The baby often cries and is naughty. Why a small child is naughty for no apparent reason

What happened to your cute sweetheart? Why did the child become a capricious despot, stomping on fragile legs? Why is the baby naughty?

Don't rush to get scared. It's not about character - he just has a crisis of the first year. Quite a natural phenomenon. In a period of nine months to a year and a half, everyone goes through a similar crisis. No wonder: the crisis accompanies the ascent to each new step of independence. That is why the age of three years, seven years and the famous transitional age (usually 12–14 years) becomes a crisis. The first year of life is also an important stage in the life of a little man: he begins to walk and move independently in space. He is interested in everything, he wants to touch everything, try it on the tooth. Soon the baby will begin to realize himself as an independent person. And now, with a scandal, he is trying to defend his own gastronomic preferences, angrily rejecting an apron or a new shirt, confusing his parents. And if only this!

Psychologists consider the following signs of the crisis of the first year:

- "difficulty in education" - stubbornness, persistence, disobedience, the demand for increased attention;

A sharp increase in new forms of behavior, attempts at independent action and a resolute refusal to perform the necessary procedures;

Hypersensitivity to remarks - resentment, discontent, aggression follow in response;

Increased moodiness;

Contradictory behavior: the baby may ask for help and immediately refuse it.

Why are they doing this?

The main problem of the crisis of the first year is that parents often do not have time to rebuild after the rapid development of their child.

Yesterday he lay quietly in his bed and was content with rattles suspended above it, and today he has awakened an interest in his mother's cosmetics, grandmother's medicines and father's screwdriver. And there is trouble on the street - a clean little kid, who was so hard accustomed to accuracy, climbs into a puddle, buries his nose in the sand. At breakfast, the clumsy toddler tries to act on his own with a spoon, smears himself in porridge and cries desperately when his mother tries to take feeding into her own hands. The first reaction of adults is to stop this disgrace. However, the whims of children and bad behavior (tears, screams, scandals), the desire to grab everything and show independence that is still inappropriate are not signs of a bad character and spoiledness that need to be fought. These are the natural manifestations of the maturation stage. In fact, behind each of them is something very understandable, understandable and important for the baby. Let's try to stop and think about how the child feels now? Why is he doing this? And if the key to understanding a childish passion for playing with mud or things from the adult world is easy to find (just remember yourself at that age), then you sometimes have to rack your brains over other children's riddles. Mom shows one-year-old Petya how to assemble a house from cubes, involuntarily gets carried away herself, and then the offspring with a sly smile destroys an architectural structure, which makes her very happy. Mom is embarrassed. It seems to her that Petya is just a hooligan. However, the child, firstly, does not yet understand that it is necessary to respect the work of others, and it is too early to demand this from him. Secondly, he destroys his mother's castle not out of harm, but because he is interested in watching how multi-colored cubes scatter to the sides. Time will pass, and he himself will be happy to build, not destroy. In the meantime, something else is much more important and pleasant for him: to observe the trajectory of the fall of the cubes. And the desire of the children to touch and get everything has a scientific justification: it turns out that in this way the child not only has fun, but develops sensorimotor activity and search activity.

Buttons instead of pills

All this, of course, does not mean that a baby experiencing a crisis in the first year of life should be allowed everything. Of course, certain prohibitions are needed, but there should be few of them so that the baby can remember and learn exactly the prohibitions, and not that evil adults forbid him everything. It is desirable to formulate the rules briefly and clearly, and without a smile, so that the baby realizes: he is not offered to play the game “fool mom”, but they say seriously. Another important point: it is advisable to repeat the rules every time the situation specified in them arises. And in order to do without tediousness, you can add a rhyme from each rule, for example, “Since we are going for a walk with you, you need to put on a hat.” “Well, it’s necessary, it’s necessary,” the young brawler will think to himself and ... submit. Most adult prohibitions usually concern the safety of the crumbs. But here, too, you can be creative. So, if a little researcher is drawn to do something forbidden, try to immediately switch his attention. For example, you can take multi-colored pills from him (and where did he just get them?!), and in return offer the same bright, but inedible and large buttons. An adult book with thin pages that a baby can easily tear is replaced with a folding book for babies, where the pages are made of cardboard. "Disgrace" in the bathroom can be reduced to a civilized game with water in a toy basin. For example, children of one and a half years and older play fishing with great pleasure. In stores today, kits for this game are sold, in which floating fish and a fishing rod are equipped with tiny magnets.

When will it not be good?

Another task: you need not to distract the baby, but, on the contrary, make him do something, which he categorically refuses to do. Here, for a start, it is worth considering: is it necessary to force? When it comes to refusing to eat, then definitely not. Forcing a baby to eat is extremely harmful not only for his psyche, but also for his physical health. The body, especially children's, is much smarter than us. The child intuitively feels what he needs now. Let today he prefers chicken, and tomorrow he agrees to eat only pasta. Not scary. Of course, it would be better if he reached for fruits and vegetables more often, but, you see, the harm from a temporary pasta diet cannot be compared with spoiled health. What if he refuses to eat at all? Just remember the old French wisdom: a baby will never allow himself to starve to death. The preferences of the baby in general should be taken into account whenever this can be done. Does your little one refuse disposable diapers? Well, then, it's time to wean ourselves from this achievement of civilization (in the daytime after nine months, this is also strongly recommended by doctors). On the contrary, he demands a pacifier for himself, although it seems to be time to wean from it? Well, give him this pacifier, especially if you do not want the baby to replace it with some object that is completely unsuitable for constant sucking and nibbling.

Of course, all this advice may seem too liberal. It is much easier to put pressure on the child and force him to do (or not do) what we see fit. The baby will cry, whine, and then calm down, and everything seems to be fine. But it won't be good. It is worth asking yourself: how do you want your baby to be? Certainly not a lethargic, lack of initiative, incapable of making decisions like a coward. And not a hysterical little brute who achieves the desired trifles with screams and tears. But pressure as a method of communication with the baby is a sure way to raise him just like that. It is difficult for a baby who is not accustomed to feel respect for himself to grow up to be a strong and balanced person who can become a friend to his parents. In order to achieve his goal, he would rather use tears, blackmail, and later - rudeness, than calmly, with a smile, say: “You know, mother, I would like to do it like this. You do not mind?"

Switch games

What, besides patience and understanding, can help the parents of a one-year-old peanut in a crisis? Of course, a sense of humor, creativity and the ability to play. With these magical qualities, any “unsolvable” problem can be turned into a game situation. Let's say the kid caught a cold, and the doctor ordered him to soar his legs in a bucket. Try putting toy boats or other floating toys in the bucket. Or this situation: even if the time has come for him to give up disposable diapers, he still needs them for a walk in winter. But the kid refuses to put them on. A teddy bear can come to the rescue, which also goes for a walk and therefore puts on a diaper before going out (together with the baby, tie a scarf to the bear, symbolizing diapers). The bear will also help out at the table when the crumbs have to put on an apron (some children have problems with this toilet item). Does the child push away the sweater that the mother pulls on him? You can play "shop" and invite the baby to "buy" one of his sweaters laid out on the couch. In general, the right to choose (clothes, games, dishes) is a very important thing. Any toddler striving for independence will definitely appreciate such trust in his person. They will help the baby (and at the same time his parents) and games of a special kind - those that can be called educational. Such toys will give an outlet for the excessive creative energy of the baby and direct it into a completely peaceful direction. For example, each one-year-old individual should have a pyramid, for starters, a small one of 3-5 rings. Another wonderful toy is a nesting doll. They compete with any simple toys (or items that replace them) that can be folded, disassembled, inserted, removed, in general, modified in every possible way. For example, an old switch that can be turned on and off as much as you want can become a great toy for an overly active baby who is not allowed to touch the buttons of household appliances. And a jar or saucepan where you can put things is just a godsend.

Let's talk mom!

Parents of a one-year-old baby are confused not only by his disobedience and tendency to whims. A year is the age when a child learns to speak. And he already wants to be understood. That's just the baby communicates with us in his obscure language. And not meeting understanding and sympathy, he is very bitterly offended. How to be? There is only one way out - to talk more with the baby, stimulating his speech development. To begin with, let's try to master the understanding. For example, when dressing your baby, ask him to "help" you. Where is the shirt? Give me a shirt. Where are our slippers? Bring me some slippers, please. Gradually, slowly, the baby will begin to follow the instructions of the mother, and a new level of independence will help him treat the boring dressing procedure with great patience and interest. Accompanying any actions (yours and the baby himself) with words over time will definitely help him speak. This skill should be encouraged in every possible way, trying to get the crumbs to actively use the words that he is already able to pronounce. You can, for example, not fulfill the request of the crumbs if he expresses it with a gesture and interjections, although he is able to pronounce a word. Encouraging each of his verbal victories, one must not forget to master new words and syllables, clearly pronouncing them with the baby. It is worth doing all this simply because if the baby gets used to being understood without words, this can slow down the development of his speech.

Step back and two forward

And now it would be reasonable to ask the question: is the crisis of the first year so terrible? Of course not. Taking a certain step back during this period, the baby simultaneously takes two steps forward - towards his physical and psychological maturity. Of course, he now needs the help of adults. It is no coincidence that at this age the child is so sensitive to the assessment of his actions by his parents, so desperately ready to attract his mother's attention, throwing toys out of the playpen and stamping his feet. A capricious child, not too self-confident, striving for independence and still not afraid of anything, painfully proud and touchy, experiencing his first serious crisis, the baby really needs constant parental support. Moreover, his orientation to the assessment of an adult is an important condition for the correct development in the "one-year-old" period. Try to be patient, do not rush to scold and punish your unfortunate seeker of independence. And if you really want to scold him, it’s better to always somehow emphasize that the mother’s displeasure was caused by a specific act of the little one, and not by him. If you manage to treat a baby who is going through the first difficult time of his life with sympathy and respect, crisis phenomena will soon disappear by themselves. The crisis will be replaced by a period of stable development, when the manifestations that frightened parents will turn into important achievements: a new level of independence, new achievements. To gain a foothold, becoming character traits, negative manifestations can only be in one case: if adults communicate with the child from a position of strength: “Stop yelling and eat!”, “You can’t, I said!” - and nothing more. Acting together with your son or daughter, but not in his place, you can not only quickly overcome the crisis, but also lay a solid foundation for the harmonious development of the baby and a wonderful, trusting relationship with him.

It is not too correct to say that the baby is naughty. A whim, according to Ushakov's dictionary, is a whim, an unmotivated desire. Whereas the baby cries only if he is uncomfortable and needs something. What exactly does it need crying baby- it is necessary to determine his mother. In fact, there are not so many reasons for crying. Not all of them, however, are easily eliminated.

Desire for comfort

There are several reasons why babies cry. Among them, the simplest and most common is a wet diaper. Intuitively, the baby wants to be warm and dry. As soon as he feels that he is uncomfortable, he will call his mother. Especially if this feeling prevents him from sleeping. The only way to call mom for is crying. Therefore, the first action of the mother to calm down is to change the diaper.

Hunger

If the baby is hungry, then he will definitely inform his mother about this by crying. In the first month of his life, the child most often wakes up precisely from hunger. In fact, in order to eat, he wakes up. After all, urination, for example, occurs in a dream. Therefore, after changing the diaper, the baby must be fed.

Pain

Pain is also a feeling of discomfort that the child needs to be helped to cope with. The causes of pain can be different. It can be intestinal colic or cutting teeth. If the baby has changed the diaper, fed him, and he does not stop crying and cannot fall asleep, then most likely the reason is in pain. If the baby is 1-3 months old, then pain is more likely to be associated with colic. In this case, you should put a warm diaper or heating pad on the baby's stomach, massage the stomach in a clockwise direction and give medicines for baby colic.

Crying from a toothache is more likely in babies older than 5 months. In this case, painkillers will help.
Breast sucking itself gradually becomes something more than just a way to remove hunger for an infant. It is also a way of natural pain relief. Therefore, a slightly grown-up baby can ask for breasts not only from hunger, but also to calm down and reduce pain, including toothache.

Desire to communicate

The desire for bodily contact, touch is not just a whim of the baby, but his vital need. Therefore, the baby can be full, dry, nothing hurts him, but he continues to cry. This is because he wants attention and communication. In this matter, it is necessary to find a "golden mean". For the baby, it is ideal to be in the arms of the mother around the clock. But it is quite clear that this is impossible. Therefore, the mother must find the necessary balance so that the baby has the opportunity to be in her arms, and she herself can do the necessary things. Both the bias towards constant hyper-concern for the baby (the mother drops everything and always immediately runs up to the child at the slightest cry), and ignoring the baby's need for communication leads to the formation of a capricious child.

In any case, you must first eliminate the simplest causes of possible crying and whims of the baby - a wet diaper and hunger. If pain is the suspected cause, then no immediate effect should be expected from the measures taken to alleviate it. Reducing it can be difficult and time consuming. Sometimes you just need time and care of your beloved mother so that the baby calms down.

Even the most calm and obedient children sometimes begin to act up. By the way, how often a child is capricious is influenced by the attitude of parents to this. Yes, children's whims are stressful not only for child but also for parents. And yet, when the child began to behave this way, try to use a few tips.

You will need

• Patience, firmness and love

Instruction

When your child begins to act up, take him in your arms, kiss him, but do not reward him with anything. If that doesn't work, leave it alone and mind your own business. After all, an audience is needed to continue the performance.

There should not be many prohibitions, and they must be on the case. But if you already banned something or threatened something, be sure to do it. From time to time, the child will test you for strength, and if you give in at least once, then the baby will literally twist the ropes out of you. Agree on the same with the rest of the adults in the family: it’s not worse if mom forbids something, and grandparents indulge whims. Then at child full scope for manipulation. Also because of this parental authority.

Establishing smooth, calm relationships is very helpful with all sorts of rituals and once the established daily routine. So, it’s good to start waking up with kisses or a game, and go to bed with a fairy tale or a lullaby so that the child knows that good and interesting things are waiting for him. Your departure-arrival can also be accompanied by a ritual. Always explain exactly when you will return (“when you sleep, play, eat”), kiss before leaving, sometimes bring something tasty or interesting with you.

note

remember, that good upbringing should be in moderation!

Helpful advice

And in all cases, be calm and remember: for the most part, children's whims arise precisely because of a lack of attention to the baby.

All parents know that every child can be capricious, even the most quiet and well-mannered. For example, if the baby is hungry, sleepy, tired or sick. But in fact, all these reasons are only superficial, and real whims hide much more serious reasons. The “root” lies in the family in which they are brought up child. In order to properly educate a capricious person, it is necessary to understand what the parents are wrong about, to which the baby responds with whims, and in the end to ensure that both parties are happy.

You will need

• - baby's favorite toys

Instruction

Don't forbid your child everything. Of course, he must know and understand the word "no." But there should be only a few such "impossible" ones, the most necessary ones. If a child is constantly forbidden to do everything, in the end he will start to protest and vice versa on purpose. Prohibit what is really dangerous for him, his health and life.

Don't let your child do everything. Many people know the model of education, in which everything is allowed for a child up to a certain age. But the child must know what is possible, as well. Since he is a member of society, a child from childhood must reckon with the opinions and feelings of others. Otherwise, the child may grow up an egoist.

Maintain harmony in family relationships. Very often, whims are a reflection of the intra-family situation. The kid grows up in an atmosphere of constant abuse and quarrels, of course, his psyche suffers from this. At the very least, try not to quarrel or sort things out in front of child.

Try to hear your child. Try to understand what the child wants to convey to you, being capricious. Perhaps something more serious is behind it. For example, a serious disease of the nervous system. Observe the state of the child even after the whims are over. It is possible that you should visit a doctor.

Teach child express their feelings verbally, without resorting to whims and screams. An example will serve well for this. Try more often in the presence child talk about how you feel. You can organize a theater with your baby's favorite toys, which will tell each other about their feelings and how to behave in society. As a rule, children often listen to the advice of their toy friends.

Discuss with family and friends a single educational methodology. That is, if one of the family members forbids something to the child, then the rest should also forbid it. Very often, children are capricious if, for example, the mother forbids something to the child, and the father allows the same thing.

If the child is naughty in a public place, but it was not possible to calm him down, calmly take the baby in your arms and move somewhere to a less crowded place. Talk calmly to your child. Let him speak and calm down. Explain that you understand his feelings, but right now you can't give him what he wants (for example, if arranged for a new toy from the store).

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note

It is very important not to confuse the whims of the baby with his desire to explore the world or do something on his own. It happens that the child wants to eat with a spoon himself, but the parents take the spoon away, because the baby does not yet know how to eat neatly on his own. The hysteria starts. But on the other hand, how will the child then learn to eat on his own? There are many such examples. Let the child explore the world around him, guide him, not forbid him. If necessary, you can only secure it.

Helpful advice

When a child is naughty, always talk to him calmly and quietly. Never yell at the baby and even more so do not hit him during the whims. This has not yet helped any parent to cope with the vagaries.

Related article

Sources:

• Articles on child psychology

Children's whims... As it is familiar to all parents. Just funny, honey child suddenly began to cry, scream, it is impossible to calm him down, he is practically uncontrollable. Why is this happening? Why child naughty?

Until the baby began to walk, his world was limited to a crib and an arena. Everything was safe and accessible inside this small space. But here child on legs and the boundaries of his world have expanded significantly. In the field of view of the baby were those objects that could harm him. An electrical outlet, a glass vase, behind which various interesting things are hidden. But you never know in the house of things that are very interesting, but at the same time fraught with danger. And so child hears "no". And he really wants to take, touch, hit, climb. And he starts screaming, crying, demanding that he be given what he wants. Of course, it is best to prevent such a situation. Try to remove all breakable objects away, put plugs on sockets, keep cabinet doors closed. But, of course, you can’t foresee everything, and it’s impossible to hide all the things in the house. In this case, it is necessary to say affectionately, but firmly, that this is impossible, and try to switch his attention to something else. In no case do not go on about your own child. If the baby understands that he can get everything he wants, having screamed and roared a little, it will be difficult for you to forbid him anything in the future. One of the reasons for whims is the child’s malaise. He may have something, but the baby is not able to explain what is happening to him. So he cries, refuses to play, throws toys. If your child capricious for no apparent reason, it is necessary to measure the temperature, carefully examine the child and, possibly, call a doctor. Caprices may occur due to overwork or excessive excitement. Often the baby is naughty in the evening, when he is tired and it is time for him to sleep. This happens especially often if the day was eventful or in the evening child played active games with others. Try to calm the child, let him drink warm water and put him to bed early. Sit nearby, stroke, sing a song. The little capricious will calm down, fall asleep, he will have a sweet dream. And in the morning you will no longer remember the whims.

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Most often, parents are faced with children's whims when the child is going through another age crisis. One of such periods is the “crisis of three years”. At this time, the baby becomes uncontrollable. He does not obey, gets irritated, is naughty and often cries.

Instruction

Your baby, while walking or shopping, demands to buy him a toy, a ball, etc. At the same time, having received a refusal, does he whine, stamp his feet or fall to the ground? Do not rush to respond to the behavior of the child. Try to stand in his place, listen to the crumbs. Perhaps he is tired of the day's impressions, or he is simply trying to get your attention in this way. Try to wait it out, allowing the baby to express his frustration and anger. Then you can say, “I can see that you are really upset. The car is really good. Let's go and take a closer look at her?" Often the child is quite satisfied with this decision. Most likely, he needed not another car, but his mother's attention and affection. The baby will calm down, and you will be able to calmly explain to him why you cannot buy this toy. Offer your child other possible options: buy it another time, ride a carousel, etc.

In order for the baby to be capricious, try to yield to him in small things. But stand your ground on matters relating to the safety and health of the child and others. Treat him as an equal. Say thank you to the baby, ask permission, always explain where and why you are going with him. Let the baby do everything on his own, providing help only when he can not cope. Never criticize him for awkwardness and mistakes. If the child is refusing, for example, to collect toys, offer to do it together. Most often, kids gladly respond to such a call.

Sometimes children act up out of boredom. A small child does not always know how to keep himself busy, and therefore begins to whine and cling to "mother's skirt." Dedicate more time to the baby, encourage him for taking the initiative. The whims of a person are often provoked by hunger and fatigue, both physical and emotional. To avoid this, always plan all the activities, games and walks with the baby so that you have time to feed him and put him to bed on time.

Every parent faces the whims of their child in one way or another. The kid is angry, pouting, does not hear your appeals, reacts with refusal or crying to all persuasions. Try to remain calm and figure out why this is happening.

Instruction

First, try to analyze what whims are connected with. After all, with this behavior, the baby shows that he feels bad: scared, hurt, hurt, lonely, etc. There may be several reasons, and the decision will depend on them. Children aged 2-3 years often act up in order to test the reaction of their parents. In this way, they try various ways to influence dad and mom. React to the child's behavior calmly, but do not follow his lead. Argument your requirements for the baby, the main thing is to be consistent. If the baby understands that he will not achieve anything with whims, then after a while he will become uninteresting in testing you.

One of the reasons whims sometimes too a large number of restrictions and prohibitions. The kid is trying to learn the world, but hears constant "no". He is forbidden to fast, jump, scream, throw into a puddle, touch the neighbor's dog, etc. How can you not rebel and not be capricious! Think about whether everything that you refuse is actually dangerous and? Try to reduce the list of restrictions and often offer the crumbs an alternative. For example, instead of stones, toss balls crumpled from newspaper into an empty box. Explain that you can play with someone else's dog only by asking permission from his owner. Kid don't dine - don't insist. Nothing bad will happen if he eats a little later, when he has played enough.

Communication with parents is necessary for a small child. Capricious, he tries in this way to attract your attention. Try to communicate more with the baby: play together, read, go for a walk, involve the baby in household chores that he can do. If he, when he does something badly, support the child, offer your help. Even if you are very busy, choose time during the day that you devote only to him. Remember that communication between the baby and parents at an early age is the key to trusting, friendly relations between them in the future.

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The difficult stage of children's whims, as a rule, begins in a child at the age of 2-3 years. In order to properly respond to the behavior of the baby, parents first of all need to understand that this is how the difficult, but necessary for the crumbs, period of growing up passes.

Instruction

Disobedience and stubbornness of a child are not always whims. Try to look for other such behavior of the baby. The most frequent are the lack of parental attention, boredom. In such a situation, whims are a way to attract the attention of mom and dad, communication with which the child needs like air. Remember that the whole small world of the baby is concentrated in the parents, and they are his main people. Do not dismiss the child, even if you are tired, not in the mood, busy. Do everything together, together, because you can find a homework that can be done and crumbs. Do not leave the baby alone with his problems: when something does not work out for him, he is sad. Be ready to help, cheer him up, praise him.

A frequent cause of whims is a lot of prohibitions and restrictions. Teach yourself to use the word “no” as little as possible when communicating with your child. Let it concern only really dangerous things that threaten the life and health of the crumbs or other people. In other cases, say: “don’t do it,” “don’t do it like that,” etc. Before categorically forbidding something, try other ways: explain, switch attention, hug, interest in something else. The main thing is to be consistent in the rules established for the child. Then he will lose the desire to test you with whims. Outdoor games and active walks in the fresh air will help to realize unspent energy and quickly restore the mood of the baby.

And finally, do not forget that the baby has the right to be capricious sometimes. For example, if something hurts him, he is tired, his clothes are in the way or he is uncomfortable in new shoes, and perhaps someone offended him. Always be calm and attentive to your baby, and you will be able to survive a difficult period of whims, avoiding fatal mistakes in raising a child.

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The excessive desire of parents to indulge all children's whims gives rise to a small commander who is accustomed to achieve what he wants through demands and tantrums. How to avoid it?

A huge mistake of education is indulging whims. They are much easier to endure than all subsequent ones. If the baby is naughty and behaves almost inappropriately when demanding something, then this means that the parents once unwittingly encouraged such behavior.

How to re-educate a capricious child

The best way to eliminate unwanted behavior is to show the child that all his whims are childish tomfoolery and inappropriate pampering. The ideal solution is to ignore it. In the event of a conflict, you must:

1. Stay calm
2. Don't get into an argument with the baby
3. Nothing to prove
4. Outwardly be indifferent to antics
5. Don't scream, don't hit the baby

During tantrums and whims, it is impossible to prove something to a child. It is better to just be silent and limit yourself to rare “no”. And when he calms down, it's time to start home negotiations. There should be no screaming or rudeness on the part of the parent. It is enough to tell the child about the feelings experienced: how upset he is, how you want him to behave more maturely and not repeat such antics.

What is the benefit of such a simple approach?

When whims happen for the first time, it will probably end pretty quickly. Children learn such lessons and no longer try to manipulate adults. However, attempts can sometimes be repeated, especially by adopting the experience of peers knocking anything out of their parents by throwing tantrums. But soon the child will stop behaving in this way. He will know that such a number will not work in his family.

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Sometimes it is very difficult with children. They whine a lot, indulge, cry and, it seems, openly mock us. It is doubly difficult if at that time you are in a public place, where, in addition to a hysterical child, numerous views and comments from others fall upon you.

Every whim of a child is an unmet need. The same unsatisfied and the same needs that are inherent in us adults. And the difference between adults and children is only that young children do not yet know what to do with this frustrated (unsatisfied) need.

They are not yet aware of it

They don't know how to talk about it

They can't ask for help

They do not know how and do not even know yet that their emotions and desires can be restrained and hidden

For this, they have parents who should help them with this. Find out what's going on and minimize the discomfort as much as possible. This is the main role of a parent and an adult in general. And it’s not at all about punishing and “educating”.

Let's look at examples.

Always so calm and obedient two-year-old Vanechka today is just some kind of fiend. He screams, whines, kicks. And the reason is the neighbor's puncher. Vanechka slept this afternoon, but restlessly and anxiously, he could not fully rest. Mom did not take this into account, and people in the line of sight and are not required to know this. But at the same time, they must understand that the boy behaves so ugly not because he is a bad boy, but because for some reason he is now uncomfortable.

Five-year-old Masha often offends her younger sister, and she herself constantly cries, whines, and is naughty. There are not enough forces. Whatever the parents did: they scolded, and talked, and punished - nothing helps. And Masha simply does not feel the love of her parents after the birth of her sister. All their attention is given to the youngest, they lisp with her, they treat her tenderly. And Masha is already an adult, she herself has to cope with a lot.

At the age of seven, Oleg's parents simply overwhelm him with gifts, since the family's income allows. But every time in the store, Oleg has a tantrum: he whines, then screams, swears, begging for more and more new toys. Why? If we dig deeper, we will find out that Oleg's parents buy only what they see fit. They never ask, what does Oleg himself want? After all, he always wants something completely different from what is “correct” and beautiful.

Even the notorious spoiledness (this happens less often than adults think, but still occurs) is the child's need for boundaries. Yes, do not be surprised, the child has a need for boundaries. It is with her help that he learns to adequately perceive this world and find his place in it.

Thus, we see that behind every whim of a child there is some unsatisfied need. You just need to be attentive to your children, see it, find out and, if possible, eliminate it. And then everyone will be fine: both children and parents.

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Your baby is naughty: he is sick, wants to get your attention or achieve something, protests against overprotection, or is simply tired ... After reading this book by a practitioner child psychologist Alevtina Lugovskoy, you will find out the reasons for your child's whims, get the necessary recommendations on how to learn how to prevent their occurrence, whether to indulge children's whims, how to behave during a child's tantrum. In the book you will also find games, riddles and nursery rhymes that will help distract the baby from the whims.

Chapter I

1. Introduction

Dear my parents! If you have taken on this hard work - being parents, you will have to learn all the subtleties of one of the greatest sciences in the world - the science of raising children. And this is oh so difficult, not to mention the fact that it is even more difficult to apply the theory of education in practice, and even to your own child.

Imagine that you are going to work, in a hurry, and your beloved child starts to act up, cry, and even fight in hysterics for no reason at all. You grab your head and don't know what to do. Or at the table, the baby suddenly refuses to eat, screams, throws a spoon, and by no means manages to calm him down and feed him. Sometimes the baby refuses to sleep. In the middle of the night, he suddenly starts calling you loudly, not thinking about sleep. He seems to be testing your patience, and you, with half-closed eyes, struggling with sleep, sit by his bed and tell him the same tale for the third time. What happens to him?

It turns out that at the age of one to three to five years, the child goes through a restructuring, during which he gains new experience, begins to understand more, and more acutely experience emotional conflicts. It was at this time that the baby begins to act up, having learned that in the world, in addition to the word “yes”, there is also the word “no”.

Some pediatricians refer to this age as the "first age of stubbornness" (the second refers to 12-14 years). So unexpectedly, your seemingly docile son or daughter becomes capricious and obstinate, stubbornly refuses to fulfill any requirements, while they can behave very ugly: stomp their feet, cry, scream, throw everything that comes to hand, rushing on the floor, trying in this way to achieve the desired.

The causes of such hysterical fits are usually very simple, but the adult does not always manage to recognize them immediately.

So why is the child naughty? There are several answers to this question.

Option one. The child is naughty, cries, if something bothers him, he is sick, but he does not understand this. After all, small children cannot feel what is happening in their body, the way adults feel and understand it.

Option two. The kid wants to get attention. He chose this way to communicate with you either for purely selfish reasons, since he is better off with his parents than alone, or he really lacks attention. If the latter is true, it is worth seriously considering it.

Option three. Being naughty, the child wants to achieve something very desirable, namely: a gift, permission to walk, or something else that the parents forbid from some motives incomprehensible to the baby.

Option four. The child protests against overprotection and demonstrates a desire to be independent. This is quite natural if you adhere to an authoritarian parenting style, because he wants to be independent, and you constantly lead him: “You will wear this shirt!”, “You can’t do this!”, “Stop looking around!” etc.

Option five. There is no reason that could cause a tantrum. It is simply an expression of the child's internal conflict with himself. Or maybe he just didn't get enough sleep today? Or was he very tired during the day and therefore became capricious? Your family quarrels, scandals can also affect his mood. Think, analyze everything. As Janusz Korczak said, “A child is undisciplined and angry because he suffers.” In the causes of his suffering lies the answer to the question of why he is capricious.

And now we will consider each option in more detail and try to understand the reasons for this or that behavior of the child and how to help him cope with himself.

2. The baby got sick

The whims of the child may be evidence that he is ill, but he cannot say about it, because he himself does not understand what is happening to him.

One of the signs of illness is a change in behavior. At the same time, appetite usually decreases, the baby is easily excited, cries for no reason, then lies down on the sofa, then sits with an indifferent look. Attentive parents immediately notice these changes and proceed to further inspection.

Touch his forehead. For greater certainty, measure the temperature, since an increase in temperature is a consequence of infection of the body with an infection. It is sometimes difficult to tell by eye. There are children who play even at a temperature of 38–39.5 ° C, without realizing that they are ill.

The first manifestation of a viral cold can be a runny nose. In this way, the body usually tries to stop the infection. Coughing can also indicate the onset of the disease. Runny nose, cough and shortness of breath occur, for example, in diseases of the respiratory system, as well as in acute infectious diseases.

Ask your child if his ears hurt. It is during otitis that children are especially restless and capricious.

Often in children preschool age there are pains in the abdomen, and not necessarily as a sign of some kind of disease. Sometimes pain in the abdomen is noted in nervous children, with increased excitability.

Another sure signal of illness is a headache, since it rarely bothers healthy children.

Look at the child's stool and urine, if there is any vomiting. Frequent urination may be one of the symptoms of a cold. Bladder and urinary tract, less often - kidney disease. Diarrhea indicates a digestive disorder, both infectious and non-infectious. Nervous children, on the contrary, are prone to constipation. Vomiting can also be the first sign of many diseases.

Examine the child's body for a rash. The cause of its occurrence is infectious diseases and allergies. Moreover, the rash appears before such signs of infection as fever, lethargy, refusal to eat, etc. Specific color skin indicates the presence of some kind of disease, for example, cyanosis indicates a sick heart, yellowness indicates jaundice, etc.

So, there are a lot of ways to find out if the baby is sick. This is an examination, and a conversation with the child, and observation of him. In any case, if you come to the conclusion that he is sick, he should be shown to the pediatrician as soon as possible. I do not advise self-medication, it is very dangerous, especially if the baby cannot yet understand and correctly explain what hurts him.

Be prepared for the fact that sick children are very capricious. Everyone knows that getting sick is bad. The patient cannot run, play, he lies in bed and suffers. And it often turns out that for sick children, relatives try to do everything possible to make them feel good. They immediately find themselves in the center of attention, they get and buy any toys, sweets, fruits, indulge their whims. Is it necessary? After all, the baby, realizing that when he is sick, everything in this house is done for him, he can later resort to simulating the disease.

I do not call to deprive the child of parental care and attention. But you should consider whether your efforts are not excessive. The main thing is not to overdo it.

3. A call to fellowship

From the very beginning of life, a child needs parental love. However, if he is surrounded by excessive care and attention, he unconsciously begins to abuse them. So, already at the end of the first year of life, his cry, crying can mean not only that he wants to eat or drink. Crying becomes a way for him to call his parents to him, to attract their attention. Of course, he needs communication. But at the same time, you can’t run to him at every cry and fulfill all his desires. Otherwise, then he will have only one goal - to attract the attention of adults.

I will give an example from my practice.

Lena is 11 months old. Parents noticed that recently the girl has become very tearful. As soon as the mother leaves the room and begins to do household chores, she begins to cry, and if the mother does not return, she screams. Worried parents went to the doctor to find out if something hurts their daughter. But if they were a little more attentive, they would understand for themselves that Lenochka is naughty, feeling uncomfortable without her mother. There is only one way out: firstly, parents need to pay more attention to her, and secondly, not to indulge the girl's whims and not follow her lead. Gradually, she must learn to play alone, because her mother also has housework to do.

An increased demand for attention to oneself can manifest itself in different ways. For example, a child is naughty and demands to approach him, or turn on the light, or fasten a button. Usually parents try to influence him with such words: “Finally stop whining!”, “If you continue, I will lock you in the room,” etc. As a rule, swearing and threats do not have an effect. After a while, the child begins to do the same, and often even more naughty.

If you want to avoid whims, nervous breakdowns, try to spend more time with your baby together. The child feels more confident in the presence of parents, this creates a sense of security in him. You have probably seen this picture: having come to visit strangers, the baby clings to the mother all the time, hiding behind her. But gradually he begins to look around and from time to time makes “walks” from her to the guests he likes, constantly returning to his mother.

Many parents at the reception and in letters complain that they do not have enough time to communicate with their children. But the main thing is not how much time you spend, but how you spend it. It is necessary to use all the opportunities that you have: evenings, weekends, etc. At the same time, you can not give up household chores, but communicate with the child in the process of doing them. Just pay attention to the baby, talk to him, and he will be very happy about this.

It is very important when communicating with a child to be sincere and natural. The child will immediately feel false. Therefore, to communicate with him, you need to tune in, remove irritation, forget about your worries. And then the time spent with the baby will bring joy to both of you.

Organize More family holidays. It is very good on such days, in addition to the traditional feast, to come up with some surprises, entertainment for the whole family. You can go to the theater or take a country walk. There are many ways to spend family time. It would be a wish!

4. Reaction to parental prohibition

Sometimes a child's tears can be caused by an unexpected rejection of something he really likes. Reasons for rejection on your part may vary. For example, too frequent consumption of sweets led to diathesis, and the doctor advised to refrain from this at least for a while. But how to explain this to a small child? Or you noticed that your concessions and constant connivance led to the fact that the child became simply uncontrollable and stopped understanding you.

It is difficult for a kid to understand what is “possible” and what is “not”, and you must help him with this. Do not forget about the peculiarities of the psyche and physiology of the baby at different periods of its development.

At the age of one, the child reacts very strongly to bright and catchy objects. It is quite natural that with screams and tears he will demand to give him the subject of interest to him. For example, the baby saw a crystal glass that shimmers so beautifully, but you are afraid that with one careless movement the child will smash it to smithereens and even cut his hands. In this case, you should switch the baby's attention to a safer toy.

Very often, parents love their child so much that they buy too many toys. But after a while, they all get bored. And then the child strives for something new and often forbidden. To prevent this from happening, do not give him all the toys at once, but simply change them from time to time.

Do not forget that at the age of one year, the child has a need to take every thing in his mouth. This is due to the fact that he is teething. Make sure that among the toys there are no toys that are made of fragile and fragile material. If you buy a bright rubber toy, be sure to ask the seller what material it is made of. Recently, cases of poisoning by young children with paint, which are covered with toys, to attract the attention of buyers, have become more frequent.

One mother told a story at the reception. She loved her daughter so much that every day she tried to surprise her. The baby had a lot of toys, but she was already bored with them, and she did not pay any attention to them. And then the resourceful mom wrapped some of the toys in foil. In this way, she wanted to make them more noticeable. Naturally, my daughter was very happy, but soon discovered that the foil can be unrolled. Immediately there was a need to taste it. She accidentally choked on a small piece of foil, and her mother had to call a doctor.

Closer to three years, the child seeks to get to know the world around him. If at an early age visual and taste impressions played a big role, now he is striving to become a full member of the family. He wants to participate in all household chores and realize his importance.

At this age, parents often fall from one extreme to another. I know one family that clearly divided the world into "adult" and "children's". Parents gave their child a separate room and limited his access to other places, such as the kitchen. This was not due to educational goals, it was just that the parents loved the baby so much that they were terribly afraid for him. It seemed to them that in the kitchen a pan with hot compote might fall on him, in the living room he might be exposed to TV radiation. They even forbade him to run, because he could fall and hit the battery.

But the curious child did not accept the situation and sought to forbidden places whenever mom or dad was distracted from his person. He was afraid of being noticed, so he tried to do everything quickly. Every time something fell, beat and broke. His parents tried to divert his attention from dangerous objects with sweets. Every time a child became interested in an object, access to which, according to the parents, children are strictly forbidden, they gave him a candy or something tasty.

The son very soon learned this and created similar situations constantly and intentionally. Only each time his demands increased and he cried harder, and shouted louder. Parents, concerned about the state of his psyche, turned to me for help.

With great difficulty, I managed to convince them of their original wrong. After all, a child at this age tends to copy the world of adults, and you must help him in this. Let him become an assistant in all household chores. Just present it in the form of a game. Do you erase? Give him a small bowl and let him wash his socks. Do you cook in the kitchen? Let him do the same and feed his toys. There are several benefits to doing household chores together. Firstly, the child is always nearby and you avoid unpleasant surprises. Secondly, you have a great opportunity to explain to the baby the purpose of some objects and show which ones are dangerous for him.

You think that the child is very small and does not understand anything. This is the most common misconception. He understands much more than you think. Whims, and sometimes even tantrums, are a kind of way to test your reaction. In such cases, you must be firm and consistent. Let the child be alone with himself and soon he will realize that he was wrong and change his behavior.

You will have to face certain difficulties when it is time for the baby to go to kindergarten. If you have spent a lot of time talking with your child, and he has already learned what is possible and what is not, that's good. It will be enough for you to talk to him again and explain that it is impossible to buy everything at the same time. One boy has a car, another has a locomotive, a third has a gun… It is clear that he wants everything at once and now. Explain that this does not happen, so you need to share.

If this does not help, play a game called "Shop". Give him toy money and ask him to make the necessary purchases. Very soon the money will run out, and the baby will understand that sooner or later everything comes to an end and not always what you want is available.

You will find the way to your child's heart by talking to him as an equal. If the baby understands that you want to figure out this or that issue with him, many whims and troubles can be avoided. And the baby at the same time will grow calm and unspoiled.

5. Self-affirmation

As already noted, an immoderately enthusiastic attitude towards children, in which they feel excessive parental love, forms egoism and selfishness in them. The child has hypertrophied self-esteem, that is, he is undemanding to himself, but he is intolerant and over-demanding to others. At the same time, some children get so tired of parental love that they experience emotional overstrain, which is expressed in tears, whims, stubbornness, in opposition to everything that comes from adults.

The child perceives the care of parents in different ways: sometimes as a manifestation of love, sometimes as a hindrance and suppression of his "I". Numerous studies by psychologists show that a child needs a certain balance of guardianship and freedom from an early age for harmonious development. He must feel that he is not only taken care of and surrounded by care, but also given the right to make an independent choice, understand and respect him. For example, the baby begins to misbehave at the table. He refuses some dishes, asks for other food, demands a pacifier, although he has not used it for a long time. If in this case openly put pressure on him, he will continue his whims and become even more stubborn. It is necessary to agree that he has become independent and can choose his own dishes and eat as much as he wants. Believe me, he will not die of hunger, his life instinct will not let him die. Treat what is happening with patience and humor.

Many parents believe that they adhere to a democratic parenting style, but in reality this is not the case. “Caring” mothers literally don’t let some children take a step: “Don’t go there! Don't take it in hand! Don't play here! These are just some of the replicas that can be heard on the playground from morning to evening. Yes, parents should protect their kids from trouble, help them live in a difficult world, but is it always so necessary? Still, a child is not a doll, not a piece of clay, and in many ways he creates himself, whether we like it or not. He needs to learn everything and try everything himself, and without stuffing bumps this will not work. It is better if you explain to the child how to act in a given situation, and not be overprotective and prohibit everything in a row. Otherwise, he will never gain independence and self-confidence, he will always act on your orders and remain infantile (and there are plenty of examples of this).

Pull yourself together, be patient and act like one wonderful mother, who told her son when he came from the street: “I didn’t walk well, since I came clean!”

To give the child the right to independence, it is necessary to distinguish his desire from his own interests. I will give an example from my practice.

Dad really wanted to give his five-year-old son a gift. He took him to the toy store. There the boy began to ask for a wonderful, in his opinion, blue typewriter. But dad, having examined her, said that the machine was fragile and would quickly break down. And he offered to buy another, much more expensive. “But it’s nice to look at her!” He said admiringly. The purchase took place. The father was pleased, and the child, barely holding back tears, secretly looked at the car he liked. “Why don’t you thank me, son?” asked the father in surprise. He did not understand that he did what he wanted, and his son only succumbed to his pressure. This gift brought neither joy nor satisfaction to the boy, because he was not chosen by him. In this case, the egoism of the father towards his son was manifested. The child was given to understand that he was still small and could not do anything on his own. By the way, the father also broke his promise to his son. After all, he took the boy to the store so that he himself chose a toy for himself.

Sometimes in many families excessive strictness, drill is dictated by the interests not of the child, but of the parents, to whom an obedient child causes less trouble. After all, it is always more convenient if the child is quiet, calm, sits in a corner and does not interfere with anyone, does not distract adults with questions and requests to play. But how will such a baby grow up? Will he be a harmoniously developed, creative person or will he remain “downtrodden” and limited for the rest of his life?

6. Invisible causes of whims

At the age of five, due to insufficient life experience and the impossibility of a critical understanding of what is happening, any situation can become a super-strong irritant for the baby. This is the wrong behavior of parents (quarrels and conflicts between them, fights, aggressiveness towards the child, other family members or pets), and some street impressions.

It is known that people are born with different types nervous system. Those who have a strong type of nervous system are calm, do not get upset over trifles, and are resistant to all sorts of troubles. People with a weak nervous system are more sensitive, vulnerable, they are more acutely experiencing everyday difficulties.

Children with a weak nervous system are overly excitable, they have an increased response to various external and internal stimuli. For example, some children react very strongly to even minor pain: it makes them hysterical. A lump in porridge can cause vomiting, a scary movie watched at night can deprive you of sleep. Such a child is difficult to stop if he is naughty. Try to calm him down, distract him, and if you notice that the stressful state does not go away for a long time, contact a neurologist or psychologist.

Chapter II. What to do if the baby is naughty?

1. Whether to indulge his whims

In order to raise and educate a child, parents often have to sacrifice personal affairs, work, and finances. But we must distinguish which sacrifices are necessary and which are harmful, since one of the troubles of "home pedagogy" is precisely that parents make unnecessary sacrifices. Trying to give a child a treat that is emphatically intended only for him, to buy an expensive toy, another new thing to the detriment of yourself, you pamper him and give him a reason to feel "the one and only." And this can lead to the development of selfishness. If a kid from an early age is accustomed to being the center of attention, not being denied anything, this gradually becomes a life norm for him. He no longer understands or does not want to understand that the fulfillment of his desires infringes on the interests of other people - he is still capricious and insists on his own, regardless of anyone.

Of course, in middle-income families (and especially in low-income families), all the best is given to children, because there is no way to equally provide for all family members. But it is worth doing it in such a way that the child does not notice that he is given preference. Give him the most delicious pieces discreetly, buy new clothes without focusing on it. So that the child does not grow up greedy, from the very younger age we must teach him to share toys with his comrades, to rejoice in their successes, to talk not only about himself, but also about them. Raise him so that he is not selfish. The situation is worse if your baby is the only child in the family. He often becomes spoiled, from the cradle getting used to being the center of attention. And if he is also the only grandson of grandparents, the danger of raising him selfish and capricious increases.

As a rule, such a child develops in greenhouse conditions. Adults deprive him of independence, and he grows up unadapted to life. And it all starts, in general, innocently, with such conversations: “Whom do we love more than anyone else in the world? Of course, Vanechka (Kolenka, Dima, etc.)! Who is our best? Of course he is!” Several years pass, and it turns out that for Vanechka, only he is the most beloved and dear.

In an atmosphere of overprotectiveness, only children get used to taking the service, the help of their parents, for granted. They begin to feel strength in their weakness, abuse the attention of their parents and make excessive demands on them, becoming "little despots." They cannot be denied anything, otherwise they fall into hysterics.

All this can be avoided if it is reasonable to build a system of education.

Firstly, parents should take into account that love should be expressed not only in tenderness and affection, but also in exactingness.

Demanding is an indispensable element of proper education. The understanding that in life there is not only “I want” and “I don’t want”, but also “I must”, should be instilled in the baby from a very young age. He should be guided not only by his own desires, but also by the need for this or that for other family members. If a child is accustomed from childhood to fulfill the reasonable requirements placed on him, he will quickly get used to the conditions of the kindergarten, to study at school, he will grow strong-willed, organized and disciplined.

When children's "give" and "I want" begin to go beyond the reasonable, they must collide with your "no", "no", "I do not allow", and the success of your entire upbringing system will depend on these first forbidding words.

I advise you to express your demands in a persistent, but calm and friendly manner. If you only scream at the child and constantly pull him up with the words: “Don’t you dare!”, “Don’t run!”, “Don’t touch!” - nothing good will come of it. Shouts only unnerve and annoy the baby, but they do not teach him anything.

Secondly, we must remember that necessary condition correct upbringing is the unity of requirements for the child. It is impossible for one parent to allow what the other forbids. For example, mom did not let the baby go for a walk, but dad allowed it. Parents, having learned about the inconsistency of their requirements, begin to swear and pull the child: “you will go”, “you won’t go”, etc. The discrepancy in the requirements prevents the baby from firmly learning the need to obey his parents and makes him capricious. Sometimes inconsistency in requirements can lead to opportunism. The child will quickly understand which of the relatives can be moved to pity, from whom to achieve the fulfillment of their desires, and with whom one must be quiet and obedient. With a strict dad, he will behave in a disciplined manner, and with a kind mother, he will begin to “get out” and achieve his own.

It is very bad if adults in the presence of the baby begin to argue about the correctness and incorrectness of his upbringing, accuse each other of pedagogical errors, excessive kindness or severity. In this case, on the one hand, parental authority is undermined, and on the other hand, the child suffers because of the quarrel between father and mother. But the authority of parents should always be high, otherwise successful education is unthinkable. Your child believes that his mom and dad are the best. Do not destroy his faith with senseless quarrels and mutual reproaches! It is painful for a child to hear something bad about a father or mother, to see them scolding each other.

If you set an example for your child with your lifestyle, and your requirements for him are the same and you always keep your promises, then your authority will be recognized and this will help you avoid many problems.

2. How to respond to tantrums

We have already considered the possible actions of parents in situations where the baby is naughty.

But a child can also have a real tantrum with fits of rage, during which he throws everything that comes to hand. From strong tears, with which the baby literally chokes, he may even faint. Such fainting does not cause serious harm to the health of the child, but still it is better not to allow them: tantrums should be stopped as soon as possible, without bringing the baby to a critical state, while remembering: such attacks are a signal that the child is experiencing a strong internal conflict.

The behavior of parents during whims and tantrums should be based on three principles: try to understand, indicate the limits of acceptable behavior, and show sympathy.

For example, you already know that the baby really wants to be independent and at the same time is afraid of losing the care of his parents. Contradictions torment him, and this results in a violent refusal of everything that is offered to him, in whims or hysterics, even in fits of rage when the child throws toys, pushes you, fights. In no case do not yield to the baby, but also do not answer rudeness with rudeness. Staying calm, talk to him like an adult, don't think he won't understand. Ask what happened, and based on his story, try to figure out the situation with him and find a compromise.

Explain to the child that you cannot agree with his demands, that there are limits to everything, and you are not going to indulge him. At the same time, show that you love him very much and sympathize with his experiences. Tell them that adults can't always do what they want either. Promise that now you will play some interesting game with him.

I will give one example. When four-year-old Maxim was put to bed, he always violently resisted: he got up, walked around the room, played. His parents made him go to bed again. It ended in swearing and beatings. Why was the boy behaving like this? He just tried in such a strange way to attract the attention of dad and mom. After the punishment, he calmed down, but the next day the situation repeated itself. Parents became more and more angry and annoyed, constantly scolded and punished the boy. It turned out a vicious circle: the more the child was capricious, the more he was punished, the more he was punished, the more he was stubborn. There was a real domestic war. Moreover, usually in such a war children win, while spending much less effort than their parents. Toddlers quickly understand how to "bring" adults, and skillfully use it.

Some parents believe that a capricious child should be kept in check, otherwise he will do God knows what. At the same time, they do not take into account that often the whims of the child are due to the fact that he lacks understanding and warmth.

If the child refuses to sleep, this may be due to the increased excitability of his nervous system. Invite the baby to go to bed with his favorite toy or tell him a story, sing a lullaby.

The internal conflicts of the child can be expressed in a kind of "regression". He suddenly begins to speak badly, asks for a pacifier, demands feeding from a spoon. Don't be scared. This is a typical reaction of preschool children to the contradictions that torment them. In this way, the child, as it were, is protected from difficult and incomprehensible situations for him. Take note of these conditions, but don't be horrified by them. Over time, the regressive phenomena will pass. If they remain for a long time, seek help from a qualified specialist.

Try to communicate with your baby with humor. Teach him to love jokes and entertainment. In some situations, you can gently tease him or laugh at yourself. Laughter can help you cope with the whims of the child, avoid conflict situations.

3. About parental love

Don't be afraid to show your baby that you love him. Some parents think that it is impossible to openly express their feelings for a child, otherwise a minion and a sissy will grow out of it. Everything is good in moderation. There is a difference between the constant exaggerated admiration for your child: “Oh, you are our beloved, you are our dear!” – and a true, natural expression of love for him. It is unlikely that a woman will believe in a man's love if she does not hear the words of recognition. Why are we so afraid to tell our children that we love them? After all, they themselves often exclaim: “Mommy, how I love you!” - not ashamed of their feelings. For a baby, confirmation that he is loved is very important, especially when, for some reason, he is separated from his parents. In the course of numerous experiments, scientists have proven that children who are in the hospital tolerate separation from their parents better and recover faster when they are sure that they are loved, and do not think that their parents left them there as punishment for bad behavior.

One can give such an example.

Five-year-old Olesya was capricious and screamed loudly every time she didn’t like something. At the same time, she stamped her feet and threw toys. The adults could neither calm nor persuade her. In the end, the parents decided to do this: let the girl cry alone. But so that she does not feel rejected, abandoned, her mother will affectionately talk to her and try to explain that everyone in the family loves her and it is very unpleasant for them to hear her crying. Parents achieved their goal: Olesya believed in parental love, became less capricious and eventually calmed down completely.

A few words about ways of expressing warm feelings. They can be verbal and non-verbal. The verbal way is verbal expressions, the non-verbal way is facial expressions and gestures. Both of them are very important. Some parents believe that when the baby grows up, he no longer needs physical contact with his parents. However, experimental data show that at the age of up to five years, it is precisely such contact that is necessary not only for the emotional, but also for the mental development of the child.

Chapter III. How to distract a child from whims

One way to recover from childhood whims and tantrums is to turn the child's attention to something else. For example: “Oh, what big tears disappear! Let's put them in a bottle!" Or: “Look, a whim sits on your shoulder and cries. Let's get her out!" You can distract the baby's attention with some new bright object or offer him interesting activity. For example, watch a filmstrip, a cartoon or read your favorite fairy tale with him.

You can invite your child to participate in an activity of your choice (cleaning the apartment, cooking, etc.), or decide together what you will do. Or you can join your child's activities. Stop being a strict parent for a while, become an equal participant in some children's game.

For example, play as a family. Take on the role of a child, and let your baby be a father or mother. Playing the role of an adult, he will use the experience gained in the family, and you will see yourself as if from the outside. And this is sometimes very useful!

All three communication options are very important. When a child connects to your affairs, he feels his need, joins the world of adults. If you decide together what to do, he gets used to democratic communication: he learns ways to choose what everyone likes, and not just him. By playing a children's game, you yourself learn to understand the baby, and the child feels his importance (after all, in games he is always the main one, and the parent is only a timid student). But the most important thing, of course, is that in all cases the child enjoys communication together, feels parental love and becomes more understanding and gentle himself.

1. Nursery rhymes

You can distract and amuse the baby with folk rhymes.

Finger boy, where have you been?
With this brother I went to the forest,
I cooked cabbage soup with this brother,
I ate porridge with this brother,
I sang songs with this brother.

At these words, the adult goes through the fingers of the child: first the big one, then the rest.
Take any soft toy, for example, a cat, and, turning to her, jokingly shaking her finger, say:

pussy pussy
Pussy, get out!
To the track
Don't sit down!
Our baby
Will go
Through the pussy will fall!

At the last words, the adult hugs the baby and presses the cat to him.
A child may also be interested in a poem about a bunny.

Once upon a time there was a bunny
Long ears.
Frostbitten bunny
Ears on the edge.
Frostbitten nose,
Frostbite ponytail
And went to warm up
Visit the kids.

Try to beat this poem about a bird:

The bird sat on the window
Stay with us for a while!
Sit down, don't fly away
Flew away. - Ai!

At the beginning of the poem, a toy is shown, and at the end (at the word "Ai!") - she hides. You can show a live bird sitting outside the window.
Depict a steam locomotive and this will cheer up the child. The content of the poem "Locomotive" includes his baby in an active game, motor and onomatopoeic.

Steam locomotive buzzed
And he brought wagons.
Choo-choo, choo-choo!
I will go far!

The poem must be read in a clear rhythm, singing the last line lingering, imitating the locomotive whistle. You can stand up, holding each other, and moving around the room to the beat of the words, repeat together: “Choh-choh, choo-choo! choo-choo, choo-choo!"
An adult can portray a horse that stands shaking its head, and then go on a journey with a baby on its back.

Hop! Hop! The horse is alive
And with a tail and a mane,
He shakes his head -
That's how beautiful!
You get on a horse
And hold on with your hands.
Look at us -
We're leaving for mom.

You can, as it were, “wrestle” with a child and make him laugh with a nursery rhyme:

I will tie the goat
To the white birch.
I will bind the horned
To the white birch:
Stop my goat
Stop, don't be afraid
white birch,
Stop, don't swing.

If there is a cat in the house, bring it to the child and sing this joke:

Like our cat
The coat is very good.
Like a cat mustache
amazing beauty,
Bold eyes, white teeth.
The cat went to the street
Bought a bun for a cat
Do you eat yourself?
Or should Borenka (Petenka, Vanechka, etc.) be demolished?
I'll bite myself
And I'll take down Borenka.

2. Riddles

Ask your child riddles about animals, maybe they will interest him, and he will forget about his whims.

You will find her
Summer in the swamp.
green frog,
Who is it? (Frog.)

cunning cheat,
Red head.
Fluffy tail - beauty!
And her name is ... (Fox.)

Gets up early
Singing in the yard.
Scallop on the head
Who is this? (Cockerel.)

She usually takes her time
He wears a strong shield on his back.
Under it, not knowing fear,
Walking ... (Turtle.)

Who's on the tree, on the bitch
Everyone screams: “Coo-coo, coo-coo?”

(Cuckoo.)

shakes his beard,
Wandering across the lawn
"Give me herbs,
Me-e-her.

I don't understand
I don't understand
Who is mooing all the time: "Moo"?

3. Games

A very good distraction for a child who is naughty is joint games. Some of them I want to offer you. These games are not only entertaining, but also educational.

Sun and rain

Game for kids 2-3 years old. She teaches children to designate one object with the help of another. So, a chair or table in this game will be a house in which you need to hide. You can use a circle outlined in chalk as a house, or a corner of a room. The driver says: "The sun is in the sky, you can go for a walk." Players jump, run, dance. At the words of the driver: “The rain starts, hurry home!” The children should run to their houses. The driver praises those who did it faster and more dexterously.

Duck

The adult in this game takes on the role of a duck, and the children take on the role of ducklings that follow the duck with its tail. The duck calls the ducklings with a tongue twister:

Faster, faster ducks
Faster, faster, wild feathers.

The duckling (or several ducklings) line up one after another after the duck and follow it around the room, overcoming various obstacles - crawling under chairs, climbing over the sofa, etc. At the same time, you can offer the kids to imitate the quacking of ducklings for greater reliability.

Geese are flying

The adult in this game is the driver. He names various birds that fly: “ducks fly”, “geese fly”, etc. After these words, children should raise their hands and wave their “wings” if the named bird really flies. But when the driver says, for example, “pikes are flying,” the players stand without raising their hands. The one who makes a mistake gives the driver a phantom (the thing belonging to him), and then, at the request of the driver, performs some task. In this game, the driver names only those animals and birds that are known to children, that is, tasks must correspond to the age of the kids.

hide and seek

You can play hide and seek if there is enough space in the apartment for this. Children love to hide, and this game will quickly amuse a naughty toddler. Everyone knows the rules of the game, I will not repeat them, I will only note that you should not try to hide so that the child cannot find you, and you should not find him very quickly either. Look for him, intrigue, then, having found him, make a very surprised look, they say, how did you manage to hide like that, I barely found you (found)!

Chepen

A fun game, reminiscent of the famous collective game "If life is fun, do it ...". The players stand in a circle, the driver is in the middle. If you are playing alone with your baby, stand opposite each other. You will be a chepena - the leader of the game. The child must repeat all your words and movements. And the words are:

Left foot, chepena,
Goy, goy, chepena.

(The players repeat the words and bounce on their left foot.)

Right foot, chepena,
Goy, goy, chepena.

(All the same, just bounce on the right foot.)

Let's go ahead, chepena,
Goy, goy, chepena.

(Children repeat the same.)

Let's go back, chepena,
Goy, goy, chepena.

(Players repeat.)

Movements can be invented ad infinitum. You can finish everything with a dance:

Let's dance, chepena,
Goy, goy chepena.

Handkerchief

A game of skill and attention. Recommended for two or more participants. The players become in a circle and lead a round dance (it is possible to the music). At the end of the music, or just at some point, the driver throws up a handkerchief. The task of the other players is to catch him. Whoever catches the scarf first wins!

silent

Before the start of the game, the participants pronounce a rhyme, for example:

An apple rolled in the garden
And fell right into the water...
Boole!

After that, everyone should be silent. The host tries to make the players laugh with different movements, words, facial expressions. Whoever laughs, he lost. He gives the leader a phantom, and then performs some task.

Land and water

Reaction game. She will laugh and distract the child from the whims. The leader is in charge of the game. It can be you and your baby. You can also involve other family members in the game, for example, a grandmother or a baby's brother (sister).

At the word of the leader "land", the player or players jump forward, at the word "water" - back.

Tasks can be changed at will. For example, do not jump if not everyone likes it, but raise your hands, squat, say something. The leader’s words can also be changed: “shore-river”, “sea-land”, etc.

treasure hunt

Hide some sweets or toys in the room. Interest the child in the fact that the “treasure” is very tasty or very pleasant for him. Then outline the place where you need to look for it. The degree of difficulty of the task depends on the age of the child. You should not hide the "treasure" so that the baby, exhausted, simply stops looking for it. He must find what is hidden, and the joy of knowing that he was able to do this will be great.

What is your name

The host gives the player or players names: Button, Broom, Bubble, etc. After that, he asks the player questions to which he must answer in one word - his game name. If the participant makes a mistake or hesitates, he loses.

Bodywork

For this game, you can take a basket or present it. The players should, as it were, put different items in a basket in turn. Condition: Item names must start with one letter. For example, we put in the basket all the items with “a”: orange, alphabet, watercolor, watermelon, etc.

What is it? For this game you will need a scarf, toys or various small items. The participants in the game take turns blindfolding and trying to determine by touch what kind of object they were given. The objects must be familiar to the child so that he can guess them without much effort. Your task, on the contrary, is to think longer, to pretend that you are at a loss with an answer. The consciousness of one's superiority will greatly delight and amuse the child.

The sea is worried…

This game can be played alone with a child or in a company. The driver pronounces the words: “The sea worries - one, the sea worries - two, the sea worries - three ...” And then the task sounds: what figure should the player portray, and in conclusion: “Freeze the marine figure!” After that, the driver should try to make the players laugh. The one who laughs becomes the leader. Children love this game very much: they are happy to invent tasks and depict various figures.

Guess

This game distracts the baby from his problems, entertains, and also develops attention and visual memory. An adult shows the child several items, for example, toys (no more than 6-8, depending on age). Then he discreetly removes one or two of them. The child must remember what toys are missing. Instead of toys or objects, you can use pictures with images.

What did I think

The driver thinks of an object in the room. His task is to describe this item to another player, without naming it, but in a way that is understandable. The player must guess what the driver guessed. After that, they change places.

Zhmurki

This game is known to everyone and does not need a detailed explanation. One of those present (adult or child) is blindfolded and looks for the other, trying to grab him. Usually children like to be in the role of those they are looking for, they are amused by the helplessness of adults who find themselves in such a situation.

Snowball

The game trains memory well and develops attention. The players take turns saying any words that come to their mind. The main thing is that these are the names of objects or animals (nouns). When the first player calls a word, for example "house", the second player must first repeat it, and then say his word. The next player repeats all the previous words and calls his own. This continues until someone fails. Then you can repeat the game.

magic words

An adult acts as a driver who gives simple commands to other players: “Please raise your hands! Get up on your toes, please!" The players must repeat his commands, but on the condition that they sound with the word "please." Whoever makes a mistake is out of the game.

Games with improvised means

If there is a hoop in the house, you can compete with the child who will quickly crawl into it or jump in it from wall to wall.

You can come up with many games with a children's jump rope. For example, "harness" dad and play "horse". The kid happily runs around the apartment, holding on to the "reins".

If there is a ball, you can play football. In order not to break the dishes, change the conditions of the game: blindfolded, you need to make one hit on the ball. This will not be an easy task, because first the player is blindfolded, then they circle him in one place, and only after that he is given the opportunity to find the ball and hit it. If you don't find it, you lose!

You can arrange a competition with skittles. For example, who will collect them faster blindfolded. Or knock them out with a small ball - who will bring down more.

Interesting competition games can also be arranged with other items: tennis balls, toys, balloons, pencils, ropes, etc.

mini games

If at the most crucial moment you, unfortunately, cannot remember a single game or joke, try to invent them, because everything ingenious is very simple!

For example, invite the child to go for a walk and arrange a competition “Who will get dressed faster” or “Who will run to the hallway faster”. You can organize the game "Dress me." Let the child dress you for a walk, and you dress him. You have to play the role of an inept child and put on everything wrong. Let the baby laugh at you, the main thing is to calm him down, relieve nervous tension.

Game rules

Even the most good game should not be protracted, only then it will interest and amuse the child.

Play with your child willingly. If you only pretend that you are playing, and your head is busy with other things, he will immediately understand this, because children are very sensitive to falsehood.

4. The kid draws

A capricious baby can be distracted by an offer to draw together. Indeed, at the age of 1 to 5 years, all children love this activity very much. It promotes mental and creative development teaches you to be independent.

Invite your child to draw with anything: pencils, felt-tip pens, paints, inks. Put a large sheet of paper in front of him and draw something yourself. I'm sure he won't resist and will start drawing after you. In no case do not treat his art condescendingly-mockingly, cheer and praise him. And he will be interested in this interesting business.

IV. Conclusion

If you, dear parents, really want to help the baby get rid of whims, support him on the difficult path of becoming a person, then look at the world through his eyes more often in order to understand how he sees the family around him, you, himself. And many of the unresolved problems will become more understandable, you will get rid of the difficulties in education.

Remember that a child's good or bad behavior is the result of his inner activity. And in order for this result to be only good, you must help him.

Many parents complain that they have too much crybaby. Is it so? Maybe the parents themselves spoiled the little one to such an extent? Perhaps the cause of whims lies in a psychological or physical imbalance? Whatever the cause of children's tantrums, something needs to be done with the whims. That is, it is necessary to fight with such an emotional manifestation as a small "I". Let's try to find out the reasons why children are usually capricious, and give advice on how to cope with the excessive emotionality of the little man.

What causes a child to be moody?

A child from birth is a blank slate and the formation of a personality directly depends on the upbringing that parents give. Any manifestation of emotions, both positive and negative, is a reflection of the internal state of the little one. The reasons why a child becomes capricious lie in the following.

Physiological imbalance

At an early age, the baby is not yet aware of his feelings, therefore, he does not always understand that the cause of his moody mood is illness, hunger, fatigue, or fever. It is the "overflow" of the psyche with emotions caused by a physiological imbalance in the body that causes children's tantrums and dejected behavior.

Family microclimate

Overprotectiveness and overindulgence

Every parent wants to protect their child from all the difficulties and troubles of the outside world. We make a decision for him and protect him from the first childhood difficulties. We try to give gifts, showing our love. Such actions "to blow off dust particles" lead to the fact that the little one does not know what independence is and is "in no hurry" to grow up. He understands that with capricious antics, you can achieve everything you want. Spoiled often causes children's tears.

Age changes

Psychologists say that during the growing up of a child there are such periods that are called the age crisis. Usually it is three years and five years. During this period, many mothers notice drastic changes in the baby. Firstly, this happens because the child is trying to declare himself in defiance of his parents, he wants more freedom, independent decisions. Secondly, the overprotection of mom and dad "strain" him and he shows his adulthood with capricious antics.

How do whims manifest themselves depending on age?

The manifestation of his whims depends on the age of the child. According to psychologists, each age should have its own approach to the child and age-related changes should be taken into account in education.

Let's try to figure out how whims manifest themselves depending on the age of the baby.

2. Children from one to two. After a year, the baby understands perfectly well that one has only to cry, and the mother will immediately fulfill any of his desires. The concept of "impossible" for the child does not yet exist, and each refusal leads to another cry. Such behavior is provoked by parents who, under the "pressure" of the child's tantrums, allow them to do today what was impossible yesterday.

4. Children after three years. The child has already formed a character and self-esteem appears. At three years old, she is slightly overpriced, because before that the whole world was spinning around him. It is at this age that the crisis of three years (the crisis of age) occurs. Very often conflict situations between a child and parents or between him and peers in kindergarten cause whims (fall to the floor, throw something), which make parents seriously think about what to do with their child. How to prepare the baby for the society that awaits him in kindergarten, you can read in the article:.

What to do if you have a capricious child: 5 rules

The temperament of the baby depends on how capricious the baby is. Therefore, capricious children can be divided into the following groups according to the manifestation of emotions:

• the baby blows his lips and sobs offendedly;
• can sob uncontrollably;
• screams loudly;
• whimpers monotonously;
• shows aggressive emotions (bites, screams, throws).

A very capricious child, this is a lot of trouble for parents. To cope with the little one offers seven basic rules based on child psychology.

Rule #1. If a capricious baby, maybe they themselves are to blame?

First you need to find out the capricious baby or this condition is caused by the behavior of adults. In cases where in a crowded place your child falls on his ass and screams that he wants such a toy as in the window, then these are whims. If the child tries to fasten the jacket with the words "I myself", and the mother, being late, does it for him, then the mother is the provocateur of crying. Therefore, be patient, give a little independence and tantrums can be avoided.

Rule #2. There shouldn't be a chain reaction, control your emotions

As you know, aggression causes aggression and screaming at your child, you cause negativity, squealing and sobbing. The more you scold, the more insane the child is. Take care of yourself, stay calm and control your emotions. In a calm tone, tell the baby that you can’t behave like this, and you are very upset by this behavior. Further, the conversation should not be continued, since logical arguments will not help now. Satisfying whims is also not worth it. The best solution would be to ignore the fastidious and after the umpteenth time of such calm behavior on the part of the parents, the capricious "imp" will become a normal balanced child.

Rule #3. Do not use blackmail in education

Many parents blackmail a child with the words:

• "Don't shut up, I won't love...";
• "You won't stop crying, I won't give you a toy..."

Yes, you can't do it. This method, based on blackmail, will teach the baby to tell lies and resort to blackmail in cases where he needs something. Such upbringing can provoke such words in adolescence:

• "I'll run away if you don't let me meet with him...";
• "I'll leave the house if you scold me for deuces ...".

And worst of all, children in adolescence are so vulnerable and unpredictable that you don’t know if they just threaten or actually do it, having received parental refusal.

Rule #4. Always follow the chosen tactics

So that a capricious child does not manipulate parents with the help of screams, it is necessary to follow the same tactics always. At the first manifestations of children's whims, behave calmly and firmly, without outbursts of anger, explain what is possible and what is not. After a while, even when the baby starts to act up, asking for some thing again, refuse again, even if you really need to keep him busy with something. The behavior of parents today is impossible, and tomorrow it can only undermine the child's psyche even more, disorienting the child in positive and negative things.

Rule #5. Do not blame bad deeds

You can not say that the baby is a bad, capricious child. On the contrary, convince him that you love him, despite his behavior. Say that this act upset you, but you believe that he will not do this again. These conversations are necessary so that the child understands he is needed, he is loved, and if asked, he will certainly receive it, but a little later.

Author of the publication: Eduard Belousov