Women in communication with men are not accustomed to speak directly, because the main tool of the fair sex is seduction, a sweet smile, female tricks and hints. The ladies understand each other perfectly, sometimes even surprised by the fact how sensitively they can react to the inconspicuous hints of a friend. But men often have different priorities, but their behavior has a genetic basis.

Why Men Don't Take Hints

Men's thinking is different because of the vast historical experience that the ancient hunters had many millennia ago. In those days, when there could still be no talk of any hints, the foundations of the male perception of the world were already being laid. The representative of the stronger sex most of his time was busy getting food for the family - hunting for wild animals. This activity was extremely dangerous, requiring great endurance and concentration. The main thing in it was one big goal - a mammoth, a bison, a bull, that is, any large animal. The male brain has since become accustomed to seeing one big goal and striving for its satisfaction. No interference, obstacles or hints can switch his brain to something else.

Women, on the other hand, were collectors. Their task was to see as many small targets as possible at once - fruits, berries, herbs, nuts. Therefore, they were forced to notice everything, to grasp information on the fly. And today, girls can draw conclusions from the mood of a partner, imperceptible from the outside, his awkwardly thrown word, and actions that are atypical for him.

The behavior of modern man has changed little since those ancient times. And today, men see concrete big goals in front of them: they need to get enough, relax, have fun, get work done. For women with their heightened emotional background and fragmentation of attention, everything is different: the husband did not thank for dinner, did not understand the hint about washing dishes and helping around the house - this is a reason for resentment.

How to behave with men

A woman should be wiser. Often she knows that the man does not understand the hints, but still continues to make them, wondering why the partner does not hear her. There is nothing surprising in this, a man needs to say everything directly. Moreover, not when the negative has already accumulated and all the unspoken reproaches will come off the tongue in order to kindle a big quarrel, but immediately. The husband and lover will not be offended by a direct request, they will immediately understand it and try to fulfill it. Both a woman and a man will benefit from such a state of affairs, because timely priorities, requests made and designated responsibilities will help keep peace in the relationship.

"I wonder when a woman called a man a vegetable,
what did she allude to?
That he is a hot pepper or a bald horseradish?

Men often complain about women's logic, but when it comes to hints, guys' logic "nervously smokes on the sidelines." Understanding by the strong sex of female hints occurs as in this anecdote.

The girl calls the guy and says:

D .: My parents went to the country today. Come to me.

P: What are we going to do?

D: Well, let's have a bottle of Martini.

P: And then?

D: Turn on the music and turn off the lights.

D: Let's dance and go to bed.

D: Like what? We will be intimacy until the morning!

P .: That's it, I understood the hint. I'm flying!

Why don't men take hints?

1. Logic versus emotion. A well-known fact is that men are “left hemisphere logic”, while women are “controlled” by the right hemisphere, which gives them advantages over men in the form of more developed speech and a larger palette of emotions. Hence the great need for feelings, and tireless chatter, and allegoricalness. Moreover, due to this difference, women have more developed intuition, memory, and imaginative thinking. She can do a thousand things at the same time: hint, pout for not understanding the hint, and love in such a way that she would “kill the bastard if she could later revive him.”

1. The costs of education. Men are taught from childhood to restrain their emotions. They are weakness. And when in adult life men see a manifestation of weakness in the form of women's tears, they are lost. They were not taught to feel sorry and navigate when a woman wants to be pitied, and when she tries to appear strong and consider pity as a humiliation. Therefore, they prefer to be told not in hints, but directly, what actions are expected of them.
2. Male psychology. It is arranged differently than women's. Where a woman needs support and participation, a man needs absolute peace. Tired after exhausting work, a scandal with his superiors, traffic jams and God knows what problems that happened during the day, he is unlikely to hear a hint. He even hears the truth in the forehead with difficulty. It’s better not to pester a man who is in a state of “leave me, old woman, I’m sad.” He definitely will not solve women's puzzles.
3. survival instinct. Nature made sure that the man saw the goal to the "mammoth" and did not see the details that distract from the main thing. In women, on the contrary, attention is focused on the little things in order to see the whole picture and better “orientate themselves on the ground”. That is why men are bad at distinguishing nuances, details, shades of colors, emotions, words and moods. It is useless to expect from a man that he will understand why a woman walks all evening with pursed lips and is silent. However, in her understanding, this is an eloquent allusion to the wedding anniversary he forgot.
4. A hint without a hint. After numerous "bumps" from unrecognized hints, men try to recognize hints where there are none. But again, by, and again a bump from the same “forest” appears: “You don’t understand me! And I never understood! And how can men understand what exactly is a hint from what has been said, what is a half-hint, what is half-truth, and what is the truth? And how do they know what is urgent and important in the understanding of a woman; what is urgent, but not so important; what is important, but not at all urgent; and what is not important, and not urgent?

This phenomenon is most often experienced by children. For some reason, adults tend to express their love to them through food, which can sometimes take the form of real food violence. Today we will talk about what feeding is and how it manifests itself in childhood and adulthood.

Family psychologists say that parents and grandmothers most often feed their children with the best of intentions, but at the same time they completely deny the boundaries of the child, which makes a big mistake. Moreover, their difficult life leaves a certain imprint on the views of the older generation. For many of them, food was an important matter of survival, and thinness in those years was actually considered a sign of illness. In almost every family today you can find a person who has been touched in one way or another by hunger and severe restrictions. And it is these injuries that lead to the formation of an incorrect attitude that food can disappear, so you need to eat to satiety while it is. Hence the beliefs about an empty plate and the fact that bread should never be thrown away.

At the same time, few people think that force-feeding a child is a real form of domestic violence. And conversations in the style: “you won’t eat, you won’t grow up” or “you’ll be thin, you won’t get married”, this is just a projection of the fears of adults onto children.

But the problem does not end with children, quite often there are situations when adults feed adults. In this case, we are more often talking about some specific products that a person does not eat, but is forced to do so. Moreover, in this situation, no one will stand with a spoon in your face or forbid you to leave the table. Most often, the meal looks quite noble, but you cannot refuse it, because you depend on the inviter.

And it also happens that men force-feed their women to get better (this disorder even has an official name - feederism). Yes, in fact, there are no less such stories than stories about forced weight loss. Psychologists say that in this case, the partner perceives his soul mate solely as an object, and not as a living person with his own desires and needs, and completely spits on his boundaries. For some, food becomes an element of sexual play, but this is only normal if it happens with the mutual consent of the partners, otherwise we return to violence again.

The consequences of overfeeding go far beyond just excess weight because they have a serious effect on the psyche. Children who were fed in childhood are very poorly oriented in their own feelings, for example, they cannot notice feelings of hunger and satiety. They simply do not feel when they want to eat or when it is time to stop.

In childhood and adolescence, children form relationships with food, the child understands which foods he likes and which he doesn’t, learns to distinguish between feelings of hunger and satiety, etc. And in order to avoid problems with food in adulthood, it is very important for children to learn to eat in the amount that their body needs. In addition, feeding always negatively affects the relationship between the child and the one who feeds him. If you force a child to eat, he will hate you much more than if you forced him to do his homework. That is why you should not persuade the child to eat and run after him with a plate, when he gets hungry, he will simply ask for food himself. Unfortunately, the common parenting model often does not take into account the interests of the child, parents tell him when he has food, which is not always correct.

In adults, feeding can lead not only to the complete destruction of boundaries, but also to the feeling that no one simply takes your opinion into account. Often, such treatment provokes the development of eating disorders - constant overeating or, on the contrary, refusal to eat. In the very situation of force-feeding, a person will constantly be angry that he showed weakness or feel guilty because he refused food and offended a loved one.

AT childhood equally dangerous, as malnutrition and overeating. If you think that your child is not eating enough, is underweight or has digestive problems, do not rush to grab a spoon, it is better to seek medical help. A consultation with a nutritionist and an endocrinologist will certainly help you identify the presence of a problem and solve it without violent action.

Overeating can lead to excess weight and eating disorders in adolescence and adulthood. You should not force your child to finish everything that he has on his plate and eat food that he does not like. If the baby systematically refuses to eat, try to review his diet, sometimes it helps to simply remove snacks from him and reduce the amount of sweets.

If you constantly feel the desire to feed loved ones, including adults, try to understand what caused it. Very often the need to force-feed others masks rather deep psychological problems or unfulfilled needs. Sometimes this behavior is prompted by family or social attitudes instilled in childhood. In this case, you yourself should seek psychological help in order to normalize your own behavior in this area and not impose it on your family members.

Laughter through tears: how to distinguish mood swings from a serious disorder

The most common mental problems worldwide are mood disorders (affective disorders). This is just the case when now it's funny, and in a minute you want to cry. Psychiatrists told how to distinguish character traits from a real mental problem.

Mood is an emotion that is in constant motion, and therefore the mood is prone to constant change. For the normal functioning of the psyche, both positive and negative emotions are equally important, since they help to correctly perceive what is happening around and, among other things, empathize with other people.

At the same time, it is not the events themselves that cause emotions, but our individual reactions to them, which, in turn, are determined by our physiological and mental characteristics.

In a healthy person, the complex system of mood regulation is quite well balanced. For example, you are sad because of a quarrel with a friend, and against this background you can even refuse to eat. But after a while, the mood normalizes and the experiences fade into the background. If the disorder drags on, this is a cause for concern and reflection on what has unsettled you for so long.

Affective disorders are a very large group of mental illnesses, which are mainly expressed just by mood swings. In this scenario, emotions cease to perform their usual functions and, in the literal sense of the word, begin to deceive and exaggerate you. For example, the boss did not say hello to you at work, and you immediately thought that he wanted to fire you.

The most difficult thing in this case is to find the very line between the norm and the disorder. In addition, mood disorders can often coexist with other disorders, making diagnosis even more difficult.

The main symptoms of affective disorders:

• The mood is radically different from the usual and it lasts more than 2 weeks (and the changes can be both for the better and for the worse).
• Sudden changes in sleep patterns.
• Decreased performance.
• Changes in relationships with loved ones.
• Constant discomfort in the body.

It is also difficult to name a specific cause of such problems. As a rule, several factors are involved in their development at once: heredity, psychological features, living conditions, etc.

The main danger of such disorders is that over time they can lead to maladjustment (that is, difficulties in adapting to the surrounding reality). And inadequate reactions can seriously complicate life and ruin relationships with friends or loved ones.

If you suspect that you or someone close to you has an affective disorder, contact a psychiatrist or psychotherapist who will help you choose the treatment that is right for you (the scheme is drawn up individually for each patient).

And to support your psyche and help her get better, try to avoid stress and set yourself a clear daily routine. The main condition for the balance of mood is balance and order in life. So take care of it right now.

Am I Normal: How to Assess Your Mental Health

Diagnosing mental health problems is actually not that easy. Today we will tell you how to determine the very “normal” state and what behavior differs mentally healthy man.

Many people, especially the old school, find it quite difficult to find the strength in themselves to recognize the existence of psychologists and psychotherapists, and even more so to turn to them for help. It is difficult for them to admit to themselves and to an outsider that something is wrong with them. But who can really determine this? And where is the limit of the norm? And most importantly - how to understand that you really need help?

Norm and disease

The WHO defines mental health as well-being that enables a person to accomplish several things:

• Realize your potential
• Deal with household stress
• Work efficiently
• Make a contribution to community life

Another important item on this list is that a person has a certain value system. A mentally healthy person feels comfortable in society, can be aware of his own and other people's emotions, communicate with people and enjoy it. At the same time, he feels comfortable and safe among other people.

With regard to mental illness, it is much more difficult to define them. Moreover, the word "disease" in relation to the psyche is no longer used at all, it has been replaced by the more correct term "disorder".

Change the norm

The biggest difficulty with regard to mental disorders is their diagnosis. Not only are the criteria rather vague, but there are no objective methods, let alone equipment.

Unlike somatic diseases, mental diseases develop rather slowly and the doctor cannot always suspect in time that something has gone wrong. In this case, the clinical picture will be very important, which can tell a lot about the doctor. But there is a catch here too - the stories of patients can sometimes be too subjective, and they can be interpreted in very different ways. For some, it can be very difficult to describe their inner feelings, and this also significantly complicates the diagnosis.

It also happens that even experienced psychiatrists cannot distinguish between real patients and those who simply feign insanity.

What is bad for the psyche

How hardy your psyche can be is determined by several psychological factors at once. Each person is born with a certain susceptibility of the nervous system, in addition, certain mental problems can be inherited from parents.

And there are also environmental factors that also affect mental health. Violence, socio-economic problems, chronic stress, discrimination - all this inevitably leaves its mark on the health and psyche of a person. But the psyche cannot simply “break down” from one such impact, at first it will struggle to adapt.

As a rule, this begins in childhood, if the baby grows in harmony, then his psyche also develops accordingly and learns adaptation strategies that will be useful to him in the future. But growing up in a problem family teaches a child to adapt in ways that will interfere with him in adulthood.

The formation of his personality will directly depend on the age at which the child will face this or that traumatic event, and how he will react to it. In clinical psychiatry, there are three levels of mental disorder at once:

• Neurotic (temporary conditions)
• Psychopathic (personality disorders)
• Psychotic (hallucinations, disturbances of consciousness, thinking disorders).

There are no fairly clear boundaries between all these levels, so they can “flow” from one to another. In addition, in psychology there is another intermediate level - the borderline. At the same time, a person is in a state that can be considered a neurosis, but cannot be attributed to obvious mental problems.

Experts are convinced that younger child the more severe the trauma inflicted on his psyche. In this case, no traces remain in his memory, but bodily experiences and a basic conviction in the threat of the world around him will be fixed.

For example, people with a psychotic personality type often experienced severe deprivation (primarily emotional and sensory) in childhood. Such children were rarely picked up and did not react to their crying. Moreover, some of the changes that have arisen in the psyche may well be irreversible.

If a person is experiencing very strong stress, then his psyche can return him to the moment at which the main injury occurred. Everyone will have their own point. This is how a person who is in a borderline state can "roll" to a real disorder.

Sometimes even the person himself does not have time to notice what happened. Chronic stress is a faithful companion of many of us, and against its background it is very difficult to distinguish ordinary fatigue from severe emotional burnout. Usually, a person turns to a psychotherapist only in extreme situations - when the problem already spoils his life very much.

Personality Features

Another variant of the norm may be accentualization - the exacerbation of certain traits of a person's character. It is these traits that can often turn into pathological ones and lead to serious problems in life. But this again happens under the influence of very strong stress.

With accentualization, certain features of a person’s character are not always and everywhere visible, and this distinguishes this feature from more serious mental disorders. Two main points are very important here: how the person himself is aware of his characteristics and whether he can normally express his emotions.

Not always behavior that goes beyond the norms can be considered pathological. It is very important to remember about the individuality of each person. Not all "bad" and "uncomfortable" character traits indicate mental disorders, and they do not always need to be corrected.

Given that each of us is a living person, not a robot, but the world can be quite unfriendly and angry, it can be said that mental health is a very individual indicator of the personal comfort of each of us.

Moreover, absolute mental health does not exist at all. There are no people who are able to remain calm in all situations and social roles. It's just that different people - again due to their characteristics - can recover faster from these shocks.

Why don't men take hints?

Hello, dear readers blog site! Many tears have been shed by women because they do not understand the fundamental difference between the thinking of men and their own reasoning.

Why doesn't he realize? How I suffer! - the wife cries and tells her friend that her husband does not like He's a real chump.

And her friend is very sympathetic to her, but she herself is in the same position, because her husband behaves in exactly the same way.

Women are perfectly able to talk to each other not just in hints, they can understand everything perfectly.

In some situations, one glance or even a wave of eyelashes, a nod of the head or a light touch is enough, and immediately all women understand what exactly they need to pay attention to. This magic trick will never be able to unravel the representatives of the stronger sex, it is not given to them, and that's it!

Known fact, and you probably know about it. If a woman comes to the company with her husband or boyfriend, then he will not see very much. Basically, his attention will be attracted by a big TV, booze, food, and he will pay attention only to a blonde with magnificent forms. Just because she walked past him or laughed too loudly.

But his woman will see absolutely everything. And the way he was staring at this same blonde, with his mouth open, will see who came with whom, who has relationships among those present. She will notice every little detail in the girls' clothes, their hairstyles, pay attention to the manicure and even make out the details of the cut of a beautiful skirt, if it is sewn in the latest fashion.

And at the same time, a woman will do all this imperceptibly. She won't point the finger at anyone, won't stare at a couple kissing around the corner, and won't come up to them with stupid questions.

If you then ask a man what he liked at the party, he will be able to tell almost nothing. But from a woman you will learn so many details ...

After all, she notices absolutely everything!

This approach to life is repeated in family relationships. The husband, coming home after work, is unlikely to remember what he ate for dinner. He simply will not notice it, the main thing for him is that there was some kind of food.

And the wife, if she stood at the stove for a long time, and then no one praised her for her efforts, will begin to get upset. Because they won't see any approval. The husband ate, said the duty “thank you”, as in the dining room, and left to relax at the computer. Or lay down on the couch because he was very tired.

From his point of view, he is doing everything right. Listening to his wife just does not occur to him. The wife hopes that the man will someday realize that she, too, is falling down from fatigue, that she needs help at least to wash the dishes. And he sits in front of the computer and relaxes.

He plays with his favorite toy (tanks, for example) and doesn't give a damn about anything else.

If everything happens in approximately the same way for you, and you naively think that a man will ever appreciate you, then your hopes are in vain. Men do not understand hints, that's how they are arranged.

If you want to achieve something from them, you don’t need to build eyes and hint, it’s absolutely useless. There is only one principle that works with a man: what is not said does not exist!

And point.

If you can analyze this statement, you will begin to see clearly the cause of many of the conflicts that exist in your family.

You are not given flowers even on your birthday, you only receive gifts, and even then not always?

Every woman dreams of beautiful bouquet, because it shows the real feelings that her husband has for her. But flowers are now an expensive pleasure, a woman can refuse them for financial reasons. She convinces her husband that there is no need to spend money on a bouquet, because they are not enough anyway. He takes her words literally and stops giving flowers altogether.

The wife sighs and from some point agrees that the romance in their relationship has disappeared. The man did everything right: as he was told, so he did. And the fact that his wife still wants to receive bouquets of flowers from him, he will never guess.

The way out of this situation is very simple. For romance, you don’t need a huge bouquet, even one flower is enough. The main thing is that your loved one brings it. For this one flower, for example, a rose, there will always be money in the family budget.

But if you try to push your husband to buy such a flower with hints, you will not achieve anything. Because before that, you gave him a clear statement: we don’t have money for flowers. Therefore, we must again say directly that you dream of receiving from him, at least sometimes, one rose. Or any other flower you like best.

If you do not say it directly, everything will remain the same.

Because of the tendency of women to beat around the bush, a lot of problems occur. When women talk to each other, it is one continuous stream of words, and from both sides. And interestingly, everyone understands perfectly well what is at stake, they manage to follow such a conversation, even if it jumps from one topic to another.

A man, if he finds himself in such a company, will immediately feel dizzy, after which he will stop thinking for a while.

If you want to achieve something from your man, speak to him as if you were a man, that is, slowly, clearly articulating your thoughts. More precisely, one thought, but state it calmly, without emotions. First you need to explain the first thought, and then move on to the second, third, etc.

And then leave the man alone, do not try to repeat indefinitely what he should do. Let him rest a little from your onslaught.

If you put too much pressure on him, the husband will be indignant, because he will decide that you are in command of him, and this is already a complete disgrace. The head of the family is he, so you have no right to order him.

A little intelligence and cunning, and a man will do whatever you want ...

Of course, all these tips are only suitable for those couples who love each other, go through all the stages of love together and solve problems because they are ready to fight for their happiness.

If a woman is a bitch, she pursues only her own interests, basically manipulates a man, and she does not need such advice.

She naively believes that her husband is a complete likeness of a woman, but with other physiological features. That is, you can chat with him incessantly, talk about all sorts of nonsense, discuss the styles of dresses, the behavior of your girlfriends and much more interesting things.

From such conversations, the husband begins to think that he has fallen into a madhouse and runs away to his friends in order to rest at least a little.

Men are completely different, and you need to treat this with understanding, without offense. A woman says a lot more words per day than a man, and this is completely normal.

In turn, the husband falls into a complete stupor before the logic of his beloved woman. A very good illustration is this: “By the time you guessed it, I have already changed my mind seventeen times!!!”

Can you imagine? For women, this is normal, they are just like that. But men, from their point of view, think somehow too slowly, if they think at all ...

The wife can explain everything to herself, since the husband does not understand her hints, her emotions turn on, logic disappears, and then an explosion: tears, hysteria out of the blue.

There is one quality in women that men know absolutely nothing about. Women know how to think, to make an elephant out of a fly because of nothing. Naturally, men consider all this to be a trifle, but these are not trifles, but questions of great importance, one might even say, problems of a universal scale ...

The wife is often offended by her husband, but he will never guess why this happened. Can't guess? So take him and tell him! And look at his reaction.

How surprised he will be! Your reasoning may seem like ordinary nonsense to him.

Yes, it is difficult to understand a woman, but maybe you shouldn’t do this? You just need to love a woman and forgive her little flaws.

If there is love, then everything turns out for two loving people and happiness comes to the family. And happiness can be shared, you know that?

Emotions are a weak part of any of the fair sex, otherwise why does she get upset so easily? She is excited if her loved one offended her, her hands are shaking, she does not understand anything and just cries bitterly.

And he is so callous, heartless, does not even know how he offended her, and does not worry about it at all. Or so it only seems to her, because a man is used to not showing his emotions, as is customary in society. And in vain, because this is bad for his health and relations with his wife.

Because of this, the wife often considers her husband to be selfish, although the easiest way is to stop thinking different things and ask directly. Or sit down and have a heart to heart talk. Especially if there has been a crisis in the relationship in the family. It happens, you just need to learn how to get out of this hole, and everything will be fine.

If you carefully read the article, you already understood that you can’t talk to a man in hints. The basic principle is this - there is a problem, tell me! The husband cannot guess what worries his wife, he does not think in the categories that the wife is used to using.

Family life is very difficult, constant problems pour out on the head of a woman, like from a bucket. And what does she do with these problems? Of course, she tries to get her husband to solve them, and then, after several failed attempts begins to deal with these problems on their own. And then she takes offense at her man because he does not want to help her.

When a wife presses and forces, this immediately causes a negative reaction from her husband, because he is the head of the family, and his rights are infringed. And he has internal resistance.

They cried as they parted. For a long time they could not let go of each other. He went on a business trip for 10 days, and she went to her mother.

The meeting turned out to be even more stormy... a day later... on the beach... in Egypt.... Yes! Fate is a villain!!!

How to build relationships and make your husband start helping you and do it with pleasure, read in the next article.

It is believed that men do not understand hints. Wherever you look, whoever you ask, especially women, everywhere they write: - "They don't understand", many say: - "They need to speak directly."

In some cases, perhaps this is true, in those when a man does not care, or he just thinks about something else now and does not pay attention to what the woman says. Often a man understands hints, one “BUT” interferes - doubt.

One of the fears of men is not to disgrace themselves in front of a woman, not to end up in a situation “What are you doing? Moron". Not every man can explain this or admit that he doubts and is afraid to goof off. This is probably why he takes the position “Speak directly, I don’t understand hints.” Men think it’s better to let her say directly what she needs than to doubt: “Is this what she wants?”, “And if I do it now, but it turned out she didn’t hint at all?”

Yes, and women forget that they give some hints at the level of their thinking, but it differs from men's. Then they are offended that the man did not do what he was hinted at. Sometimes it would be useful for women to look at their hints from the outside. Put yourself in the place of the person to whom the hint is addressed, and try to figure out what they want from you, while not forgetting that the other person thinks differently and most likely is not a psychic.

Women often create such situations themselves when they themselves made a hint, and the man understood and reacted to it. But women suddenly start behaving in exactly the opposite way, well, she's like - should be a mystery. For some reason, women believe that a man should read her thoughts, and guess everything himself. Naturally, a man can develop unpleasant feeling that he was wrong. He showed himself not from the best side in front of her, although he seemed to understand the hint and did everything right.

Of course, in the future, he will no longer show and respond to such female hints, such is the male essence. This does not always mean that a man ignores a woman, and he does not care, or she is indifferent to him. Often this is just a doubt: “Have I understood correctly and will I do the right thing?”. Therefore, it is easier and safer to pretend that you did not understand the hint than to expose yourself to ridicule.

Most men understand women's hints, but either do not want to respond, or are afraid of being embarrassed. And all because of such women who once, having received what they wanted, still behaved inappropriately, and for a man this became an unpleasant experience.

There can be many reasons, the result is one, men, understanding the hints, but not reacting to them because of their doubts, themselves created the myth that "Men do not understand hints, they need to speak directly."