How to persuade a child to do what he does not want. How to get a child to obey if nothing else helps

Often children, having crossed a certain age threshold, cease to show interest in learning. This attitude very quickly leads to lower grades and other problems at school. In most cases, the taste for learning disappears in adolescents. What to do in such a situation? Should you force your child to study? Child psychologists are familiar with this problem, because it is very common. Try to use the advice of specialists that will make it possible to find an approach to your offspring.

Determine the root of the problem

To begin with, it is worth looking for the reason why the child does not want to study. This is not always due to laziness or the fact that the child does not like school. The most common problems teenagers have at school:

Conflict with a teacher Sometimes a student manages to spoil relations with one of the teachers - often it is the class teacher. A teacher is also a person and can consciously or not underestimate a teenager who is rude or behaves defiantly, which is typical for children of puberty.
Backlog in a certain subject, which occurred due to illness or omission of any part of the material. Often gaps lead to misunderstanding of the following sections of the textbook, and problems snowball.
Rethinking life values. A 6-9 grader simply does not understand why he should study and how important it is to get a quality education.

There are other difficulties that can lead to reluctance to go to school and problems with learning. However, all of them, one way or another, are connected with the listed factors. It is important to try to find time to talk with the offspring, to find out the source of the problem. Knowing the cause, it is easier to find a way out.

The conflict with the teacher is easy to resolve by talking with the teacher. Parents are not always required to take any action. It is enough to show the teacher that you are worried about your child, to promise to talk to him at home. The teacher will certainly appreciate the efforts of the parents, and the situation may become more favorable.

You can always make up for a learning gap. Some children find it easier to study with a tutor than with mom or dad. Others are more suitable for group classes, where you can enroll a lagging child. Sometimes younger students are afraid to ask questions to the teacher, to ask again about what is given at home. With a first grader, you need to work at home, explain that it is necessary to raise your hand if there are questions.

How to get a teenager to study if his interest in learning has faded completely? Be sure to talk with the student, to convince him of the need for education. Explain that a good study will make it possible to decide in life, to find your own path.

The child is sure that he wants to become a designer, which means that he does not need mathematics? Tell us that the school curriculum is the basis for obtaining specialized education.

Little tricks

We have outlined the general direction of psychological work with the child. Next, we will talk about various methods that will be a great way to get the student interested in learning and get them to take up the lessons. For each student, both in grades 1 and 8, you can choose an individual scheme for stimulating learning. It is worth trying to look for the key to the heart of your student. How to teach a child to learn? We are confident that our advice will help even in the most difficult situations.

Competitive spirit

How to teach a child to learn if no efforts help? As practice shows, it is easy to captivate children of any age with any subject, creating conditions for competition. This can be done in several ways. For example, talk to the parents of a classmate and invite them to participate in a similar game. Which of the two (three, four) children will show the best marks at the end of the week will receive the best student badge. The same icon can then be transferred to another child.

At home, you can arrange mini-competitions. For example, which of the household members will solve the problem faster, or will be able to learn the quatrain. Here you will have to study objects with the child to help him enjoy the victory.

Daily regime

It is necessary to clearly think over the regime of the day. Since it is almost impossible to force a child to study, it is worth offering him some kind of encouragement after he has done his homework. After school, the child can relax, do what he likes. Then you need to allocate a couple of hours for homework, after which he will be able to watch his favorite series. However, you should check the lessons and not allow watching TV (playing computer games) until the task is completed (we recommend reading:). In this case, it will work as an incentive to have time to do everything before a certain time.

Financial incentive

Sometimes financial incentives help. Some parents come up with a complex system of rewards for learning outcomes. For example, for positive grades, the child receives a certain amount, and at least one 2 completely resets the balance. Or, at the beginning of the month, parents accrue the amount of funds to the student, from which money is deducted for each negative mark. That is, the fewer bad marks a child receives, the greater the amount he will receive at the end of the month.

Do not be afraid to introduce monetary incentives for a 5th grader or a child older. Some psychologists believe that this will teach the offspring to handle money, not to “litter” it, to appreciate what they have earned. Knowing how to count money is a useful skill that will come in handy in adulthood.

Find friends

If a child does not want to study, then he certainly wants to have weight in society. Surprisingly, studying is one of the ways to socialize. The teenager stopped communicating with peers, does he have few friends? He can be motivated by the fact that knowledge will help him become an interesting conversationalist. In addition, people who stand out with good grades are always appreciated by classmates.

To draw attention

Try to play on weaknesses. At the age of 11-14, children may have their first love, which also introduces dissonance into the educational process. Does your son like the girl in the class? Invite him to get her attention. You can, together with the offspring, prepare for any subject, or a presentation. It is desirable that the topic be interesting, and the whole class will listen to the speaker with pleasure. A positive result will be a kind of victory that will inspire and give a taste for learning.

Take time

Sometimes a child tries to attract the attention of his parents by bad studies. This happens in families where there is a baby who takes all the attention of his mother, and also where both parents work late.

Mom or dad should find some time in a busy schedule that will be used to communicate with their offspring. You can play board games with your son, have a good chat over a cup of tea.

Psychologists note that it is not the amount of time spent with the child that is important, but its quality. That is, this period of time should be saturated - with conversations, actions, events. Do not waste your hard-earned minutes on reproaches and censures. It is better to find positive moments and make sure that the child enjoys spending time with you.

What if the child does not want to study? It is very important to demonstrate to the child in every possible way your interest in his studies, adhering to the chosen line of behavior, and not stepping aside. The offspring will feel that his mother is worried about his lessons, and will try to please her with his achievements.

There are other behavioral elements to follow:

Never refuse help with homework. Sometimes a mother is too busy and cannot give her son time. It should be made clear that for parents, his studies are just as important, and try to give him confidence in his abilities.
Remember the power of praise. Many parents forget to encourage their child. Sometimes it's really hard to find at least something to praise for. However, if you regularly scold, shout and criticize your son, he will not strive to achieve results. Be sure to find something to praise the student for, for sure he has strengths. For example, focus on a good memory, or on an analytical mindset. If done right, over time, your student will strive to develop natural abilities to be appreciated even higher.
Gently control the child, showing that you are interested in what the class took place in the lesson today. It's simple psychology to motivate by self-interest. It is very important to immediately delve into the studies of a first grader, so that later you do not have to get involved in the educational process when he moves to grades 6-7.
A simple way to help a student enjoy going to class is to buy him a backpack or some school accessory. A little update can go a long way.

Alternative ways of learning

Sometimes a child doesn't want to learn because some kids just can't fit in with school rules. In this case, it makes sense to think about alternative ways of learning.

Home schooling. If desired and possible, if the mother does not work, you can educate the child at home. To do this, you need to register at a school that practices distance learning, and take exams from time to time. This way of learning is good, but not for everyone - serious self-organization is required, because every day you have to force yourself to learn new material. At the same time, there are a lot of advantages of home education - a child can devote more time to subjects that are difficult for him, due to those where it is easier for him to navigate. In addition, lessons can be scheduled at any time of the day, have lunch at home and not experience stress when communicating with teachers.
Night school. If a teenager does not want to study, and he is already 15-16 years old, he can become an evening school student. It is not so difficult to enter these institutions, but they have the opportunity to study externally. This can also be a motivating factor - many teenagers want to become independent. They can successfully study school subjects at home and then receive a certificate.

Getting your child interested in learning is not as difficult as it might seem. It is worth talking to him frankly, explaining why you need to get an education. Try to persuade him to work every day, but do not scold or pull. If a son or daughter does not give in to persuasion, it is worth waiting a bit, perhaps the child will eventually realize his responsibility.

A small child is easy to motivate. “You will be the strongest if you eat this porridge”, “I will read you a fairy tale if you take away your toys.” That is, parents set the direction for the child's actions, endowing them with awareness. In other words, children understand that if they do as adults dictate to them, they will receive something as a result of their obedience (a fairy tale, the right to take a walk, mother's love). Material motivation is very popular today: “I will give you 10 rubles if you take out the trash.” Psychologists, not seeing a crime in it in principle, nevertheless note that external motivation (as they call it) kills internal motivation, which is much more important in the process of becoming a child's character. In other words, a child should be motivated (especially over the age of 3-5 years) in such a way that, in addition to the promised reward, he still understands the true essence and purpose of his actions. If he starts to force himself to do something (knowing why), he will begin to form such a character trait as willpower. It is very important.

The child does not want to clean up scattered toys? Do not rush to yell at him and upset yourself. Calm down and in the form of a game make the child fulfill your desire. The game should have characters, one of which should be played by your baby. In this role, the child usually willingly cleans up after himself. And also quickly dresses for a walk, eats, washes dishes. An older child is “more serious” than the game. From the group of role-playing games, you can move on to the group of didactic games (that is, actions that are entertaining for the child in conditional situations), sports and even manipulation games.

As soon as you enter the room and see the mess, you start yelling for the child to clean up immediately. Or you just sat and calmly watched TV, and now, looking at the clock, tell the child that he should immediately go to bed. It is not right. Children should be warned that they need to clean up (and if the child has not finished playing, give him time to complete the game), that it is time to get ready for bed, etc. Your demands for momentary obedience and the fulfillment of your orders (and at least even requests) can provoke an attack of stubbornness and even hatred.

You remind the child countless times to clean up scattered toys, threaten to throw them in the garbage chute, the child does not obey. After reminding him about the mess a hundred times, you tidy up yourself with a sigh. This is repeated day after day. And it will continue to repeat itself if one day you do not fulfill your threat and really do not throw away the toys. Cruel? But clearly. Children have a very good memory, psychologists say, they remember such lessons very well and for a long time. Almost forever.

You must give your child the right to choose. For example, he does not want to brush his teeth. Give him a choice of 2 toothbrushes and 2 toothpastes. Or let him choose for himself which story to read to him at night, which handkerchief to take in the morning, drink tea with one or two spoons of sugar, tidy up right now or in half an hour. For you, his choice means nothing in principle, and the child will feel that he is the master of the situation.

Does your robber have deuces in his diary again? The child does not obey, and it is simply impossible to plant him for homework? Many parents have a situation where the child does not want to study, skips school and is not attentive in the classroom.

Often adults make many mistakes in order to force their daughter or son to study. This happens because there is no knowledge of how to instill a love of learning in children. Some begin to educate in the same way as they were raised in childhood. It turns out that the mistakes of education are passed from generation to generation. First, our parents suffer themselves and force us to study, then we apply the same torture to our children.

When a child does not study well, unhappy pictures are drawn in the head of what his future may be like. Instead of a prestigious university and a degree, a third-rate technical school. Instead of a brilliant career and a good salary, a job that is embarrassing to tell friends about. And instead of a salary, pennies, on which it is not clear how to live. Nobody wants that kind of future for their children.

To understand why our children do not feel like learning, we need to find the reason for this. There are a lot of them. Let's consider the main ones.

1) No desire and incentive to study

Many adults are used to forcing a child to do something against his will, to impose his opinion. If the student resists doing what he does not want, this means that his personality is not broken. And that's okay.

There is only one way to involve a child in learning - to interest him. Of course, teachers should think about this first of all. An uninterestingly designed program, boring teachers who lead a lesson without taking into account the age of the children - all this contributes to the fact that the child will avoid learning and be lazy in completing tasks.

2) Stress at school

People are arranged as follows: first, simple needs for food, sleep, security are satisfied. But the need for new knowledge and development is already in the background. School for children sometimes becomes a real source of stress. Where kids experience various negative emotions every day, such as: fear, tension, shame, humiliation.

In fact, 70% of the reasons why children do not want to study and go to school are just because of stress. (Bad relationships with peers, teachers, insults from older comrades)

Parents may think: after all, there were only 4 lessons, the child says that he is tired, so he is lazy. In fact, stressful situations take a lot of energy from him. Yes, and causes a negative to this environment. Therefore, he begins to think poorly, his memory works worse, he looks inhibited. Before attacking a child and forcing him by force, it is better to ask how he is doing at school. Was it difficult for him? How is his relationship with other children and teachers?

Case from practice:
We had an 8 year old boy. According to the boy's mother, in the last few months he began to skip classes, often did not do his homework. And before that, although he was not an excellent student, he studied diligently and there were no special problems with him.

It turned out that a new student was transferred to their class, who in every possible way mocked the child. He ridiculed him in front of his comrades and even used physical force, extorted money. The child, due to his inexperience, did not know what to do with it. He did not complain to his parents or teachers, because he did not want to be known as a sneak. And I couldn't solve the problem myself. Here is a clear example of how stressful conditions make it difficult to gnaw at the granite of science.

3) Pressure resistance

The psyche works in such a way that when we are under pressure, we resist with all our might. The more the mother and father force the student to do homework by force, the more he begins to avoid it. This once again confirms the fact that this situation cannot be corrected by force.

4) Low self-esteem, disbelief in yourself

Excessive criticism of parents towards the child leads to his low self-esteem. If no matter what the student does, you still can’t please, then this is just such a case. Motivation completely disappears. What difference does it make whether they put 2 or 5, anyway no one will praise, will not appreciate what they deserve, will not say a kind word.

5) Too much control and help

There are parents who literally teach themselves instead of their child. They collect a briefcase for him, do homework with him, command what, how and when to do it. In this case, the student takes a passive position. There is no need for him to think with his own head and he is not capable of answering for himself. Motivation also disappears, as he acts as a puppet.

It should be noted that this is quite common in modern families and is a big problem. Parents themselves spoil their child, trying to help him. Total control kills independence and responsibility. And this pattern of behavior passes into adulthood.

Case from practice:

Irina turned to us for help. She had problems with the academic performance of her 9-year-old daughter. If the mother was late at work or went on a business trip, the girl did not do her homework. In the lessons she also behaved passively and if the teacher did not look after her, then she was distracted and did other things.

It turned out that Irina interfered heavily in the learning process from the first grade. She controlled her daughter excessively, literally did not let her take a step on her own. Here is the disastrous result. The daughter did not at all strive to study, she believed that only her mother needed it, and not her. And she only did it under duress.

There is only one treatment here: stop patronizing the child and explain why you need to study at all. At first, of course, he will relax and do nothing. But over time, he will understand that he still needs to learn somehow and will slowly begin to organize himself. Of course, it won't work all at once. But after a while it will get better and better.

6) You need to give rest

When a student comes home from school, he needs 1.5-2 hours to rest. At this time, he can do his favorite things. There is also a category of mothers and fathers, which begins to press on the child as soon as he enters the house.

Questions about grades are pouring in, requests to show the diary and instructions to sit down for homework. If you do not give the baby a rest, his concentration will be noticeably reduced. And in a tired state, he will begin to dislike school and everything connected with it even more.

7) Quarrels in the family

An unfavorable atmosphere at home is a serious obstacle to good grades. When there are frequent quarrels and scandals in the family, the child begins to worry, become nervous and withdrawn. Sometimes he even begins to blame himself for everything. As a result, all his thoughts are occupied with the current situation, and not with the desire to study.

8) Complexes

There are children with a non-standard appearance or with not very well developed speech. They often receive a lot of ridicule. Therefore, they experience a lot of suffering and try to be invisible, avoiding answers at the blackboard.

9) Bad company

Even in the first grade, some students manage to connect with dysfunctional friends. If friends do not want to learn, then your child will support them in this.

10) Dependencies

Children, like adults from an early age, can have their own addictions. In elementary school, these are games, entertainment with friends. At 9-12 years old - a passion for computer games. In transitional age - bad habits and street company.

11) Hyperactivity

There are children with excess energy. They are characterized by poor perseverance and concentration. In this regard, it is difficult for them to sit in class and listen without being distracted. And hence - bad behavior and even frustrated lessons. Such children need to attend additional sports sections. Detailed tips for you can read in this article.

If you correctly understand the cause of poor teaching at school, then we can assume that 50% of the problem has already been solved. In the future, you need to develop an action plan, thanks to which it will be possible to encourage the student to study. Screams, scandals, swearing - it never worked. Understanding your child and helping him with the difficulties that have arisen is what will create the right motivation.

13 Practical Tips on How to Motivate Your Student to Get A's

The first thing every parent should know is that the child should be praised for any success.
Then he will naturally develop a desire to learn. Even if he does something not yet good enough, he still needs to be praised. After all, he almost coped with the new task and put a lot of effort into this. This is a very important condition, without which it is impossible to force a child to learn.
In no case do not scold for mistakes, because they learn from mistakes.
If a child is scolded for something that he does not succeed in, then he will forever lose the desire to do this. Making mistakes is a natural process, even for adults. Children, on the other hand, do not have such life experience and only learn new tasks for themselves, so you need to be patient, and if something does not work out for your child, it would be better to help him figure it out.
Do not give gifts for studying
Some adults, for the purpose of motivation, promise various gifts to their children or monetary rewards for good studies. You don't have to do that. Of course, at first the baby will find an incentive and begin to try in school, but over time he will begin to demand more and more. And small gifts will no longer satisfy him. In addition, study is his daily obligatory actions and the child must understand this. Therefore, the issue of motivation will not be resolved in a similar way in the long term.
You need to show your son or daughter the full degree of responsibility that lies in this lesson - study
To do this, explain why you need to study at all. Often children who do not have much interest in learning do not understand why this is necessary. They have a lot of other interesting things to do, and classes at school interfere with this.
Sometimes parents demand too much from their children.
Even now, the training program is several times more difficult than before. Moreover, if the child, in addition to this, goes to developing circles, then overwork can naturally occur. Don't expect your child to be perfect. It is quite natural that some subjects are more difficult for him, and it takes more time to understand them.
If any of the subjects is given to your son or daughter is especially difficult, then a good solution would be to hire a tutor
It is better to inculcate the habit of studying from the 1st grade
If a child in the first grade learns to achieve his goals, complete his tasks and for which he will receive praise and respect from adults, then he will not go astray.
Help see positive change
When your child succeeds in something very difficult, support him every time. More often say phrases like: “Well, now you do it much better! And if you continue in the same spirit, you will do very well!” But never use: “Try a little more and then it will be good.” Thus, you do not recognize the child's small victories. It is very important to maintain it and notice the slightest changes.
Set an example
Do not try to teach your child to do homework while you watch TV and relax in other ways. Children love to copy their parents. If you want your child to develop, for example, to read books, instead of messing around, do it yourself.
Maintain
If the student has a difficult test, support him. Tell him that you believe in him, that he will succeed. Especially if he tries hard, then success is inevitable. It is necessary to support even when he completely failed something. Many mothers and fathers prefer to reprimand in such a case. It is better to reassure the child and say that next time he will definitely cope. You just need to put in a little more effort.
Share experiences
Explain to your child that you can't always do what you want. Yes, I understand that you don’t like math so much, but it needs to be studied. You will be able to bear it easier if you share it with your loved ones.
Point out the good qualities of the child
Even if these are so far from good studies at school, but the positive qualities of the baby, such as the ability to help others, charm, the ability to negotiate. This will help in building adequate self-esteem and find support within yourself. And normal self-esteem, in turn, will create self-confidence.
Consider the wishes and aspirations of the child himself
If your kid is interested in music or drawing, you do not need to force him to attend a class with a mathematical bias. No need to break the kid to say you know best. All children are different and each has their own talents and abilities. Even if you force a student to study a subject he does not like, he will not achieve great success in it. Because success is only where there is love for the cause and interest in the process.

Should you force your child to study?

As you probably already understood from this article, forcing a child to learn by force is a useless exercise. So you will only make it worse. It is better to create the right motivation. To create motivation, you need to understand why he needs it. What will he gain from his studies? For example, in the future he will be able to get the profession he dreams of. And without education, he will not have any profession at all and will not be able to earn his living.

When a student has a goal and an idea why he should study, then there is a desire and ambition.

And of course, you need to deal with the problems that prevent your child from becoming a successful student. There is no other way to do this, but to talk to him and find out.

I hope these practical tips will help you improve your children's academic performance. If you still have questions, you can always contact us for help at online psychologist consultation. An experienced child psychologist will help as soon as possible to find out all the reasons why the child experiences difficulties and unwillingness to learn. Together with you, they will develop a work plan that will help your child feel the taste for learning.

Being a Lazy Mom with a naughty child is very difficult. After all, it takes a lot of time and effort to agree with the baby about the simplest things. And with obedient children, everything becomes much easier, and you do not have to participate in disputes for any reason.

It’s unpleasant to say this, but you need to start the changes with yourself, since only a calm and confident mother can make a child obey the first time. In addition, you need to listen to the child and feel his needs. How exactly to do this, I will tell in the article.

How to make a child obey

Recently, there have been big problems with obedience in children. In modern realities, when they are greatly pampered, it is quite difficult to keep the child within the bounds of what is permitted. Why is this happening?

Now the idea of permissiveness of children is being actively promoted. Toddlers up to about 2 years old are not forbidden anything, they are not given tasks, and in general they are almost never brought up. Therefore, by the age of 3-4, it is not surprising that the child does not obey adults. Although there are other reasons: conflicting instructions, discrepancy between the requirements for the age of the child, etc.

How to make a child obey?

The first step is to understand that in no case should you resort to physical punishment. After a few spanks, the child will actually fulfill your request. When in the future he will be capricious, one mention of physical violence will make him calm down. And everything looks great - the system works.

But in fact, the child does not become "obedient", he is simply afraid of you. I am sure that you would not want to cause horror and fear in a child. In addition to your relationship now, this whole situation will affect the future of the child. Physical punishment, pent-up resentment and anger at you are sure to surface in adolescence in the form of rebellion. Or vice versa, the child will completely immerse himself in himself, become inert, downtrodden and unsure of himself.

No matter how the situation develops, a downtrodden child will not grow up happy. Therefore, the physical impact is not immediately!

Learn to talk with your child, negotiate, and then you don't have to resort to a belt.

How to talk to a child correctly?

A lot depends on how and what you say to your baby. To begin with, you should pay attention to the volume - if you constantly speak in raised tones, the child ceases to perceive the meaning of the phrases. Remember how you felt when your boss or saleswoman scolded you in a raised voice. Even if this is well-deserved criticism, there is anger and resentment towards the screaming person.

Make eye contact. Children concentrate on only one task, so until you attract his attention to you, he may simply not hear your phrases. That's right: squat in front of the child, touch your hand so that he looks at you, and look into your eyes. Call by name and repeat your request.
Short and clear assignments especially if you are talking to a child under 4 years of age. It is difficult for them to remember and perform a sequence of actions. Therefore, instead of the monosyllabic “take off your jacket and shoes, wash your hands and sit down at the table,” issue tasks gradually. First, “take off your jacket and shoes” when “wash your hands” is done, and only after that, “sit down at the table.”
Too long speeches. Parents love to bring up past missteps when they chastise a child or ask them to stop something. And it is difficult for children to grasp what the phrase “Did you forget how you fell off the couch last time and had to go to the hospital? Get off now, otherwise the situation will repeat itself and you will cry.” It’s correct to say succinctly: “You can’t jump on the couch - it’s dangerous.” In this case, the main message will be received.
indirect instructions. Kids take all the phrases literally, so they don’t see the instructions for action in the question “Are you going to get out of the puddle?”. Do not overestimate the skills of children, because they are only learning the language and do not understand much. Speak directly and unequivocally: "get out of the puddle."
The use of NOT negation. Children often miss the negative message “don’t”, and instead of “don’t get into the puddle”, they hear the invitation “get into the puddle”. Instead, it's better to offer another interesting alternative: "Let's go around the puddle so as not to get our new shoes dirty."
Constant pulling. Some anxious mothers take care of the child so much that throughout the day they warn the baby about the danger: “do not stumble on the threshold”, “get around the evil dog”, “do not step into the puddle”, “do not drop the mug” ... Over time, the child ceases to perceive these phrases , taking them for "background noise". Reduce the number of remarks to the minimum necessary, just walk next to him and belay in dangerous moments.
Inability to hear the child. Being with a child 24 hours 7 days a week, many mothers begin to pass out. They seem to be next to the baby, but immersed in their thoughts, talking on the phone and not hearing their child. Over time, the baby begins to copy this behavior, ignoring your instructions. Instead, set the right example by taking a moment away from washing the dishes to listen to the child's story. Keep up the conversation, clarify something, then the baby will be more attentive to your words.

In addition, listen to your words. It is necessary to focus not on the child and how bad he is, but on his feelings.

Wrong phrase: You are so selfish! Stop yelling, let's go now! Shut up now, I'm ashamed of you in front of others».

Correct phrase: I understand that you are tired. Now I will pay for the purchase and go home. I will read a book and you will rest. Now please, if you want to scream, do it, please, be quiet - it's hard for me to concentrate.».

You can focus on your feelings:

Wrong phrase: I'm ashamed of your behavior in front of others."- so you show that the opinion of others is more important than the child.
Correct phrase: It's hard for me to be with you, my head hurts from screaming but".

Observe what you say and how these phrases can be understood by the child. Then it will be easier for you to find a common language with him.

How to make a child obey the first time

Teaching a baby obedience is not so easy and fast. After all, there is no magic pill suitable for every child. And it's not a robot that can blindly follow orders. But still, there are certain tips that teach a child to obey their parents the first time.

Every child has their own approach. So try different methods and find the right one.

So, let's look at the basic techniques to teach a child to obey:

Minimum bans. When a child during the day only hears “no”, “don’t get in”, “get away”, he ceases to obey. Therefore, try to use prohibition phrases only as a last resort when he is doing something serious. Instead, secure the play area, remove dangerous and fragile items, and be close to the child to distract him from dangerous games or stop him in time.
Unity in the family. Be sure to develop certain rules in the family that under no circumstances should be violated. If the father allows and the mother forbids, it is difficult for the child to follow the instructions. After all, if the parents disagreed on one issue, then you can not obey in others.
Unequivocal prohibitions. Do not change your view of any prohibitions so as not to confuse the child's guidelines. If you said “one last ride on the hill, and then we go home,” then you need to keep your word. Once or twice the child will be able to persuade you to stay, and then he will repeat this technique constantly. Only more confidently, because he knows that this method allows you to achieve what you want.
Encourage your child's initiative. Children love to help adults, imitate them and be useful. Do not ruin this desire in the bud. If a two-year-old wants to wash his dishes, let him do it and praise him. And when he can't see, just rewash. If the child voluntarily performs one task, then it will be easier with others.
Consider age features. You can’t demand from a 3-year-old child to sit still during, because energy is seething in them and it needs to be released. Also, at the age of 3, a crisis begins, and a ban is placed on all mom's proposals. Therefore, study information about crises, skills and abilities by age. Only when you understand your child will he obey you.
Carry out threats. Many adults intimidate the child with empty or irrelevant threats “if you don’t eat it, I’ll pour it on your head”, “if you don’t go for a walk now, we won’t walk at all!”. At first, such a trick will pass, and the children will obey, but if after the failure to comply with the “order” the punishment is not received, the fear will disappear. So watch your threats and carry them out. Of course, this is not about physical punishment. Indeed, in addition to them, there is, and a separate article for. For such crumbs, thinking works differently, so you need to educate them differently.
Give the opportunity to choose. If the child has only prohibitions and instructions, sooner or later he may start a riot on the ship. To make a child obey and obey, it is enough to create at least the illusion of choice. “Shall we take a duck or a whale into the bath?”, “Will you go to the hospital in a black T-shirt or a yellow one?”, “Would you like a carrot or a pot?”, “Who will sleep with you from toys today?”.
Consistency in learning. If you want your child to do something on his own, you need to teach him. First, do the task together (parents and child), then draw instructions and prompt if the child has difficulties, then he does it on his own. Be sure to go through all these steps and do not leave your baby in front of difficulties.
Play, don't give orders. It is much easier to get a child to obey if you offer to do something interesting. Don't "put the toys away", but "put the toys in this basket". Or add a competitive element: don’t “leave the cars, let’s go eat,” but “let’s see whose car gets to the kitchens faster.” Think about how you can beat your task so that the child himself wants to complete it.
Reward, but not with money. Monetary incentives are used very actively, but it is better to let them watch a cartoon, give something tasty, go to rides, etc. instead. Make it clear that obedience is rewarded. Be sure to praise the child, but watch the sincerity in your voice. Children feel false. Hug, kiss, although this child should receive not only for obedient behavior, but just because he is.
Set a good example. All your requirements, prohibitions, notations are useless if you do not follow them yourself. The phrases “don’t snap back” and “don’t be rude” are useless if you constantly swear at your husband or allow yourself to communicate in a rude way with your child. Children copy the behavior of their parents even in small things, so watch yourself carefully and think - what will my child learn?

If all else fails, see how Dr. Kurpatov helped in a seemingly hopeless case.

And even if you understand how to make a child obey the first time, you do not need to abuse your power. Leave him some freedom, let him defend his opinion, respect their decision and give at least the illusion of choice so that in the future they will not run into problems. Unquestioningly obedient children often grow up subject to other people's influence (drugs, alcohol), lack of initiative (lack of independence, inability to be a leader) and with other psychological problems.

Well, what kind of children did they go? You tell him once, you tell him two, and he is all his own. And he didn't care what his parents said to him.

Completely out of hand. I have already tried all the methods. And in a good way she persuaded, and shouted, and punished. I even hit it with a belt once. Everything is useless! How to make a child obey, so that he hears and performs the first time?

Someone advised me to find an approach to the child. What approach? What, I don't know my child or what? I raised him obedient and well-mannered, but in the end, he wanted to spit on all my persuasions, orders and prohibitions.

Others say: missed the child. Previously, it was necessary to engage in education. When before? He used to be quite small, and I worked a lot. Raising a child is not cheap.

Time goes by, the child still shows me his character, and I won’t know what to do with him. Is it possible to somehow change the situation and make the child obey his parents?

How to make children obey adults

Children, not yet becoming adults, already have their own special desires from birth.

And when these desires do not coincide with the requirements of the parents, they begin to achieve what they want in different ways, including through disobedience. And each child shows his protest in different ways:

- one runs, screams, destroys everything in its path;
- the second sat on the sofa, puffed out his cheeks and does not make contact, trying to get his way;
- the third roars as bitterly as it can;
- the fourth closed in the room and does not let anyone in, - and a lot of different methods of protest.

The typical mistakes of raising children are described in an interesting way in the video: “Mistakes of raising children”