Forgetting a loved one is three simple. How to forget the person you love, but he does not have you? Communicating with really close people

Most often, when one has already made plans for his separate life for himself, and for the second, a break in relations becomes an unexpected blow. A so-called “grief syndrome” may arise, which dulls feelings and protects from the colors of life for a long time. Is there an answer to the question: how to forget a person with whom we will never be together, whether to listen to the advice of a psychologist?

How to survive a breakup and at the same time not cross out everything beautiful and bright that was in your past relationship, make your own personal experience with their wealth, and not with a heavy load? Can the pain of separation help you discover your strength and experience the joy of meeting a new person?

What happened yesterday? How to remember? How to remember?! Ahh, I remember! Bliiiin! How to forget? How to forget?!

Research psychologists

According to research, the process of experiencing separation can last from 3 months to 3 years, it all depends on the individual.

inability to deal with psychological trauma can lead to nervous breakdowns, and in the future - to the emergence of psychosomatic diseases.

In order to cope with how to forget a person with whom you will never be together, there are advice from psychologists that offer a universal and fairly effective scheme for overcoming the consequences of parting.

Psychologists distinguish three phases, in turn subdivided into 6 stages, which any person goes through when going through a breakup, regardless of its reasons.

1. Revision phase

The initial phase is divided into 3-4 stages:

denials;
expressions of feelings;
after parting;
stages of dialogue and bargaining.

The revision phase is the most difficult emotionally. Realizing the need to establish relationships with oneself, eliminate internal contradictions, build an internal core that will allow one to remain in balance without focusing on someone from the outside, a person often feels severe mental pain, which literally does not allow distraction.

Denial of the reality of the gap is associated with such emotional manifestations as avoidance, misunderstanding, self-pity. Denial has several options. You can deny the end of the relationship in whole or in part, or you can devalue them, consoling yourself that nothing terrible happened. There is a feeling of understatement, I want to write and continue some unfinished conversation. The person continues to waste energy on false hopes and maintaining non-existent relationships.

For a successful transition to the next level, you need to stop all attempts to return a person and give up hope for his return. Otherwise, you can be stuck in a state of denial for many months and years. Psychologists consider it normal if the stage of denial passes in 3-5 weeks, but it can take up to a year and a half, depending on the mentality and character.

If there is no one to say:
"- Do you remember?"
There is nothing left but to forget.
Valentin Domil

Recognize the right of a loved one to be free

Do not search social networks for information about the former, do not find out through friends how he is doing. Talk as little as possible about him and your relationship, and in general, try to think as little as possible about everything that can upset you.

No matter how the period of denial proceeds, sooner or later it will move into the stage of expression of feelings, in which irritability, anger, anxiety and shame come to the fore. At this point, people tend to begin to feel the reality of what is happening. They wonder how to forget a person with whom they will never be together, they seek the advice of a psychologist and very vividly experience all the negative emotions associated with this.

Resentment and guilt, directed both at the culprit of the breakup and at oneself, self-pity, blaming the person who left, searching for the reasons that led to the break, and as a result, meaningless soul-searching are also manifestations of the stage of expressing feelings.

At this point, there is no point in holding yourself back. If an internal ban on aggression is turned on, and the loss is not mourned, then a person can live at this stage all his life. This stage is very important in order to subsequently be able to understand yourself and the situation.

In order not to get completely confused in the storm that will be happening in the soul, you can try to write him a “letter” listing all the claims and unspoken grievances. This well-known technique of psychology, which allows you to let go of the past and start living in the present, helps to look at the situation objectively, not to interpret what is happening and not to finish the situation. When writing a letter, it is important to note the feelings that this or that memory evokes.

At the same time, it is not necessary to send it, but it can be destroyed immediately after writing. Breathing practices such as grounding and centering also help you focus and achieve calmness.

After this, the stage of dialogue and bargaining begins, when you can set yourself a time interval and conditions when it is still possible to resume relations.

The most important thing here is not to relax and not let the process of healing from a painful gap take its course. Because the next inevitable stage is the stage of depression. Its main features are tension, apathy and a sense of helplessness. The repression of one's own feelings and the removal of one's own pain leads to inner emptiness. At this stage, people often commit rash, stupid and often irreparable acts.

A characteristic feature of the stage is the presence of obsessive thoughts. According to statistics, only a tenth of the mental suffering from a breakup is directly related to the impossibility of further close relationships. The remaining 90% are conjectures and fantasies that bring painful devastation.

And in order to cope with these symptoms, you must first understand that these thoughts are an external, hostile force that is trying to plunge into despair. The thought that we accept and begin to think about becomes ours, and we ourselves hurt ourselves. If you try to understand these thoughts, it turns out that the ideas from which they are "collected" contradict each other. For example, many girls think that somewhere there are women who are absolutely and completely happy, do not need anything, they are loved. But such a state of complete satisfaction cannot last indefinitely.

Another example of such ideas: an abstract, somewhere existing ideal guy with whom you can be happy forever. This is a big misconception. Everyone has problems. The main thing is not to transfer your past mistakes into a new relationship.

Human memory is a strange thing. She stubbornly keeps what she wants to forget as soon as possible.
Janusz Leon Wisniewski. Irresistible desire for intimacy

2. Disposal phase

This phase is directly related to the admission of defeat, but entails the search for new ideas and the creation of a new concept of life.

As a rule, acute pain has already subsided, a person fully accepts what happened, adapts to new realities.

Conducted internal analysis helps to see the situation as it is, to assess their real and imagined feelings and needs.

Ruthlessly remove from your life everything that in any way reminds you of former romance: Delete all phone contacts, SMS messages and shared photos. Throw away all memorable gifts and souvenirs or put them away in a separate box.

3. Separation phase

Psychologists call the separation phase the final phase of the complex process of breaking up relationships. One day there comes a moment when you realize that you can look into the past and no longer feel such strong emotions as resentment and anger.

You feel ready to meet new people, you feel the strength to implement new cheerful plans, hope for a near joyful future. Your self-esteem and self-worth increase. Gradually, new impressions fill life, paint it in new colors. Mention former lover and everything connected with it no longer brings mental suffering.

The easiest way to survive a breakup is in excellent shape - change your image, arm yourself with impeccable styling, perfect manicure and makeup. Buy a new perfume fashionable clothes, stylish shoes. Try to visit interesting places, master classes, exhibitions as much as possible. Learn something new. If you have long wanted to visit a new place, make an exciting journey - the time has come.

Conclusion

Although the path to liberation from the past often becomes difficult and painful and takes a considerable amount of time, this ailment is treatable. Almost always, people who are faced with the question of how to forget a person with whom they will never be together, following the advice of a psychologist, receive such a complete release that they can hardly imagine that a breakup could hurt so deeply.

Even when feeling pain, we must understand that by making efforts to restore inner balance, it is possible to gain a sense of relief, discover new potential in ourselves and feel the joy and harmony of life. When the heart becomes truly free and open, then you are ready to meet your soul mate.

We hope that our advice will be useful to those who are trying to survive the abrupt end of a relationship. And we'd love to know how you got on with it.

: Reading time:

How to forget the person you love? - This question is asked by both women and men. Many find it difficult to actually end a relationship while simultaneously letting it go emotionally. How to do it in seven steps psychologist Tatyana Chuvilchikova.

When we are in a relationship for a long time, many unifying bonds and memories accumulate that cannot be permanently removed from memory. The idea of forgetting someone you spent a long time with is absurd in itself. It is impossible to forget your past, but it is possible to begin to experience other, more comfortable emotions and feelings for it.

Yes, not everyone suffers. It also depends on how the relationship ended: whether the partner initiated the break, or whether you yourself decided to part with your lover. If you yourself decide to end the relationship, it will be easier - because you are aware of the reasons for leaving everything in the past. In such situations, it is easier to maintain self-esteem, satisfaction and confidence.

It is impossible to forget your past, but it is possible to begin to experience other, more comfortable emotions and feelings for it.

It is important to survive parting, to figure out how to forget a loved one, even if he seems to be “the only one”. You need to let go of painful memories and feelings - love, sometimes anger or resentment.

Five reasons to forget a broken relationship:

In order not to transfer the remaining feelings to new partners. Do not compare them with the previous one for better or for worse. This greatly interferes with new relationships.
To basically be ready to enter into a new relationship. Sometimes, after a breakup, we may not want any more relationships, even if we meet worthy partners. Then we choose to be alone for years, which rarely makes us happy.
To stop blaming yourself. And endlessly sort through episodes of your quarrels, scroll through ideas in your head on how you should have behaved differently so that a break did not occur, what mistakes should not be made.
To restore self-esteem. The thought may creep in that it is impossible to be together with you. That no one else will be in a relationship with you. This setting can not leave you alone and pretty spoil your life.
To just stop suffering and wait for the partner to return.

How to wean yourself from the person you love? I'll try to help you.

These rules must be followed for at least three months from the date the relationship ends. I want to warn you, they only work if you have definitely decided that the relationship is over. Or are you sure that the partner, if he left you himself, will not decide to return. That is, if there are no options for resuming relations.

There is no exact answer to how long it takes to forget a loved one, but after three months of living according to these rules, you should feel relieved.

How to forget a loved one, advice from a psychologist.

1 Avoid alcohol and sedatives

The main rule for the next three months is to completely eliminate any psychoactive substances: alcohol, drugs, sedatives. This is necessary, since substances inhibit the experience of emotions, using them will delay the process, but will not alleviate your condition.

2 Refuse to meet with the object of experience

Cut off all contact with the person you broke up with. Correspondence, browsing pages in social networks, gossip about the former partner from friends and acquaintances and, of course, any possible meetings.

You need to warn all mutual acquaintances that they should not give you news about the former partner in any way. Let them communicate without you. If you need to transfer some things, ask someone else to do this, it is best if it is a courier, a neutral person.

If you have children in common, arrange a meeting of children with a partner through relatives, so as not to personally intersect. Do not ask the child about all the details and news. How easy and quick to forget a loved one, if you talk about him all the time?!

3 Get rid of things and places that remind you of the past

The third rule that will ease your condition is to completely get rid of things, photos, gifts and other things that may remind you of a relationship. Even if you really like them. Just give or throw away. Even if it's a car, it's worth selling it and buying another one.

You should not visit places - cafes, parks, theaters where you liked to go together. All objects that are capable of evoking relationship memories should be eliminated as soon as you notice it.

4 Breaking Relationship Habits

When we interact closely with a person, we develop habits or rituals that shape the environment of our relationship. These habits will also support the process of recalling memories and feelings. Therefore, any habits that you have formed in a relationship must be eliminated for these three months.

For example: with a partner, you started sleeping on your back instead of on your side. Or you started going to the gym, you started staying up late, you started dressing differently. All these rituals must cease to be followed for the duration of these rules.

5 Eliminate Artistic Images That Cause Sadness

6 Wait to enter into a new relationship

At this time, it is necessary not to enter into a new relationship, no matter how much you would like it. It is also worth excluding casual intimate relationships. Entering into a new relationship during such a period usually does not lead to anything good, and casual relationships will only aggravate the condition. Unfortunately, people are rarely aware of this and use the wedge-wedge kick rule or do it as an attempt to distract themselves.

7 Consider working with a psychotherapist

All the necessary support in coping with the loss of a relationship will also be provided by a psychologist-psychotherapist, who will greatly facilitate the process of complete completion of the relationship. This is necessary so that you do not have any emotional "tails" that could be brought into a new relationship.

Instead of a conclusion

While following these points, do not try to force yourself to drown out feelings, but do not completely immerse yourself in them, do not get stuck in experiences. Remember that relationships are a big, but still part of life, and not the whole life.

The end of a relationship is a loss, the loss of what has been in life priorities for a long time. And, as with any loss, such as death loved one it takes time to live it. You have to go through all its stages - from denial to acceptance.

Even if now it seems to you that you have not lost anything (or maybe, on the contrary, you are extremely happy to be released), as, for example, in the case of leaving a difficult, destructive relationship, this process will start sooner or later. There is not a single relationship in which there would be no affection and something valuable that you received for yourself. Moreover, the presence of such strong feelings for a former partner as anger, disgust, relief from a breakup is an indicator that you have not yet completed this relationship inside yourself.

Don't get stuck in feelings. Remember that relationships are a big, but still part of life, and not the whole life.

To answer the question of how to forget a loved one, it does not matter what specific feelings you experience. Much more important is the degree and severity of experiences. The weaker the experience, the closer you are to the complete completion of the relationship. I can't say exactly when you'll be able to "cool off". In each story, it will be individual, depending on a number of factors: your personality, the relationship itself, how close the person was to you, the duration of contact and the characteristics of parting.

But still, using the list of rules that I have given will speed up the process of living in and letting go of a partner, if this does not happen on its own. It will be easier to get over a breakup using these methods.

How to forget the person you love, but he does not have you?

Parting in our life is as natural as it is: we always meet with sweethearts, but we leave or leave us as monsters.

In any relationship, you have to take off the masks, and this real face is not always what you or your partner expected to see.

Loneliness comes at the moment when you are less afraid of it - when it is already.

However, it often helps to realize the depth of feelings or their absence.

And wounded self-esteem, which we regularly mistake for manifestations of love, becomes a start before a new height. Or a brake - depends on the strength of character.

This article is not about how to forget your beloved in five spits, but about how to make the pain less so that it finally gives you the opportunity to feel again.

Nothing teaches like a personal example: toWhen a man broke up with me, to say that despair had come means to say nothing, because the horizon of our relationship, at first glance, looked cloudless.

This poisonous cocktail of hopelessness, loss of meaning, emptiness and panic bordering on hysteria was drunk by everyone who reads this article not for the sake of idle interest.

The unexpected pain of loss destroyed the personality in a few days.

It seemed to me that I did everything to return my beloved: I called, tried to understand why he did this, ate cakes and drove my friend crazy with crazy revelations, who regularly took away the phone with impressive essays.

Why did I behave like this? Because the gap was the first in my biography, and the very first is always the hardest.

And because it was easier for me to survive it. Of course, there was no question of any return - all my actions were subconsciously aimed at rooting the gap.

Don't try to bring back the one who left

I realized this much later, when the passions subsided enough for another person to enter my life, and I confidently said to that first person: “Thank you for leaving.”

“How to quickly forget the person you love, but he doesn’t have you?”- here main question everyone who is experiencing. At psychology The unequivocal answer to that is no.

It doesn’t happen that yesterday his toothbrush was in your apartment, and in the morning you didn’t think if he overslept for work.

But there are a number of simple truths, the realization of which will help to cheer up a little and weaken.

It takes time to get through

Now, when relatives and friends drive this bearded phrase into your head, you both despise them and want to kill them, because your suffering is wider than the universe and certainly no one has ever loved them like that.

But, perhaps, there is no more common truth in the world than that written on the ring of King Solomon.

“Everything will pass and this too will pass” Just be prepared that recovery will take some time.

For everyone it is different - one to cool down, it will take a month. For another, a year will not be enough.

As Yesenin bequeathed. Or do not believe, do not be afraid, do not ask, as the heroes of your youth sang.

Minimize, or better yet, completely protect yourself from contact with the former and with his entourage.Even from mutual friends, temporarily stay away.

Firstly, because these meetings will inevitably end in a showdown; and, secondly, because they will cause discomfort and soon turn into phantom pains.

Do not try to meet and find out the reasons for the breakup

And behave with dignity. Do not stoop to accusations, insults, late-night calls (who told you that I miss?) and attempts to find out the reasons.

Of course, the main feelings are hatred and resentment.Remember that later you will be unbearably ashamed of your behavior.

After a while, when the mind goes from sleeping to active mode, everything will fall into place by itself.

You will really understand everything, but you will no longer care, and no evidence of temporary insanity will remain.

“I fell in love with you, but you are always in love with some nonentity…”- do not turn into a Marlene Dietrich Hemingway who is dying unanswered and do not write him such letters.And if you write - do not send.

Refrain from thoughtless actions

Tip #4: Don't try to imagine what your ex is up to

What he thinks about, what he does, where he lives, how he eats, whether he worries, whether he wants to call, but cannot muster up the courage.

Maybe he's worried. Maybe not. Maybe he eats well, or maybe he lives from KFC to McDonald's.

Now you shouldn't worry about it, because he is a stranger to you.

At this stage, you should only be interested in your own problems. If he wants to call, he muster up the courage.

You can devote a day, two, three, a week with a clear conscience to imposingly doing nothing and being in despondency.

No need to scold yourself for not being able to immediately resurrect. In the end, you have a tragedy, and you can feel sorry for yourself.

Give yourself time to suffer

However, do not turn into the Spanish Queen Juana the Mad, whose unrequited love has brought her to life imprisonment in the tower.

After a week or two, start crawling out of the shell even against your own will.

Remember that there are friends, mom, relatives and imitate social activity.

You may well skip a glass or two of wine for revelations with a friend, but do not turn it into an attempt to relax and forget.

In the morning, problems will surface with renewed vigor - in addition to realizing the sad reality, a thousand and one messages will be found to the former, not counting calls.

Remember that alcohol is not only harmful to health, but is also a strong stimulant. It will hurt even more.

Do not think that it will turn out to pour grief

It is strange to write about this in the 21st century, but Google analytics shows: a huge army of unfortunate lovers, in response to the question of how to forget the person you love, but he does not have you, is looking for conspiracies, prayers and other magical troubles on the net.

One of my acquaintances also tied up the portrait of her beloved with red thread, hid it in a dark closet, read spells on the full moon, and then burned the linen that he presented in the stove.

No, it didn't help. No, he didn't. If it worked, everyone would have been bewitched a hundred thousand times and bewitched back.

I do not call for throwing away gifts, shirts and socks in the trash, as every first article advises.

First, you can return things to their owner.

Secondly, if gifts and joint photos hurt, move the teddy bears to the mezzanine, in the garage or with a friend.

You will hardly feel better after you throw away his things.

So they will not irritate, and when the pain passes, good moments will come to mind, and you will regret your act.

Our lives are half made up of memories, so why give up the good ones?

Over time, you will even begin to listen to common songs without experiencing any associations.

Tip: until you get back to normal, refrain from visiting the places you two love - restaurants where iconic dates took place, parks where the first kiss took place, so as not to hurt your soul.

A close friend or girlfriend can act as a one-time vest.

But do not turn into a whiner, because gradually you will begin to annoy others.

Don't start talking about your ex and don't be fooled by questions about him.

Of course, they will feel sorry for you and say that anyway he was never worthy of you - well, you need to reassure you somehow.

However, this does not mean at all that your life should turn into a cemetery of emotions.

speak out

Tip #10: Don't rush headlong into second-rate relationships

This sin inconsolable representatives of both sexes.

It is almost impossible to meet after parting - as a rule, these are relationships for a day, bringing with them troubles and promiscuity.

Don't start a new romance to forget the old one.

Just allow yourself to be alone and figure out where to go next. This is normal at any age.

Or imagine, for example, that you still meet a worthy person and break his heart, because you cannot give the same in return.

You already know well how it ends.

Don't jump into the first relationship you come across.

At some stage, travel or a temporary move to another city can help.

But a change of residence is not a change of reality, but only a great distance.

Obsessive thoughts about a loved one will return even on a trip to Bhutan. It's all in your head and you're running, of course, from yourself.

The most difficult situation is for people who are looking for ways to forget the person you love, but he doesn’t have you if he is always there.

For example, if you work together or.

When you have to constantly call each other's eyes, no matter how prestigious the job would be, it is better to either look for a new one, or at least take a temporary vacation.

Don't run from yourself

In general, stop romance during work hours. Otherwise, you run the risk of endlessly colliding with a well-known rake.

When common children are connected, there is no escape from communication - they are not obliged to be responsible for what their parents did not work out.

However, when meeting with the former, refrain from clarifying the relationship - let your conversations concern exclusively children.

Over time, this manner of communication will take its usual course, and both of you will begin to cool off.

Love, habit or wounded pride? What do you really miss - a person or what he gave?

Often we are just too lazy to spend time searching for and building new relationships when we have.

We live by inertia, and one day everything collapses.

Maybe your old relationship is just a habit

My friend, for example, wanted her boyfriend back just because she was too lazy to go on dates and again change her status from “in a relationship” to “actively searching”:

“As I imagine it all again - smile, make a fool out of yourself, dress up, anyway, the end is the same.”

This was the moment when, in fact, it was better for her to be alone in order to.

One of better ways how to forget the person you love, but he doesn’t have you, if it doesn’t work out in any way - don’t give yourself time to think about him.

So work harder.Not too busy in the office - freelance, go to yoga or English courses.

Go to movies, concerts, exhibitions, read books - do everything to keep your brain from freezing in mourning the tragedy.

Firstly, in this way you will pump your knowledge; secondly, and you will not notice how the pain will become weaker.

develop

Because fitness classes contribute to the development.And raising the mood, at the same time changing the body.

And although the advice to improve outwardly so that the former, having met by chance, is stunned, sounds childish, at the first stage after parting, this technique works with a bang.

Again, there is a punching bag in the rocking chair. Well, you understand why.

With style, clothes, hobbies - do everything that you would never do if your other half was around.

Just don't go to extremes - a head shaved like Britney is unlikely to decorate you, but here are a couple of new costumes, beautiful haircut and a ticket to a concert of your favorite band will also give you the opportunity to meet new people.

Remember that everything will be fine

And the last thing: it may well be that after a while he wants to return.

However, the rule about one river, which cannot be entered twice, has not yet been canceled.

Therefore, do not restore relationships out of habit, if it is not real love- along with them, old problems will surely return to your life.

A few tips on how to forget the person you love, but he doesn’t have you, you will learn from this video:

Your relationship has failed and you need to start new life? But can't get out of the circle of despair and depression? Life ceases to please, people begin to annoy, everything seems gray and dull.

And although you realize with your head that this is not the end of life, some unknown force makes you think only about him.

How to forget a loved one? Psychological advice is exactly what you need.
Read on to find out the secret quintessence of getting rid of the pain of loss in love.

A month, two, or even six months, a year has already passed, and you still can’t stop chasing thoughts about your beloved after parting? There can be many reasons for this.

And most likely you are afraid to admit to yourself in their existence. After all, then you have to face the truth and start life from a new leaf. Here are the most common ones:

Do you think that true love can only be one in life. Therefore, you are subconsciously not at all ready for parting. After all, if you forget your only love, then you can never be truly happy.
You are not at all in the mood to cut off all the ends. In fact, with all your heart you want to return everything as it was, to glue the broken glass together.
You do not want to leave memories, because they do not bring you tearing pain, but only pleasant sadness in the past. You like to remember those times when you were together, how good it was for you two.

How to forget a person after breaking up once and for all - three simple steps?

Step #1

The first step to liberation will be to break everything that binds you to him: move to another apartment or even a city, if possible, not communicate with mutual friends, change your circle of friends. In a new life there is no place for old memories.
If you really want to forget your loved one, then just cut him out of your life. This is the first rule. At first it may seem that this is impossible, but it is not. As if the person is no longer alive, and your relationship has faded forever. In short, put a bold point.
To do this, clean all contacts. phone, computer, absolutely all instant messengers.
Destroy all things that are even fleetingly reminiscent of the former. This includes:

Music that you spent time together.
Cafe, park or other places where your dates took place.
Your joint photos and video recordings.
Gifts or forgotten things - you need to get rid of all this without regret. If you want to forget a loved one, get rid of pain and longing, but keep a good memory of him, then the best solution would be to hide the photo and things reminiscent of him somewhere far away for a while.
Step #2

The next step is to fill life with new interesting events and experiences. So you will not have time for sadness and thoughts about your ex-lover. Even in such difficult moments in life, when everything inside is torn apart, it is important to remain calm and positive thinking. Without this, it will not be possible to change life radically.
Enlist the support of relatives and closest true friends. It will be good to tell one person everything that hurts in your soul. But you don’t need to turn it into daily conversations on this topic. Throwing everything out at once, and then not returning to these painful thoughts anymore - that's what you need to try to do.
Great help in similar situations organize a short trip to a warm country or just a beautiful place. New impressions and rest have a positive effect on the healing of spiritual wounds.
Drop all stereotypes about the fact that love suffering is hard and long experienced. You do not have to play the role of a victim with broken hearted and shed tears all day long, do not leave the house for a month and lie on the couch around the clock. This is your life and it is fleeting. Therefore, there is no need to waste time, if you feel the strength to endure this pain quickly and start a new life, just do it. After all, sooner or later you will have to do it anyway, so why kill yourself while spending time in depression?
Step #3
But you should be careful with the moment you start a new relationship. A wedge is knocked out by a wedge - many people think in this way. But in fact, this is very dangerous. If you have not yet calmed down enough and healed past wounds, then, alas, it will not work to create strong harmonious relationships. There is a high probability of getting an unhappy relationship with a bad ending again as a result.

Case from practice:

I met my first husband while still at the institute, started dating, got married in the 4th year. It was my first love. Everything was fine, we were happy, we graduated from high school, we thought about having a baby.

But I began to notice my husband's cooling towards me and it suddenly turned out that he was cheating on me. I made a scandal, selfless happiness was replaced by a sharp pain in my chest ... My husband did not make excuses and ask for forgiveness, he just said I fell in love with another, packed my things and left. And then I was left completely alone, even recent dreams faded into the background and only pain and emptiness remained.

I suffered in futile attempts to forget my beloved and start a new life for 3 whole years. I wanted to lay hands on myself. Seriously frightened for myself, I went to a psychologist. A few consultations and surprisingly it became easier for me, the psychologist just talked to me, and at first glance it seemed how this could help.

But after about 2 months, the first profound change took place in me. Somehow, thoughts came to my mind on their own: “Yes, and let him go where he wants and let him be happy. And I'll be happy with someone else." So I got to my feet.

I became enthusiastic about my work, my friends immediately noticed the changes in me. A year later, I met my real and only now husband. Thank you very much psychologist for the work done! Without him, I would not have come to my senses so quickly and adjusted my life. Now it all seems like a terrible nightmare from a dream.

If you see him every day

This happens most often when there was a relationship with a work colleague. And if they come to an end, the problem arises - how to stop thinking about it.

After all, you meet every day at work, and maybe even several times. But there is always a way out. Moreover, it is also quite simple. The first two steps will be the same as in the rest of the cases:

Throw out anger and resentment and let go. Holding on like a drowning man to a straw makes no sense. If you already had to leave, then to indulge yourself with vain illusions is to your own detriment.
Take care of yourself - direct your energy to work, self-development, improving appearance, etc. There are many interesting things in the world.
But the third step will be individual for this situation: limit communication with the former soul mate. If you do not need to communicate, then it is better not to do so. Do not be afraid that by such behavior you will reveal your feelings. This is an absolutely normal situation. Get as far away from him as possible. Mentally wish him a new mutual love and go on your way.

To stop thinking - don't do

How familiar to many is this situation: you want to get rid of the painful memories of a person who broke your heart, but in fact, actions indicate the opposite.

Do not get out of his page on the social network.
You ask mutual friends how the former passion is doing, how he lives and breathes, if he has a new love.
You constantly think whether he is still suffering or has already forgotten and found another. In order to put an end to painful thoughts, you need to stop doing all this, since they only tie you to this person even more. And this is the opposite effect of what you want to get.

Interesting fact: According to statistics, to find your most suitable partner, on average, you have to change 7 people. Naturally, without parting here will not do.

Drop the blame

Thinking when you blame yourself for everything does not benefit us one iota and it is fundamentally wrong. Of course, one should not avoid responsibility and blame only others. Yes, most likely you made a mistake and more than one. But the fact that you broke up cannot be changed, all the more so with empty accusations in your direction you will not fix anything.

Guilt carries negative energy. Therefore, always think about your mistakes only for the purpose of winding up the lessons learned on your mustache. And it is worth striving to apply the experience gained already in new relationships, so as not to enter the same river twice.

Don't dwell on loneliness

Even if you want to howl at the moon, you should not fall into negativity from thoughts of loneliness. The fact that you are now without a partner is not fatal, and this will not last forever. And this does not mean at all that you can be included in the circle of losers.

Look at the gap from the positive side - this is the time for your growth and self-improvement. There are many interesting people around with whom your connection will be even stronger. Do not get hung up on one person and gloomy thoughts that all good things are over.

Stop resentment and anger in your soul

The emotional pain from a breakup provokes thoughts of hatred and resentment towards a former loved one. Since it is associated that he is to blame for everything bad that happened to you. But you can't really blame anyone for what happened.

Both of you voluntarily started a relationship, through the fault of both you could not save it. Whatever negative character traits a lover has, you don’t need to concentrate on this and think about how you managed to connect life with this person. Any pain is forgotten over time.

It is better to let go of evil thoughts and resentment. Good way To do this, thank your ex from the bottom of your heart for everything he has done for you. After all, if you think about it, there were a lot of good things. Yes, and such an important lesson in life you received thanks to him.

They are all so...

Do not be misled that all people of the opposite sex treat their loved ones equally badly and are not capable of pure feelings, are not ready to work for the sake of relationships. If you think like that, you will only encounter such instances. After all, you yourself wanted it!

It would be better to carefully analyze why such thoughts arise and drive them away from you. What we have in our heads is what we get in reality. So transform your thinking!

Learning to work on mistakes

In order not to step on the old rake in a new relationship, you should conduct an analysis. This is done very simply. Take a pen and paper and ask yourself the right questions, those that will help you understand yourself.

For example: Who is to blame that I connected my fate with this person?
Of course, myself!

For what reasons did this happen?
I did not know exactly what kind of person I needed, I was blinded by feelings and did not see a person as he really is.

What qualities should the person you want to be with have?

What mistakes have I made in past relationships? How did this affect their development?

Having carried out such an analysis, you will protect yourself from the following searches for a life partner “in the blind”.

If you still love, how to forget quickly

The universe is fickle

For many, this is not the most joyful news, but nevertheless, no one can change this. No one has only good things in life. Although small, problems still happen. Our life can be compared to a zebra or a roller coaster. That's up. down, then black, then white. If you deeply realize this thought, it will become much easier.

Don't be afraid to open up
For many, after the end of an unsuccessful relationship, an unpleasant aftertaste remains in the soul for a long time. The desire to meet and meet with the opposite sex disappears. There are thoughts that it is better not to start new acquaintances, it is better to sit quietly on the sidelines. You won’t be very happy, but you won’t experience severe pain, such as during a breakup. Or people communicate, but behave very constrainedly, they are afraid to open up and show themselves as real. This does not make much sense, because the previous advice should be remembered - everything is impermanent. But you don't have to dwell on it either. It is better to relax and have fun when fate favors you.
Don't make comparisons

When you have reached a new level and found a person suitable for communication, do not start comparing him with your former soul mate. Don't expect your new favorite to be a copy of the previous one. Better try to find in him good features that the one you broke up with did not have. Otherwise, you will not get out of the circle of regrets that that person will never be returned and you will never be as happy as before.

Do not succumb to the stereotype: lonely means flawed

Women are especially prone to this misconception. They begin to feel incomplete without a partner. To think so is a big mistake. We need communication with the opposite sex to bring additional emotions and colors.

But each person can be self-sufficient without relationships at all. In order to become more confident in yourself, read our article. Listen to yourself and develop!

Don't Tie Happiness to Relationships

Another age-old stereotype is to think that without love relationship it is impossible to be happy. Only a person who loves himself and life to a great extent can become happy in love too. If, on the contrary, there are many unresolved problems: from self-esteem to self-realization and problems at work, then you are unlikely to be able to create happiness with another person.

Because relationships are not a panacea for all ills, but just something with which you can open up even more. Your personal happiness does not depend on external conditions and on other people. And not a single person, even a prince on a white horse, will turn your life into a fairy tale by magic.

Give up motives for revenge

Love sometimes plays tricks on us. And we start acting stupid, instead of building our happiness from scratch, we start chasing the ghosts of the past. We try to make this ghost jealous, and start a relationship just to annoy him. such behavior is too selfish and here the end does not justify the means.

Not only are you misleading your new partner, you cannot get rid of the old one, but you are also harming yourself. After all, such actions directly indicate that your feelings do not cool off, and you are doing nonsense instead of starting a new life.

How easier it is to delete from life and live on - the “Psychology” technique

Among the psychological tricks there is one interesting and simple thing. Get yourself a separate notebook or notebook. And at the end of each day, write something like this: "The happiest day for me" - today's date and day of the week.

Next, describe all your joys and happy moments, even the smallest ones, that made your day at least a little better. For example, we met a cute kitten on the way to work. Or the store has a discount on your long-awaited item.

About a week of such evenings and you will finally join the flow aimed at positive and joy from life.

Seek happiness at the bottom of a bottle, in a pack of cigarettes or other intoxicating substances
Dream about the return of the "prodigal" husband
Annoy with calls and meetings to a former loved one, try to sort things out and prove one's case
To return thoughts to the fact that this person did bad to you and to be indignant at such injustice
Invent obstacles in the relationship of the former with new girlfriend and bring them to life
Change partners like gloves in the hope of finding your only one and drowning out longing
Complain and cry about your hard lot

Probably, you already understood that just these tips should not be followed in any case.

How to forget a loved one? The advice of psychologists is working with a bang. Not everyone can handle this on their own. The help of friends and relatives, of course, is very necessary at this stage of life, but sometimes the closest people, because of their lack of professionalism, wanting to help us, actually give the wrong advice.

To avoid this error use online psychologist consultation. Working with a psychologist is aimed at solving such difficult life situations.

Whatever the reason for parting with a loved one, separation is the strongest stress, especially for a woman. How to forget the person you love? With full confidence we can say that it will not be possible to completely forget it. People leave, but traces after them in our memory, our soul, remain. You can try to survive the time during which experiences will become muffled, will not torment your heart like that.

Do not drive your feelings inside and do not try at all costs to maintain the impression that everything is fine with you. Over time, this can have a very strong effect on your health, the pain of parting can even lead to neurotic diseases, and then you cannot do without the help of specialists. Constantly thinking about what happened, you can harm the general condition of the body, reduce immunity, which in the end will certainly affect your appearance.

How to forget the person you love - psychological tricks

Allow yourself to suffer in order to forget your loved one.

Of course, you should not throw tantrums during the last meeting, in a public place, in the presence of strangers. No need to show up to work with mascara smeared all over your face and black circles under your eyes. But at home you can afford to pour out Niagara, of course, if there are no children in the house. Find the right "vest" in the face best friend and pay well. real girlfriend in order to support in difficult times and listen to all your problems. To forget your loved one or loved one, speak out and get rid of everything that has hurt, boiled and accumulated. Over a cup of tea or coffee, or maybe something stronger, tell your faithful friend everything that lies like a heavy stone on your soul. There is no need to be afraid to “get bored” or “get it”, because now your girlfriend is replacing you with a psychologist, and if she also helps with practical advice, maybe a psychotherapist.

Lying with dry eyes staring at the ceiling or curled up on the couch should not be long. While people, as a rule, get out of “wet” stress quite quickly, but “dry” stress sometimes drags on for life.

In order not to “go under” when a wave of depression hits you, do what experienced swimmers do during a dangerous storm - dive into the oncoming wave to emerge from the other side. If the wave of despair comes again, allow yourself to “weep and lament” again. After a while, you will get tired of worrying.

What to do to quickly forget a dear and beloved person

Everything passes, and this too shall pass... this ancient wisdom of King Solomon is especially true when it comes to trouble. Pain and despair recede, and you begin to notice the world around you again. If depression does not let go, you need to change the situation. Maybe in your house, in your city there is something that does not allow you to forget your former lover, to be distracted. Ask for a vacation at work, give pets to parents, acquaintances, borrow money if necessary, and leave for a week somewhere where nothing can remind you of love failures. New impressions will return you, if not the full joy of life, then at least the ability to notice its existence.

A very good result is the release of those things that remind you of former passions, for example, from gifts from a lover. Of course, something especially expensive (not only in material terms, but also in terms of memory) can be left, but it is better to get rid of the bulk. It will be very good if the look does not constantly “catch” from some things placed on the cabinets and shelves, photographs depicting the culprit of your suffering.

Another way to distract yourself and distance yourself from the fact of parting is to start keeping a diary. Many decorate records with flowers, hearts, various artistic finds - rhinestones, dried leaves. This process is very helpful in expressing your Creative skills, soothes, sets in a positive way.

Spend a psychological session alone with yourself - take a blank sheet of paper, close your eyes, remember everything that you have been suffering from lately. State in the form of theses, listing all the components of your misfortune associated with separation. Then, at the bottom of the sheet, write several times a phrase that draws a line under this segment of your life, something like "What was, has passed." Formulate the end of your "passive" period yourself, come up with a phrase that best suits your situation. Tear the sheet, without holding back emotions, into small pieces, putting all your sadness into the process of destroying the paper witness to your grief.

How to forget a loved one at work

In the event that you realize that life is not over and besides the man with whom you broke up, there are many different and even interesting things, it's time to do your job. Anger and suffering temporarily closed the possibility of new acquaintances for you? Direct all your ardor into the business direction. Many women who have experienced a painful breakup admit that if it were not for this sad event, they would never have achieved success in life and would not have become prosperous and independent women.

A classic example is Katerina Tikhomirova, the heroine of the film Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears, who, when meeting her failed first love, says: “If you had left me then, nothing would have come of me.” From a simple worker, she makes her way up the career ladder to the director of the enterprise. Surely, among your acquaintances and girlfriends, there are those for whom parting with a former loved one served as a powerful incentive for selfless work and subsequent career growth. Self-realization in the workplace gave them the opportunity to feel like the mistresses of life, ensured material independence and self-confidence.

We take free time so as not to think about ... and quickly forget the one you love

Regardless of whether you have a desire for career heights or not, try to organize your leisure time. Do not spend time at home in front of the TV, meet old friends, meet new people, attend concerts, theaters, exhibitions and other recreational activities. Look for interest in life and improve yourself. Do something you love that you never had time for. Remember a hobby that you abandoned at one time due to disagreements with your loved one, and give it all your free time. If you have children, take more time for intimate conversations with them, walks, visit various activities together.

Soon you will have enough strength only to get to bed in the evening and fall asleep instantly. For now, this is exactly what you need.

Analysis and conclusions

After a while, you will find that if you have not yet been able to forget your loved one, but the pain has dulled, gone into the background and no longer prevents you from laughing. Try to meet less with the former object of your love, so as not to reopen the wound.

Before finally turning this page in your life, analyze the reasons for the failure of your relationship. Do not dwell on what he did wrong, because you cannot know the true meaning of other people's actions and be responsible for them. Focus on why you let him or why you provoked him with your behavior. Probably, the point is in his character, which means that when you meet such a person, you, remembering what happened to you, will not step on the same rake a second time.

But perhaps what happened is also your fault. Do not reproach yourself and do not self-flagellate, it is better to remember well what you should not do in order to avoid such a situation. If you were able to do this, even if you cried a little, then soon you will be ready for new meetings, new relationships. After all, a beautiful, self-confident woman is alone only when she herself wants it. If you are open to love and happiness, they will not keep you waiting long.