Quarrel with best friend: looking for ways to reconcile. How to reconcile quarreled friends What to do if friends quarreled

How wonderful it would be if the conflicts of loved ones did not concern you! But it was not there. Ira will come to the party, which means that Vika cannot be invited. Mom should not be told that you are going shopping with your aunt, an unwanted guest in your parents' house. And it is forbidden to congratulate Kolya on his birthday on Facebook - Olya will be offended. You worry, you try to please everyone at once, you find yourself first between the debaters, and then the extreme. Stop! To avoid all this, try ... not to overdo it.

OUR EXPERTS:
ELENA VINOGRADOVA,
individual psychologist-consultant
ALENA SAMOSHINA,
psychologist, trainer of the Positive Psychology Center “Smart Way”

friends quarreled
Sometimes conflict is a natural step on the way to a strong equal relationship. If your friends are close, they, alas, cannot avoid quarrels, and you cannot prevent this. But you can protect yourself. Lyuba (24) recalls: “Girlfriends said nasty things to each other for no reason. I began to reconcile them. Like, it's no secret to anyone that Zoya is quick-tempered, and Galya is stubborn. The girls listened and… bombarded me with accusations and reproaches. An hour later they made up, and they didn’t talk to me for a week.” If the quarrel is trifling, it is better to step back and let the parties blow off steam without turning anger on themselves. Small skirmishes, as a rule, are quickly forgotten. Your girlfriends may swear for a better reason - because of you. Jealousy extends far beyond romantic relationships. In this case, the conflicting parties will most likely want to drag you into a quarrel. This happened to Ira (21): “I had two girlfriends. And one of them asked me for the keys to the apartment in order to invite her boyfriend to visit. As luck would have it, the second wanted to use my living space for the same purpose and on the same evening. Both showed up to me and ... fought. And then they made me choose. Well, I chose: I didn’t give the keys to anyone. ” The girls must have been vying for Irina's best friend. And they wanted to force her to give preference to someone. The provocation failed, and they both took offense at Ira. In such a situation, it was necessary to have a heart-to-heart talk and resolve the cause of the quarrel (jealousy), and leave the conflict itself (the question with the keys) out of the brackets.

INTERVENE IF:
you are sure of the desire of both parties to reconcile;
you are the real cause of the conflict;
the quarrel over a trifle dragged on.
STAY AWAY IF:
recent conflict;
both sides demand advice, and you can't be impartial
petty quarrel.

lovers quarreled
Don't get involved. If they are your friends, give them the opportunity to solve the problem themselves. Most likely, sooner or later they will reconcile. But whether they want to continue their relationship with you (since you witnessed their conflict, moreover, took someone’s side) is unknown ... Natasha (23) did not succeed: “I introduced Yulia to Yura, a friend of my young man, and we couples became friends. The first conflict between Yulia and Yura was taken to heart by all four. I reported to a friend what her boyfriend was saying about her. My boyfriend informed a friend. As a result, Yulia and Yura quarreled even more. And then they reconciled, but without our participation. They are still together, but they don’t communicate with us.” The most difficult thing is to maintain relationships with friends who have parted for good. It is unlikely that it will be possible to completely avoid negative consequences, but it is possible to smooth the situation by marking the boundaries. Make it clear to both her and him that you are still friends and do not intend to listen to accusations or discuss the shortcomings of the former partner. You can support in another way, for example, spend more time with each one individually, try to distract and entertain. Neutrality is the healthiest position. Lina (27) was convinced of this: “I was friends with a couple, and when they broke up, I had a hard time. Both called, poured out a stream of nasty things, although these guys loved each other! I said: “Stop!” For some time we stopped communicating closely, but then everything got better. Most importantly, I retained the respect of both."

INTERVENE IF:
you have become aware of the circumstances that will bring the conflict to naught. For example, lovers mixed up the meeting place and waited for each other for more than an hour, then they got offended, and no one wants to call first.
STAY AWAY:
in other cases.

What happened?
We often intervene in disputes and disagreements among friends. We advise something, we say what to do, we convince them to behave this way and not otherwise. Why? There are several reasons. Sometimes we are afraid to stay away, to separate from loved ones, to lose our place next to them. Sometimes we are driven by the desire to attract attention to ourselves, to take part in what is happening - then we feel important and needed and forget about the risk of destroying relationships. One universal advice. Do you like this person? Respect boundaries. Respect in this case equals support.

Elena Vinogradova
men quarreled
We are about your loved one and his friend. The situation is difficult, because you should be on the side of your soul mate, but you don’t want him to lose a loved one. It all depends on your man. If he does not demand to immediately renounce the recent "brother in life", there will be no problems, and the chances of reconciling the fighters will increase. Julia (25) shares: “My young man had a company, but because of resentment towards a friend, he stopped communicating with her. I kept in touch with the guys and all the time invited Eric to follow my example. And one day he agreed. Everyone was very happy with him. Of course, it was not without an analysis of the situation (who is right, who is wrong, how it happened), but the main thing is that we are all friends again. In general, men are by nature more quick-witted and less vindictive, and also tend to be proud of the notorious male friendship. Therefore, they quarrel less often. If you feel tension between your boyfriend and his friend, figure out how to get them to do something together. Digging a garden or watching football is not important. The main thing is that both of them should be interested, and the lesson itself should not contain an element of rivalry. Usually all disagreements are forgotten after the first plowed square meters or cans of beer.
INTERVENE IF:
the conflict happened because of you;
you are sure that the beloved wants to make peace with a friend, but pride does not allow him.
STAY AWAY IF:
the reason for the quarrel is unknown to you and both are in no hurry to share with you;
your man does not regret his decision.

relatives quarreled
You have been connected to these people since birth and are not ready to answer the stupid "Who do you love more - mom or dad." There can be many situations, and each needs to be analyzed separately. The sister quarreled with her parents and left home. The father did not share the inheritance with his brother. Mom is offended by her mother-in-law. And at the age of 65, grandfather left his grandmother for another grandmother. All of them are dear to you - your sister gave you your first high-heeled shoes, you spent more than one happy summer at your uncle's dacha, your mother's mother-in-law is your own grandmother, and your grandfather put you, little one, on his knees and told exciting tales ... The most important thing is - do not choose. Make it clear to each participant in the conflict that you love both and intend to keep in touch with them. Remember also that, as a rule, we say the most offensive things to close people. And therefore do not arrange tragedies, do not take seriously all the words spoken. Observe and intervene only in the most extreme cases. If a close relative and not so close quarreled, this does not mean that bread crumbs should be thrown at the second during a common feast. Be polite, despite the obvious craving to protect a loved one. Do not give rise to unnecessary accusations, do not aggravate the conflict. Your calmness will show the warriors that you are still one big family.
INTERVENE IF:
the quarrel affects your interests;
you can help the offended to understand something (applies only to the younger ones, the older ones will not listen to advice);
your presence deprives the quarrel of the opportunity to swear (this advice is only applicable if the conflict is not protracted and there is a chance that everyone will soon calm down and forget about its cause).
STAY AWAY:
in other cases.
Not in the war
♦ If you find yourself in the epicenter of a conflict between loved ones, pay attention to the advice of Alena Samoshina.
♦ Don't take a position.
♦ Do not act as an arbitrator, it may well be that you do not know all the circumstances.
♦ Do not say "you're right" to both, wanting to seem good.
♦ Do not discuss with each side the shortcomings of the enemy.
♦ Don't make decisions for those in conflict.
♦ Stay neutral.
♦ In response to a request to judge those who are in a quarrel, say: "I treat both of you well, but you are adults, I'm sure you can figure it out yourself."
♦ If you know for sure that the parties are ready to reconcile, mediate. Did not work - close the topic.
♦ Take it for granted that from now on you will communicate with each one individually.

A quarrel for any person is always a very unpleasant moment, which is best overcome as quickly as possible. What to do if you are guilty in front of your best friend or girlfriend? How to make peace if he is the culprit of the conflict? Taking the first step is easier than you think! And even from a hopeless situation, you can always find the right way. The main thing is to know how to act correctly.

Step #1 - Analysis

Small grievances, quarrels and misunderstandings are normal situations in human relationships. However, major conflicts do occur from time to time.

In any quarrel, the best action while emotions are still running high is inaction. Of course, it's a shame, you want to prove to your friend how wrong he is, but these showdowns on the wave of strong experiences can only do harm. A caustic word spoken in the heat of a quarrel can greatly injure a friend and even lead to the impossibility of reconciliation. And if you make peace, then the friend will still remember what you said in a hurry, which will also have a bad effect on the relationship.

The very first thing to do if you have a fight with your friends is to calm down. Take a short break of two or three days, think carefully and analyze the situation. Who was right and who was wrong? What caused the quarrel?

The reasons may be different. Different views on some things, emotions from insignificant actions and even betrayal. If you want to keep your friendship, it is important to understand that you can act only when you have thought and analyzed everything well.

If the quarrel was, as they say, “from scratch”, then it will not take much time to “cool down”. Once you feel like you want to reconnect, try to fix the situation as quickly as possible. Otherwise, your resentment, the resentment of your friend, may intensify. If the reason for the conflict was significant enough, then it will take more time to think.

How to reconcile with a friend? The most effective method is to understand him and discuss the problem with him. Try to look at the situation from a different angle. How did you behave in it? What could have pushed a friend to resentment? It is very important to understand that each person has their own thoughts and emotions that you may not understand very well. Words and actions affect different people in different ways: what seems trifling to one may be very, very important to another. Try to put yourself in her place: how would you feel in a quarrel? Are your imagined feelings different from your friend's actual reaction? If yes, why? Perhaps she has her own reasons and motives.

Step #2 - Dialogue

The only way to reconciliation is through dialogue. You need to talk to your friends, find out how they see the situation, ask their opinion. Ignoring the problem can only aggravate the situation, which is why you need to take its solution into your own hands.

If the conflict was your fault, you must definitely admit it to yourself and to a friend. You need to sincerely ask for forgiveness and, if possible, explain your words and behavior. Other people are unlikely to have the ability to read minds. What seems natural to you may be strange and incomprehensible to them. Explain the motives of your actions, your feelings, thoughts about this.

If the quarrel arose through the fault of a girlfriend or friend, then the first step towards reconciliation on your part is a strong decision that many will appreciate. Ask him about what motivated him, why he did this, said certain words. Before you get angry at him, take offense and criticize, put yourself in his place, consider the situation from his point of view. The advice is simple, but it is he who will help you better understand a friend.

For an important conversation, it is best to choose a quiet and peaceful place so that you can talk without outside interference. The following phrases will come in handy during the dialogue:

1. Our friendship means a lot to me.
2. Tell me, please, once again your opinion about our conflict.
3. I understand correctly, you think that "..."?

Of course, these phrases must be spoken "in your own language", the way you are used to talking with your friends. The first phrase is very important for a friend to understand that you are interested in reconciliation, that this quarrel is just a situation, the cause of which needs to be found out, understood and avoided in the future. Having heard about how valuable friendship with him is for you, a person will more easily go to reconciliation, explain his vision of the problem in more detail.

The second phrase is one of the most important in the conversation. Finding out each other's thoughts about the conflict is simply necessary in order to consider the situation in its entirety.

To understand a person correctly, it is imperative to use phrase number 3. If you say: “I understood correctly, the reason for our conflict, in your opinion, is ...”, and the interlocutor agrees with you, then he will be pleased that he was understood correctly, and reconciliation will happen much faster and easier. If there is a misunderstanding between you, then the friend will explain once again his vision of the problem.

1. Give a little surprise to a friend. For example, come to a meeting with your favorite sweets. It will become clear to him that you are attentive towards him and set to reconciliation.
2. Find a compromise. Are you or your friend to blame? In any case, you need to find a compromise, a mutually beneficial way out.
3. A little humor will help correct the situation, make it easier. It is only very important that a friend understands that this is a joke. It must be said with a smile.
4. If you understand that a friend avoids some points in the discussion, then you need to listen to her desire. Why irritate and offend her?
5. You discussed the situation, but your friend is still sulking? Give him time. All people are different, everyone needs their own margin of time to “cool down” from a quarrel and communicate again as before.
6. You can not discuss a friend with friends. Offended, you can say too much, after some time these words can “reach” to the one with whom you quarreled. In this case, reconciliation will be more difficult.
7. One of the most important things is to learn to forgive. Look at the situation, perhaps the reason for the quarrel was completely insignificant. Is it worth ruining a good relationship because of him?
8. There are situations when a friend has made his choice in favor of other people, he wants to stop communicating with you. In this case, you can go to the side. If you have become superfluous in the life of a former friend, you should not bother him.

How to reconcile with your best friend? Now you know the answer. The most important thing is to wait for some time until strong negative emotions go away, and then start discussing the problem, listen to a different opinion, find the cause of the problem and eradicate it.

Quarrel with a friend

A quarrel is a nuisance that is sometimes very difficult to prevent. Almost all of us, sooner or later, seriously or not, are able to quarrel with friends. Anything can be the cause of a quarrel, the consequences are simply unpredictable. The conflict is already a nuisance in itself, which does not give pleasure, but its result is also not pleasing.

Of course, these very consequences can be different, from a spoiled mood for a certain period of time to problems and a lot of trouble that an angry and annoyed friend can deliver to you. For this reason, perhaps everyone would like to avoid a quarrel with a friend.

It is easy to prevent such a nuisance. It is necessary to eliminate the cause of the quarrel. The problem is that sometimes this bone of contention not only cannot be eliminated, but sometimes it is even difficult to notice. And all because the conspicuous basis of the conflict may not be a cause at all, but only a reason for a quarrel.

So, for example, you can quarrel over some nonsense - one of your friends said or did something wrong. In fact, the real repulsive factor may be something else. Let's suppose the quarrelsome nature of a friend who is able to see a problem in everything and see a potential enemy in everyone, looking for a convenient excuse to offend, insult, harm. In this case, quarrels with such a person will become commonplace for you. After all, there is always a reason for scandal.

It is difficult to avoid such a quarrel. Something needs to change drastically here. You can, of course, become just as harmful and quarrelsome, see everything as a reason for swearing and communicate with a friend at the level of “and you yourself are bad.” What this will lead to - you will soon understand for yourself if you try. But certainly no good. Although sometimes there are miracles when, having seen enough of "his reflection", a harmful friend is re-educated, but these are just miracles, and you should not count on their implementation.

Therefore, you can choose a different path. The simplest is to refuse to communicate with such a friend. But if, due to affection, you cannot resort to such a measure, try to have a serious talk with him, choosing the right moment (that is, not in the heat of a quarrel). In addition, when communicating with a friend, take into account this feature of his character and be softer, calmer, do not go into conflict. In addition, treat this problem with humor, perhaps a good joke will save the day more than once and prevent a thunderstorm.

A quarrel caused by some serious reason can only be prevented in one way - always take into account the interests of a friend (although you should not get carried away and forget about your own).

If a quarrel occurred between your friends, then sometimes you can find that in some incomprehensible way this quarrel has become not only theirs, but also your problem.

You can avoid such trouble only if you immediately take a neutral position. Of course, this does not mean that you will immediately tell your friends: “I don’t know anything, my hut is on the edge.” But at the same time, you should not recklessly take sides, you may be drawn into a conflict.

It’s better in this case to listen carefully to the “opponents” in order to find out what caused the quarrel. It may be worth inviting friends to calmly discuss the cause of the conflict. Everyone will explain their point of view, but you can help them figure it out. Or if the quarrel between your acquaintances is too serious, then you should say: “I don’t know how it really happened, and I’m not going to draw conclusions.” In this case, if your arguers are not too impulsive, they will understand your rightness, and trouble will not touch you.