at what stage of the psychodynamic process the family is currently located.

There are four phases to the state of the family in the counseling process.

The first phase is characterized by a state of confusion, sometimes fear. The syndrome of "deceived hopes", sometimes a deep sense of failure, a feeling of helplessness and frustration, heavy, negatively colored feelings completely take over the parents and, naturally, determine their further behavior. This complex range of feelings and negative emotions can knock people out of their usual life rut, cause sleep disturbances, and change relationships with others. Fortunately, in most cases this phase is short-lived.

Often such a "shock" state of confusion is transformed into negativism, denial of the identified deviations in the development of the child. Such a period of negativism and denial is considered as the second phase of the state of the family and is an important psychological component of its behavior. The function of denial is to maintain a certain level of family stability in the situation that has arisen. Thus, denial is a kind of way to eliminate emotional depression, anxiety. An extreme form of negativism is the refusal to examine the child by other specialists and to carry out corrective measures. Some parents, expressing distrust of consultants, no matter how qualified they may be, repeatedly apply to various scientific and treatment centers in order to cancel, eliminate the “wrong diagnosis”. It is at this stage that the so-called "walking in the circle of specialists" syndrome is formed. In this case, the position and behavior of the consultant is extremely important. Based on the fundamental principle of protecting the rights of the child, he is obliged to find the right therapeutic tactics to neutralize this absolutely unproductive behavior of the family. The described phase - negativism and denial - as a rule, is a temporary phenomenon.

As parents begin to accept the diagnosis and partially understand its meaning, they sink into deep sadness, sometimes even longing. This state of depression associated with the realization of problems characterizes the third phase.

Independent re-appeal of parents for help to a specialist who identified the child's problems marks the fourth phase - the beginning of the socio-psychological adaptation of the family. Parents are already able to correctly assess the situation and be guided by the interests of the child, establish adequate emotional contacts with specialists and reasonably follow their advice.

It is quite possible to return to the previous state, the previous phase, especially when the necessary work with the child is difficult, the result is not as obvious as parents would like.

The counselor should interact with the family in terms of the stages of the relationship, not skipping or downplaying each phase. The most important stages of the interaction of the consultant with the family are:

1. Study of the level of understanding by parents of the nature of the child's difficulties and the level of adaptation of the family to this situation. This should be clarified before the parents themselves begin to ask questions to the counselor;

2. Bringing clarity to the facts. At this stage, parents cover the facts of family life and the development of the child. They are analyzed and accumulated by the consultant. An important point this stage is to explain to parents the need for such work, which makes them think about these facts in advance;

3. Informing the family. At this stage, there is not only an exchange of information with the family, but also a check of what and how the parents perceived at the previous stages of work. It is impossible to submit information without making sure that the parents understood the position of the consultant, his view of the problems of the family. How clearly and deeply the consultant can express his understanding of the problem and his position depends on the family itself, its emotional status, cultural level, belonging to a certain social stratum or confession. Feedback from the consultant to the family includes monitoring verbal and non-verbal reactions, controlling emotions, and stopping unwanted reactions.

The whole structure of the counseling process is closely related to the dynamics of the emotional state of the parents.

Most families turn to counseling in order to get from specialists (psychologists, speech pathologists, etc.) a clear program of action similar to the recommendations of a doctor. They are waiting for an unequivocal answer about the degree of “guilt” of each of the parents (or confirmation of the guilt of specialists, institutions that took part in the birth, development or upbringing of the child), or better, some kind of “recipe” thanks to which their child will “cure”. Most parents believe that they will not be required to personally participate in the development of their own child. However, they will be disappointed, since they will have to solve many issues on their own.

The situation is influenced by the socio-cultural characteristics of the family and the educational level of the parents. It is known that the attitude towards counseling varies among representatives of different strata of society: people with a lower level of education treat specialist consultants more respectfully, if not reverently, they can be influenced even by non-directive influence. But in any case, it is necessary to organize the interaction of parents with the consultant in such a way that the family can then quite consciously make a decision prompted by a specialist in one form or another. The counselor must be aware that his position, his counseling tactics should not violate the rights of parents to determine the fate of their child, and ultimately the fate of their family.

Working with parents of an autistic child.

This work is very specific, since the behavior of such a child can not always be understood with the help of logic, his reaction to words or actions may be inexplicable from the point of view of an adult and sometimes confuses not only strangers, but even close people.

Correctional work with an autistic child, as a rule, requires a lot of emotional costs and is long-term. Therefore, it happens that parents, expecting a quick effect and not getting it, “give up their hands” and become desperate. That is why they so need the constant support of a psychologist or teacher who works with the child, knows the characteristics of his perception and behavior well and can explain to mom or dad the reason for an inadequate act.

Very often, an autistic child behaves as if he exists alone, completely oblivious to the surrounding children and adults. Parents who put a lot of effort into his upbringing and education need feedback: is he satisfied, does he need additional attention from relatives, communication with them, etc. However, parents can not always get this feedback. In this case, parents can be advised to treat the child with utmost attention, to follow the slightest manifestations of his internal state, facial expressions, gestures. After all, sometimes only by a random phrase, even by a single exclamation, by a fleeting movement, one can guess about those experiences, desires, fears, in the power of which the child is.

In order for the child to feel confident in children's team, it is desirable that parents or other close adults (grandparents) visit the kindergarten group or class as often as possible. At school, they can spend breaks with the child, helping him establish contact with peers, or be present with him in the lesson. This form of work strengthens the contact between parents and the teacher, helps them develop an effective program of interaction with an autistic child.

Unfortunately, many parents underestimate the importance of the daily routine, which for an autistic child is one of the most important conditions for successful adaptation, the formation of a sense of security in him. It is desirable that the main points of the regime not only be spoken out and observed by adults, but also be depicted in the form of pictograms understandable to the child in a place convenient for him.

Parents of an autistic child should always remember that he is extremely conservative, that any, even a small change in the regime, in the environment, in clothes can cause aggression. In order not to provoke such attacks, it is necessary to maintain the usual order of things and affairs for the child.

For an autistic child, family rituals are very useful, which provide him with calmness and self-confidence. For example, consecutive evening activities—walking, drinking tea, reading together, massage—will prepare the autistic child for bedtime and ensure restful sleep.

Basic rules for raising autistic children (Cherepanova, 1997):

1. Observe the child's daily routine:

Make and write the child's daily routine, hang it in a conspicuous place.

2. Form stereotypes of the child's behavior in various situations:

Perform in a strict, established once and for all sequence various daily procedures and regimens: dressing, feeding, preparing for bed, etc .; take a special place for clothes, and you must always fold it in the same sequence;

In the bathroom in front of the mirror, you can lay out the accessories for washing;

In the corner for activities or games, you can hang a diagram of the arrangement of toys or objects on the table and in the table.

3. Teach your child to use maps, diagrams, etc. (a step-by-step map is a drawn diagram of a sequence of actions, an algorithm, for example, “How to get ready for a walk”):

You can pick up a number of games to develop skills in reading operational cards.

4. Try to ensure that the child receives vivid impressions from works of art (music, theater, etc.):

Organize listening to music together, watching TV shows, trips to the circus, museum, etc.

Working with parents of an aggressive child.

It is advisable to work with the parents of an aggressive child in two directions:

- an explanation of the nature of aggression, the reasons for its occurrence, its danger to the child and others;

- education effective ways communication with the child.

When a mother or father recognizes the need for remedial work, they can be taught effective ways to interact with the child. In this case, parents will be able not only to listen to lectures, but also to take part in parent-child relationship training, seminars, disputes, interest clubs, etc. The best guarantee of good self-control and adequate behavior of children is the ability of parents to control themselves. Unfortunately, many parents themselves do not know how to manage their own anger. Their children in the process of education are unlikely to learn the skills of adequate expression of aggression.

The following are general recipes to help parents avoid having their own anger affect their relationship with their child.

1. Establish a relationship with your child so that he feels calm and confident with you:

Listen to your child.

Spend as much time with him as possible.

Share your experience with him.

Tell him about your childhood, childhood deeds, victories and failures.

If there are several children in the family, try to communicate not only with everyone together, but give your “undivided” attention to each of them individually.

2. Watch yourself, especially in those moments when you are under the influence of stress and you are easily unbalanced:

If you are irritated, if possible, postpone or cancel all activities with your child until you calm down;

If any situation requires your intervention, treat the child calmly, do not express your negative emotions;

Try not to touch the child in moments of irritation.

3. If you are upset, then the children should know about your condition:

Tell your children directly about your feelings, desires and needs: “I am very upset, I want to be alone. Please play in the next room," or: "Things at work pissed me off. I'll calm down in a few minutes, but for now, please don't touch me."

4. In those moments when you are upset or angry, do something pleasant for yourself that could calm you down: take a warm bath, shower; have some tea; call friends; make a "soothing" face mask; just relax, lying on the couch, listen to your favorite music.

5. Try to anticipate and prevent possible troubles that may cause your anger:

Do not let your child play with those things and objects that you value very much;

Don't let yourself be thrown off balance. Know how to anticipate the onset of an emotional breakdown and prevent it by managing yourself (think of something pleasant) and the situation.

6. To some especially important events should be prepared in advance. Try to foresee all sorts of nuances and prepare the child:

Study the strengths and capabilities of your child;

If you have to make the first visit (to a doctor, to a kindergarten, etc.), rehearse everything ahead of time;

If the child is naughty when he is hungry, think about how to feed him during a long trip.

Working with parents of an anxious child.

Parents of anxious children often make excessive demands on them, which are completely impossible for the child. Sometimes this is due to dissatisfaction with one's own position, with the desire to embody one's unfulfilled dreams in a child. Exaggerated demands of parents may be associated with other reasons. So, having achieved a high position in society or material well-being, parents, not wanting to see a “loser” in their child, force him to work beyond measure.

The demands of adults, which the child is not able to fulfill, often lead to the fact that he begins to experience fear of not meeting expectations, to feel like a failure. Over time, he gets used to "give up", to give up without a fight, even in ordinary situations. Thus, a person is formed who tries to act in such a way that he does not have to face any problems.

Some parents, seeking to protect their child from any real and imaginary threats to his life and safety, form in him a sense of his own defenselessness against the dangers of the world. All this hinders normal development child, the realization of his creative abilities, communication with adults and peers.

Most parents of anxious children do not realize how their own behavior affects the child's character. It is necessary to conduct explanatory conversations with such parents, recommend special literature for them to read and involve them in interaction with a teacher or psychologist.

As a rule, parents of anxious children themselves have a high level of anxiety, and therefore they suffer from low self-esteem and muscle clamps, are not satisfied with themselves and their actions, etc. Such parents need, first of all, to engage in self-education, which can be started by studying and application in practice of eight ways to change self-esteem, proposed by L. Bassett (1997):

1. Try to be more positive about life:

Use an internal dialogue consisting only of positive statements.

2. If you have negative thoughts, try to immediately switch to a pleasant one:

Treat people the way they deserve.

Seek out in each person not shortcomings, but positive qualities.

3. Treat yourself with respect:

Make a list of your strengths;

Convince yourself that you really have them.

4. Try to get rid of what you don't like about yourself:

Look at yourself in the mirror more often, trying to answer the question: is it worth changing something in yourself?

If yes, then don't delay.

5. Start making your own decisions:

Remember that there are no right or wrong decisions;

You can always justify and justify any decision you make.

6. Try to surround yourself with things that have a positive effect on you:

Buy your favorite books, tape recordings;

Have and love your “weaknesses”.

7. Start taking risks:

Take responsibility, the risk may be small at first.

8. Gain any faith: in a person, in fate, in circumstances, etc.:

Remember that believing in something greater than yourself helps you get through difficult situations.

If you can't influence the course of events, "step aside" and just wait.

Since anxious children often have an increased need for someone to love and caress, it is good to have pets at home: a cat, a dog, a hamster or a parrot. Cooperation between parents and child in joint care of a beloved pet will help them build partnerships.

Working with parents of a hyperactive child.

When interacting with hyperactive children, parents, as a rule, experience many difficulties. Some of them are trying to deal with the "disobedience" of the child with harsh measures, strengthen disciplinary methods of influence, increase workloads, severely punish for the slightest misconduct, and introduce a strict system of prohibitions. Others, tired of the endless struggle with the child, give up, try not to pay attention to his behavior and give him complete freedom of action, thereby depriving the child of the necessary support. Still others, hearing incessant reproaches and remarks about their child in kindergarten, at school, and in other public places, begin to blame themselves for being like that, up to despair and depression (which, in turn, negatively affects for a sensitive child).

In all these cases, parents are not able to develop a consistent optimal line of behavior in relations with the child, so it is necessary to work with them. With a hyperactive child, it is necessary to communicate gently, calmly. If an adult performs an educational task with him, it is advisable to avoid both screams and orders, as well as enthusiastic intonations, an emotionally elevated tone. A hyperactive child, being very sensitive and receptive, is likely to quickly join the mood of an adult. Parental emotions will overwhelm him and become an obstacle to effective action.

Compliance with a clear daily routine at home is another of the most important conditions for interacting with a hyperactive child. And eating, and walking, and doing homework must be carried out at the same time familiar to the child. To prevent overexcitation, the child should go to bed at a strictly defined time, and the duration of sleep should be sufficient to restore strength (in each case, parents determine this duration themselves, based on the child's condition). If possible, it is necessary to protect a hyperactive child from prolonged computer sessions and from watching television programs, especially those that contribute to emotional arousal. A hyperactive child can benefit from quiet walks before going to bed, during which parents have the opportunity to speak frankly with the child in private, to learn about his problems. And fresh air and a measured step will help the child calm down.

Counseling for parents of adolescents and young adults.

Working with a teenager must necessarily be accompanied by work with parents. The results and effectiveness of such work depend on both objective and subjective factors. Parents often transfer to their children both their own unfulfilled hopes and their problems, as if loading them with a kind of “dowry” for the rest of their lives. Parents think that their children will achieve those goals that they have not achieved. Therefore, often behind the request of parents to understand the problems of a teenager is a genuine - often not fully realized - need to get advice about their problems. However, in reality, it seems that the parents are only trying to transfer the children to the consultant so that he “corrects” them, and they themselves have nothing to talk about with him. In contrast to “ordinary” adult counseling, the development of the adolescent is always at the center of attention in parental counseling. This means that parents themselves need psychological help so that they can develop themselves in parallel with the development of a teenager.

When counseling parents, it is especially important to pay attention to the feelings of jealousy that sometimes arise in them towards the counselor. Such a relationship between parents and counselor is detrimental to his relationship with the adolescent. Two different counselors or the same counselor may counsel the parents and work with the adolescent. Both have their advantages as well as their disadvantages. In this case, it is necessary to take into account not only theoretical considerations, but also the characteristics of one's own personality and one's previous experience.

It is advisable to have a conversation with both parents at the same time, as this helps to get a more objective and versatile picture of the life of a teenager and, in addition, allows parents to feel a common responsibility for the fate of a teenager. A number of authors distinguish four main stages in the initial conversation between a consultant and parents and offer the following recommendations for its implementation.

At the beginning of the conversation, you need to encourage parents to a free, frank discussion of the problems of a teenager, to clarify issues of interest to them. It is also necessary to find out their ideas about the causes of the adolescent's difficulties and the means of resolving them, their opinion about what goals can be set for the child, what future he should be oriented towards.

At the second stage of the conversation, parents should be informed of the results of the primary psychological examination of the teenager, if they are ready. It is necessary to strive to develop a realistic understanding of the problems of a teenager in parents. Concrete data help to overcome erroneous ideas about the nature and extent of his difficulties. After that, a special program of action is discussed. Finally, at the end of the conversation, the attitude of parents to the problems of a teenager is discussed and subsequent meetings are planned.

During the conversation, it is important to show warmth, understanding, respect. The effectiveness of the conversation is assessed by whether parents can more or less confidently act on the basis of the information and recommendations that they received from the consultant (Burmenskaya et al., 1990). When taking an anamnesis, it is important not only to find out specific facts, but also to motivate parents to cooperate. From the very beginning, they must feel that they are not only “interrogated”, but that this can be useful for them too: they will receive competent advice, they will be able to take a fresh look at what is happening in the family. If this does not happen, parents often remain dissatisfied.

Parents need to feel understood. Therefore, the counselor should say to the parents: “… it is good that you have come to do something for your child”; “... I understand your concern (or irritation) about the child”, that is, to let parents know that they themselves can also be considered as “patients” in some way. Only after that - but, most likely, already during the first meeting - should parents be given general instructions on what to do with the child (of course, given that the final conclusion and recommendations can only be given after the diagnosis is fully established).

Be sure to tell parents about the methods and techniques of counseling and correction, according to which it is planned to work with their child. It should be explained that correction is not limited to the work of a consultant. This is a living process of interaction, when it is impossible to say in advance which of the approaches will be the most important to achieve the goal.

It should be discussed in advance that it is important for a teenager that with all the problems, desires and questions that arise in connection with counseling, he should contact the consultant directly. Sometimes it takes a long time for him to be able to decide himself to tell the consultant about something important. Often a teenager wants his parents to talk about his problem for him. Parents should agree that they will give up the role of "mouthpiece". If a teenager is trying to send a parent to talk to a counselor, following this rule alone is not enough. In this case, it is necessary to discuss with the parents why this is happening, what psychological reasons underlie such reluctance. There can be many reasons for this, for example:

The adolescent transfers to the counselor his attitude towards his father, to whom he also could not always freely turn, so that he often asked his mother to convey an important message to his father;

The mother herself is still in many ways a “mother”. small child"and in ordinary life often speaks for a teenager where he himself could speak for himself;

The mother, by virtue of her own transference to the consultant, would like to look important and indispensable in his eyes, and uses every opportunity to talk to him.

When working with a teenager, the consultant regularly meets separately with parents and conducts counseling conversations with them. They need to cover the following topics:

Changes in the behavior of a teenager;

Changes in the family as a result of counseling;

How do parents raise a teenager, what do they do;

Information for parents on the course of counseling.

It is important to pay attention to what problems the parents themselves would like to discuss. What can you tell about their relationship with each other based on what they talk about, how they look, what gestures they use? What consequences can this have for a teenager? What pattern of behavior does a teenager see in their parents? How does the counselor experience transference reactions from the parents? What feelings of countertransference does he experience himself? How does the consultant's personality structure affect the work?

Here are typical examples of how parents formulate goals during the initial consultation.

Reformulation of the parental request is necessary to ensure the psychological safety of the adolescent.

Shostrom (2002) lists the following neurotic mechanisms by which parents control or use the adolescent.

1. Using love as an overwhelming and restraining force to satisfy the personal need of a parent who is "disappointed in other human relationships and pours out all the escaping emotions on a teenager, and also feeds himself with the love of a teenager."

2. Giving the teenager a load of gratitude and duty in the form of behavior for which he can be rewarded.

3. Treating the teenager as an emotional toy that does not allow him to reach full maturity.

6. Excessive weakness and willingness to yield on the part of the father, as well as the inability to accept fatherly responsibility.

7. Mother acts as a strict parent, personifying not only love, but also authority. For the son, this situation makes it difficult to separate from his mother and gain his own independence. In this case, he begins to fear the power of a woman and, as a result, either gives up and loses his masculine position, or completely breaks the connection with his mother and constantly underestimates women, thus trying to prevent submission to them.

8. Suspicious and unreasonable behavior on the part of the mother towards the father can create a similar unconscious attitude towards men on the part of the daughter.

9. Inadequate position of the father can lead to the appearance of similar inadequate expectations in relation to men in general in the daughter. For example, if a father is too attached to his daughter, there is a danger that she will be unable to break the close relationship with her father in order to marry. She will go through life hoping to find a father figure in her intended husband.

10. A father's indifferent and dismissive attitude can cause feelings of humiliation and motivate a daughter to go in search of a father surrogate who will give her the paternal affection she so lacks. Other girls may feel hatred and resentment towards their father. Lacking the self-discipline that is part of development, the girl experiences an internal conflict between rebellious aggressiveness and the desire to obey.

The task of the counselor is to fully clarify the dynamics of these and similar patterns of parental behavior and help parents and adolescents understand how they operate.

In general, the specifics of working with parents is primarily due to the fact that they do not understand the changes taking place in a teenager. This may give rise to a desire to maintain tight control over him or “reverse development” - to reject the new qualities of a teenager and try to return the old childhood qualities: obedience, affection, etc. Most parents say that their teenager “suddenly” changed dramatically, become irritable, withdrawn, rebellious, and are looking for advice from the counselor on how to regain control and make the teenager the way he was before. Thus, they actually ask for help for themselves, but do not see the need to change their attitude towards the grown child and their role. Therefore, the primary task of the consultant is to reorient parents from receiving assistance to helping the child in a rather difficult life period for him. How can I do that?

Parents should give the teenager three things: understanding, practical information (including sexual information), and help in becoming an independent person (Shostrom, 2002). To understand the problems of a teenager, it is necessary to accept the inevitability of change. A teenager should be able to express his feelings without fear, and parents should accept his right to object. It is difficult when an adult does not know how to express his feelings. That is why parents need to be included in the therapy process along with the teenager. As a parent learns to communicate his true feelings to his child, he learns to better understand both himself and him.

In order to understand a teenager, parents must realize that many negative phenomena are based on his past ideas and feelings, the sources of which are in early childhood. These feelings are not only the result of real events, they are also associated with the teenager's fantasies about what could happen. These fantasies also play a role in the adolescent's ideas about the attitude of his parents towards him. If a child felt a lack of love, trust or a sense of belonging early in his life, he will seek to find it in adolescence or he will have difficulty communicating with peers. Counseling work with a teenager should release the main childhood experiences that are the cause of unhealthy actions during adolescence.

Parents should be told how they can help their child avoid dangerous behavior. This can be done in two ways. Firstly, parents can predict or stimulate the development of certain interests of a teenager (classes in sports groups, tourism, fishing, hunting, etc.) and provide opportunities for their implementation. Secondly, parents can be taught to accept the teenager's negative experiences and encourage their verbalization when talking with parents. It is easier for a teenager to accept his negative experiences in the event that a parent can accept them, this will save the teenager from feelings of guilt.

Parents often express dissatisfaction: “What about me? I have feelings too." They need to be convinced that they also need to express feelings. They have the right to express anger, and later, if they feel regret about this, sincerely repent. Usually parents are surprised to discover that a teenager understands and accepts the situation when he learns that parents can also have their own problems. The deidealization of parents lays the foundation for building mutual understanding and helps the teenager learn to respect the feelings of his parents.

It is necessary to tell parents about initiation - rites that existed in antiquity in order to help teenagers adequately go through such an important period of change for them. The result of this period is the acquisition of the status of an adult in social and sexual terms.

Interestingly, with all the variety of forms of initiation rites, the theme of death and new birth was an obligatory component in them. This rite symbolically represented the idea that for the birth of new qualities it is necessary to “wither away” or destroy old ones, and the process of destruction can be quite long and painful. But today there is no initiation, so the teenager can be helped first of all by his parents.