When heavy news of loss comes to a family or circle of close people, relatives, friends, colleagues, one should remember the need for support and delicacy. It is very bitter to lose your loved ones, but find the strength in yourself to find words, express your sympathy and condolences in connection with death. loved one, necessary.

How is it right to offer condolences, to tell how they loved the deceased, what human qualities they especially valued and respected for?

Funeral speech

Parting words at the funeral should be concise and logically built. No matter how difficult it is to pronounce them, they should not be unprepared, indistinct, excessively confused. This may be perceived as disrespectful to the deceased. So over the words that will sound during the funeral and farewell, you should think in advance, highlight the main theses in it, draw up a diagram of a mourning speech. Its main parts and examples are given below:

The main parts of the mourning speech

1. Address to the funeral guests
   “Dear relatives and friends (name of the deceased)…”, “Dear guests!”, “Beloved and relatives…”.
2. Representing oneself, indicating the degree of relationship with the deceased.
   “My name is (proper name), we (name of the deceased) were colleagues (friends, etc.) for ... years”, “We were neighbors with ...”, “Dad was ...”.
3. A recollection of a tragic event and a brief account of one's own experiences, of one's pain.
   “Yesterday we met with him…”, “40 days have already passed since…”, “He hasn’t been with us for a year…”.
4. characteristics of the deceased.
   “He always smiled…”, “He fought to the end for life…”, “He taught me…”.
5. Condolences or conventional memorial words.
   “Sincerely condolences ...”, “Let the earth rest in peace”, “Eternal memory”, “Rest in peace”.

Remembering a deceased person, at a funeral, you should not retell his biography. You can say a few words about any significant episode of life, interesting fact that reflect the dignity of the deceased. It is worth focusing the attention of the people gathered at the funeral on the quality that is highly valued. It is better to keep silent about negative traits, sins, weaknesses, about an ambiguous attitude towards the deceased, following the Russian proverb “About the deceased, it’s either good, or nothing.”

Words of sorrow must come from the heart. Here is an example of a mourning speech delivered by the adopted daughter of Alexander Abdulov, Ksenia Alferova:

“How grateful I am to God, to fate, that you were in my life. You are not my own dad - I really never felt that. When I found out about this, I was terribly upset. I thought that this was some kind of injustice - he should have a child of his own, and by the end of his life he, or rather, she appeared! At first I was delighted, and then I was afraid that you would no longer need me. I now realized that this is stupid, I realized that you needed me no less than you needed me ... It’s a pity that you understand such things too late.

Examples of a brief verbal condolence

When choosing words of grief intended for well-known relatives of the deceased, it is worth considering a deeply personal sympathetic phrase. Words must be sincere and delicate. In moments of bitter loss, at funerals, the sense of falsehood is exacerbated.

The choice of words and format for verbal condolences depends on the circumstances. If a narrow circle of relatives and friends of the deceased gathers, the speech can be especially heartfelt, personal.

If you carry out a man on his last journey going a large number of people, then brief expressions of condolence are more appropriate, because the words of sympathy and grief should have time to utter all those gathered.

Here are examples of such words:

• We all hurt, but you are the hardest of all. If I can help you, please contact me right away.
• Brace yourself. We mourn with you.
• I sincerely sympathize with your loss.
• Our family is very supportive of you. With the departure of (name of the deceased), we lost a piece of ourselves.
• (Name of the deceased) was such a wonderful person, we always took an example from him. He will forever remain in our hearts.
• What a loss! I pray for (name of the deceased).
• (Name of the deceased) did so much for me, I will never forget him. Sincere condolences to you.

memorial speech

To commemorate the deceased, it is customary to gather a circle of relatives and people close to him on, and through. The words heard at the wake are traditionally imbued with warmth and light sadness. They talk at the wake about the deceased person, recall various stories and incidents from life.

• Memorial speeches, as well as mourning speeches at a funeral, are compiled according to the classical plan. At the same time, one should not forget about the need to declare a minute of silence in memory of the deceased. The role of the manager, who announces it, and also gives the floor to the audience in turn, as a rule, is assumed by a person close to the family of the deceased.
• According to tradition, the words of the memorial speech are first pronounced by the closest people to the deceased person - parents, spouses, children, brothers and sisters, and then friends and colleagues. The steward should always have a few appropriate prepared phrases in case the performance of any of the guests is interrupted by crying.
• Memorial words are always pronounced standing up. Their main task is to resurrect in the memory of the audience the bright memories of the deceased.

Here is an example of the words of a memorial speech on behalf of children remembering their father:

“Father has always been a great example not only for all of us, but also for many people around him. We learned from him to see and distinguish the true values ​​of life, to give others kindness. Many people who knew him admired his bright soul. We think that father left us too soon. Eternal memory to him!

Poems and toasts

At a funeral, poetry is categorically inappropriate, while at a wake - on days 9 or 40, a year after death, poetry can sound more sincere and penetrating than ever. Poems in these cases are permissible, but carefully and in moderation, and it is better if they are of their own composition.

Funerals are said at the table. They should not concern exclusively the personality of the deceased. Guests pronouncing toasts can express words of sympathy and sorrow for all the dead.

Here are examples of poems and toasts:

You passed away too soon

Our pain cannot be expressed in words.

Sleep, dear, you are our pain and wound,

The memory of you is always alive.

Without you my soul is anxious

You don't need girlfriends and friends.

Why is it possible without millions?

Why can't you do without one?

“Friends, today is a day of mourning. There was a time when we had fun and rejoiced with the departed (her) from us. But today we drink this cup of sorrow, seeing off a person close to us on the last journey. But we will keep in our hearts a good memory of our friend, having hope for new meeting in a new place. Let's drink to the bottom of this!"

Sincerely and tactfully convey condolences in connection with the loss is always difficult. Especially if you have to do it in person. There are certain forms of etiquette that keep communication going smoothly despite the tragedy of the moment. We hope that our advice will help you to hold on to your dignity and show your best sides.

condolence word examples

To find the right expressions, you need to gather your thoughts and look into yourself.

Don't try to hide behind dry clichés, but don't get too emotional either. Never use swear words in speech.

If you have to express condolences in writing, avoid exclamation marks. Be brief and straightforward - the person is gone forever, and you can't hide it with any softening expressions.

How formal your appeal will be depends on specific case, but it is necessary to end it with a question, how you could help.

Both in writing and orally, you can use the following text as an example:

• “A wonderful man is gone. I send my condolences to you and your entire family at this sad and difficult moment”;
• “I mourn your loss. I know this is a hard blow for you”;
• “I was told that your brother was dead. I am very sorry and I send you my condolences”;
• “I want to express my deepest regret about the death of your father. If there's anything I can do to help, please let me know."

When to Express Condolences

Time, like words, also has great importance. You should be tactful towards the relatives of the deceased.

Usually, those who want to express regret over someone's death are concerned about two things: will I interfere with the mourners, and is it not too late (is it not too early) to turn now?

1. The first point is psychological.. It happens that there is no experience in such conversations, or you are afraid to enter a house that death has recently visited, or during the life of the deceased you did not get along with his family ... Most often, people simply torment themselves, feeling that they are obliged to come or call, but are afraid to see someone else's grief and do not know how to behave in such a situation.
2. The second point relates to moral behavior. Is it possible to call the family of the deceased as soon as you hear the bad news? Is it worth waiting for a funeral to support his family there? And if you were not invited to either the funeral or the commemoration, then when to come with condolences? Will it be too late next week?

No matter how difficult and scary it may be for you, you should appear or call when you feel that this is expected of you. For example, a friend, relative, neighbor needs comfort. In addition, if you know that your presence or a few nice words on the phone will encourage a person, you should do it on the principle of "if not me, then who."

You may not be best friends, you may not have been in this family for a long time, but sometimes support from strangers is needed, especially if the mourner is alone and insecure. These can be pensioners, widows, orphans, young mothers with baby, just closed people who find it difficult to count on help.

Don't get overly embarrassed. Even if you are received distantly or asked to be shorter and leave, then at least your behavior will be correct.

Yet most mourners need and wait for visitors and calls. If you are close to them, call as soon as you hear about the grief. If not very close, it will be more formal to come or call in the first three days after the funeral.

After a maximum of a week, it is customary to bring condolences from employees from work, and if you turn even later, then prepare a short excuse (didn’t know, were in another country, etc.).

What can't be said

Worn out phrases that you can get rid of if a friend just has another trouble are categorically not suitable during the period of mourning for the deceased.

In order not to hurt a person experiencing a loss, common mistakes should be avoided:

Finally, even without knowing how to properly express your condolences in words, you can do it from the heart - just with your silent presence. When trouble comes to the house, we need each other even without words. Do not leave loved ones and friends alone with your grief!

Life does not stand still ... Some come into this world, while others leave it. Faced with the fact that someone has died among relatives and friends, people consider it necessary to support the grieving person, express their condolences and sympathy to him. Condolence- this is not some special ritual, but a responsive, sympathetic attitude to the experiences, misfortune of another, expressed in words - orally or in writing - and actions. What words to choose, how to behave so as not to offend, not to hurt, not to cause even more suffering?

The word condolence speaks for itself. This, to put it simply, is not so much a ritual as " co joint disease". Let this not surprise you. In fact, grief is a disease. This is a very difficult, painful condition for a person, and it is well known that "grief shared is half grief." Condolence usually goes along with sympathy ( Compassion - joint feeling, general feeling) From this it is clear that condolence is the sharing of grief with a person, an attempt to take on part of his pain. And in a broader sense, condolences are not only words, the presence next to the grieving, but also deeds that are aimed at comforting the mourner.

Condolences are not only oral, addressed directly to the grieving, but also written, when a person who cannot express it directly for some reason expresses his sympathy in writing.

Also, offering condolences is various occasions part of business ethics. Such condolences are expressed by organizations, institutions, firms. Condolences are also used in the diplomatic protocol, when it is expressed at the official level in interstate relations.

Oral condolences to the grieving

The most common way to express condolences is verbally. Oral condolences are expressed by relatives, acquaintances, friends, neighbors, colleagues to those who were closer to the deceased by family, friendship and other ties. Oral condolences are expressed at a personal meeting (most often at a funeral, commemoration).

The first and most important condition for expressing verbal condolences is that it should not be formal, empty, behind which there is no work of the soul and sincere sympathy. Otherwise, condolence turns into an empty and formal ritual, which not only does not help the grieving, but in many cases causes him additional pain. Unfortunately, this is not uncommon these days. I must say that people in grief subtly feel lies that at other times they will not even notice. Therefore, it is very important to express your sympathy as sincerely as possible, and not try to speak empty and false words in which there is no warmth.

How to Express Condolences:

To express condolences, please consider the following:

• You don't have to be ashamed of your feelings. Do not try to artificially restrain yourself in showing kind feelings to the grieving and in expressing warm words to the deceased.
• Remember that condolences can often be expressed in more than just words. If you cannot find the right words, condolences can be expressed by what your heart tells you. In some cases, it is quite enough to touch the grieving. You can (if in this case it is appropriate and ethical) shake or stroke his hand, hug, or even just cry next to the grieving. This will also be an expression of sympathy and your grief. Condolences who are not in close relations with the family of the deceased or knew him little during his lifetime can also do so. It is enough for them to shake hands with their relatives at the cemetery as a sign of condolence.
• It is very important when expressing condolences not only to choose sincere, comforting words, but also to back up these words with an offer of all possible help. This is a very important Russian tradition. Sympathetic people at all times have understood that their words without deeds can turn out to be dead, formal. What are these things? This is a prayer for the deceased and the grieving (you can not only pray yourself, but also submit notes to the church), this is an offer of help with the housework and organization of the funeral, this is all possible material assistance (this does not mean at all that you are “paying off”), as well as many other types of assistance. Actions will not only reinforce your words, but also make life easier for the grieving, and also allow you to do a good deed.

Therefore, when you say words of condolence, do not hesitate to ask how you can help the grieving, what you can do for him. This will give your condolences weight, sincerity.

How to find the right words to express condolences

Finding the right, sincere, accurate, words of condolence that would reflect your sympathy is also not always easy. How to pick them up? There are rules for this:

People at all times, before saying words of condolence, prayed. This is very important, because it is so difficult to find the kind words needed in this situation. And prayer calms us, draws our attention to God, Whom we ask for the repose of the deceased, for consolation to his relatives. In prayer, in any case, we find certain sincere words, some of which we can later say in condolences. We highly recommend that you pray before you go to offer condolences. You can pray anywhere, it will not take much time and effort, it will not cause harm, but it will bring a huge amount of benefit.

In addition, we often have grievances, both for the person to whom we will bring condolences, and for the deceased himself. It is these resentments and understatements that often prevent us from saying words of consolation.

So that this does not interfere with us, it is necessary in prayer to forgive those whom you are offended by, and then the necessary words will come by themselves.

• Before you say words of comfort to a person, it is better to think about your attitude towards the deceased.

In order for the necessary words of condolence to come, it would be good to remember the life of the deceased, the good that the deceased did for you, remember what he taught you, the joys that he brought you during his life. You can remember history and highlights his life. After that, it will be much easier to find the necessary, sincere words for condolences.

• Before expressing sympathy, it is very important to think about how the person (or those people) to whom you are going to express condolence are feeling right now.

Think about their experiences, the degree of their loss, their inner state at the moment, the history of the development of their relationship. If you do this, then the right words will come by themselves. You will only have to say them.

It is important to note that even if the person to whom condolences are addressed had a conflict with the deceased, if they had a difficult relationship, betrayal, then this should in no way affect your attitude towards the grieving. You cannot know the degree of repentance (present and future) of this person or people.

The expression of condolence is not only the sharing of grief, but also an obligatory reconciliation. When a person says words of sympathy, it is quite appropriate to sincerely briefly apologize for what you consider yourself guilty of to the deceased or the person to whom you offer condolences.

Examples of verbal condolences

Here are some examples of verbal condolences. We want to emphasize that these are EXAMPLES. You should not use exclusively ready-made stamps, because. the person to whom you bring condolences needs not so much Right words how much empathy, sincerity and honesty.

• He meant a lot to me and to you, I grieve with you.
• Let it be a consolation to us that he gave so much love and warmth. Let's pray for him.
• There are no words to express your grief. She meant a lot in your life and mine. Never forget…
• It is very hard to lose such a dear person. I share your grief. How can I help you? You can always count on me.
• I'm sorry, please accept my condolences. If I can do something for you, I will be very happy. I would like to offer my help. I would be happy to help you...
• Unfortunately, in this imperfect world, this has to be experienced. He was a bright man whom we loved. I will not leave you in your grief. You can count on me at any moment.
• This tragedy affected everyone who knew her. You, of course, are now the hardest of all. I want to assure you that I will never leave you. And I will never forget her. Please, let's walk this path together.
• Unfortunately, I only now realized how unworthy my bickering and quarrels with this bright and dear person were. Forgive me! I grieve with you.
• This is a huge loss. And a terrible tragedy. I pray and will always pray for you and for him.
• It's hard to put into words how much good he did me. All our disagreements are dust. And what he did for me, I will carry through my whole life. I pray for him and mourn with you. I will gladly help you at any time.

I would like to emphasize that when expressing condolences, one should do without pomposity, pathos, theatricality.

What not to say when expressing condolences

Let's talk about common mistakes made by those who try to somehow support the grieving, but in fact risk causing him even more severe suffering.

Everything that will be said below applies only to the expression of CONDOLENCE for PEOPLE EXPERIENCED THE MOST ACUTE, SHOCK stage of mourning, which usually begins from the first day and can end on days 9-40 of loss (if mourning is normal). ALL ADVICE IN THIS ARTICLE IS GIVEN WITH CALCULATION EXACTLY ON SUCH Grieving.

As we have already said, the most important thing is that condolences should not be formal. We must try not to speak (not write) insincere, general words. In addition, it is very important that when expressing condolences, empty, banal, meaningless and tactless phrases do not sound. It is important to note that in an effort to console a person who has lost a loved one in any way, gross mistakes are made, which not only do not console, but can also be a source of misunderstanding, aggression, resentment, disappointment on the part of the grieving. This is because a psychologically grieving person in the shock stage of grief experiences, perceives and feels everything differently. That is why it is better not to make mistakes when expressing condolences.

Here are examples of common phrases that, according to experts, it is not recommended to say when expressing condolences to a person who is in an acute phase of grief:

You can't "comfort" the future

"Time will pass, still give birth"(if the child died)," You are beautiful, then will you still get married"(if the husband died), etc. is a completely tactless statement for a mourner. He had not yet mourned, had not experienced a real loss. Usually at this time he is not interested in prospects, he is experiencing the pain of a real loss. And he still cannot see the future that he is told about. Therefore, such a “consolation” from a person who may think that in this way he gives hope to the grieving, is in fact tactless and terribly stupid.

« Do not Cry everything will pass" - people who utter such words of "sympathy" give completely wrong attitudes to the grieving. In turn, such attitudes make it impossible for the grieving person to respond to his emotions, to hide pain and tears. A grieving person, thanks to these attitudes, may begin (or establish himself) to think that crying is bad. This can be extremely difficult to affect both the psycho-emotional, somatic state of the mourner, and the entire life of the crisis. Usually the words “don’t cry, you need to cry less” are said by those people who do not understand the feelings of the mourner. This most often happens because the "sympathizers" themselves are traumatized by the crying of the grieving, and they, trying to get away from this trauma, give such advice.

Naturally, if a person constantly cries for more than a year, then this is already a reason to contact a specialist, but if a grieving person expresses his grief for several months after the loss, then this is absolutely normal.

"Do not worry, everything will be fine” is another rather empty statement that the condoling person imagines as optimistic and even hopeful for the mourner. It is necessary to understand that a person who is experiencing grief perceives this statement in a completely different way. He does not see the good yet, he does not strive for it. For now, he doesn't really care what happens next. He has not yet come to terms with the loss, has not mourned it, has not begun to build new life without a dear person. And therefore, such empty optimism will annoy him rather than help.

« It's bad, but time heals.”- Another banal phrase that neither the grieving person nor the person who utters it himself can understand. God can heal the soul, prayer, good deeds, deeds of mercy and alms, but time cannot heal! Over time, a person can adapt, get used to it. In any case, it is pointless to say this to the mourner when time has stopped for him, the pain is still too acute, he is still experiencing a loss, does not make plans for the future, he does not yet believe that something can be changed with time. He thinks it will always be like this. That is why such a phrase causes negative feelings towards the speaker.

Let's give a metaphor: for example, a child hit hard, is in severe pain, cries, and they say to him, "It's bad that you hit, but let it comfort you that it will heal before the wedding." Do you think this will calm the child or cause other, bad feelings towards you?

It is impossible, when expressing condolences, to pronounce wishes to the mourner, which are oriented to the future. For example, “I wish you to go to work faster”, “I hope that you will soon restore your health”, “I wish you to recover faster after such a tragedy”, etc. First, these forward-looking wishes are not condolences. Therefore, they should not be given as such. And secondly, these wishes are oriented towards the future, which, in a state of acute grief, a person still does not see yet. So, these phrases will go, at best, into the void. But it is possible that the mourner will perceive this as your call to him to end his mourning, which he simply cannot physically do in this phase of grief. This can cause negative reactions on the part of the mourner.

It is impossible to find positive elements in the tragedy and devalue the loss

Rationalizing the positive aspects of death, suggesting positive conclusions from the loss, devaluing the loss by finding some benefit for the deceased, or something good in the loss - most often also does not console the grieving. The bitterness of loss from this does not become less, a person perceives what happened as a disaster

“That's better for him. He was sick and exhausted" Such words should be avoided. This can cause rejection and even aggression on the part of the person who is experiencing grief. Even if the mourner acknowledges the truth of this statement, the pain of loss often does not become easier for him. He still experiences the feeling of loss acutely, painfully. In addition, in some cases, this can provoke a grieving resentment towards the departed - "You feel good now, you do not suffer, but I feel bad." Such thoughts in the subsequent experience of mourning can be a source of guilt in the mourner.

Often, when expressing condolences, such statements are made: “It’s good that the mother didn’t get hurt”, “It’s hard, but you still have children.” They, too, should not be said to the grieving. The arguments that are given in such statements are also not able to reduce the pain of a person from loss. Of course, he understands that everything could be worse, that he did not lose everything, but this cannot console him. A mother cannot replace a dead father, and a second child cannot replace the first.

Everyone knows that it is impossible to console a victim of a fire with the fact that his house burned down, but the car remained. Or the fact that he was diagnosed with diabetes, but at least not in the most terrible form.

"Hold on, because others are worse off than you"(it happens even worse, you are not the only one, how much evil is around - many suffer, here you have a husband, and their children died, etc.) - also a fairly common case in which the condolence tries to compare the grieving with the one, “ who is worse off." At the same time, he relies on the fact that the grieving person will understand from this comparison that his loss is not the worst, which can be even harder, and thus the pain of the loss will decrease.

This is an unacceptable approach. It is impossible to compare the experience of grief with the experience of grief of other people. Firstly, for a normal person, if everything around is bad, then this does not improve, but rather worsens the person's condition. Second, a grieving person cannot compare himself to others. For now, his grief is the bitterest. Therefore, such comparisons are more likely to do harm than good.

You can't look for "extreme"

When expressing condolences, one cannot say or mention that the death could have been prevented in any way. For example, “Oh, if we sent him to the doctor”, “why didn’t we pay attention to the symptoms”, “if you hadn’t left, then maybe this wouldn’t have happened”, “if you had listened then”, “if we wouldn’t let him go”, etc.

Such statements (usually incorrect) cause in a person who is already very worried, an additional feeling of guilt, which then will have a very bad effect on his psychological state. This is a very common mistake that arises from our usual desire to find the "guilty", "extreme" in death. In this case, we make ourselves and the person to whom we offer condolences “guilty”.

Another attempt to find the “extreme”, and not to express sympathy, are statements that are completely inappropriate when expressing condolences: “We hope that the police will find the killer, he will be punished”, “this driver should be killed (put on trial)”, “these terrible doctors should be judged. These statements (fairly or unfairly) place the blame on someone else, are a condemnation of another. But the appointment of a guilty person, solidarity in unkind feelings towards him, cannot at all alleviate the pain of loss. Punishing the guilty person in death cannot bring the victim back to life. Moreover, such statements introduce the mourner into a state of intense aggression against the person responsible for the death of a loved one. But experts in grief know that a grieving person can turn aggression against the guilty person at any moment on himself, than to make himself even worse. So you should not pronounce such phrases, kindling a fire of hatred, condemnation, aggression. It is better to talk only about sympathy for the grieving, or about the attitude towards the deceased.

"God gave, God took"- another frequently used "comfort", which actually does not console at all, but simply shifts the "blame" for the death of a person to God. It must be understood that a person who is in an acute stage of grief is least of all concerned about the question of who took a person out of his life. Suffering in this acute phase will not be relieved by what God has taken and not another. But the most dangerous thing is that, by offering to shift the blame to God in this way, one can cause aggression in a person, not good feelings towards God.

And this happens at the moment when the salvation of the grieving person himself, as well as the soul of the deceased, is just an appeal to God in prayer. And it is obvious that in this way additional difficulties appear for this, if you consider God to be “guilty”. Therefore, it is better not to use the stamp “God gave - God took”, “Everything is in the hands of God”. The only exception is such a condolence addressed to a deeply religious person who understands what humility is, God's providence, who lives a spiritual life. For such people, the mention of this can really be a consolation.

“It happened for his sins”, “you know, he drank a lot”, “unfortunately, he was a drug addict, and they always end up like this” - sometimes people who express condolences try to find the “extreme” and “guilty” even in certain actions, behavior, lifestyle of the deceased himself. Unfortunately, in such cases, the desire to find the culprit begins to prevail over reason and elementary ethics. Needless to say, reminding a grieving person of the shortcomings of a person who has died not only does not console, but, on the contrary, makes the loss even more tragic, develops a sense of guilt in the grieving person, and causes additional pain. In addition, a person who expresses “condolences” in this way, completely undeservedly puts himself in the role of a judge who not only knows the cause, but also has the right to condemn the deceased, linking certain causes with the effect. This characterizes the sympathizer as ill-mannered, thinking a lot about himself, stupid. And it would be good for him to know that, despite what a person has done in his life, only God has the right to judge him.

I would like to emphasize that “consolation” by condemnation, evaluation is categorically unacceptable when expressing condolences. In order to prevent such tactless "condolences" it is necessary to remember the well-known rule "About the dead, it's either good, or nothing."

Other Common Mistakes When Expressing Condolences

Often condoling say the phrase "I know how difficult it is for you, I understand you" This is the most common mistake. When you say that you understand the feelings of another, it is not true. Even if you have had similar situations and you think that you experienced the same feelings, then you are mistaken. Each feeling is individual, each person experiences and feels in his own way. No one can understand the physical pain of another, except for the one who experiences it. And the soul of everyone hurts too especially. Do not say such phrases about knowing and understanding the pain of the bereaved, even if you have experienced such a thing. You should not compare feelings. You cannot feel the same as him. Be tactful. Respect the other person's feelings. It’s better to limit yourself to the words “I can only guess how bad you feel”, “I see how you grieve”

It is strictly not recommended to be tactlessly interested in details when expressing sympathy. "How did it happen?" “Where did it happen?”, “And what did he say before his death?”. This is no longer an expression of condolence, but curiosity, which is not at all appropriate. Such questions can be asked if you know that the grieving person wants to talk about it, if it does not hurt him (but this, of course, does not mean that you cannot talk about the loss at all).

It happens that with condolences, people begin to talk about the severity of their condition, in the hope that these words will help the mourner to more easily survive the grief - “You know that I feel bad too”, “When my mother died, I also almost lost my mind "," I, too, like you. I feel very bad, my father also died, ”etc. Sometimes this can really help, especially if the grieving person is very close to you, if your words are sincere, and the desire to help him is great. But in most cases, talking about your grief in order to show your sadness is not worth it. In this way, a multiplication of sorrow and pain can occur, a mutual induction, which not only does not improve, but can even worsen the condition. As we have already said, for a person it is a small consolation that others are also bad.

Often condolences are expressed with phrases that are more like appeals - “ We must live for the sake of”, “You must endure”, “You must not”, “you need, you need to do”. Such appeals, of course, are not condolences and sympathy. This is a legacy of the Soviet era, when the call was practically the only understandable form of address to a person. Such appeals to duty for a person who is in acute grief are most often ineffective and usually cause misunderstanding and irritation in him. A person who feels grief simply cannot understand why he owes something. He is in the depths of experiences, and he is also obligated to something. This is perceived as violence, and convinces that he is not understood.

Of course, it is possible that the meaning of these calls is correct. But in this case, you should not say these words in the form of condolences, but it is better to discuss it later in a calm atmosphere, to convey this idea when a person can understand the meaning of what was said.

Sometimes people try to express sympathy in poetry. This gives condolences pomp, insincerity and pretense, and at the same time does not contribute to the achievement of the main goal - the expression of sympathy, the sharing of grief. On the contrary, it gives the expression of condolence a touch of theatricality, play.

So if your sincere feelings compassion and love are not clothed in a beautiful, perfect poetic form, then leave this genre for a better time.

Renowned grief psychologist A.D. wolfelt also gives the following advice on what NOT to do when dealing with a person who is experiencing acute grief

The refusal of the grieving person to talk or offer help should not be regarded as a personal attack against you or against your relationship with him. It must be understood that the grieving at this stage cannot always correctly assess the situation, may be inattentive, passive, be in a state of feelings that are very difficult to assess for another person. Therefore, do not draw conclusions from the failures of such a person. Be merciful to him. Wait until he gets back to normal.

It is impossible to move away from a person, depriving him of his support, to ignore him. A grieving person may perceive this as your unwillingness to communicate, as a rejection of him or a negative change in attitude towards him. Therefore, if you are afraid, if you are afraid to be imposed, if you are modest, then consider these features of the grieving. Don't ignore him, but go and talk to him.

You can not be afraid of intense emotions and leave the situation. Often sympathetic people are frightened by the strong emotions of the grieving, as well as the atmosphere that develops around them. But, despite this, you can not show that you are scared and move away from these people. It may also be misunderstood by them.

Do not try to speak to those who are grieving without touching their feelings. A person who experiences acute grief is in the grip of strong feelings. Attempts to speak very correct words, to appeal to logic, in most cases will not have any result. This is because at the moment the grieving person cannot reason logically, ignoring their feelings. If you talk to a person without touching his feelings, then it will be like talking in different languages.

You can not use force (squeeze in arms, grab hands). Sometimes condolences involved in grief can lose control of themselves. I would like to say that, despite strong feelings and emotions, it is necessary to maintain control over oneself in behavior with the mourner. Strong manifestations of emotions, squeezing in an embrace.

Condolence: etiquette and rules

The ethical rules state that “often not only relatives and close friends, who usually participate in funerals and commemorations, but also comrades and just distant acquaintances are notified about the death of a loved one. The question of how to express condolences - to participate in the funeral or pay a visit to the relatives of the deceased - depends on your ability to participate in the mourning ceremonies, as well as on the degree of your closeness to the deceased and his family.

If a mourning message is sent in writing, then the person who received it should, if possible, personally take part in the funeral, visit the grieving family to express condolences in person, stay close to the grieving, offer help, comfort.

But people who were not at the mourning ceremonies should also express their condolences. Based on tradition, a condolence visit should be paid within two weeks, but not in the very first days after the funeral. When attending a funeral or condolence visit, wear a dark dress or suit. Sometimes they just put on a dark coat over a light dress, but this is not supposed to be done. It is not customary to discuss any other issues not related to death during a condolence visit, to talk tactlessly on abstract topics, remembering funny stories or discuss work related issues. If you happen to visit this house again, but for a different reason, do not turn your visit into a repeated expression of condolences. On the contrary, if appropriate, next time try to entertain your relatives with your conversation, take them away from sad thoughts about the grief they have suffered, and you will make it easier for them to return to the mainstream of everyday life. If a person cannot pay a personal visit for some reason, then you need to send a written condolence, telegram, email or SMS message.

Written expression of condolence

How to express condolences in letters. A brief excursion into history

What is the history of expressing condolences? How did our ancestors do it? Let's dwell on this issue in more detail. Here is what Dmitry Evsikov, an applicant for the topic “Ideological Aspects of Life”, writes:

“In the epistolary culture of Russia in the 17th-19th centuries, there were letters of consolation, or letters of consolation. In the archives of Russian tsars and the nobility, one can find samples of consolatory letters written to the relatives of the deceased. Writing letters of condolence (consolation) was an integral part of generally accepted etiquette, along with letters of notice, love, instructive, imperative. Letters of condolence were one of the sources of many historical facts, including chronological information about the causes and circumstances of people's deaths. In the 17th century, correspondence was the prerogative of kings and royal officials. Letters of condolence, letters of consolation belonged to official documents, although there are personal messages in response to events related to the death of loved ones. Here is what the historian writes about Tsar Alexei Mikhailovich Romanov (second half of the 17th century).
“The ability to enter into the position of others, to understand and take their grief and joy to heart was one of the best traits in the character of the king. It is necessary to read his consoling letters to Prince. Nick. Odoevsky on the occasion of his son's death, and to Ordin-Nashchokin on the occasion of his son's escape abroad—one must read these heartfelt letters in order to see to what heights of delicacy and moral sensitivity this ability to be imbued with another's grief could raise even an unstable person. In 1652, the son of Prince. Nick. Odoevsky, who then served as governor in Kazan, died of a fever almost in front of the king. The tsar wrote to his old father to comfort him, and, among other things, he wrote: “And you, our boyar, should not grieve to the extent possible, but it’s impossible not to grieve and cry, and you need to cry, only in moderation, so that God don't get angry." The author of the letter did not confine himself to a detailed account of the unexpected death and an abundant stream of consolations to his father; Having finished the letter, he could not resist, he also added: "Prince Nikita Ivanovich! Do not grieve, but trust in God and be reliable in us.(Klyuchevsky V. O. Course of Russian history. Tsar Alexei Mikhailovich Romanov (from lecture 58)).

In the 18th-19th centuries, epistolary culture was an integral part of everyday noble life. In the absence of alternative types of communication, writing was a means not only of transmitting information, but also of expressing feelings, emotions, assessments, as in direct face-to-face communication. Letters of that time were very similar to a confidential conversation, based on speech turns and emotional colors inherent in oral conversation, they reflected the individuality and emotional state of the writer. Correspondence allows you to judge the ideas and values, psychology and attitude, behavior and lifestyle, circle of friends and interests of the writer, the main stages of his life.

Among the letters related to the fact of death, 3 main groups can be distinguished.
The first group is letters announcing the death of a loved one. They were sent to relatives and friends of the deceased. Unlike later letters, the messages of that time were more of an emotional assessment of the event of death that had occurred, rather than a carrier of factual information, an invitation to a funeral.
The second group is actually comforting letters. They were often in response to a letter of notice. But even if the mourner did not send a letter of notice of the death of his relative, the letter of consolation was an indispensable symbol of mourning and the generally accepted ceremony of commemoration of the deceased.
The third group is written responses to letters of consolation, which were also an integral part of written communication and mourning etiquette.

In the 18th century, historians note a significant weakening of interest in the topic of death in Russian society. The phenomenon of death, associated primarily with religious ideas, receded into the background in secular society. The topic of death to some extent passed into the category of taboo. At the same time, the culture of condolence and sympathy has also been lost; there is a void in this area. Of course, this also affected the epistolary culture of society. Letters of consolation have moved into the category of formal etiquette, but have not completely left the communicative culture. In the 18th-19th centuries, so-called "Letters" began to be published to help those writing on a difficult topic. These were guides on writing official and private letters, giving advice on how to write, arrange a letter in accordance with generally accepted canons and rules, examples of letters, phrases and expressions were given for various life situations, including deaths, expressions of condolences. "Comforting letters" - one of the sections of the letters, giving advice on how to support the grieving, to express their feelings in a socially acceptable form. Consolation letters were distinguished by a special style, full of sentimentality and sensual expressions, designed to alleviate the suffering of the mourner, to console his pain from loss. According to etiquette, receiving a letter of reassurance necessarily required the recipient to write a response.
Here is an example of recommendations for writing letters of consolation in one of the 18th-century scribes, The General Secretary, or the new complete scribe. (Printing house of A. Reshetnikov, 1793)
letters of consolation “In this kind of writing, the heart must be touched and say one thing, without the help of the mind. ... You can dismiss yourself from any decent greeting, except for this, and there is no most commendable custom how to console each other in sorrows. Fate brings us so many misfortunes that we would act inhumanly if we did not mutually give such relief to one another. When the person to whom we are writing indulges in excess in her sadness, then instead of suddenly holding back the first of her tears, we should mix our own; let's talk about the dignity of a friend or relative of the deceased. In this kind of letters, you can use the features of moralizing and pious feelings, depending on the age, morals and condition of the writer, to whom they write. But when we write to such persons, who should rejoice rather than grieve over someone's death, it is better to leave such lively ideas. I confess that it is not allowed to adjust to the secret feelings of their heart in a frank manner: decency forbids this; prudence requires in such cases both to spread and to leave great condolences. In other cases it is possible to speak at greater length about disasters inseparable from the human condition. In general, to say: what kind of misfortunes does not each of us suffer in this life? Weakness makes you work from morning to evening; wealth plunges into extreme torment and anxiety all those who want to collect and preserve it. And there is nothing more common than to see tears flowing over the death of a relative or friend.

And this is how the samples of consolation letters looked like, given as examples for writing.
“My sovereign! I have the honor to write this letter to you, not in order to relieve you of your lamentation, for your sorrow is very correct, but in order to offer you my services, and all that depends on me, or rather, to mourn in common with you. the death of your beloved husband. He was a friend to me and proved his friendship by innumerable good deeds. Consider, madam, whether I have no reason to regret him and to join my tears with your tears of our common sadness. Nothing can comfort my sorrow but complete submission to the will of God. His Christian death also approves of me, assuring me of the blessedness of his soul, and your piety gives me hope that you will be of my opinion. And although your separation from him is cruel, yet it is necessary to console yourself with his heavenly well-being and prefer it to your short-term pleasure here. Honor him with eternal content in your memory, imagining his virtues and the love he had for you in his life. Amuse yourself with the upbringing of your children, in whom you see him come to life. If sometimes it happens to shed a tear for him, then believe that I’m crying about him with you, and all honest people communicate their pity with yours, between whom he gained love and respect for himself, so that he will never be in their memory. will not die, but especially in mine; because I am with special zeal and respect, my sovereign! Your…"

The tradition of condolence has not died in our time, when the culture of attitude towards death is similar in all respects to past centuries. Today, as before, we can observe the absence in society of a culture of dealing with death, an open discussion of the phenomenon of death and a culture of burial. The embarrassment experienced in relation to the very fact of death, expressions of sympathy, condolences translate the theme of death into the category of undesirable, uncomfortable aspects of everyday life. Expressing condolences is more of an element of etiquette than a sincere need for empathy. Probably for this reason, “writers” still exist today, giving recommendations on how, what, in what cases, with what words to speak and write about death and sympathy. By the way, the name of such publications has not changed either. They are still called "writers."

Examples of letters of condolence for the death of various persons

On the death of a spouse

Expensive …

We deeply mourn the death of... She was a wonderful woman and surprised many with her generosity and good disposition. We miss her very much and can only guess what a blow her passing was for you. We remember how she once ... . She involved us in doing good, and thanks to her we became better. ... was a model of mercy and tact. We are happy that we knew her.

On the death of a parent

Expensive …

… Even though I never met your father, I know how much he meant to you. Thanks to your stories about his frugality, love of life and how reverently he cared for you, it seems to me that I also knew him. I think a lot of people will miss it. When my father died, I found comfort in talking about him with other people. I would be very happy if you shared your memories of your dad. I think of you and your family.

On the death of a child

… We deeply regret the death of your dear daughter. We would like to find words to somehow ease your pain, but it's hard to imagine if there are such words at all. The loss of a child is the worst grief. Please accept our sincere condolences. We pray for you.

On the death of a colleague

Example 1 I was deeply saddened by the news of the death of (name) and I want to express my sincere sympathy to you and other employees of your firm. My colleagues share my deep regret at his/her passing.

Example 2 It is with deep regret that I learned of the death of the president of your institution, Mr. ..., who faithfully served the interests of your organization for many years. Our director asked me to convey my condolences to you on the loss of such a talented organizer.

Example 3 I would like to express to you our deepest feelings on the death of Ms. Her dedication to her work earned her the respect and love of all who knew her. Please accept our sincere condolences.

Example 4 We were deeply saddened to learn of the death of Mr....

Example 5 It was a great shock for us to hear the news of the sudden death of Mr.

Example 6 We find it hard to believe the sad news of the death of Mr...

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100 examples of condolences on death

How to Express Condolences on a Death relatives and friends of the deceased? Mourning words of sorrow and support in difficult times. Sincere words of condolences on death - briefly.

Funeral words of grief for the deceased

Condolences are mourning words of sorrow who express sympathy for death. Sincere condolences provide for the format of a personal, personal appeal - verbal or text.

As part of or public condolence is also appropriate, but should be succinctly. In an expression of sympathy from a believer, you can add: "We pray for ___". Read more about the rules of condolences on the Epitaph.ru website.

Etiquette condolences from muslims it is distinguished by a fatal attitude towards death and acceptance of loss, as well as clear requirements for rituals, clothing, behavior, symbols, gestures.

Condolence Examples

Universal Short Words of Sorrow

In the case when the words of condolence are pronounced after the burial or on the day of the funeral, then you can (but not necessarily) add briefly: “Let the earth rest in peace!” If you have the opportunity to provide assistance (organizational, financial - any), then it is convenient to complete the words of condolence with this phrase, for example “These days you will surely need help. I would like to be helpful. Count on me!"

• I am shocked by this sad news. It's hard to accept it. I share your pain of loss...
• My heart is broken by yesterday's news. I worry with you and remember ___ with the warmest words! It's hard to accept the loss ___! Everlasting memory!
• The news of the death of ___ is a terrible blow! It hurts even to think that we will never see him/her again. Please accept our condolences with your husband on your loss.
• Until now, the news about the death of ___ seems like a ridiculous mistake! It is impossible to comprehend it! Please accept my sincere condolences for your loss!
• My condolences! It hurts to even think about it, it's hard to talk about it. I sympathize with your pain! Everlasting memory ___!
• It's hard to put into words how ___ and I sympathize with your loss of ___! Golden man, what a few! We will always remember him/her!
• “This is an incredible, catastrophic loss. The loss of a real person, an idol, an exemplary family man and a citizen of his country ”(about Ilya Segalovich). .
• We empathize with your loss! The news of ___'s death shocked our entire family. We remember and will remember ___ as the most worthy person. Please accept our sincere condolences!
• Little consolation, but know that we are with you in grief of loss ___ and sincerely empathize with your entire family! Everlasting memory!
• “Words cannot convey all the pain and sadness. Like a bad dream. Eternal peace to your soul, our dear and beloved Jeanne!(Grave and)
• An unimaginable loss! We all mourn the loss of ___, but of course it's even harder for you! Sincere condolences, and we will remember all our lives! We want to provide any help that is needed at this moment. Count on us!
• It's sad... I respect and remember ___ and sincerely condole with your loss! The least I can do today is to help. At least I have four empty seats in the car.

Condolences on the death of my mother, grandmother

• This terrible news shocked me. For me, ___ is a hospitable hostess, a kind woman, but for you ... The loss of your mother ... I sympathize with you so much and cry with you!
• We are very ... very upset, beyond words! It is hard when you lose loved ones, but the death of a mother is a grief for which there is no cure. Please accept our sincere condolences for your loss!
• ___ was a model of delicacy and tact. Her memory will be as endless as her kindness to all of us. The loss of a mother is an incomparable grief. Please accept my deepest condolences!
• Woe, nothing compares! And I have no words to ease your pain. But I know she wouldn't want to see you despair. Be strong! Tell me, what could I take on these days?
• We are happy that we knew ___. Her kind disposition and generosity surprised us all, and this is how she will be remembered! It is difficult to express in words our grief - it is too great. Let the kindest memories and bright memory of her be at least a small consolation!
• The news of ___'s departure came as a shock to us. We can only guess what a blow her departure was for you. At such moments we feel abandoned, but remember that you have friends who loved and appreciated your mother. Count on our help!
• Words cannot heal a terrible wound in the heart. But the bright memories of ___, how honestly and with dignity she lived her life, will always be stronger than death. In the bright memory of her, we are forever with you!
• They say that grandchildren are loved even more than their children. We felt this love of our grandmother in full. This love will warm us all our lives, and we will pass on part of its warmth to our children and grandchildren ...
• Losing loved ones is very hard... And the loss of a mother is the loss of a part of yourself... Mom will always be missed, but may the memory of her and the warmth of the mother always be with you!
• Words cannot heal this wound of loss. But the bright memory of ___, who lived her life honestly and with dignity, will be stronger than death. We are with you in the eternal memory of her!
• Her whole life was spent in countless labors and worries. Such a heartfelt and sincere woman, we will remember her forever!
• Without parents, without mother, there is no one between us and the grave. May wisdom and perseverance help you get through these most difficult days. Hold on!
• With ___ the model of virtue is gone! But she will remain a guiding light for all of us who remember her, love and honor her.
• It is ___ that kind words can be dedicated: “The one whose actions and deeds came from the soul, from the heart.” May the earth rest in peace!
• The life she has lived has a name: Virtue. ___ is a source of life, faith and love for loving children and grandchildren. The Kingdom of heaven!
• How much we did not tell her during her lifetime!
• Please accept my sincere condolences! What a man! ___, as she lived modestly and quietly, she left humbly, as if the candle had gone out.
• ___ involved us in good deeds, and because of her, we became better. For us, ___ will forever remain a model of mercy and tact. We are happy that we knew her.
• Your mother was a smart and bright person ... Many, like me, will feel that the world has become poorer without her.

Condolences on the death of husband, father, grandfather

• We are deeply saddened by the news of your father's death. He was fair and strong man, faithful and sensitive friend. We knew him well and loved him like a brother.
• Our family mourns with you. The loss of such a reliable support in life is irreparable. But remember that we will be honored to help you at any moment when you need it.
• My condolences, ___! The death of a beloved husband is the loss of yourself. Hold on, these are the hardest days! We grieve with your grief, we are near ...
• Today, all who knew ___ mourn with you. This tragedy leaves no one indifferent. I will never forget my friend, and I consider it my duty to ___ to support you on any occasion, if you contact me.
• I'm so sorry that ___ and I had disagreements at one time. But I have always appreciated and respected him as a person. I apologize for the moments of pride and offer you my help. Today and always.
• Thanks to your statements about his [qualities or good deeds], it seems to me that I also knew him always. Condolences to you on the death of such a loved one and such a soul close to you! Rest in peace…
• I sincerely regret the loss of your dad. This is a very sad and sad time for you. But good memories are what will help to survive this loss. Your father lived a long and bright life and achieved success and respect in it. We also join the words of sorrow of friends and memories of ___.
• I sincerely condole with you ... What a person, what a scale of personality! He deserves more words than can now be said. In the memories of ___ - he is our teacher of justice and mentor in life. Eternal memory to him!
• Without a father, without parents, there is no one between us and the grave. But ___ set an example of courage, resilience and wisdom. And I'm sure he wouldn't want you to grieve like that right now. Be strong! I sincerely sympathize with you.
• Your shock from the onset of loneliness is a severe shock. But you have the strength to overcome grief and continue what he did not have time to do. We are nearby, and we will help in everything - contact us! It is our duty to remember ___!
• We grieve with you at this difficult moment! ___ — kindest person, silverless, lived for neighbors. We empathize with your loss and are with you in the kindest and brightest memories of your husband.
• We are sorry for your loss! We sympathize - the loss is irreparable! Mind, iron will, honesty and justice… — we were lucky to work with such a friend and colleague! How much we would like to ask for forgiveness from him, but it's too late ... Eternal memory to a mighty man!
• Mom, we mourn and cry with you! Our sincere gratitude from children and grandchildren and warm memories of a good father and good grandfather! Our memory of ___ will be eternal!
• Blessed are those whose memory will be as bright as ___. We will remember and love him forever. Be strong! ___ It would be easier if he knew that you could handle all this.
• My condolences! Recognition, respect, honor, and ... eternal memory!
• They say about such broad-minded people: “How much of ours has gone with you! How much of yours is left with us!” We will remember ___ forever and will pray for him!

Condolences on the death of a friend, brother, sister, loved one or loved one

• Accept my condolences! It has never been closer and dearer, and probably never will be. But in yours and in our hearts, he will remain young, strong, full of life man. Everlasting memory! Hold on!
• It is difficult to find the right words in this difficult moment. I grieve with you! It will be a small consolation that not everyone has experienced such love as yours. But let ___ remain alive in your memory, full of strength and love! Everlasting memory!
• There is such wisdom: “It is bad if there is no one to take care of you. It's even worse if you don't have anyone to take care of you." I'm sure he wouldn't want you to be so sad. Let's ask his mom how she can help now.
• Condolences to you! Through life hand in hand, but this bitter loss went to you. It is necessary, it is necessary to find the strength in oneself to survive these most difficult minutes and difficult days. He will remain in our memory.
• It is very bitter to lose your loved ones and relatives, but it is doubly bitter when young, beautiful, strong leave us. God rest his soul!
• I would like to find words to somehow ease your pain, but it's hard to imagine if there are such words on earth at all. Bright and eternal memory!
• I grieve with you at this difficult moment. It's scary to even imagine that half of you is gone. But for the sake of children, for the sake of loved ones, you need to survive these mournful days. Invisibly, he will always be there - in the soul and in our eternal memory of this bright man.
• Love will not die, and the memory of it will always illuminate our hearts!
• … this too shall pass …
• For all of us, he will remain an example of love of life. And may his love of life illuminate your emptiness and grief of loss and help you survive the time of farewell. We mourn with you in difficult times and will remember ___ forever!
• The past cannot be returned, but the bright memory of this love will remain with you for life. Be strong!
• Be strong! With the loss of a brother, you must become a support to your parents twice. God help you get through these difficult times! Blessed memory of a bright man!
• There are such mournful words: "A beloved person does not die, but simply ceases to be near." In your memory, in your soul, your love will be eternal! We also remember with a kind word ___.

Condolences to a believing person, a Christian

All of the above is appropriate in expressing support in a difficult moment of loss for both the believer and the secular person. A Christian, Orthodox, can add a ritual phrase to condolences, turn to prayer or quote from the Bible:

• God is merciful!
• God bless you ___!
• For God, everyone is alive!
• This man was blameless, just and God-fearing, and moved away from evil!
• Lord, rest with the Saints!
• Death destroys the body, but saves the soul.
• God! Receive the spirit of your servant in peace!
• Only in death, the mournful hour, does the soul gain freedom.
• God guides the mortal through life before turning him into the light.
• The righteous will surely live, says the Lord!
• Her/(his) heart trusted in the Lord!
• Immortal soul, immortal deeds.
• May the Lord do mercy and truth with him (her)!
• Righteous deeds are not forgotten!
• Holy Mother of God, protect him (her) with your cover!
• The days of our lives are not numbered by us.
• Everything returns to normal.
• Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God!
• Peace bright to your ashes!
• Kingdom of heaven and eternal rest!
• And those who have done good will seek the resurrection of life.
• Rest in the Kingdom of Heaven.
• And on earth she, like an angel, smiled: what is there, in heaven?

P.S. Once again about active personal participation. For many families, even a small financial contribution to the future will be a valuable help in this difficult moment.

Here is a collection of short condolences and words of sorrow that must be expressed to the relatives and friends of the deceased person. The texts are suitable to be included in public, spoken in private or sent as a short letter. They are also suitable for colleagues, friends and other people who are familiar with the deceased. All texts are not written in verse (in prose), for those who wish to express regret in their own words. Recommendations can be found at the end of the page.

All names, surnames in the texts are used only for the convenience of presentation, do not forget to change them to the ones you need.

Condolences to you and your family. Your mother was a wonderful, wonderful person and you will miss her. I wish you to find peace and comfort... We will pray for you.

Friends, we condole with your loss and mourn with you. There are no words that will bring your loved one back to you, but perhaps life itself will help you survive the loss. We will pray that the Lord will give you patience and strength. Your dad lived well, for a long time, managed a lot, realized himself and left behind many people grateful to him. He will forever live in their hearts as well as in yours. Blessed memory to him.

Friends, today is a day of deep sadness. There was a time when we rejoiced and rejoiced with the departed from us. But today we mourn with you, seeing off a loved one, dear to us, on his last journey. But we will keep in our hearts a good memory of our friend.

I knew him as an amazingly sympathetic, intelligent, human and extraordinary personality. He helped not only me, but also served as a guide and support for many other people on the path of life. Let it comfort you a little that today many grieve with you, who were also left without this ray of light in their lives. You are not alone in this difficult hour. We mourn with you.

Let me offer you my deepest condolences. I am terribly saddened by the death of your mother. She was a smart, kind and empathetic person, and many people, like me, feel that the world is dull without her. I have no words to ease your pain. I'm just sure that your mother would not want you to be so sad.

Please accept the feelings of our deep empathy in connection with the departure of the closest, most native person, a faithful companion in life. A great loss and great sorrow. Be strong, our dear ones, we are always with you.

Together with you, we will forever keep the memory of her in our hearts. She was an amazingly pure, honest, open person, and this earned herself the love, appreciation, gratitude and respect of many people. Your mom is the best of people. We will forever keep her memory in our hearts. Hang in there and accept our deepest sympathy for such a bereavement.

Dear Tatyana!

Please accept our condolences on the death of your father! Words are powerless in such grief ... Know that in this difficult time your colleagues, friends and like-minded people are with you.

Dear Svetlana and Sidor!

We deeply regret the death of your dear grandmother. She was kind, sympathetic and a good woman. We will all miss her greatly. Please accept our sincere condolences. If we can do anything for you, then we are ready to provide any assistance. We pray for you.

We suffered this heavy loss together with you today and mourn with you. Strength and patience to you to survive this difficult time of loss. Remember, everyone once loses a loved one, this pain must be endured. Sometimes the cross becomes very heavy, but it will help one day. Be patient, it will get easier after a while. We condole.

Condolences to your trouble on this mournful day. Our life, unfortunately, is not eternal and no words of consolation will help relieve the pain of loss or return the departed. I wish you strength of mind during this difficult time. May the earth be soft down to him (the deceased). And may the Lord keep you from all troubles.

Your dad was one of the most wonderful and wonderful people I have ever met. I am very lucky to have known him. And now I will miss him greatly, as well as you. I express my deepest condolences to you and your family.

Let me offer you my deepest condolences on the death of your colleague and dear friend Kharitonov Khariton. We deeply empathize and share your pain.

It's hard for us, but especially for you, and we know it. He was your closest friend, it's a huge loss. Your friend was an excellent friend for us too, reliable, faithful, simple and always fair. Please contact us at any time with any requests, we will be there. Let's stick together during this difficult time.

Please accept my condolences on the death of a dear, close and beloved person - mother. Having gone to heaven, she will not cease to be your guardian angel.

He meant a lot to you and to me. I grieve with you.

We express our sincere condolences to the family and friends in connection with the untimely death of Sidor Sidorovich Sidorovich. The death of a loved one is a great grief and a difficult test. Bright memories of a person who lived his life honestly and with dignity, leaving behind the fruits of his good deeds, will always be stronger than death.

With sincere sympathy, the team of Peace to Your Home LLC

We share with you the bitterness of loss. Your father was a wonderful person. His dedication to his work earned him the respect and love of all who knew him. Please accept our sincere condolences.

I grieve with you and express my deepest condolences to all your family, my friend.

We condole with you. He was our colleague, friend and bright professional, without whom our entire team will have a hard time. We are together with you in this great loss. It will serve as a light and guide for us on our professional path. Blessed memory to him.

I offer you and your family my most sincere condolences. Be strong. God rest her soul...

Please accept my sincere condolences on the death of your uncle. And please feel free to ask for any help.

The loss of a father is a heavy loss. Be strong. He was my close friend and often told me that he tried to raise you wise and strong, and would not want you to lose ground under your feet even when he leaves you forever. And also, he wanted you to be able to survive the losses and not forget how to smile after them. Therefore, I wish you strength and patience to go through this mournful time and move on again.

My condolences. The death of a spouse deprives us of our main support and our partner in life. It is very difficult to find words of consolation. Hold on.

Dear friend. The loss of a mother is the hardest loss. This pain is hard to deal with and it is impossible for me to find words that will lessen your pain. I will just be there in your grief, contact me at any moment for any question. And just wait. Time should help a little.

Please accept our sincere condolences. May the Lord reward her in heaven for all the good she has done. She is and will always be in our hearts...

Today you lost your mother - a reliable guardian angel in life. This is the worst loss. And I lost in her face best friend and support. I grieve with you. Your mom used to tell me how much she loves it when you smile. I'm sure she sees us now and is very sad that you are so sad. May the Lord give you the strength to endure such a loss and restore the joy of life to you. They say that he gives severe trials along with the strength to survive them. Be patient.

Please accept my sympathy. It has never been closer and dearer, and probably never will be. But in yours and in our hearts, he will remain a young, strong, intelligent, kind and cheerful person. Eternal memory to him. Hold on.

This tragedy affected everyone who knew her. Of course, you are the hardest. I want to assure you that I will never leave you without support. And I will never forget her. Please, let's walk this path together.

This is a difficult time in your life. Let our sympathy and support help you and at least slightly reduce the pain of loss.

It's hard to put into words how much good he did me. All our disputes, disagreements are trifles. And the good that he did - I will carry through my whole life. I pray for him and mourn with you.

Condolences to you, this is a huge loss and grief. Remember that a person dies, but love does not. And her memory will always light up our hearts. Brace yourself.

Unfortunately, in our imperfect world, such grief has to be endured. She was a bright person whom we loved. I will not leave you in your grief. You can count on me at any moment.

Words cannot express how we feel with you. It is hard when you lose loved ones, but the death of a mother is a grief against which there is no medicine and words of consolation. Please accept my sincere condolences for your loss.

I would like to find words to relieve you of the pain or at least reduce it a little. But it is difficult to imagine what these words should be and whether such words exist at all. Bright and eternal memory.

I share with you the inconsolable pain of your heavy loss - the death of your beloved grandfather.

May the Lord bless and comfort you and your family during this difficult time of sorrow. Please accept our sincere condolences.

The death of a beloved wife is a bitter loss. It is difficult for me to express in words, but I am always with you. I will support and help you survive. Be strong.

Please accept our heartfelt condolences on the passing of your son. We ask the Almighty to give you the strength to hold on, patience, perseverance and faith.

The loss of a loved one is a huge grief and trial. I sincerely share your pain. Please accept my sincere sympathy and support. God rest his soul.

It is very sad to lose your loved ones and family. It is doubly worse when young, healthy, strong people leave us. Help the Lord to his soul.

I'm sorry she didn't live as long as I would like. I grieve with you, empathize, remember and love.

I share your grief at the loss. You need to find the strength in yourself to survive these most difficult minutes and difficult days. He will remain in our memory forever.

May God give you strength, patience and faith, dear friend. Survive it all.

We are deeply saddened by the news of your father's death. He was a just and strong man, a loyal and sympathetic friend. We knew him well and loved him like family. We mourn with you.

It is difficult to find the right words in this difficult moment. I grieve with you. May it ease your pain a little that few are fortunate enough to experience such a huge and pure love as yours. But may he remain alive in your memory, full of love and strength. Earth rest in peace to him.

I'm just devastated by the loss. It's unbearable to think about it. It's hard to put into words how much I feel for you. My heart is broken along with yours. Be strong.

I can't speak any words of sympathy now because no one is going through your grief the way you are. It just takes time... be patient, it will gradually reduce the pain.

Unfortunately, I only now realized how unworthy my disputes and quarrels with this bright and dear person for me were. Forgive me! I grieve with you.

A person who leaves this earth does not really go anywhere, because he still continues to live in our hearts and minds. Please accept our condolences and know that he will not be forgotten.

I offer you and your family my most sincere condolences. It is very difficult, even when you are preparing for it, at the last moment you are not ready. Rest, Lord, his soul ... and you - hold on. Time will help you...

Please accept our sincere condolences. A terrible, insidious disease that has never been learned to overcome ...

On earth, her path was not easy and full of difficulties, may God take her under his wing and reward her with what she rightfully deserved.

A new star rose in the sky - it was his soul that acquired a new meaning and a new purpose ...

Small consolation, but know that we are with you in grief of loss and sincerely empathize with your entire family. Eternal memory to your sister.

Your father was a very resilient, joyful and optimistic person. I will remember his wisdom forever, it will be difficult for me without him. But it's harder for you. Losing your dad is like losing your ground. There are hardly any words that will ease the pain. Try to remember the resilience of your father and be the same, he would really like this. I will ask higher power protect you from all troubles and that you find solace. I mourn.

The staff of the administration of the Central District of the Troekurovsky village council deeply mourns over the irreparable heavy loss - the death of the acting head of the village Tyranozavrov Isaaky Kharitonovich. We express our sincere condolences to relatives and friends, we share their grief, we support them in times of grief.

Be strong! With the loss of a brother, you need to become a support for your parents for two. May God help you get through these difficult days. Blessed memory of a bright man.

Dear Sidor Sidorovich, Tatyana Appolinariyevna and Oscar Platonovich!

On behalf of the board of the open joint-stock company "Kuz'kina Mother" and on my own behalf, I express my deep condolences and sincere sympathy for the grief that befell you - the untimely death of your father and brother Zakhar Apollonovich Sidorov.

In this difficult time for you, your family and friends, I share your grief and bitterness of irreparable loss.

Brace yourself. The Almighty called him to him - he takes the best. I grieve with you.

Condolences to you. Losing your grandmother is like losing a piece of the sun in your soul. I will always treasure her memory in my heart. I pray that God will give you warmth and light in your heart, which will help you endure the pain of loss and find solace. Peace to her soul, and peace to your heart.

We very much mourn the death of our dear brother and from the bottom of our hearts express our sincere sympathy and condolences to his dear wife and all his relatives and friends. We pray for God's support for all of you, dear ones.

We believe that by God's will we will meet brother Sidor in the future paradise, which the Lord has prepared for all who love Him (Revelation 2:7)

Please accept my sincere sympathy for your grief. Losing a friend is like losing one wing. After that, it's hard to fly. I pray the Lord to help you cope and teach you to live with this loss. Strength to you, wisdom, good. Eternal memory to him.

I sincerely sympathize with your grief. But remember, losing your mother does not mean losing her love and warmth. May they always warm you, and you - remember her and all the light that she left for you after herself. I know she would love it.

May God give you strength to bear such a heavy loss. I grieve with you. Now it seems to you that no one needs our dead except us, but this is not so. Look around, if they are so unnecessary, then what are we constantly doing at their graves? Why do we visit them, talk, ask for advice and help? And we always get what we ask for. Even after they left us forever... Be patient, it will get easier. And remember - he ceased to be near, but did not leave you. You will see.

• Reading condolences in verse is considered not entirely appropriate in these circumstances, try to avoid them;
• It is worth bringing words of regret only when it is appropriate. Do not impose them or persecute mourners as a formality. Do it sincerely, with warmth, at the right moment and do not go too far with sincere words to the deceased if you did not know him (otherwise the words will sound hypocritical, it’s better not to say anything at all, not to irritate loved ones - it’s not easy for them anyway);
• If the opportunity to express grief did not present itself, you can arrange any of these texts in the form of a short letter and send it to your loved ones. This will give them the opportunity to read them when it is convenient, and not listen to your sorrows when it is convenient for you.
• Words of condolence are usually formal words... standard, short and similar to each other. It is possible to make them warmer, more cordial and more personal by means of intonation and reminders (briefly) of episodes, small details that connected you with the deceased, gave rise to a warm attitude towards him.
• Do not impose advice and edifications that help you survive the pain of loss. It annoys loved ones. They (advice) should be given only when you are sure and see that they are needed or they are guaranteed to be necessary and will be able to help. Even better, if you do not speak, but do something to alleviate the situation. Since any advice, most likely, will not be correctly perceived, it will remain just an irritant.