The child does not talk to other children. "non-contact" child

They are obedient, most of all they like to be near their mother, and in the company of other adults they feel quite good. They obviously like to sit at home more than to walk. And if they have to go outside, they usually bypass the sandboxes and take their mother away from the playgrounds.

Sometimes a mother honestly brings her child to the playground, but it does not show any enthusiasm, is afraid of the noise of the children's crowd and clings to the saving mother's knee. Other children quickly take away the toys prepared for acquaintance from the beginner, and he, as if spellbound, looks at them, doing nothing.

"Well, okay! These kids are bad, aggressive! Let's go, baby, from here ”- this is the first line of mother's behavior. Second: “Something is wrong. My child does not communicate well, something needs to be done about it. Maybe it's time to see a specialist? However, not all psychologists share parental anxiety. Often, having tested the child using a wide variety of methods, they report: “You, mommy, worry in vain. Everything is fine with your baby, intelligence is normal (and sometimes even higher than normal).”
And really, is there a problem here? Is it really necessary for a child to communicate with peers?

Why do children need to communicate?

The child receives the first social experience in the family. By the way, quite often, in our enlightened age, parents, carried away by newfangled theories of early development, forget about simple games, like "okays", "cuckoo", about the simplest game plots. But our ancestors, who left us these simple fun as a legacy, were wise. It is emotional games and emotional communication that are most important at this age for the further development of the child. Have you seen in our society a person who cannot read? If you do not take into account the social lower classes, then there are very few of them. Have you met people who find it difficult to communicate? Yes, every second person has problems with communication!

Of course, in the cradle, the baby does not need to be in constant contact with peers. For now, parental society is quite enough for him. But after one and a half to two years, his world is expanding. And the further, the more he will need both contacts and conflicts with other children.

The first experience of relationships largely determines how a person will build them in the future, how he will treat himself and the people around him. After all, only in communicating with each other, children can show vivid emotions, scream, laugh, get angry, finally. They learn to get out of conflict situations on their own, put up with it and get involved in a new game. An adult, from the height of his authority, establishes strict rules in relations with a child. And children, communicating with each other, each time find a non-standard solution, because the behavior of peers is unpredictable.

But why do some children easily make contact, while others find it extremely difficult?

Narrow circle…

If a child spends all his time alone with his mother (grandmother, nanny, etc.), then there is a feeling that he "does not need anyone else." Alas, mother often supports this illusion. It's so nice to realize that there is a small helpless creature for whom you are vital ... Sometimes this feeling is described with the words: "I feel him like myself." Psychologists call this connection symbiotic, mother and child, as during pregnancy, feel like one organism.

In this case, it is very difficult for the mother to let go of the grown chick from under her warm wing. And yet it must be done, because he will not be able to spend the rest of his life under it.

By the way, a curious thing was noticed. When a child’s social circle is too narrow (mother is sad on the playgrounds, there are not enough friends, there are rarely guests in the house), a quiet and docile child, once in the society of peers, suddenly starts to fight. And the thing is that he simply does not know how to communicate differently. He knows perfectly well how to make a request to an adult, how to show his interest, and he simply has no idea what to do with a peer.

Try to gradually expand your social circle (both yours and children's). After all, such problems usually arise when the mother herself is somewhat closed. A personal example in this case is the best way to "bring the baby out into the world."
Take your child to new places more often. It is not at all necessary that these places be crowded (on the contrary: a large crowd of people does not contribute to close communication). And just in a large team, the child may feel most uncomfortable. After all, often the baby is afraid not so much of communication as aggression, loud screams. For example, when such a child first enters a kindergarten, it is very difficult for him to endure the noise and screams of a large children's group. He kind of turns off, spins, sings songs to himself, trying not to notice anyone next to him.
Try to make friends with families, as the unforgettable Gosha used to say from Moscow that does not believe in tears. Choose a calm, non-aggressive "classmate", the most attractive to your heir. Invite him to visit, come visit yourself. And gradually try to organize a children's game. Your “non-contact child” will feel more confident in its territory.
Psychologist Maria Ryakhovskaya, an employee of the Education in Development Center, advises : “If at first your son or daughter does not want to get involved in the game, start playing with another child yourself. Just don’t demonstratively oppose children: “Since you don’t want to play, then I will only do it with Vanya!” Let your child quietly watch the action. He will watch as long as he needs to. And then at some point he himself will want to take part in such an interesting activity.

What a good me!

Difficulties in communication often arise in children who have grown up in "hedgehogs". Such children are often scolded and little praised. From early childhood they should(understand, do, know, be able to - underline the necessary). These requirements are almost always overstated, and as a result, the child withdraws into himself, because only alone with himself does he not hear constant shouting and does not receive another confirmation of his failure. And how a person evaluates himself, so he is perceived in society. The higher the level of anxiety and the lower the self-esteem, the less the child is accepted in the children's company. For any offer to do something, such a child has a ready answer: “I can’t!”. Actually, "I can't" means "I need your help."

Strategy and tactics of your actions

Feel free to praise your child as often as possible. Especially in society.
Before you give your baby any task, first give the same type of task, but obviously easy, which he will definitely cope with. Note how well the child did it! The next stage is a slightly more difficult task and definitely with your support: “I know you will definitely do it. Think a little more about the best way to do it.”
To take the initiative in the game, you need to be able to play, to know how it's done. Teach your son or daughter new games, and show some new plot twist, unusual move, etc. in the old ones. His success among peers will certainly increase!

Behind the glass

This is the most difficult version of the “non-contact child”. He is so closed off that he seems to fence himself off with a glass wall from the outside world. In psychology, this condition is called RDA - early childhood autism (from the Greek word autos - self, so autism is self-absorption). Psychiatrists diagnose autism as early as the first year of life, and sometimes as early as two or three years of age.

RDA is not so rare: from 4 to 15 cases per 10,000 children, and more often in boys than in girls. This disease has several striking signs, which, unfortunately, parents often mistake for character traits and do not pay much attention to them. And, if this is the only child in the family, parents simply have nothing to compare the behavior of their child with.

Such a child does not cause problems, does not cause unnecessary trouble, he is again comfortable - he sits all the time in the corner: he shifts the cubes from place to place, then he carries the machine back and forth. Five times. Ten. Hundred. And one is not afraid to stay, but, on the contrary, loves very much.
And only when such a child enters the children's team, it becomes clear that he is very different from other children.

What behaviors should alert parents?

The child does not want to communicate in any way. Even in infancy, he does not rejoice at his mother, does not revive when she appears.
When they pick him up, he does not readily stretch out his hands, does not try to grab the adult's neck in response, but hangs like a sack of flour.
The kid does not like to make eye contact. Instead, he looks as if through people.
These children develop speech late and with difficulty. They are able to monotonously repeat the same phrase many times. They repeat the same actions, they can sway for a long time, shake the rattle, clap their hands, etc.
Autists have a special gait: sometimes on tiptoe, sometimes skipping. The usual expression on their faces is thoughtful detachment.

Strategy and tactics of your actions

Psychologist Maria Ryakhovskaya recommends: “If you notice any signs of autism in your child, show it to a neuropsychiatrist. He will direct the baby to an electroencephalogram. After it, the diagnosis of autism can be made or removed absolutely accurately. In case of confirmation of the diagnosis, in no case do not panic. Your child is not crazy! This disease is quite amenable to correction. However, be prepared for joint long-term work with a psychologist.
It is very important for a little autistic person to get out of the world of their dreams into the real, today. Therefore, involve him in household chores, give simple assignments, teach him to help the weaker ones. It’s great if he helps you take care of your “little brothers” (and it’s better to choose not fish or turtles, but someone warm and fluffy puppy, kitten, hamster). These animals are able to evoke a lively emotional response and become an object of concern: "we are responsible for those we have tamed."

Step forward

The first children's contacts are often aggressive - the kids take away toys from each other, beat their "colleagues in the construction of Easter cakes" with shovels on the head. Such a debut in the sandbox does not at all mean that these kids will always communicate only aggressively, this is only the first and simplest form of communication.

However, the emergence of aggression is an important stage in the development of communication. The child begins to realize the concept of "mine - someone else's", he tries to stand up for himself, take the initiative in his own hands, be active.

For example, Verochka has always been a non-contact child. And suddenly, at the age of five, she became aggressive towards other children. This scared the parents, they turned to a psychologist. However, aggression turned out to be a transition to a qualitatively new stage in the development of the Faith. The child became more active, began to notice children, paying attention to them in such a still primitive way.

Alesya Sergeevna Chernyavskaya,
leading prevention specialist
social orphanhood of a public organization
"Belarusian Fund SOS-Children's Village"

Being a parent is hard work that moms and dads do, often without special skills and training. And if you manage to cope with the problems of small children that arise in the family circle, it still somehow works out, then you can keep your sanity and react correctly to the child’s experiences, for example, due to the lack of comrades in kindergarten, on the street or at school sometimes it doesn’t work out.

So, for most parents, the life of their child seems successful and happy when a son or daughter is in a circle of friends and communicates closely with their peers. But it’s worth hearing the phrases “why doesn’t my friend hang out with me”, “no one wants to be friends with me”, “I won’t go outside, I’m sad there”, as a feeling of helplessness and despair arises, anger at other children, their parents and their own child to the point of self-blame. After all, a kindergarten or school company is a simplified model of society and it develops the skill of relationships with others, and the reaction to a child of peers forms his idea of himself and his attitude towards his personality.

At the same time, before drawing conclusions and taking active actions, it is worthwhile to figure out what the child puts into the concept of "friendship", try to understand why he cannot take the desired position in the children's team, find a friend and / or maintain relations with him. And the solution to this issue requires great delicacy.

What is friendship? There are many definitions for this word. But if you generalize them and apply them to relationships between children, then friendship is a close and voluntary relationship that is a source of emotional support and empathy for the child. For the first time, interest in contact with other children arises in a 2-3-year-old child who would rather share a scoop and bucket with a boy or girl he knows than with an unknown boy, give a car and a doll to a peer, and not to an adult.

Getting older kids 3-6(7) years will be friends with those who offer to play with their toys or treat them with sweets, do not talk, do not cry and do not fight. And since almost a third of preschoolers are friends with someone, the word "friend" is firmly fixed in the children's dictionary on 3-5th year of life. friendship for 3-6 year old child- this is an opportunity to visit, play together, have fun, protect from offenders and pity a friend, as well as forgive a friend and apologize to him. At the same time, almost all friendly relations during this period are built on the principle of "good for good, evil for evil."

IN 6(7)-9(10) years of age education is of great importance for children. Younger students are more likely to befriend loyal and smart peers who cheat, share school supplies, and are of the same gender as them. The child also chooses a friend and, taking into account the geographical principle, sits at the same desk with him, attends the same circles or lives nearby. Friendship is rather perceived by schoolchildren as mutually beneficial cooperation that does not require understanding and acceptance of the interests of their friend. At the same time, almost all boys build business-to-subject relationships with each other, and girls attach special importance to interpersonal trusting contacts. Despite the fact that 80-90% of children have friends and the bonds of friendship are very strong, they usually do not last.

It should be noted that by the end of elementary school (8-10 years old) children have the concept of obligation to each other, they begin to realize and take into account the feelings of the other, building friendship on positions of mutual assistance. Therefore, the interruption of friendly relations, for example, in connection with the transfer to another school, is perceived by the child painfully, up to experiencing a feeling of real loss and grief. True, until such time as he finds new friends. Sometimes friendships are terminated due to the appearance of other interests, as a result of which children turn to new comrades who can satisfy their needs. During this period, according to researchers, the presence of even a single close friend helps the child overcome the negative influence of hostility from other children.

Note that the real friendship of adolescents is a very complex and ambiguous phenomenon. At one time, mutual support, joint pastime and mutual trust may appear, and at another - sovereignty, rivalry and even conflict. This is largely due to the fact that a teenager is looking for his individuality, seeks to satisfy his emotional and psychological needs. As a result, he has a trusting relationship with several children, which makes the participants in a friendly union both dependent and autonomous from each other.

Compared to younger students, teenager the importance of direct everyday contacts with a friend decreases, but the role of sympathy and understanding in relationships increases significantly. In his opinion, a friend is an ideal person who embodies all the best and for whom you can even make a sacrifice. In addition, adolescents are especially characterized by a phenomenon that has received the name “expectation of communication” in psychology. Its essence is that the child is constantly in search of communication and is always open for contact. Therefore, if it is not possible to be friends with those with whom you want, or as a result of some kind of conflict, there is a cooling in relationships, a teenager can make casual connections, just not to be left alone.

A typical manifestation of friendly psychotherapy is face-to-face and telephone communication. Such communication takes about 3-4 hours on weekdays and up to 9 hours on weekends. Despite the fact that, according to many parents, this is a conversation, as it were, “about nothing,” psychologically it is more important than any meaningful conversation at this age. However, the boundless openness, frankness and trust of these relations often bring negative consequences. At the time of a quarrel, in order to hurt the other more, former comrades can tell others the most cherished secrets of their friend.

In youthful friendship, gender differences are also clearly manifested. Girls are more emotional and intimate in their relationships. They have fewer close girlfriends than boys, and they prefer to meet each of them individually, rather than all at once. In addition, if the main friend for a young man is a peer of the same sex with him, then for a girl the ideal friend is a young man older than her in age. That is, for high school students, the word "friendship" used to describe relationships is often only a veiled name for emerging love.

Despite the fact that the features of children's friendship have been studied quite deeply, parents should always take into account that each child is formed in his own way. This is connected not only with the properties of the nervous system, temperament, but also with the conditions of development, which give uniqueness to the age-related manifestations common to all. However, at any age from 3-4 years, for a child, the importance of contacts with friends is invaluable. That is why Parents should take responsibility and take active action if a child:

. complains about the lack of friends and the unwillingness of peers to communicate with him;

Reluctantly goes or rejoices at any opportunity not to go to kindergarten, school or a circle;

He does not tell anything about classmates and friends he met, for example, on the street or in the sports section;

He does not want to call anyone, invite him to visit, or no one calls him and does not invite him to his place;

All day long, alone, he does something at home (reads, plays computer games, watches TV, etc.).

Before intervening in the situation and helping the child solve the problem, parents should understand the causes of this disharmony as soon as possible. Psychologists have long noticed that the better a child's relationship with his parents, the easier it is for him to find a common language with peers. Therefore, violations in the field of family education often have a negative impact on the child's ability to establish friendly contacts. Excessive guardianship of children by parents, forced restriction of the child's communication with other children, a ban on inviting friends to the house, the lack of conditions for the child's self-affirmation and the denial of his right to act independently can lead to psychological unpreparedness to communicate with peers.

A child may also have problems with making friends in connection with personal (increased emotionality, isolation and shyness) and external features (excessive obesity, unpleasant facial features, developmental features). And since the children's company is a rather cruel community, those who are unable to fit into the group are ruthlessly expelled.

The reason that a child cannot find a friend or maintain a relationship with him is often associated with the fact that modern children often play alone and often with a computer. As a result, both boys and girls do not know simple ways to get to know each other, cannot show complicity and empathy, express support for their friend, which, together with the “inability” to speak with peers in their language, leads to the rejection of the child from peers. Further, due to dissatisfaction in communication, he becomes aggressive, he can hide his problems under bravado or buffoonery, or withdraw into himself and become depressed.

It should be noted that not always the child and his parents are to blame for the fact that certain children cannot find a friend in a new team. Sometimes the mechanisms of mutual likes and dislikes, still little studied by psychologists, work. So, some children are extremely attractive to peers, while others, no worse than them, are not. Some experts suggest that selectivity is based on the ability of children in demand to satisfy the social needs of their peers to the maximum.

Having determined the cause of the problem that has arisen, it is necessary to calmly and unobtrusively begin to correct the situation, adhering to the following rules:

1. Give the child the opportunity to communicate with friends and his peers. For example, to interest in classes or sections, go to visit those families where there are children, invite neighbors of the same age home, arrange children's holidays.

2. Provide children with the opportunity to act independently, show initiative and their abilities.

3. Help your child put up with friends and strive to learn as much as possible about them.

4. Try to spend quality time with the child, for example, play, have fun, play pranks, as if on an equal footing.

5. To teach the child to openly and calmly express his own opinion, to prove it without raising his voice, without tantrums and resentment.

Initially, the child, upset and faced with something unfamiliar, unexpected and frightening due to lack of friends, should be given emotional support. Often, each parent does what they can, because no one has a perfect solution. The most important thing is that in a difficult situation something will be said and often it does not really matter what these words will be. For a child, the main thing is that the words be spoken, his “sadness” speaks and moves from the category of “tragedy” to a less painful level.

It is important for a son or daughter of any age to feel that a loving adult is ready to listen to him, recognizes him as a trustworthy person, shares his grief, is ready to help and support. “I see you are sad (angry, afraid, offended). It's really a shame - when the guys do not take to the game (to hear ridicule, to be always alone at breaks, etc.) You would like your relationship with the guys in the class to develop differently.

Variants of words that parents will pronounce may be different. But there are basic points that children need to hear. Firstly, if a friend “does not hang out” with him (her), then this does not mean at all that he / she is not worthy of love. Secondly, whatever he/she may be, it is impossible to be loved by everyone without exception. Thirdly, he/she also accepts someone as a friend and ignores someone. Fourth, a joint analysis of the possible causes of the conflict. Maybe he/she reminds his friend of someone he/she doesn't like, or he/she did something without wanting to displease the friend. And finally, it is important to make it clear to the child that in any case, the light did not converge on this friend. It is worth thinking with your son or daughter who he / she could count on in his class, who could become a new friend and where to find him.

In addition to providing support to a child who finds himself in a difficult situation, close attention should be paid to the system of relationships between adult family members, as well as the methods of upbringing practiced. Most parents today live too stressful lives, and they simply do not have the strength to communicate normally with their child. They are required to cope well with all their many responsibilities: this includes family, and career, and much more. Therefore, many parents do not have the energy, patience and desire to do whatever is required. And when something is missing, that "something" is almost always the life of the family.

At the same time, the main thing is the right direction of education. Children need live communication with their parents, because it is during direct contact that a son or daughter gains self-confidence, forms their own identity and life values. So, giving confidential communication 10 minutes in the morning and one hour in the evening, you can get a miracle. It is also important to spend leisure time together, because growing children are more behaviorally oriented than words. Therefore, among the memories of adults about the happiest childhood moments, mostly moments of close proximity with parents are mentioned, for example, during a family trip or a ski trip to the forest. And rarely does anyone remember the gifts and privileges that were received.

It is also important to calm down and stop overly caring and worrying about the child, unquestioningly fulfill any of his desires and agree with the rules of the game proposed by him. This style of relationship will allow children to learn to solve many emerging problems on their own, cope with their own selfishness and play together with other boys and girls under the guidance of others.

It will help the child to build relationships with other children and systematic receptions at home of friends of parents, conversations with a son or daughter on various topics. For example, conversations about childhood friends of mom and dad: about how they met, how they were friends, what they played, what tricks they did, and even how they quarreled and put up. Thanks to such stories, you can show your child without moralizing that being friends is great. A useful lesson for children will be the interested attitude of parents towards their friends and girlfriends. To do this, it is necessary to start talking with your son or daughter more often about his comrades, to express a positive attitude towards them, for example: “How is your friend Andrei? He is so kind and funny (or smart and quick-witted, loyal and reliable, honest and considerate)!”.

Changing parental settings, you should work with the child in parallel. The preschool period is especially important for acquiring dating skills and maintaining friendships. Young children, and especially shy ones, need to be taught to get acquainted with the help of his favorite toys. So, a bunny (which the child plays for) is sitting in the sandbox, and a bear (one of the parents plays its role) wants to get to know him. Thus, it is possible to play out behaviors during an acquaintance: how to approach, what and how to say, depending on the situation. Moreover, roles should be changed, constantly complicating and modifying the conditions, for example, the child you are trying to get to know refused, got offended, angry, climbed into a fight, etc. With the help of toys, you can also teach the baby to behave correctly in a given situation (I want to ride on a swing, but the other child does not), correct some of the difficulties in his behavior.

With preschoolers, it is appropriate to recall situations from your favorite animated films. So, Little Raccoon was helped to make friends with "the one who was sitting in the pond" by his smile (the cartoon "Baby Raccoon" based on the fairy tale by Lillian Moore), and the best friend was not the one who is the most, but the one who came to the rescue in trouble (cartoon "The Biggest Friend" based on the fairy tale by Sofia Prokofieva). The stories of V. Suteev can also be instructive, for example, “A Bag of Apples”, stories about Crocodile Gena, Pinocchio, etc.

An authoritative adult can also help a child of 3-6 years old, who does not even know how to communicate, to enter the company of children. Preschoolers automatically determine even the veiled dislike or sympathy of the educator for this or that child. Therefore, by showing a certain disposition and favor to the rejected baby, you can introduce him to the game team. The task of adults during this period is to teach the child: a) to respect the interests of others, for example, to ask permission from the owner of the toy before taking it; b) refuse someone with whom you do not want to be friends; c) seek friendship without "bribery" of the desired comrade.

It is important for every parent to know that it is never too late to try to change the negative perception of their son or daughter by their peers. Adult family members can help younger students and teenagers raise their status in the eyes of their peers, if there are:

. give children the opportunity to play or chat or celebrate something at home (with the condition that the room or apartment will then be cleaned);

Allocate a son or daughter, for example, a few extra sweets for school friends;

Make small gifts for friends with your child on the eve of the holidays (New Year, February 23, March 8);

To strive as rarely as possible unexpectedly for the child to change his living conditions and social circle.

Moms and dads need a special skill when problems with friendly contacts arise in their children in adolescence. Often in this situation, friendships and love relationships are intertwined, and parents are “between a rock and a hard place”, performing a controversial role. On the one hand, they should take the position of an outside calm observer, and on the other hand, they should be open to contact, ready to actively listen to them at any time of the day.

Summing up, we note that, despite the statements of some researchers about the surface of friendly relations in modern society, about the absence of ideal and deep friendship, about the displacement of true friendly communication by wide friendly companies based on the community of entertainment, the presence of true friends is still significant for children. and adults. True, if earlier communication between peers developed as if by itself and did not require the intervention of an adult, today children need to be specially taught. But the main thing is to start by teaching your child to be a devoted and reliable friend.

Your baby is growing up, and everything feels like family society is no longer enough for him, which means it's time to expand his social circle.
To check if the child is ready for this, answer the following QUESTIONS:

Does your child have a lot of familiar peers? Does he enjoy talking to them?
Does the kid want to meet?
Does he quickly get used to the new team?
Can you leave your baby alone without fear that he will cry as much as if you are leaving him forever?
Does he actively participate in various children's amusements when guests come to your house, in the yard, on the street, in kindergarten?
Does he know how to invent games for himself, for brothers and sisters, friends?
Are other children drawn to him, do they invite him to visit? How do parents of friends feel about his visits?
Is your child friendly?
Does he get offended often? How long does he remember the insults caused by any of his friends or relatives?
Does he know how to stand up for himself if the need arises?

If you answered “yes” to at least half of the questions, then your child most likely freely makes new acquaintances, without experiencing discomfort when meeting unfamiliar people. Such a child will painlessly enter the new team.
If you answered negatively to most of the questions, your baby is not yet ready to communicate with peers: new acquaintances will cost him a lot of effort. It will take endurance and patience to help the baby master the science of communication.

Why is it difficult for a child with peers

In the life of every child, one day a very important event occurs: he joins a new team - goes to kindergarten, meets the guys in the yard, etc. Not always a new circle of friends immediately becomes close, very often it is difficult for a child to find a true friend, and new experiences do not bring him anything but resentment and disappointment.
What are the reasons for this? It always seemed to you that you have a sweet, charming baby, sociable with adults who are at your home, getting along well with their children. And then he suddenly withdrew into himself, does not want to go to kindergarten or the yard, because he does not like to play with other children.
The fact is that the natural state of a child is to reach out to peers, to play with them. And if he does not look for friends, strives for loneliness, then the harmony of his relations with the outside world, with himself, has been violated. It is necessary to understand the causes of what is happening as soon as possible and try to correct the situation.

Getting into a new team, even sociable children are sometimes lost. What can we say about those who experience difficulties in communicating with peers because of their individual characteristics: increased emotionality, high or low self-esteem, conflict, aggressiveness, isolation, shyness?

The reasons for such deviations in the behavior of a child can be very different: excessive attachment to one of the family members, spoiledness, excessive parental care, limiting the communication of the baby due to fear of negative influence on him from friends, a ban on playing with peers at home due to the illness of any of the family members, the fatigue of the parents after a busy day at work, the unwillingness to disturb the order in the house, etc.
A child forcibly isolated from peers does not satisfy the natural need for communication. Over time, even the most beloved toys bother the baby, and he begins to experience emotional discomfort. Communication with children is replaced by many hours of sitting in front of a TV or computer, which can also lead to headaches, visual impairment, mental disorders. Having become accustomed to solitude, the child is unlikely to be able to establish contact with other children.
When a baby first begins to communicate with his peers, he is faced with an unusual environment for himself: there are many new faces around, not similar to each other, each child has his own character ... I want to play with everyone, make friends, but something prevents me from feeling comfortable in this seemingly desirable environment.
There is nothing surprising in this. The fact is that the child is accustomed to communicating in a close family circle, where he feels protected, surrounded by care, where all attention is paid only to him, where there is always a mother, father, grandmother or grandfather who will explain, help, regret ... Now he has to independently solve such difficult problems even for an adult, such as approaching new people, choosing a friend or girlfriend.
Recently, I have often been contacted by confused parents, whose children, by their behavior, resemble snails or hermit crabs living in their tight, closed little worlds. Any attempts by peers to communicate with them end in failure: they hide in their “house” and do not give in to any persuasion.

Here is one mother's story:
“When Masha was three years old, I left my job. The husband earns decently, and the donka wanted to pay more attention. Before that, she went to kindergarten, and I thought that a few hours of evening communication and joint weekends were not enough to build a normal relationship. Now my daughter is always in front of my eyes, everything is somehow calmer. Whatever I do - cook, iron clothes, wash - she is always there: she fiddles with the doll, then she draws. But when we go for a walk, it is not suitable for children. I tell her to play with the girls, but she doesn't play any. In a year she has to go to school, and she is not a step away from me. I take her to a group for preschoolers, so I have to sit under the door during classes, because she won’t let me go.

The reason for this behavior of the girl is a suggestion, albeit involuntary, on the part of the mother that her daughter can only feel good next to her.

One more example. At the reception, a mother with a three-year-old son: “For a whole week I have been trying to leave my child in kindergarten, but I have not succeeded. Every morning turns into a nightmare. As soon as we approach the kindergarten, he "withdraws into himself", stops answering my questions. Yesterday I still left him in the garden, and as a result, he cried all day, didn’t eat anything, didn’t play with the children ... ”I talked with the boy in the presence of my mother and noted that he had an open and trusting look, he strives to communication, sincerely wants to make friends.
In a conversation with my mother, I found out that the baby is very developed: he counts up to 100, knows letters, recites many poems by heart. At home, he is mainly under the supervision of his grandmother, who does not have a soul in her grandson and takes care of him like a greenhouse plant. The boy in this case was so accustomed to the caring attitude of a loving grandmother that he was simply afraid to be left alone in a large unfamiliar team. Excessive attachment to relatives and the resulting shyness prevented him from behaving uninhibitedly with his peers. I advised my mother or grandmother to spend a few days in kindergarten with the boy to help him get used to the new environment. A week later, my mother came to the reception alone and said that the boy got used to the new team, made friends with the kids. The presence of relatives created a sense of security, which contributed to the fact that the child saw the positive aspects of communication with peers and easily fit into the new environment.

Difficulties in communication can be caused by various traumatic circumstances. The kid could be offended, called names, given a bad nickname. After that, a beginner is unlikely to want to communicate with children, or even be near them at all.

Such a case occurred with triplets of four years old who refused to go to kindergarten when they were called three piglets (the girls were somewhat overweight). Only thanks to the special attention of the parents, who helped the girls to perceive their lack with humor, and the sensitivity of the teacher of another kindergarten, who managed to prevent such an incident and introduce the sisters into the already established children's team, the girls were able to get rid of their fears and find friends.

The first contacts of the baby with peers often end sadly.
One of the most common reasons for this is the excessive shyness of the child. This problem occurs, as a rule, if the parents of the baby are very domineering and intolerant. Noticing any shortcomings in the child, they try to put pressure on him, believing that talking in raised tones, pressure can eradicate them.

This method of education only exacerbates the situation, increasing the child's shyness, which at the same time can cause "withdrawal" or the so-called "quiet aggressiveness". In the latter case, the baby will protest not in an open, but in a hidden form: everything will be done to spite you.

Another reason that a child cannot establish contact with other children is his excessive selfishness and desire for leadership. Most often, this problem is faced by the only children in the family or children who were born first and for some time brought up as the only ones. A selfish child is always the creation of the hands of close relatives with whom he lives: mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers. Having become accustomed to general attention in the family, the baby strives to take a central place in the new team, to become a leader. But peers, as a rule, do not accept such children in the company, they do not want to obey the will of a newcomer, it is very difficult for them to understand and accept his whims. And what could be more offensive for a child, whose every whim in the family has always been perceived as a guide to action? He will not be able to immediately reorganize and agree to behave with peers on an equal footing. Therefore, he can withdraw into himself, become touchy, taciturn, or, conversely, too aggressive, intractable, stubborn. So the desire of the family to limit themselves to one child in order to give him all the best sometimes turns into a serious problem: he cannot learn to communicate normally not only with children, but also with adults, demanding the unconditional fulfillment of all his whims.

Violation of the harmony of relationships with others can lead to the fact that not only in early childhood, but also at an older age, it will be difficult for a child to find friends among peers.

So how do you determine which of the two types (shy or selfish) your child is? It happens that children behave completely differently in the family than outside it, and sometimes even very observant parents cannot give an exact answer to the question: what is my child like? Try a simple mental exercise. Have the children draw a full-length picture of themselves on a piece of white paper.
Children's drawing is rightfully considered the "royal way" of knowing the world of a child; it is not for nothing that they are interested not only in teachers and psychologists, but also in historians, philosophers, ethnographers, and artists. The first publication on the psychology of children's drawing was published in 1887 in Italy, and since then the number of psychological studies on this topic has been steadily growing. Most of them state that children's creativity reflects the level of development of the baby, since he draws not what he sees, but what he understands.
If the kid drew himself in the form of a very small figure somewhere in the corner of the sheet, this may indicate his self-doubt, shyness, desire to be small and inconspicuous. Parents in this case urgently need to start adjusting the child's self-esteem. If he does not learn to recognize himself as necessary and useful to people, you risk losing him as a person.
You can invite the child to draw himself and friends. Pay attention to the position of the figures. If the baby has depicted himself in the center, perhaps he has the makings of a leader; if all the children are holding hands and their figures are about the same size, your child most likely easily converges with other children; if his own figure is depicted somewhere aside and at the same time smaller than the other figures, this is a warning about serious problems in communicating with peers.
There are children who manage to communicate only with people of a certain circle. Some of them cannot get along with their peers, but quickly find a common language with children much younger or older than themselves. Others tend to communicate only with boys or only with girls, others prefer the company of adults.
Children striving to communicate with children older than themselves very often overtake their peers in development, games with which they are simply not interested. At the same time, if a child likes to mess around with kids, this does not at all mean that he is lagging behind in development, it’s just that in the process of upbringing he has developed a certain stereotype of behavior, which consists in the constant need to patronize someone.
The inclination to play only with boys or only with girls is explained by the peculiarities of the upbringing or temperament of the child. The behavior of such children also requires correction. After all, when a child becomes an adult, he will have to live in a society that is not distinguished by its homogeneity. Therefore, it is important from an early age to focus it on communication with different people.

Children who prefer to be in the company of adults (often they sit in the same room with adults, listen with interest to their conversations, trying to insert their own word), are very attached to their parents, so it is difficult to converge with their peers.

So, two types of children are especially prone to difficulties in communicating with peers: "quiet" and potential leaders. One way or another, the leader will find his place "under the sun", will not make friends in the world, so he will "win" them. It is much more difficult for a shy child, so the next chapter is devoted to this type of child.

How to overcome shyness

One of the main reasons why your child cannot communicate with other children is excessive shyness. It happens that even gullible children, kind, sincere, potentially ready for communication, cannot overcome the psychological barrier and establish contact with their peers.
How can you help your son or daughter learn to communicate freely?
First of all, do not tie the child to you. Of course, it is very pleasant to feel your need for this cute baby, to revel in her love, her desire to always be there. But such attachment can lead to the formation of an unviable personality, following the lead of a stronger one, hiding from solving any problems that arise.

Parents need to learn that communication with other children is just as necessary for preschoolers as communication with family members. If being in the family circle gives the child a sense of self-worth, then contacts with peers stimulate the development of personality. If you want your baby to grow into a full-fledged person, do not deprive him of either one or the other.

Parents should understand that it is very important for a child to invite guests to his home at least sometimes. Self-affirmation is necessary at any age, and your own home is the most suitable place for this. Here he can boast about the cleanliness and order in his room, a collection of inserts or stickers from chewing gum, a variety of toys, he can show off his beloved puppy or kitten, which was presented to him for his birthday. This increases the authority of the baby in the eyes of other children, and therefore, helps them gain self-confidence. In addition, games at home are no less important than games on the street. Of course, you should agree in advance with the baby that after the guests leave the room will be the same order as before their visit. And if someone is sick or resting in the house, explain that it is advisable to choose quiet activities for fun: guess riddles, play board games, etc. In general, with reasonable behavior of parents, the child will behave correctly.

It is important that the baby understands that the family must take into account the wishes of all its members, that if his interests are respected, then he must respect the interests of other family members. Then your child will grow up to be a person who is able to show attention and sympathy to those who will be with him. This, in turn, will help him find a common language with others, because attentive, sensitive people are always the soul of society.

To prevent the child from being closed, parents should adhere to the following simple rules:

From the very early age of the baby, try to create such conditions so that he has a constant opportunity to communicate with peers, since the rarer such contacts are, the less likely it is to find friends. Go to visit families with children, invite neighbor children to your home, arrange holidays, allowing the kids to show initiative, invention, abilities.
Do not patronize children excessively, do not suppress their will, more often provide the opportunity to act independently.
Help your child find a consistent fun partner from the neighborhood boys and girls. The sooner you do this, the better. Understand that even the warmest relationship with parents will not replace the baby's communication with other children.
Do not remain an outside observer when your son or daughter communicates with peers. Get involved in the game as a participant, helping to establish friendly contacts between children. If urgent intervention is required, for example, if the children have a fight, act as a peacemaker; if the game suddenly goes wrong, take the initiative into your own hands, try to interest the children in its continuation, offer something new, more interesting.
Do not overdo it when helping children in their fun. If every next act of a son or daughter is prompted by you, each toy is made by your hands with their passive participation, and the game is conceived not by them, but by you, these efforts will not benefit the baby, but harm. Instead of interest, hopeless boredom will arise, and as a result - lack of will, lack of independence, disbelief in one's own strengths, excessive susceptibility to outside influences, dependence on a stronger person, and therefore the impossibility of full communication.
Play, have fun, play pranks with the child on an equal footing.
Come up with various stories with him, the main characters of which will be him and his comrades. Let these stories be instructive.
Teach your baby not only to play the games you invented, but to create your own. Help him learn to sensibly explain the rules of the game he offers to play.
Teach him to openly and calmly express his own opinion, to prove it without raising his voice, without hysteria and resentment.
Try to change the circle of children's communication less often (for example, a group in a kindergarten), since a frequent change of the team negatively affects both a shy child and a child with the makings of a leader. If, for objective reasons, this still had to be done and your baby cannot get used to the new team for a long time, come up with something that will attract the attention of the children to it (for example, organize a tea party with games and contests).
Welcome and support the child's desire to communicate with peers, to create good relationships with them. The praise of parents is a wonderful stimulus for every child.
Be more with your child on the street, so that from a very early age he can get used to the fact that he lives among people and that communication with them is not a necessity, but a pleasant pastime. It is in relationships with friends that the best human qualities are revealed. Since childhood, being surrounded by different people, the child more easily converges with people, gets used to the fact that a wide range of communication is natural for a normal person.
Do not scold him for avoiding the company of children, preferring to be with his mother, grandmother or other loved ones. Don't pressure him. This will only cause the opposite effect: the child will close in on himself. Go the other way - help him join the game by taking part in it with the child, and when he gets carried away, try to quietly disappear from his field of vision.
Tell your child fairy tales, stories - fictional or real - about strong friendships, about how people help each other in trouble. It is necessary that these stories be simple and understandable for the baby, so that they make him think that every person should have at least one real friend with whom it is interesting to play, share secrets, help him: “Such a friend will not let you be offended , but you must also protect him if need be.”

Stories will help the child figure out, for example, who can be considered a true friend and who is not, how to choose a good friend.
Here are some examples of stories that you can use to create stories for your child.

“A long time ago there lived a woman and she had three sons. When the children grew up, she sent them on a long journey - to see the world, to learn the business. Each son was given advice by his mother on how to choose the right friend. She said to the first: “Purposely leave behind on the way, and shout to your companion:“ The saddle has moved to one side, it is necessary to correct it, and you go, I will catch up with you. If a fellow traveler leaves, does not offer help, he is not your comrade. She said to the second: “When you get hungry, you get a loaf of bread from a travel bag, hand it to your companion to share it. If he takes the greater part of the bread for himself, and gives the lesser part to you, he is greedy, do not go further with him*. To the third she said: “If it is difficult on the way, the robbers will attack you, invite your fellow traveler to gallop ahead, save your life. If he leaves you, rushes away - he is a coward, not suitable for true friendship.

Or here is another story that will teach you to appreciate the feeling of camaraderie, to help a friend in a difficult situation:

“Once upon a time there were two friends in the forest - a deer and a squirrel. They played together all summer.
But now winter has come. Snow fell, which one day after a thaw was covered with a thick crust of ice. The Fawn cried, he cannot break the ice crust. Squirrel saw that his friend was crying, and asked:
- What happened, buddy?
The deer answers:
- I have nothing to eat, Belchonok. I can't get grass out from under the ice.
- Do not be sad, Deer, I will help you.
He took dried mushrooms out of his hollow and gave them to the little deer. It became fun for everyone: both the Deer, and the Belchonka, and everyone around.

To overcome the shyness of the child, it is useful to arrange children's holidays. Let it be a real celebration with treats - sweets, drinks and ice cream - with children's games, contests, riddles. Parents, having taken upon themselves the preparation of the evening, should become good wizards on it and do everything so that the children do not feel constrained, so that everyone gets at least a drop of attention. It is desirable that each of the invitees be in the role of the host of one of the games, take part in the competition, having received some kind of prize.

An important stage of the holiday is preparation for it. Think over the program, involve children in the organization of the plan. Let everyone (taking into account age, of course) get some simple business. At the same time, bring the kids to the idea that they came up with all this themselves, praise them for the fact that they are doing great.

Public reading of poems, solo singing, storytelling, participation in dramatizations and puppet shows play an important role in the development of children's communicative abilities. If you have the opportunity, enroll your child in some studio, if not, develop his stage skills at home. If your friends have children the same age as your child, arrange walks, evenings of relaxation and entertainment, performances and performances with them. For staging, use the simplest fairy tales - "Turnip", "Kolobok", "Teremok", but try to ensure that each actor has a costume or at least the attributes of the character he portrays.
Play more with kids! During the game, their independence and independence are manifested, their advantages and disadvantages are revealed. It is in the game that it is easiest to correct their behavior, to correct what prevents them from freely communicating with adults and peers: excessive selfishness or excessive shyness.
It is advisable to create traditions of gaming communication in the family, using for this such holidays as New Year, March 8, Defender of the Fatherland Day ... You just need to show a little ingenuity.
For example, on New Year's Eve, you can arrange a masquerade at home: let adults become "children" and children become "adults."
This will help the child to be liberated, to remove the accumulated resentment and irritation. For example, one boy in the role of dad gave commands to his parents-“children” in an authoritative voice:
“Now sit down at the table! Now, wash your dirty hands! So that in ten minutes your room will be in perfect order!” Parents, in turn, can pose as naughty, slow, sloppy children. All this causes a cheerful and harmless laughter of the players and helps both children and parents to see their shortcomings from the outside and correct their own behavior.
On the holiday of the Eighth of March, the male part of the family can not only cook a festive dinner, but also play in a fairy-tale land, treating female representatives like queens and princesses. Imagine how much fun will be caused by constant appeals to them “Your Majesty”, “Your Highness”, ceremonial bows and curtsies, a categorical ban on sitting in the presence of “crowned persons”.
On Defender of the Fatherland Day, you can organize a "Knight's Tournament", and let the sons, together with their father, take part in various funny competitions.
Collective games unite children very much, especially popular in the warm season: "Blind Man's Bluff", "Cats and Mice", "Burn, burn brightly!". But even in winter, you can arrange all kinds of sports competitions on the street: "Dead eye", "Snow basketball", "Don't miss!".
Everyone knows the rules of such games as "Blind Man's Bluff" and "Cat and Mouse". Let's get acquainted with the content of other games.

"Burn, burn bright!"

Participants line up in two lines at the back of the head to each other. The following words are pronounced in chorus:

Burn, burn bright
To not go out.
Look at the sky, the birds are flying
The bells are ringing!

At the words “Look at the sky ...”, the children standing first raise their heads up, and at the final words they run a race to the finish line. Whoever comes running first wins.

"Deep eye"

Draw a large target on the wall of a house where there are no windows, or on a wooden shield. Make snowballs and throw them at the target. Who has more hits in the center of the target, he won.

"Snow Basketball"

Throw snowballs at a basketball hoop or, if there is none, at an ordinary bucket. The one who hits the most wins.

"Don't miss!"

Draw a large circle (5-6 m in diameter) on the snow, move a few steps away from it and throw snowballs at it. Whoever hit, moves back two more steps, then another. Continue until there is only one winner left.
Fantasize more, invent new games and encourage children to do this, encourage the work of their imagination.
The so-called contact games are very effective for overcoming shyness, when children touch each other, naturally, within reasonable ethical and aesthetic limits.

"Lavata"

The children stand in a circle, hold hands and, moving in a circle, sing:

We dance together, ta-ta-ta, ta-ta-ta,
Our cheerful dance "Lavata".
My legs are good
And the neighbor's is better!

With these words, they touch the legs of their neighbors in a circle and continue to move with the song, changing the word “legs” to “hair”, “ears”, “elbows”, “fingers”, etc.

"Confusion"

To the cheerful music, the kids stand in a circle, close their eyes and, stretching their arms forward, converge in the center. With the right hand, each of the participants in the game takes someone by the hand, the left remains free for someone to take it. When everyone holds hands, they open their eyes and try to unravel without separating their hands.

"Zhmurki"

The leader, blindfolded, catches other participants in the game who are trying not to get caught by him. Catching someone, he tries to guess by touch who it is.
Offer the kids role-playing games in which various situations are played out: “In the store”, “At the hairdresser”, “At the doctor's appointment”, etc. Prepare for this simple attributes of a particular profession (they can be made of cardboard). You will see that through the game your shy toddler will gradually learn to communicate freely.
Children are very fond of collective speech games that can be played both in winter and summer, both indoors and outdoors.

HOW TO LEARN TO COMMUNICATE

In order for a child to feel confident while communicating with other children, to behave calmly and with dignity, one should tirelessly instill in him the well-known principle of behavior: “Do with others the way you want to be treated with you.” Explain to him that communication should be reduced to dialogue. How often do we adults replace it with a monologue. While talking, we seem to be listening to each other, but do we hear? So, let's first of all teach our child to hear the other, to be attentive to the mood, desires, feelings of the interlocutor.
Help your child learn the following rules that he needs to communicate with peers:

Play fair.
Do not tease others, do not pester with your requests, do not beg for anything.
Do not take away someone else's, but do not give your own without a polite request.
If they ask you for something - give it, if they try to take it away - defend yourself.
Don't fight if it's not necessary. You can only hit for self-defense when they hit you.
Do not raise your hand against someone who is obviously weaker than you.
If you are called to play - go, if you are not called - ask, there is nothing shameful in this.
Don't snitch, know how to keep the secrets entrusted to you.
Say more often: let's play together, let's be friends.
Respect the wishes and feelings of those with whom you play or communicate. You are the best, but no worse.

A child can learn to communicate not only in a circle of peers, but also at home, playing with one of the adults who will help to understand a difficult situation. I propose to play with your baby in the game "What will happen if ...".
Give the child the following situations and discuss with him each of his answers:

Your friend, running past, deliberately pushed you, but he stumbled and fell. He is in a lot of pain, he is crying. What will you do?
A friend took your toy without permission. What will you do?
One boy (girl) constantly teases you and laughs at you. How will you do it?
A friend deliberately pushed you, causing pain. What will you do?
A friend or girlfriend entrusted you with a secret, and you really want to tell your mom, dad or someone else about it. How will you do it?
A friend came to visit you. You play quietly with him in your room, then dad comes and brings your favorite ice cream. How will you do it?

Situations for discussion can be very different. It is not necessary to invent them, often life itself prompts them. Analyze the cases that happened to your child or to one of his friends. Ask him how he behaved at the same time and how other children behaved; Discuss who did the right thing and who did not, and what else could have been done to make everything fair...
When asking your child questions, try to quietly lead him to the correct solution of the problem, so that at the same time he believes that he made this decision on his own, because this is so important for the formation of a self-confident person. This will help him gain self-confidence, and over time he will be able to independently and adequately cope with difficult situations that arise in life.

Independence in judgments, the ability to make responsible decisions comes with age, but these qualities can be formed in a child earlier. First of all, teach him to critically evaluate his own actions.

This can help you "Magic Box". Make it from some box or any unnecessary case, and also prepare tokens in two colors, such as red and green. Let your baby put tokens in the box every evening, taking into account what act he did: a good one lowers a red token, a bad one a green one. At the end of the week, open the box and see which tokens are more, ask him to tell you when he did well, and when he did badly and why.
Conduct such conversations calmly, without raising your voice, even if what you hear is unpleasant. Be sure to find out what made him do it this way and not otherwise, and explain how it was necessary to behave in this situation.
Don't force your opinion on your child. If suddenly a controversial issue arose between you, it is not necessary that your word should be the last one when resolving it. Keep the interests of the child in mind. What, in your opinion, is right, is not always right from his point of view. Know how to listen to him, no matter how controversial, in your opinion, may be what he says. Misunderstanding on the part of parents can negatively affect communication with other people.
If the kid does not want to talk about bad deeds, do not insist on it. The fact that he refuses to talk about it already indicates that he is aware of the wrongness of his behavior and will not repeat this next time.

Be sure to praise the baby for a good deed, for the right decision.

Give him the right to solve some problems himself. He still has his own life. Agree that the boy would rather get a slap in the face from his stronger friend and then play a game with him than hide behind his mother's skirt. And the girl, having quarreled with her girlfriend because of a beautiful doll, will soon forget her offense and continue the game, and not run to complain to her mother or grandmother.
For full-fledged communication, it is necessary from early childhood to develop a sense of humor in the baby. People who know how to get out of a difficult situation with a laugh, a smile, a joke, are always in the spotlight. They, as a rule, live in harmony with others in any team - children's, adults or different ages.
Start by instilling in your child a sense of self-irony. In no case do not confuse it with self-abasement, low self-esteem. Self-irony will make it easier for him to look at his own shortcomings (remember the case with triplets), easily get out of difficult situations or help his comrades in such cases. Having acquired this wonderful quality with your help, instead of crying at an offensive teaser or nickname, he will answer with a smile or say something funny, but harmless, thereby shaming the offender.
Start developing your child as early as possible, and then he will be ready to overcome the difficulties of life, its thorny paths and bumps.

Many mothers complain that their child does not seek to communicate with other children, prefers to stay away from noisy games and chooses calm, intellectual or creative entertainment. Mom is also surprised by the fact that the child develops well, is very smart and quick-witted, shows his leadership qualities at home, and simply keeps aloof in games with other children.

Before understanding this question, answer yourself: “Why should a child run around the yard with children or play noisy games?” Carl Jung, the founder of depth psychology, identified two types of people (including children): introverts and extroverts. This is the essence of human nature. Impulsive extroverts don't understand slow introverts, and vice versa.

Most often, such questions arise in families where both types live. Very often, mothers are extroverts, aimed at communication, the desire to be in the spotlight. For such mothers, this is the most important source of energy. That is why they do not understand children at all, who do not waste energy outside, thereby strengthening internal resources. So, they have enough of the energy that they have.

Another problem is the confidence of mothers that the child should be able to stand up for himself, be persistent and popular in his circle of friends. However, there are many examples where introverts achieve success much faster than self-confident extroverts. Unfortunately, it is the child who suffers the most in this situation. After all, it is he who faces a difficult choice: to meet the expectations of his parents or to remain true to himself. Let its features not be extinguished by your anxiety.

Let the child be alone when he wants it. Even if at the moment you think it's better to play with other children.
Come up with such leisure for him, during which he can reveal his abilities: draw something, make crafts from improvised materials, or simply assemble a designer.
Let him express his emotions not verbally, but creatively.
Don't choose who your child will be better at playing with. He himself will find a "kindred" soul.

The only exception when it is worth sounding the alarm is the child's excessive passion for the computer, which replaces the child's live communication or creative activity. In this case, it would be right to “pull out” the child to other children more often and aim him at other hobbies. Dear mothers, appreciate in your child what nature has already awarded him!

The child, by nature, seeks to explore the world around him, to get acquainted with new things and people around him. But it also happens that a child does not get along well with peers, and almost does not make friends with anyone in kindergarten or on the playground. Is this normal, and what should be done to successfully socialize the baby?

Violation of the child's socialization among peers - how to identify problems

Sounds a little blasphemous, but sometimes parents feel comfortable that their child is always near them, does not make friends with anyone, does not go to visit and does not invite friends to his place. But such behavior of a child is rather abnormal, because loneliness in childhood can hide a whole range of family problems , child socialization problems , mental disorders , even nervous and mental illnesses . When should parents start sounding the alarm? How to understand that the baby is lonely and has communication problems?

Of course, these signs do not always indicate pathology - it happens that a child is very closed by nature, or, conversely, is self-sufficient and does not need company. If the parents notice a number of warning signs who talk about the pathological lack of sociability of the child, his unwillingness to make friends, problems in socialization, it is necessary take action immediately until the problem becomes global, difficult to fix.

The child is not friends with anyone in kindergarten, on the playground - the reasons for this behavior

What to do if the child is not friends with anyone? Ways to overcome this problem

If a child is an outsider in the children's team due to insufficiently fashionable clothes or a mobile phone, you should not rush to extremes - ignore this problem or immediately buy the most expensive model. It is necessary to talk with the child, what kind of thing he would like to have , discuss the plan for the upcoming purchase - how to save money for buying a phone, when to buy, which model to choose. So the child will feel meaningful, because his opinion will be taken into account – and this is very important.
If the child is not accepted by the children's team due to excessive fullness or thinness, The solution to this problem can be in sports . It is necessary to enroll the child in the sports section, to engage in a program for his recovery. It’s good if he goes to the sports section with one of his classmates, friends in the playground, kindergarten - he will have more opportunities to contact with another child, to find in him a friend and like-minded person.
Parents need to understand themselves, as well as make it clear to the child - because of what his actions, qualities, antics peers do not want to communicate with him . The child needs to be helped to overcome difficulties in communication, as well as his own complexes, and in this work a very good support will be consultation with an experienced psychologist .
A child with difficulties in social adaptation, parents can talk about their own childhood experiences when they also found themselves alone, without friends.
Parents, as the people closest to the child, should not brush aside this childhood problem - loneliness - in the hope that everything will “pass by itself”. You need to devote maximum attention to the child, attend children's activities with him . Since a child who has difficulty communicating with peers feels most relaxed in his usual home environment, you need to arrange children's parties at home - and for the birthday of the baby, and just like that.
The child must feel the support of parents . He needs to constantly say that they love him, that together they will solve all problems, that he is strong and very self-confident. The child can be assigned hand out sweets or apples to children on the playground - he will immediately become an "authority" in the children's environment, and this will be the first step in his proper socialization.
Every initiative withdrawn and indecisive child needs to be supported, encouraged . Any steps he takes, however awkward, to establish contact with other children should be encouraged and praised. In no case with a child you can’t talk badly about the children with whom he most often plays or communicates - this can kill in the bud all his further initiative.
For the best adaptation of the child, it is necessary teach to respect other children, to be able to say “no”, manage their emotions and find acceptable forms of their demonstration people around. The best way to adapt a child is through group games with the participation and under the wise guidance of adults. You can organize fun contests, theatrical performances, role-playing games - everything will only benefit, and soon the child will have friends, and he himself will learn how to properly build contacts with people around him.
If a child who has no friends is already attending kindergarten or school, parents should share your observations and experiences with the teacher . Adults should think together about ways to socialize this baby, his soft infusion into the active life of the team .