How to get rid of the fear of strangers. Fear of communication or how to get out of the "cocoon"

Communication is a normal part of everyone's life. With the help of communications, experience, knowledge are transferred, social needs are satisfied. But in modern world when the number of contacts increases, there is often a fear of communication.

Social phobia is the fear of communicative interactions with other people. This ailment belongs to the competence of a psychologist and can be successfully treated in the course of classes.

There are such types of fears:

communication with people;
contacts with strangers;
communication with high-ranking people;
fear of telephone conversations.

The problem of a phobia is solved more easily if the root cause of such a phenomenon is established. The main factors are:

criticism of significant adults (parents, teachers, superiors);
ridicule of peers: classmates, friends;
unsuccessful start of a conversation;
bad performance in front of the public and more.

The main signs of social phobia are:

heartbeat during communication;
trembling, sweating, muscle tension;
dry mouth, headache and feeling hot;
redness of the face,
disorders in the gastrointestinal tract, abdominal pain.

Social phobia greatly interferes with study and work, negatively affects personal life and can even cause divorce. That is why the disease requires urgent overcoming. Moreover, the patient himself should be interested in the treatment, since it happens that the fear of communication is only a means of attracting attention.

Fear of talking to people

Communication requires at least two people. If a person communicates daily, works in an office, then social phobia is unlikely to threaten him.

Communication skills tend to be lost:

Such categories of people as housewives, young mothers, people who, for certain reasons, have been without full communication with new people for a long time.
For some people, the fear of communication may be associated with hypertrophied dependence and high self-esteem his image. Such people tend to have no friends and avoid socializing so that no one can destroy them. perfect image. If communication nevertheless occurs, but such a person is not in the zone of attention or is subjected to jokes, ridicule, then he closes in on himself for a long time.
Insecure people also unsociable, but the reason for their fear lies elsewhere. They are afraid of being underestimated, misunderstood. Self-doubt breeds isolation, which exacerbates the situation, making the sociopath unsociable, withdrawn and aloof even with close relatives. Such people believe that everyone owes them, that they are given insufficient attention and love.
young mothers for a long time forced to communicate only with the child. Because of this, they have the idea of their unfulfillment, unattractiveness, which gives rise to an inferiority complex. In this case, family relationships are also at risk.

With strangers

Communication with strangers and ordinary person is traumatic, but for those who have a fear of communication, it may be completely impossible.

A stranger is full of secrets and dangers, he is unpredictable in reactions and in relation to what is happening. All this frightens sociopathic personalities, preventing not only the process of communication itself, but even acquaintance and the first stages of communication.

With the opposite sex

Communication with the opposite sex has a lot of features and at the same time causes most problems for those who have a fear of communication.

Young men are especially susceptible to this, because the right to take the first step remains with them:

Young men are not sure of their attractiveness and the opposite sex confuses them so much that they prefer to silently experience their feelings, suppressing emotions.
There is another side to the fear of communicating with the opposite sex - excessive rudeness. Boys are either openly rude to girls, or have several connections at the same time, trying to prove their coolness to their friends. In fact, a fearful, insecure teenager is hiding behind such a mask.

Psychologists believe that the fear of communication affects health, causing not only psychological, but also physical discomfort. Various tics, obsessive movements, etc. may appear. This also exacerbates the situation and requires more in-depth psychological work.

Women often suffer from fear of communicating with men. This feature begins to form in them in childhood.

Highly great importance has the way the girl's mother treats herself and her child:

If she considers herself beautiful, adequately assesses her appearance and loves herself, then the girl is not threatened with sociopathy.
But if a mother does not love herself and takes it out on the child, humiliating her dignity, saying that she is ugly or not like everyone else, then this is a direct path to the child's sociopathy at a very early age.

With high-ranking officials

Often there is a fear of communicating with superiors at work or with those whom a person considers superior to himself: teachers, celebrities, etc.

It is easy to overcome such fear, since contacts are usually quite frequent and formal in nature:

To overcome fear, it is enough just to turn to the biographies of such people. In childhood, they were all ordinary boys and girls, so you should not be afraid to communicate with them. It is necessary to see in them first of all people, and then the status.
To defuse the situation, you can directly talk about your feelings. This will not only allow you to have a more sincere conversation and overcome fear, but also gain the respect of a high-ranking person due to your courage and openness.

By phone

At work, at home, you need to answer phone calls. Some are afraid to do this, since the telephone is also a means of communication for interpersonal interaction between two people.

Sociopathic personalities believe that they have a strange and ugly voice on the phone, that the person on the other end of the phone laughs at them, and so on.

This type of social phobia is less dangerous, but also requires work on oneself.

Social phobia in children

Social phobia is considered a mental illness, but in children it can be the result of improper upbringing.

Usually, the disease begins in adolescence during puberty: a changing body, voice, appearance cause many questions in young men and at the same time give rise to complexes.

But the first phenomena that can lead to the disease in the future can be identified already at school.

If in children of kindergarten age mild social phobia is considered the norm, then at school age, when the child first encounters the model of a “society of strangers,” social phobia is unacceptable.

The new faces offer tighter rules for the child and have a lower level of acceptance of the child as they are compared to the family circle and kindergarten group.

If the child could not adapt to new conditions (and this happens in 50% of cases), then the help of a psychologist is required.

Socially significant situations for a child at school are:

communication with strangers;
conversations with teachers, answers at the blackboard;
carrying out their activities under supervision.

In addition, a shy child over the age of 7 may experience discomfort when eating with new people, which is especially problematic because often children simply refuse to eat.

Approximately 40% of children generally refuse to go to school because they have a strong uncontrollable feeling of anxiety. For this reason, socialization work must start from the very beginning. early age attending various events with the child, introducing him to many new people.

The main signs of the development of social phobia are:

refusal to go to school;
does not communicate with peers;
does not come into contact with teachers, a psychologist;
refuses to go to the blackboard;
afraid to sleep alone at home.

The normal reaction of parents is to hold a conversation and stop the sociophobic attack with the phrase: "Pull yourself together, you're already big." In this case, threats are unacceptable, since they will only aggravate the situation, and the child will include parents and persons among dangerous persons.

How to overcome

Treatment of social phobia takes time. Usually, the fear of communicating with people passes for six months. During this time, the psychologist fights the cause of the phobia, teaches the child to deal with frightening situations, and relaxes him. In severe cases, psychotropic drugs and psychotherapy are prescribed.

You should not be afraid of taking drugs, since modern drugs are not addictive and do not have a withdrawal symptom.

Parents should take an active position and in every possible way contribute to the recovery of the child, conducting therapy at home in the form of game methods and fairy tale therapy.

realize that the fear of communication is not at all a sign of a strong personality and ideal self;
stop labeling other people;
choose a job where there is communication with people, albeit moderate;
do everyday activities with maximum communication: friends, colleagues, household members;
it is worth defending your opinion, your needs.

In general, the recommendations are quite simple. Only he himself can help a person with social phobia. Otherwise, no therapy will help. You do not need to set clear goals for yourself, as they increase anxiety, but you need to systematically and purposefully work on yourself.

Psychologists have developed a number of tips for people who want to get rid of communication problems:

Learn to make eye contact. At first, you can do this on the Internet: chat on forums, comment on photos. After that, you need to go to the store more often, communicate with sellers while shopping.
Master the phone. This method is simpler than real communication, so before moving on to personal interaction, you can try to do it over the phone.
Go to real contact. During this period, it is necessary to turn to strangers with requests, in stores to agree to the appeal of a sales assistant to help, etc.

Thus, social phobia is a serious problem. Today a person in modern society cannot live without knowing how to communicate effectively. That is why overcoming communication problems should be the number 1 task for any person.

Video: A word to a specialist

Video: Training

Do you experience anxiety and fear of communicating with a stranger? The fear of such communication arises in most people. Basically, this occurs when you communicate with high-ranking people who are self-confident and relaxed in communication. Fear of communication is one of the most common phobias.
If you are a confident interlocutor, then this article is not for you. But if you know the fear of communication, when the right words just disappear from your head, then reading this article will do you good.

Let's look at how you can overcome the fear of communication and become a more confident and interesting conversationalist.

1. A big delusion when you disguise the fear of communication as modesty and shyness. These are slightly different things and should not be confused. To be successful in this business, you need to overcome the barriers of modesty and start the conversation first. It may be superficial conversations about nothing at first, but over time you will be able to have deeper conversations. Understand for yourself that only in this way, overcoming modesty and shyness, you can overcome fear and communicate freely without obstacles.

2. Get rid of the habit of thinking about what the other person thinks of you. Very often you can hear such words: “What can he think of me, that I am too intrusive or that the conversation may seem boring and boring to him.” But you cannot know exactly what your interlocutor thinks of you. To read each other's thoughts is not yet given to man. And what difference does it make what he thinks of you, if he doesn’t voice it anyway. Many people don't bother to think about you or others at all. People's heads are filled with many other thoughts and they don't care about you. So, stop thinking during a conversation what your interlocutor is thinking. In fact, you will never know what the other person might really think of you. Immerse yourself in thoughts better in conversation.

3. If, as a fight against the fear of communication, you have chosen a job where there is a lot of communication with different people, then it is better to immediately quit such a job. Trust me, it won't do you any good. Professional communication in a business environment is not a place where you can train your communication skills. To do this, you will need a different environment, more natural, conducive to free communication. And with such harsh methods, you will simply cause stress in yourself and create even more fear of communication. Therefore, do not go for such radical methods, communicate more live in ordinary everyday life.

4. Choose simple and natural conditions to overcome the fear of communication. Try to hone your communication skills every day. In your ordinary life, you can certainly find many occasions when you can chat with strangers. There are situations, events that require you to communicate and find compromises that can only be achieved by communicating more and more often. Use any suitable moment to communicate, in the store and in the bank, at the bus stop and in transport, on a trip. But you should have a goal to talk and start a conversation, this will not happen on its own. You need to learn not only how to keep a conversation going when you are spoken to, but also how to be the first to carry on a conversation. It will not turn out right away, but you should not give up, you must continue on. The ability to conduct a conversation and communicate freely needs to be honed day by day. Over time, without effort and fear, you will be able to communicate with those with whom you want. Such training will teach you the art of real communication, and bring it to automatism.

5. You can easily carry on conversations if you are cheerful. Seriousness and efficiency only scare people away. Joke more, have fun, smile more. Very quickly, fear and tension are removed by laughter. You just have to laugh heartily together, as fear and embarrassment will no longer arise.

6. Don't take to heart all the conversations that didn't go the way you expected. Or you thought you had a terrible conversation. Even if that's the case, so what? You have not lost anything, your life goes on. Do not take this as a mistake and a reason to quit practicing communication. On the contrary, you should consider past failures in future conversations. That's how they learn. Don't dwell on bad experiences. Take it lightly, without being too serious.

7. And the last recommendation, do not look too closely at this complex. Don't think about it all the time, just live a full life and exercise in between. Communicate simply and naturally, without thinking that at this very moment you are overcoming your fear. Let go of such thoughts during the conversation. Take it easy on this issue. This is only at first, you will feel uncomfortable when communicating with strangers, but it will take some time and you will get used to the new skill.

It is important to understand that all people have certain complexes and weaknesses. Therefore, if your interlocutor is a self-confident person, just remember that he also has his weaknesses. And for sure, there is an area in which you are more competent. Don't get lost or feel weak in his presence. In fact, your interlocutor is also constrained by new communication and feels the same awkwardness and embarrassment. Therefore, consider this and start communicating freely and joyfully, enjoying it.

Interpersonal communication is an essential part of our lives. Wherever a person is, he has to contact with other people everywhere - in the family, at work, in public transport, shop, clinic, bank.

For most people, this interaction does not cause any inconvenience. However, there are individuals who experience fear of communicating with people. Let's look at the causes of this fear and find out how to deal with it.

In psychology, the fear of communicative interaction with others is called social phobia. Social phobes are different - for some, communication with people causes only slight difficulties and insecurity, while others experience real fear that prevents them from leading a normal life, forcing such individuals to hide from others and turning them into real recluses.

In most cases, social phobia can be successfully treated. A competent psychologist can help a person get rid of this problem. If the fear of communication is not expressed so strongly that it can be called a real phobia, then a person, as a rule, can cope with it on his own.

Why is a person afraid of communication?

The roots of the problem are usually laid in childhood. If a child was teased or offended by peers, was not accepted into their company and did not want to be friends with him, over time he may develop a fear of communicative interaction.

Children who are often criticized by their parents for any reason can also develop social phobia. It begins to seem to them that if even the closest people do not understand them, then what can be expected from strangers?

Naturally shy or insecure people also often experience communication difficulties. They are afraid to say something wrong or seem ridiculous in the eyes of the interlocutor.

However, fear of people is not always formed in childhood. Some individuals begin to experience it after some traumatic event or a long absence of communicative interaction. For example, housewives, mothers on maternity leave, who for a long time communicated only with their child, pensioners.

If a person is alone for a long time or is surrounded only by members of his family, his communication skill is gradually lost and it becomes difficult to meet and communicate with other people.

A person who has failed in communication may begin to fear its repetition in the future and avoid similar situations. This, for example, can include the experience of an unsuccessful performance in front of an audience, when a person was ridiculed or dishonored. Even if before this the individual did not experience any difficulties in communication, after his failure he may become afraid.

Varieties of fear of communication

Each sociophobe experiences fear of communicative interaction in different ways. Psychologists distinguish several types of such fear. Let's consider them.

Communication with strangers. Some individuals feel quite relaxed in the company of friends or work colleagues, but literally fall into a stupor if they have to communicate with a person they do not know.
Contact with the opposite sex. Notorious people are often afraid to meet and start relationships with people of the opposite sex. Boys are afraid of communicating with girls and vice versa. At the same time, they can easily communicate with representatives of their gender. Problems of this kind arise, as a rule, in adolescence, as a result of experienced failure and can haunt a person all his life.
Communication with peers. Modest and shy children and teenagers often become outcasts in the team. They try to stay away from noisy companies, afraid to express their opinion, afraid of ridicule from their peers. Such individuals find it difficult to make friends and often suffer from loneliness.
Presentation in front of an audience. This kind of fear is present in most people to one degree or another. Such individuals interact well with others, but are terribly afraid of public speaking. It is noted that they never choose a profession associated with the need to perform on stage or podium - a politician, artist, lecturer, teacher.
Telephone conversations. Some people are fluent in person but are afraid to do it over the phone. They experience discomfort when they do not see the interlocutor, especially if it is a stranger or unfamiliar person.
Communication with superiors in position or social status. The fear of communicative interaction with superiors, high-ranking people or those who are higher in position in society is a fairly common phenomenon and is inherent in many.

Symptoms and signs of social phobia

If a person experiences fear of communicative interaction, then in a frightening situation, his body begins to react accordingly. Social phobia can be recognized by some signs. During a conversation with other people, a person observes:

heart palpitations;
dry mouth, feeling of a coma in the throat;
voice trembling, inconsistency of speech, stuttering;
muscle tension and nervous trembling in the body;
redness of the face;
increased sweating;
cramps in the abdomen.

A social phobe may exhibit all or some of these symptoms. Depending on the degree of fear, they can be weak, moderate or strong. The more pronounced these signs are, the more difficult it is for an individual to contact others. That is why many sociophobes are forced to sit at home, alone, avoiding any communication.

How to overcome the fear of communicating with people?

Getting rid of the fear of communicative interaction is not only possible, but also necessary. If you suffer from such a problem, start fighting it as early as possible, otherwise fear will haunt you constantly, poisoning your entire existence and depriving you of many pleasant moments of life.

So, let's look at the most effective methods of dealing with social phobia, which are recommended by experts in the field of psychology.

During communication, try not to think about what the interlocutor will think of you. Thoughts that you seem funny, stupid or boring to him automatically set you up for negativity. It is better to focus on the conversation itself, and not on the impression you make. In addition, most people are so busy thinking about their problems that they think little about the interlocutor. So, you have nothing to worry about.
Become a good listener. If you don't know how to be a good storyteller, learn to listen to others. Many people feel the need to tell someone about their problems, to pour out their soul. Therefore, they will be very happy to find an appreciative listener.
Practice your communication skills daily. If you want to succeed in communicative interaction and get rid of the fear of communication, make it a habit to communicate with someone every day. Do this in any convenient case - in a store, transport, clinic, bank. It is very convenient to exercise in public places. For example, you can ask a passer-by for directions, ask a salesperson in a store about a product you are interested in, in a clinic you can ask people in line for information about the doctor you are going to see. The main thing is to use every convenient opportunity to talk with someone.
Develop a sense of humor. Cheerful people who know how to joke always attract others. Memorize jokes and funny jokes and apply them to the place. So you will not only defuse the situation, but also arouse the interest of the interlocutor.
Smile and make eye contact. During the conversation, behave at ease, smile affably and do not avoid eye contact with the interlocutor. This will help to tune in to the conversation not only for you, but also for him.
Don't take your failures personally. Get ready for the fact that you will not immediately begin to be able to freely communicate with others. But don't focus on unsuccessful attempts. A negative experience is also an experience. Just consider your mistakes and try not to repeat them in the future.
Increase your erudition. The more a person knows, the easier it is for him to hold any conversation. Be interested in world news, achievements in science, technology, medicine, culture and art, watch educational TV shows, read books, newspapers, magazines. And then you will definitely find a topic for conversation with almost any interlocutor.
Sign up for acting classes. This recommendation is useful for children and adolescents who experience communication difficulties. In such courses, they teach to liberate themselves, express their emotions and transform into different images.
Communicate by phone and the Internet. If you still find it difficult to participate in live communication, take advantage of the possibilities of modern technology. Start with the simplest - chatting on the Internet, gradually move on to telephone conversations, and when you feel confident enough, live communication will no longer cause you such anxiety.

The expert will help overcome fear

If your social phobia has already grown to an impressive size, and you are not able to overcome fear on your own, seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist.

He will help you identify the causes of your fear and select the most effective methods of dealing with it, offer you to undergo special trainings. In some cases, a specialist may recommend that you take sedatives at first to relieve trembling, palpitations, and other unpleasant symptoms.

If you experience fear of communicative interaction, be sure to try to overcome it. Do not deprive yourself of the joy of communicating with people!

The age of total urbanization leads to the fact that a person feels lonely, being among people. Our forced communication ends at the stage of school education - distance learning at institutes, home work, business on the Internet - and the circle closes only with close family members. Everything has changed: people prefer to stay at home rather than go out for walks in parks, visit cinemas and theaters. “TV has replaced nature for me” - Matroskin said this 20 years ago! And even when dear fellow citizens go out of their apartment, they prefer not to get acquainted with the first comer, because it is dangerous, according to social fears. Therefore, the question of how to become a sociable person is not so easy to answer.

Probably, if you learn to look more positively at people in general, it will become clear how to become more sociable. People who are insecure, often embittered, or frightened "close" in themselves. Our mass media zealously contribute to creating the impression of the hostility of the environment - all these stories about murderers, rapists, discourage any desire to communicate in principle. But look around: there are quite often lonely people nearby, with an unclaimed need to tell someone their story or just exchange a word. They are also preoccupied with the question of how to become a sociable person. Let's start with the implementation simple rule D. Carnegie: smile! On the streets it is so rare to meet a pleasant face, open, illuminated by a smile! Already only the implementation of this rule will attract the views of passers-by to you. And a very sociable person? Yes, just look at those who look at you. Watch with interest, attentively, but without evaluation. I guarantee that even a simple observation will bring a lot of impressions and positive emotions. And the people around will become closer and more understandable. So the first step is to learn to SEE people.

Step two is to learn how to strike up a conversation. No, not on the street and not even in the park - in a store, cafe, bank. In general, wherever the situation itself encourages the exchange of phrases. See what pleasant and non-standard things you can say to the person in front of you. Accustom yourself to say the first phrase in such a way that the interlocutor wants to answer further or, again, just smile. Overcoming your fear of getting closer to another person is difficult, but consistent and regular training will teach you to take the first step in communication naturally, easily and naturally. By the way, this is what communication trainings conducted by professional psychologists devote their work to. As part of the classes, specialists teach the group to understand how to become a more sociable person, and work out the technique of communication. The latter includes facial expressions, gestures, intonation - after all, it is not so important WHAT to say, but HOW to say it. In addition, by signing up for a communication training, you can find like-minded people and immediately expand your circle of acquaintances - without a long training in real conditions.

Another step can be communication on the Internet. This is a special form of contact with other people, since we do not see or hear them, but only react to what they write. Various social media offer a lot of communication projects - you can even use fictitious names - just check how the community reacts to your posts, comments, articles. An amazing opportunity to find your own style, manner of communication, to determine the area of interest in which it is pleasant and useful to communicate. After all, the exchange of views is the enrichment of the two sides, which means that each side should be able to bring something unique and useful to the interlocutor into the dialogue.

Finally, when there is no longer any fear of people, and you are sure that you can carry on a dialogue, boldly embark on a sea of communication and enjoy free swimming! You will see very soon that many will be grateful that you were the first to start the conversation. Well, if there are failures, then these are no longer your problems, but the fears of another person. Wish him to mentally master the science of how to become a sociable person.