Relationship between mother and child. "Proper" parental love

Wanted or Unwanted

In my opinion, the most important factor in the emergence, the beginning of the relationship between mother and child is his desirability. It happens that there is no pregnancy yet, but a woman dreams, dreams of a child, as if anticipating him. And if pregnancy occurs, in this situation everything with communication should be easy, especially in the first months of a baby's life.

True, artifacts are also possible - due to the fact that the baby is too loved and desired from the very beginning, its value for a woman and for a couple is enormous, too strong, anxious attachment arises. And anxiety weakens the bond.

With a child who initially not wanted connection is more difficult to establish. Here, maternal guilt can also interfere (“I didn’t want you, I’m guilty before you”), and other family circumstances complicating the situation. For example, rejection of marriage or a child by relatives.

But in general, the relationship between mother and baby is a paradoxical phenomenon. The circumstances of life can be very difficult, and the bond and love for a child is incredibly strong. Such stories are known to us from grandmothers about war and difficult times. There are such stories now, and many will have something to tell - not about themselves, but about acquaintances or relatives.

Bonding with the baby during pregnancy

9 months pregnant- a great time to tune in to the baby and try to establish a connection with him. In the first trimester, this is not easy for everyone, because the woman's well-being can be very mediocre. Psychologists consider it important that a woman accepts the fact of pregnancy and begins to enjoy her until 12-16 weeks. Then this will not prevent the child from developing, and connections to be established.

For the second trimester of pregnancy, an indicator of a normal connection is that a woman begins to treat her condition as good, comfortable. The first tremors of the baby are felt at 17-20 weeks, and from the moment the expectant mother began to distinguish them well, a qualitatively new level of communication is possible - contact at the bodily level.

There is a favorite game that almost every pregnant woman opens like a wheel: if you put your hand on your stomach, the baby will kick there with his foot. For mom, this is an extraordinary joy and the first understanding that there is a separate living person inside you.

Recommendations:
- read more literature about the development of pregnancy, in order to have a good idea of what and when the baby develops.
- attend special classes for pregnant women together with the father of the child, receiving information on how to conduct childbirth and the first weeks of the child's life as gently as possible. Parental literacy will help to avoid mistakes.
- don't create the perfect script childbirth and perfect image unborn child - this can greatly interfere with the acceptance of what will happen in reality.

First days and weeks of life - bonding

An excellent opportunity to establish a reliable connection with a newborn is as early as possible contact with him. Ideally, if these are the first minutes and hours of life. But if for some reason this is impossible, then there are as many as 6 weeks to establish the so-called bonding (from the English verb to bond - to bind, connect) - the time when both the baby and mother are as sensitive to each other as possible, tuned to signals from each other .

And if pregnancy was experienced as a unity, then after childbirth it is worth trying to come to reunion on a new level.

"Golden Keys" for establishing bonding:

Set up for early contact
Breastfeeding on demand in the first weeks of life
Skin to skin contact
Calm environment and the opportunity to look at the baby, tune in to him

Could something interfere with establishing this connection?

First of all, the discrepancy between the expectations of the mother and the sex or appearance of the child, or a very stressful situation in the first days and weeks after the birth of the baby, is the main factor in the difficulty of feeling the baby by the mother. It is necessary to try in the first days and weeks after childbirth to create the most comfortable, calm, cozy and protected environment for the woman in labor and the newborn.

During pregnancy, especially the first one, a woman often does not even imagine how important such an environment - psychological, domestic, relational - will be when the baby is born. You need to try to have time to “make a nest for yourself” in order to calmly spend the first weeks and months of the baby’s life in it.

If the environment is favorable, the connection arises more easily.

If the first months were not easy

It also happens that the end of pregnancy and the first weeks of a child's life are accompanied by great anxiety for the mother and all those around her. And here. Not to a calm environment and not to special techniques to establish a connection with the baby. And a woman may not realize how important the mindset for early contact is, and read or find out about it a few months later.

Are opportunities to establish a reliable connection lost? Of course, he will marry, because the entire first year is the time when the child is tuned in to the connection with the mother and is open to her. And the adaptive capacity of babies is enormous. And it happens that even after a month or more spent apart due to health problems, the baby and mother become attached to each other literally counted days, and this connection is very strong.

It is only important to remember about the "golden keys".

Stop beating yourself up for wasted time and lost opportunities. Everything can be fixed and made up for if you do not exhaust yourself with guilt.
Try to use professional help to establish breastfeeding. But if it doesn't work out, remember - it's not a disaster. But maternal depression, which arose from a sense of inadequacy, can do a lot of harm.
Hold the baby in your arms as much as possible, bathe him, go for a walk with a sling.
Learn to enjoy physical contact with your baby.
Include the child's father in daily care. Try to make simple events like a bath or a massage a small family holiday.
Find specialists (pediatrician, psychologist, massage therapist) who will support you in the first year of life.
Do not rush around for different doctors, choose them in advance and carefully, and remember: "horses do not change at the crossing."
Find new acquaintances of parents who are also close to the position of close connection with the baby.

What kind of phenomenon is the connection between mother and child?

Communication is when you feel the baby without words, and you can formulate his desires or unwillingnesses even when he himself does not yet know how to express them in words.
Communication is when at a distance (for example, in a store) do you feel the baby is awake because the milk has arrived.
Communication with a child is when, by the tone of his voice or behavior you understand that something happened- good and bad.

Here communication is ahead of knowledge. In the connection between mother and child, intuition and your trust in it play a huge role.

Breastfeeding through tears

Often, especially with the first child, breastfeeding, which is considered natural, and such an important factor for the bond between mother and baby, is not at all easy. I want to eat, but I can't.

In our world, there is so little of everything natural that we have to learn things that used to happen by themselves: both childbirth, and breastfeeding, and the first year with the first child are now just such things.

Family traditions are interrupted and new professions appear: doula, lactation consultant, perinatal psychologist, child psychologist. And the young mother learns to properly feed, swaddle, bathe, console sometimes literally through tears.

But it is very good that there is something and from whom to learn. Therefore, if breastfeeding did not work out and the baby had to be transferred to a bottle, then this can be perceived as a defeat all his life later. And the connection between mother and baby will suffer not from the fact that he is artificial, but from guilt.

Communication is a two-way phenomenon

The quality of communication is difficult to assess from the outside. Communication is different. And sometimes it seems that this mother-child pair has no connection at all. She holds him in her arms a little or kisses him a little, or doesn’t say good things about him ... But then something happens and it becomes clear that everything is good with this mother with a connection, it just manifests itself differently from you, in a different way.

By external signs, expression and affection, it is difficult to conclude that there is a connection. For example, is there a connection between a mother and a baby who grows up in the arms of round-the-clock nannies? Mom only comes to bathe him, rejoices violently, kisses him, says a lot of affectionate words, and then again does not see the child for a day. Are all these violent emotional manifestations a connection or an imitation of love? It is not for us to judge, because only these two know about the relationship of two, whether they are spouses or a mother-child couple.

But you have to be honest with yourself. And if your family circumstances, personal qualities, or characteristics of the child make it difficult to form a connection, do not leave it like that, take action!

What can you do to get connected?

Spend as much time with your baby as possible. Full-time work is not suitable for a mother of a small child.
Do not entrust the baby for more than half a day to assistants
Try to breastfeed your baby for at least a year and no more than two years
You should not be afraid to be alone with your child, and you can easily cope with regime moments.
Do not leave the baby when he is sick
Long trips without a child will not harm him only when he becomes older than 4 years, and before that it is better to take the baby with you
Find time to play with your child at least 15-20 minutes a day

"Spiritual umbilical cord" connecting mother and baby

They say “a mother’s heart is a prophet”, “a mother’s prayer will get it from the bottom of the sea”, “a mother’s blessing does not sink in fire and does not burn in water”, “there is no better friend than a mother”. All these proverbs about the connection between mother and baby, which has no analogues. And if a mother can have several children, then a child has only one mother.

But only often do children understand the uniqueness of this connection and begin to appreciate it not immediately, but somewhere closer to English adulthood. And that's okay. While the baby is growing along the umbilical cord, the currents flow from the mother's side. No wonder they say "when the sun is warm, and when the mother is good."

The truth and return from the baby begins from the first weeks of life, from the first smile, from the first "mommy, I love you."

The baby is growing - how is the connection changing?

Until the child is one year old, the most important level of connection for him is the body. As psychologists say, achieving the first 6 months is unconditional emotional communication with the mother, the main result of the first year of a child's life is basic trust in the world, the emergence of which is possible only if there is a basic acceptance of the baby by mom and dad.

After a year and a half, a new stage in the development of the relationship between mother and baby begins. The child becomes a personality, masters speech, acquires his own opinion. Then everything will not be so smooth and calm, the relationship will go through difficult times - a crisis of 3 years, a crisis of 7 years, a teenage crisis.

But the level of the basic, which arose in the first year of life, will help you in living through these difficult stages of development.

"Out of range"

It is very important not to be completely distracted from the child, having gone into work, into building new relationships, into the birth of another child. It is important not to be “out of reach”, not to become emotionally unavailable.

Of course, short stressful moments, when you simply don’t have the strength to pay full attention to the baby, happen in the life of every adult. But try to get in touch with the child as soon as you cope with the problem at least a little, and you will see how much warmth and support can be received from such a small creature.

Try to read as many different books as possible on raising and caring for a child, starting with pregnancy. Let their authors be residents of different countries, representatives of different times. Try to highlight from the books what you like; whatever suits your family's lifestyle. Your point of view should be panoramic.
O discuss what you read with the child's father. You should not close all decisions related to his life, upbringing, development on yourself. After all, then the father will not be able to be an active participant from the first weeks of life, which is very important for the child, nor to support you - and this is extremely important for relationships.

Mother's programming of the child

When the bond between mother and child is established, it is very strong. And the maternal possibilities of influencing the baby - conscious and unconscious - are very great. There is a Russian proverb “whatever you call out, it will respond”. It well illustrates the possibilities of mother's programming of the child - for life success or defeat, for strength or weakness.

Mom, holding the child in her arms, peering into his features, cannot help but think and imagine what he will be like, what awaits him. And it is very important that your thoughts are not too disturbing, so that a negative program is not created that can prevent the child from finding himself in life and fulfilling his potential.

The connection between mother and baby is the strongest tool. And it is important how it will be used - for good or out of selfishness.

After all, everyone knows cases when people under forty do not marry, guarding their mother; or situations when quite prosperous families collapsed due to the efforts of one of the mothers ... It is necessary that your connection with the child, established from the first days of his life, does not prevent him from becoming an independent person.

To be a parent is to give a child life, put him on his feet and let go ...

Of course, this will not be at all soon, in 18-20 years, and the connection will not be interrupted even then. It's important that your bond doesn't become a noose as your baby gets older. Everything has its time.

Communication (bonding) - the term denoting the state of emotional closeness between parents and the child at the time of birth, became widely known in the 80s. The concept of bonding was proposed by Drs. M. Klaus and J. Kennell in their classic book, The Ties Between Mother and Child. These scientists argue that in humans, as in animals, there is a “perceptual heightened period” immediately after birth, during which mothers and newborns are programmed to connect with each other and care for each other. Comparing mother-child pairs, who were inseparable immediately after the birth of the child, with those who did not contact, they concluded that later the former turned out to be more attached to each other.

When this idea made its way into the delivery rooms, it was met with mixed reactions. Parents and pediatricians were enthusiastic about it, mostly because it made sense. Behavioral researchers were skeptical that the first hours spent together by mother and child could have a long-term effect.

We have carefully studied the concept of communication. We studied the work of other researchers and made observations ourselves and came to conclusions that, we hope, are quite reasonable.

Communication between mother and newborn

Emotional closeness is essentially a continuation of the relationship that began to take shape during pregnancy, it was strengthened by the constant awareness of a new life growing inside the mother. The physical and chemical changes that take place in your body remind you of the presence of a child. Birth cements the connection, turns it into reality. Now you can see and talk to the little man who used to be just a “bulge”, whose movements you felt inside you, whose heartbeat you heard with the help of medical devices. Emotional intimacy transforms your life-giving love for a being within you into caring love for a being outside of you. When the child was inside, you gave him your blood; when he is outside, you give him milk, your eyes, your hands, your voice - your whole self.

The emotional closeness of mother and newborn unites them again. The study of the mother-child bond has been a catalyst for family-oriented delivery management in hospitals. Newborns were transferred from children's rooms to mothers' wards. Mothers have once again regained their central role in the care of newborns.

The inextricable bond between mother and child does not arise immediately and forever. While there is little evidence to suggest that weaning a mother from a child at birth has a negative impact on future parent-child relationships, we believe that the emergence of emotional intimacy during this period of biologically heightened perceptual sensitivity provides a good start for the formation of further relationships. But one cannot think that these initial relationships once and for all cement the relationship between parents and the child. Overestimation of the initial period causes a feeling of hopelessness in mothers who, due to complicated births, were temporarily separated from their babies. The spread of this misunderstanding of the role of the initial period in the formation of further relationships has caused an epidemic of melancholy in mothers who underwent caesarean sections and in mothers of premature babies transferred to intensive care units.

What about children who, for various reasons (for example, premature birth or caesarean section), were temporarily separated from their mothers? Can the damage caused by the loss of the early contact period be repaired? Without any doubt, it is possible, especially if you do not succumb to despondency. The concept of creating emotional intimacy at an absolutely critical time, now or never, is misguided. Birth, infancy, childhood - there are many periods during which the contact between mother and child is strengthened. If we follow our method of rapprochement, which creates an inextricable bond between mother and child, then after their reunion, the loss of such a significant period of early contact is gradually compensated. We know parents who have adopted children of one week of age, who, after the first contact with them, showed such deep feelings, such care, which were in no way inferior to the feelings of biological parents at the time of the birth of the child.

Newborns and fathers

Most of the studies dealt with the mother-child relationship, while only mentioning fathers with due respect. In recent years, fathers have also come under scrutiny and even earned a special term for the relationship with the baby at the time of birth - "all-consuming attention." We used to talk about the help provided by fathers, now we are talking about all-consuming attention, which means the highest degree of involvement in parental duties and joys. This new term means not only what the father does for the child (holds him in his arms, soothes him), but also what the child does for the father. Close contact with the child after birth develops subtlety in the father.

It is believed that fathers, when they are entrusted with children, do not so much nurse them as guard them. They are on the sidelines, helping the mother while she is busy with the child. This is not entirely true. They have their own approach to the child, and the child needs them.

A study of fathers' behavior shows that when they are given the opportunity to actively participate in the care of newborns, they become just as caring nannies as mothers. They may be a little less quick, slower to open up than mothers, but capable of deep affection for very tiny children.

Communication with the child after caesarean section

C-section - surgery. But this is, first of all, childbirth, do not forget about it. If a caesarean section is necessary, this does not mean a loss of connection with the child; it just shifts a little in time and the roles change. Fathers are now allowed to be present at births by caesarean section, and it is nice to see a father with a newborn during such a birth. Here are opportunities that help to establish early contact with the baby.

Mother's advice. When using local anesthesia, the so-called epidural anesthesia, you lose sensation from the navel to the fingertips. Unlike general anesthesia, which puts you to sleep during childbirth, epidural anesthesia allows you to stay awake during a surgical procedure and, despite the operation, enjoy the birth of a child. The time of contact with the newborn will be limited, as you are still very weak. You will be able to hold the baby with only one hand, as the other will be occupied by the dropper. Just a few minutes you will spend with the child cheek to cheek, looking at each other. It is important that you felt each other immediately after the birth of the child. Although contact with the baby is established differently after a caesarean section, it nevertheless took place.

Father's advice. During the operation, you will be able to sit at the edge of the table and hold your wife's hand. At the moment of birth, you will be able to look behind the sterile sheets and see your baby being removed. The baby will immediately be placed in a special heated box, the amniotic fluid will be sucked out if necessary, they will give oxygen and make sure that all systems are working properly. After everything is done for him (which usually takes much longer than in a normal birth), you or the doctor bring the baby to the mother so that she can be with him for a while and feel his closeness. When the operation is completed and your wife is transferred to the recovery room, you and your child can go to the nursery and work with him. Hold the child, lull him, talk to him, sing a song. If a child needs special assistance, you can sit near the isolation ward - you will be called when it is possible. You can touch your child, the baby will hear your voice. You will find that he will respond to your voice, which he heard all the time in the womb. Fathers who are able to touch and nurse their newborns immediately after birth have an easier time bonding with their baby later on.

Some more tips

Ask to delay routine processing . Often, the nurse who delivers, immediately after the birth of the child, begins to deal with it - she gives an injection of vitamin K, injects a disinfectant into the eyes, and only then passes it on to the mother. Ask your sister to postpone these procedures for about an hour so that the baby can enjoy the first motherly caresses. After disinfection of the eyes, the child temporarily sees less or closes his eyes. The first impressions of the mother are important to the child, he needs to see her.

stay together . Ask your doctor and nurse to place your baby on your stomach and chest immediately after birth or after cutting the cord and suctioning the amniotic fluid if you and he are fine.

Let the baby suckle the breast immediately after birth . Most children just lick the nipple, but there are those who immediately begin to suckle greedily. As already mentioned, this stimulation of the nipple causes the production of the hormone oxytocin, which helps to contract the uterus and reduce postpartum bleeding. It also stimulates the production of prolactin, which accelerates the appearance of milk.

Touch the child . You are pleased to feel that the baby is good to lie the way he settled down: tummy to tummy, cheek to chest; caress all of his body. We noticed that mothers and fathers showed their tenderness in different ways. Young mothers used to caress the entire body of the child, gently touching it with their fingertips. Fathers often put their palms on the child's head, as if showing their readiness to protect this sprout of life that they had given birth to. Stroking the body, in addition to pleasure, benefits the baby. The skin is very rich in nerve endings. When a child begins to breathe air, at first he breathes irregularly, stroking stimulates nerve endings, makes breathing more rhythmic - this is such a medicine, parental touch.

Look at the newborn . A newborn can see best at a distance of 8 to 10 inches (20 to 25 cm). Surprisingly, this corresponds to the distance from the nipple to the mother's eyes during feeding. Hold the baby in front of you, supporting his head so that your eyes meet. Enjoy this eye contact for a short time while the baby is calmly listening to everything after birth (then he falls asleep soundly). Looking into the eyes of a child, you experience a surge of maternal feelings.

Talk to the newborn . During the first hours and days after birth, a special conversation begins between mother and child. Studies have shown that the sound of the mother's voice calms down the child and begins to breathe more rhythmically.

William Serse and Martha Serse. Your child.

Everyone knows that a child, being in the womb, is connected with her through the umbilical cord, and thanks to ultrasound machines, this can even be seen with your own eyes. But not many, alas, understand that after the umbilical cord is cut off, the connection between mother and child still remains. The truth is invisible. But the fact that this connection cannot be seen does not make it less significant.

Two in one
It all starts with the fact that a new life, according to the laws of nature, is born in a woman's body. This phenomenon is natural and at the same time surprising. Agree, this is, in fact, an ordinary miracle, when two people suddenly begin to live in one person.
During pregnancy, a mother and child have a lot in common for two: blood circulation, nervous and endocrine systems, respiratory system, metabolic processes. The mother's body removes all the waste products of the fetus, performing the function of the kidneys and digestive tract for it. Through the mother's body, the child is provided with oxygen, proteins, fats, carbohydrates, vitamins, minerals and all other vital substances. Mom and fetus have one common immunity for two. And what strong emotional, psychological and energy connections are established between
mom and baby during pregnancy!
In such an inseparable unity "two in one", mother and baby spend 9 months.
Think how long this is! It's 40 weeks!! Whole 280 days!!! Naturally, during this time, mother and baby develop not just physical unity, but also the habit of being connected into one whole, and a huge need for this inseparability. Can this whole complex of relationships really disappear in an instant, thanks only to the fact that during childbirth the umbilical cord connecting the mother with the baby is cut off?! Of course no.

Two as one
At the long-awaited and happy moment of birth, another ordinary miracle occurs, when mother and baby, previously connected together, are separated, and life within life turns into a separate life of a newborn child. Have you ever thought that the phrase “the baby was born” does not reflect the beginning of the baby’s life as such (after all, the beginning was in the womb), but precisely the beginning of his other life, separate. However, despite this, the attachments formed over 9 months of intrauterine life make the baby still crave the presence of his mother, expect her care, seek security in her, demand that she provide him with everything vital. A newborn, although it may already exist outside the mother's body, nevertheless cannot yet exist without a mother. This feeling underlies the attachment of the baby to the mother, which persists after birth. And do not forget that the emotional closeness of the mother with the newborn, their psychological and energy relationship is preserved. All this is the components of that very invisible umbilical cord. This is how it turns out that mother and baby are once again inseparable after birth. True, in a new capacity - two as one.

Let's take animals for example...
There is such a special term "imprinting", which is called the process of the relationship between mother and newborn in the animal world, namely, the fact that females do not part with their cubs after childbirth. And they don’t just not part, but are in close (in the literal sense of the word) contact: they press, warm, lick, “envelop” themselves and feed them with milk almost immediately after childbirth.
It turns out that instinct tells animals a 100% correct decision. As a result of a series of experiments on animals, scientists have found that the artificial removal of a cub from its mother has a very harmful (even, one might say, detrimental!) effect on its development, including that it can lead to any mental abnormalities.
A natural question arises: why, when talking about imprinting, only animals are mentioned? Moreover, a variety of animals: monkeys, dogs, birds, lions, foxes, wolves and even fish ... But what about people? Why is the concept of "imprinting" not typical for them? Why is everyone actively discussing the problem of freeing mothers (with the help of artificial feeding and nannies) from the need to be near the child around the clock? Why does attachment to a child become a burden for women, but not for females? Maybe because animals act instinctively, and people tend to reason: “I want this, I don’t want this. So it’s convenient for me, but it’s not convenient.”
Animals are closer to nature, and the laws of nature push them to imprint. Watch your pets. Cats, for example. What do you feel when you look at a cat with kittens? Doesn't their image evoke a feeling of complete harmony, without any additional scientific justification for this phenomenon? So maybe it’s worth just taking an example from animals in this matter ?!

All by science
The postpartum period for both mother and baby is called for both a period of biologically heightened sensitivity of perception. This is understandable, because during pregnancy their biological rhythms were synchronized, consonant. The mother responded to the actions of the child, the child - to the actions of the mother. The moment of birth disrupts the usual course of these rhythms. And first of all, this is a shock for the newborn, as a result of which he finds himself in an unbalanced state. The presence of a mother nearby helps to restore the lost balance. It is the mother who can help the baby overcome the so-called “birth stress” and return it to a state of harmony. Scientists compare the role of the mother in this process with the action of a magnet, leading to the ordering of iron chips scattered on the surface.
Many experts who have studied the problem of the relationship between mother and baby agree that 3 stages of such a relationship can be distinguished:
- The first 2 hours of a child's life (primary bonds).
- 24 hours after childbirth (secondary bonds).
- 9 months after childbirth (tertiary bonds).

Primary Bonds
This is undoubtedly the most significant period for a newborn. It is most favorable for the complete neutralization of generic stress. What is important at this stage?
Firstly, the feeling of maternal warmth, which helps to maintain the optimal temperature for the baby. Secondly, the first touch to each other. That is why, immediately after birth, you need to put the baby on the mother's stomach, give him the mother's breast. At the first feeding, the connection broken by cutting the umbilical cord is instantly restored. The child, as in the womb, feels tremendous protection - on an emotional level, on a psychological and biological level, absorbing with mother's milk, as well as through the umbilical cord, everything that he needs for life. I'm not talking about how important this first feeding is for the mother's health. Stimulation during feeding of the nipple causes the production of a hormone that activates uterine contractions, which reduces the likelihood of postpartum complications and accelerates the production of milk. Everything in nature makes sense.
During this period, the first external contact is established. You need to look into each other's eyes, not forgetting only that the newborn sees best at a distance of 20-25 cm, which, by the way, corresponds to the distance from the nipple to the mother's eyes during feeding. You need to talk to the newborn. It has been proven that the sound of a mother's voice immediately calms the child. And of course, at this stage, the manifestation of love and tenderness is important. It is necessary to stroke, caress the entire body of the child, gently touching it with one fingertips. The manifestation of love and tenderness, in addition to pleasure, brings invaluable benefits to the baby. In the first minutes after birth, the child adapts to breathe air, and caressing his skin, where there are many nerve endings, we stimulate the breathing process.

Secondary Bonds
At this stage, the immediate (inseparable) closeness of mother and child is of great importance. In the first 24 hours, the mother and the newborn are establishing all the relationships in new, yet unusual for both conditions of coexistence.
They used to say: “Do not take the child in your arms!” Now they allow: “Take it!” They used to say: “The child should sleep in a separate bed!” Now they say: "Let the child sleep with his mother, next to her, feeling her warmth and breath."
Precisely in order to ensure the possibility of finding mother and child together, maternity hospitals are now organizing mother and child wards. A newborn is more comfortable not with a stranger, even if he has a medical education, but with his family, with his mother.

Tertiary bonds
At this stage, the most important requirements for the full and harmonious development of the baby are peace, security and a sense of home. Therefore, the shorter the period of stay of mother and child in the hospital, the better. In principle, now they don’t try to keep them in the hospital for a long time, as before.
Having got home with the baby, mothers should not forget that their motherhood is just beginning. No need to assume that now, at home, you can rely on the help of loved ones, and devote less time to the baby. The baby needs a MOM. The invisible umbilical cord binds you more strongly than you think.
The stage of tertiary bonds is the longest. It lasts approximately 9 months. Exactly like pregnancy. The coincidence of these two periods in duration, of course, is not accidental. How long mother and child existed as "two in one", the same amount of time is needed to get used to the new conditions of existence - "two as one".