How to comment on other people's children. Three situations when it is extremely inappropriate to reprimand someone else's child

Each of the parents is in a situation where they have to decide whether it is worth making a remark, calling for order and discipline of someone else's child in the case when their own parents are inactive, or they are not around at the moment.

“Is it necessary to intervene and calm down this tomboy?” adults think. At the same time, you know perfectly well how to discipline your child, but using your own methods, you can go beyond what is permitted.

Problem number 1. You are with other parents and children in the playground. Your toddler is playing with a toy and another child comes up to him and tries to take the toy away. His mother doesn't react to it at all. Should you call the bully to order?

Solution to the problem. It will not be bad if you allow the children to resolve their joint conflict. This will allow children to learn to solve their problems on their own at an early age. But it is worth intervening if the other child is larger and older, and the skirmish can turn into a fight. In this situation, stand between the children and invite them to play together or take turns. If that doesn't work, encourage them to play apart to keep the peace.

Problem number 2. You and your toddler are on the playground and an older child is trying to get the younger one into a fight. Parents are not around. Should you discipline someone else's child?

Solution to the problem. Parents always understand what can cause injury or accident. And if you feel that the actions of another child are intended to cause harm, then in a loud general voice command "Stop!" or "Don't fight!". This is enough to attract attention and distract the guys from what is happening. If this does not help, then you can take your baby to another part of the playground away from the fighter or ask the bully where his mother is in order to tell her about what is happening.

Problem number 3. You saw someone's child push yours to the ground and he fell. However, it is not noticeable that the mother of the offender was in a hurry to make a remark to her offspring. Should you influence her child?

Solution to the problem. Always pay attention to aggressive behavior. Intervene in the situation and ask the bully where his parents are. In a crowded playground, kids aren't always in their moms' sight, so parents may not see or know their kids are misbehaving.

Problem number 4. Friends brought their child to visit you and asked to look after him for a couple of hours. The child behaves naughty and capricious, for example, does not want to wash his hands before dinner or, sitting at the table while eating, changes TV channels. Your child obeys you, but the stranger ignores all the comments. Should you suggest to the naughty?

Solution to the problem. Before agreeing to babysit someone else's child, even if it's from your closest friends' family, be sure to establish some basic discipline rules. Find out if the parents themselves indulge the bad behavior of the child, if they have methods of punishment. Often, mom and dad want their children to have the same discipline that is established in their home.

You should agree in advance with your friends on the methods of their upbringing, which you can apply in communication with the child, or those that you use in your own practice. This will help you to better control the situation when the baby is in your home, and will not allow conflict with the parents.

Problem number 5. Family friends with son at your home for your child's birthday party. The boy does not want to say "please" and "thank you" in any way, even in the presence of his mother. Should you reprimand an ill-mannered boy?

Solution to the problem. It's incredibly hard to keep your mouth shut when parents are openly ignoring an obvious problem with their child. Instead of raising a child in the presence of his parents, just show more attention and friendliness to children who can say the words "thank you" and "please." Thus, you will not cross the line of what is permitted, and your smile and praise is the best way to start confronting ignorance.

Problem number 6. Your child patiently stands in line, while the other at this time shamelessly wedged in front. Should you chide the cheeky one?

Solution to the problem. This awkward moment, when the mothers and fathers of other children see that someone else's child is showing miracles of bad manners, and expect that one of the parents of the naughty one is about to appear from the crowd, make him a suggestion in a stern voice and apologize to the others. What if that moment doesn't come? In this case, it makes sense to approach the child and explain that he is wrong, and he should stand at the end of the line.

Some children are rude because they were not taught to communicate in a different way, and some behave in a boorish way, because they feel complete impunity in the absence of their parents. In the latter case, it is always better to intervene and calmly point out to the child that he is wrong, in the future this will only cause understanding and approval from his parents.

Valeria Protasova

Reading time: 6 minutes

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Unfortunately, today's children know much less about politeness than children 15-20 years ago. Increasingly, one can observe how adults are lost from the uncivilized, and sometimes simply outrageous actions and words of other people's children in public places.

What if the situation calls for suggestion to an outside child? Is it possible to teach other people's children at all, and how to do it correctly?

Is it possible to make comments to other people's children - situations in which it is simply necessary to intervene

In 2017, a video circulated on the Web for a long time, in which, in line at the checkout, a small child stubbornly pushed an outside man with a shopping cart, while the boy’s mother did not react in any way to her son’s insolence. The man's nerves gave out, and he poured milk from the bag over the boy's head. This situation divided the “social networks” into 2 camps, in one of which they defended the child (“Yes, I would have stuffed his face for my son!”), And in the other - men (“The guy did the right thing, impudent children and their mothers must be taught visually !").

Who is right? And in what situations do you really need to react?

In fact, to interfere or not to interfere is up to everyone to decide on their own due to good breeding, but it is important to understand that teaching other people's children is not your concern, but their parents'.

Video: Remarks to someone else's child

And you can make claims only to the parents of these ill-mannered children, with the exception of the following cases:

1. Parents are not seen near the child and his behavior requires urgent adult intervention.
2. Parents defiantly do not want to interfere (for example, for the reason that “a child under 5 cannot be brought up”), and intervention is simply necessary.
3. The actions of the child entail the infliction of material harm to you or others. For example, you are a salesperson in a store, the child's mother has gone to the next department, and the child runs along the shelves with expensive alcohol or other goods.
4. The child's actions cause physical harm to you, your child, or others . Sometimes it happens. For example, a common situation is when the mother of someone else's child is too passionate about something and does not see her child pushing or hitting another child. As a result of these actions, the child who is pushed falls and is injured. Naturally, in this situation, one cannot wait until the fighter's mother finally breaks away from her important affairs (phone, girlfriends, etc.), because the health of her own baby is at stake.
5. The child violates your (public) comfort. For example, in the subway, he specifically wipes his shoes on your fur coat, or, while sitting in the cinema, defiantly loudly crunches popcorn and knocks his shoes on the seat in front.

It is important to understand that there are situations in which children behave according to their age. For example, they rush along the corridor of a clinic or a bank (shop, etc.). Children are always active and it is natural for them to run and have fun.

Another issue is when children deliberately behave disgustingly, and their parents defiantly do not interfere. The lack of reaction in a situation that requires it leads to a feeling of complete impunity in a child with all the ensuing consequences.

Output:

Frames are needed and important! It is these frameworks, which imply compliance with the rules and norms adopted in society, that instill in us humanity, politeness, kindness, and so on.

In addition, no one canceled moral laws. And, if a child breaks the rules, he must understand that he breaks them, and that this can be followed by at least a censure, and at a maximum - punishment. True, this is already a matter of parents.

Video: Is it possible to make comments to other people's children?

Seven important rules for communicating with other people's children - how exactly to make a remark to someone else's child, and what can not be done and said?

If the situation forces you to reprimand your child, remember the main rules - how to reprimand, what you can and cannot say and do.

• Analyze the situation. If the situation does not require emergency intervention, it may not be worth interfering with your comments. Put yourself in the place of the parents of this child and think - does the child's behavior really look defiant, or does he still behave according to his age?
• Make all claims to the child's parents. . Contact the child only if there are no other ways to influence the child's behavior.
• Talk to your child politely. Aggression, screams, rudeness, insults, and even more so harm to the child and any physical impact in general, are unacceptable. Of course, there are exceptions (for example, when a child aggressively attacks another child and non-intervention is “like death”), but these are only exceptions. In most cases, talking to the child is enough.
• If your “notation” did not bring results, and the child’s parents still do not respond, move away from the conflict. You did everything you could. The rest is on the conscience and shoulders of the little impudent parents.
• There is no need to evaluate the behavior of the child. That is, to explain that he is doing bad things, behaving disgustingly, and so on. You need to stop the act of impudence itself, demonstrating that it is unpleasant for you.
• Explain to someone else's child that he is wrong, as to your own. Imagine that you are making a suggestion to your child, and from this position, talk to someone else's child. We teach our children the rules of behavior as accurately, politely and lovingly as possible. That is why children hear and listen to us.
• Stay within the limits.

Of course, it is annoying when their own parents ignore the shameless behavior of their child, justifying it with the phrases “he is still small” or “none of your business.” It's sad and unfair, especially when it comes directly to you.

But it is in your power to remain a polite and kind person, setting a worthy example for your own children. The best way to resist the ignorant is to be an example of correct polite behavior against all odds.

Video: How to make comments to a child?

What can you say to the parents of someone else's child if he does not respond to comments?

Parents always react sharply to the remarks of strangers made to their children. It happens that the remarks are not fair, and are made out of "harmfulness" and this is the nature of a person who is already annoyed by the mere presence of someone else's child.

But in most cases, the comments of strangers are justified, and require an appropriate reaction from the child's parents. The main thing is to make these remarks correctly so that parents do not have a desire to get nasty in response to you simply out of principle. How to make comments?

For example, like this...

• Your intervention is essential.
• We can't do it without you.
• A conflict is clearly brewing between the children, among them, by chance, is your child not among them?
• Could you, during the trip, hold the legs of your child?
• Our children cannot share the slide (swings, etc.) - let's help them determine the order?

That is, your main weapon in the fight against tomboys and their ill-mannered parents is politeness. If the parents quickly took note that their child was acting ugly and intervened in this process, then there is no need for your further comments and remarks.

If the parents of the tomboy rudely sent you to "catch butterflies", "kick bamboo" and so on, again - there is no need for further remarks and comments, because there is no point - just leave, the nerves will be safer.

Have there been similar situations in your life? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!

Valeria Protasova

Psychologist with more than three years of practical experience in social psychology-pedagogics. Psychology is my life, my work, my hobby and way of life. I write what I know. I believe that human relationships are important in all spheres of our life.

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How to make a remark to someone else's child correctly? It is better to contact his parents, as it is they who should solve the problem. However, there are situations when comments are inappropriate in any form.

Some people believe that one cannot remain indifferent to what is happening and it is quite possible to intervene in the situation if the issue concerns the upbringing of children. Others adhere to the rule that it is unethical to remark on other people's children. Well, others prefer to build on a specific situation.

"Letidor" has already found out when we have every right to make a remark to someone else's child. But at the same time, it is important to learn how to maintain a balance between the desire to help and the ability not to violate other people's boundaries.

We invite you to listen to our permanent expert - family psychologist Alexey Ivanovich Golev, who told us in what situations we should not intervene when it comes to the behavior of children.

Alexey Ivanovich Golev

So, a remark to someone else's child is inappropriate in the following cases.

In no case should you make a remark to a crying child. It doesn't matter why he cries. Perhaps this is a consequence of the age crisis, or maybe the child is simply poorly brought up. Even if this is the second case, do not try to calm someone else's crying child with your remarks.

By the way, your advice to mom or dad about how to quickly calm the child will also turn out to be inappropriate.

Every parent knows how to soothe their baby. Of course, sometimes children's crying can be very annoying to outsiders, especially when mom or dad ignore what is happening at this time.

At first glance, it may seem that the problem here is precisely in parents who do not pay attention to children's tantrums. But do not forget that this can be one of the methods of education, and it is strictly forbidden to interfere in the process of raising other people's children. In addition, sometimes you just need to wait out the tantrum, because the child at this time does not perceive the words of others.

The behavior of someone else's child seems to you beyond the bounds of decency, but this does not affect personal comfort in any way? Then it is not recommended to make comments either to the child himself or to his parents.

Do not let people overstep your personal boundaries, but also make sure that you do not violate others.

If the child causes discomfort by his actions, then you need to contact the parents with a polite request to explain to him about the rules of behavior in society. But if you just don’t like how someone else’s baby behaves on the street, it’s absolutely impossible to make comments.

For example, some parents take their child to numerous clubs, while others do not even think about enrolling their children in additional classes, because the children do not have certain preferences. Sometimes moms and dads share their opinions with other parents, saying, “Mugs are simply necessary for the development of a child!”, along the way making a remark to their children: “Why are you not interested in anything?”

Whatever your opinion about raising children, you should remember that it is subjective.

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Let's analyze whether we have the right to make comments to other people's children? If - yes, then how to do it correctly, what can and cannot be said to someone else's child. In what situations is the intervention of an outside adult simply necessary and how should you behave with parents who do not want to respond to your comments? Let's highlight the basic rules of behavior and communication with children.

It is sad that modern children know much less about politeness than children of previous generations. Often people are outraged and even lost at the uncivilized and ignorant actions or sayings of other people's children in public places. But what can be done in a situation where the remark just wants to be expressed? And is it possible to do this in relation to other people's children, and most importantly - how to do it tactfully and politely?

Do we have the right to make comments to other people's children

Last year (in 2017), a video circulated on the Internet for quite a long time: in line at the checkout, a child was pushing a man with a grocery cart, while the child’s mother did not show any reaction. After the man's patience ran out, he took a carton of milk and poured its contents over the little bully. This behavior of the man divided the netizens into two oppositions. One opposition strongly supported the child, who in any case should be protected by the mother, the other supported the man, saying that such children and their mothers should be put in their place.

But who is right in this situation and how should a person behave?

In fact, to intervene or not to interfere is up to everyone to decide on their own due to good breeding. Here you need to be aware that teaching other people's children is not your concern, this should be done by their parents. Therefore, any complaints can only be made to parents. But still, there are times when intervention must occur:

• If the child's parents are not around, and the situation requires an immediate response from adults;
• If the parents just don't want to get involved, for example, believing that a child cannot and should not be brought up before the age of five. And at this time the situation requires permission;
• When the child's behavior can cause material harm to other people. For example, you are a store employee, the child’s mother has gone to another department for groceries, and at this time her child is running around with expensive goods;
• When a child's behavior could cause physical harm to your child, you, or others. Yes, that happens too. For example, there are often cases in which the mother of an outside child is enthusiastically talking on the phone or with her friends and does not notice at all how her child begins to beat, push yours. As a result, your child may be injured, and there is no need to expect anything here, since the price of waiting is the health of your child;
• When someone else's child violates the comfort and convenience of other people. For example, on the bus, he kicks your bag with his shoes, deliberately crunches crisps loudly next to you in the cinema, knocks on your seat with his feet.

But it is necessary to distinguish between cases in which children may behave intentionally indecently or in accordance with age characteristics. For example, if a child runs around the lobby of a hospital (bank, shop, etc.), then this is quite natural behavior, because all children are active and cheerful, and it is natural for them to run and have fun ...

A completely different situation is when a child behaves badly, while parents do not pay any attention to it. It is the latter that can lead to a feeling of permissiveness and other consequences.

What can be the conclusion? Every child should have boundaries! These boundaries, which involve following social rules, can make us polite, kind, and human.

In addition, we should not forget that moral laws exist, therefore, if children violate them, then there must be punishment, or at least censure. However, this is up to the parents.

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How to reprimand a child

Consider the 7 main rules for interacting with children, what comments can be made, how they should be done, what can be said and done in relation to someone else's child, and what is strictly prohibited.

If the situation has reached the extreme point of your patience and you want to express dissatisfaction, follow the following rules:

1. Always Analyze. If the situation does not require immediate resolution, perhaps there is no need to intervene? Try to put yourself in the place of his parents and find out: is the child's actions really so boorish, or maybe it's his age behavior?
2. Direct all your dissatisfaction to the parents of the child. Reprimand the child when the parents do not respond to your complaints, and you do not see other ways to stop the situation.
3. Talk to your child in a polite tone. Do not allow aggression, assault, shouting and insults. There are, again, cases when someone else's child attacks your child with obvious aggression, but these are exceptional situations. Often a simple conversation is enough.
4. Your censure and conversation did not lead to the proper result, while the parents do not answer - immediately step aside and do not create a conflict situation. Your mission is over, let it remain on the conscience of his parents, besides, they will reap the fruits of such behavior.
5. Do not judge the behavior of other people's children. No need to explain to them that they are behaving badly. It is important to stop the very fact of disgusting behavior, to express your rejection.
6. Try to explain to someone else's child his misbehavior as your own. You need to imagine that you are teaching your child, because he hears and understands you precisely because you do it as accurately and clearly as possible, with notes of love.
7. Try to stay within limits. Of course, the position of parents who do not respond to the disgusting behavior of their children (sometimes statements like “don’t meddle in someone else’s business”, “he is still small - he will grow up - he will understand”), often irritates, causes a feeling of injustice. But your task is to remain a tactful person, to set an example for your children.

Remember: The most effective method of dealing with rude people is to be a great example of polite behavior, no matter what!

How to behave with the parents of someone else's child who does not respond to comments

As it usually happens, parents "with hostility" perceive the censure of their children by strangers. And sometimes it happens - the comments come unfairly, just such a character in a person who is annoyed by the presence of a strange child nearby.

But often the comments from strangers are fair and need an immediate response to the parents of the child. The main thing is to make these remarks correctly so that parents do not have a desire to get nasty in response to you simply out of principle. How to make comments?

Examples of how to properly reprimand parents:

• Our children are not able to share the slide (swing), let's help them organize the queue.
• There will now be a quarrel between the children, see if your child is among them?
• In this situation, we can not cope without you!
• Your intervention is much needed!
• Could you, during the trip, hold your baby's legs?

Etc…

As you can see, your effective weapon in the fight against ill-mannered children and their parents is tact and politeness. Therefore, in cases where the parents heard and understood your comments, stopped the bad behavior of the child in time, then your further teachings and comments are not needed. By the way, even if they did not hear you and did not take your complaints personally, then you should not continue to make comments, this does not make sense, a conflict may clearly be brewing.

If the parents of the tomboy rudely sent you to "catch butterflies", "kick bamboo" and so on, again - there is no need for further remarks and comments, because there is no point - just leave, the nerves will be safer.

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How to make comments to your child