Tajik wedding. Scenario, customs and traditions of Tajiks
Tajik weddings were always celebrated in the bride's house.
Here they set the table, entertained and treated the guests, and it was here that the bride’s groom came.
He was supposed to stay for 3 days in the bride’s house, only then...
The peculiarity of the national wedding was that it was always celebrated only in the bride’s house. Here tables were set, guests were treated, and here the groom came to the bride. For three days he always stayed in the house of his future wife. Only then did the groom’s friends come and take him and the bride to their home.
According to tradition, newlyweds must live in the house of their spouse’s parents for the first year and only then can they move into their own.
Let's take a closer look at the wedding day. In the old days, it was divided into two stages: the morning one - in the bride’s house and the later one - the evening celebration.
In the morning, the groom, together with his friends and relatives, accompanied by wonderful musicians, came to the girl’s house, where they were greeted and treated. The already dressed bride was waiting for her groom, surrounded by her friends.
In the bride’s house, all her outfits and “chimilik” were hung in a prominent place. At his side hung a wooden spoon, a knife and a hot red pepper. The knife symbolized a brave and courageous son; the spoon was supposed to “help” the owner’s daughter to be born, and the pepper protected the young couple from the evil eye. The “chimilik” binding was trusted only to happy couples who had lived a long life together in their first marriage.
The bride came out to the guests, accompanied by her friends, who held a beautiful gold-embroidered carpet over her head - a symbol of a happy “roof” in marriage. The bride was taken to the "chimilik". The groom entered there, accompanied by dancing friends, wearing a gold-embroidered robe - “chapan”. The parents read a prayer blessing the newlyweds, to which all those present joined.
Lighted candles were circled around the “chimilik”, where the bride and groom were already located, to ward off evil spirits. They brought honey to the young couple. The groom had to taste this honey himself and give it to the bride to taste the honey with his own hand, so that the future life of the young couple would be sweet.
The newlyweds were brought a mirror that they had never looked into before. In this mirror the couple had to look at each other. After this, the groom could put a watch or bracelet on the bride’s hand.
The time had come for the most important wedding ceremony - “nikoh”. It was traditionally conducted by a mullah, who stood the newlyweds in national clothes in front of him and read them special verses from the Koran.
During the reading, the mullah removed 7 scarves from the bride in turn, and the groom at that time, each time confirmed his consent to the marriage. After this, the young people drank the mullah’s charmed water from one cup, now this meant that the husband was obliged to protect and provide for his wife and children, and the wife was obliged to obey him in everything.
The spouses prepared carefully for Nikoh. During the week, they spent every evening in prayer and fasted. The groom was arranging the home so that the bride would be comfortable in her new home, while the bride was sewing wedding suits.
The bride wore the national costume even after marriage for 40 days. In modern wedding tradition, the newlyweds, immediately after “nikoh”, together with their guests and relatives, get into the car and go to register at the registry office. After the official marriage registration ceremony has taken place, they take a short walk, after which they head to the wedding feast.
Wedding feast 
The wedding feast at Tajik weddings lasts three days. The main decoration of the table is the national dish of the Tajiks - wedding pilaf. The Tajiks even have a legend about how once a Tajik man came to visit. He came and stayed. He didn’t even intend to leave, no matter what his owner treated him to! But as soon as he treated him to pilaf, the Tajik went home.
Not a single Tajik holiday is complete without Tajik pilaf; for them it is a whole song. They traditionally serve pilaf at the end of the wedding feast.
The feast is led by an elderly man who acts as a toastmaster - “baiderkhan”. He must be able to speak beautifully and figuratively, provide the opportunity to speak in turn to all guests and relatives, and utter parting words; at the right moment, give a signal for dancing, singing or a spectacular folk game.
The most popular wedding dance is the eagle dance. To the cheerful sounds of tambourines, the participants of the celebration take turns performing this dance to the delight of the guests and the newlyweds. No less popular are comic folk dances accompanied by live music.
There is traditionally a lot of singing at a wedding. The songs chosen are melodious and lyrical. They seem to be woven into the general “scenario” of the ceremony, bringing general joy to the celebration. Particularly original are single-voice lyrical songs accompanied by stringed musical instruments.
Already on the third day, the “baiderkhan” must remove the veil from the bride’s head, only after that the newlyweds begin a new life.
Getting married and having at least two children is the dream of every Tajik woman. But not everyone knows what she needs to go through to become a happy wife and mother. But a Tajik wedding is not only a bright and unforgettable event, but also a set of rituals that you simply cannot ignore.
Nikah in Tajikistan
Let's start right away with nikah (marriage). Without nikah, of course, you can’t go anywhere. No nickname - no family. The wedding ceremony is mandatory and has several conditions, the most important of which is the bride’s response. This is where chaos always sets in.
According to Islamic traditions, to perform a nikah, the consent of the guardian is sufficient, but for greater persuasiveness, in secular Tajikistan, the consent of the bride is also asked. And at this very important moment, Tajik women become stubborn and intractable.
Once they ask her, she is silent, twice - she is silent, on the third, relatives and friends join in with persuasion, who pinch the hand of the silent beauty painfully, but she does not make a sound. Silence is golden, of course, but in this case it is just a sign of embarrassment and also a Tajik tradition: the bride should not immediately give consent and throw herself on the groom’s neck. All this is not Tajik.
And here the most interesting thing begins: in order to “sweeten” the girl, the groom’s witnesses put expensive gifts and then money on the festive dastarkhan. Otherwise, you won’t be able to get a positive answer from the beauty, and the persuasion process will drag on for a long time.
And finally, once again, when the mullah is already quite nervously asking the question whether she agrees to become the wife of that same guy at the dastarkhan, the beauty, sitting with her head bowed under a veil, under the pressure of her relatives, says in a low voice: “Yes.”
From the outside, this may seem feigned, since she would hardly have said “No” already: if she had been against it, the matter would not have come to nikah at all. But no matter what the traditions say, a true Tajik woman is still ashamed to answer such an important question so quickly.
Tukuz and the rite of obedience in Tajikistan
So she confirmed her desire and should, in fact, go to her husband, but it didn’t work out that way - now the neighbor’s kids are no longer allowing her to leave, who pulled a cable before the wedding procession and are demanding a ransom for the beauty. Yes, it’s so hard to take in a Tajik woman!
In the big cities of Tajikistan, this is, of course, no longer practiced, but in remote areas the custom has been preserved.
They ask a lot for the bride. There must be enough for everyone. However, adults still disperse those who are particularly insolent. Otherwise, the groom’s side may in the future remind her how dearly she cost them and not entirely pleasant days will await her...
But long before all this “struggle” with moving in with her husband, the future wife also needs to report to her friends and neighbors in a couple of days. On this occasion, her parents call everyone to a mini-party called "Tukuzbinon".
At this event, everything that the groom's parents brought as a gift to the bride is valued. Basically everything goes into a chest. By the way, they give a lot of things - from underwear and cosmetics to expensive dishes and gold. And yes, all this is shown to guests.
This is done, by the way, not for fun, but to show into what hands the daughter is leaving. If the gifts are good, then she will not be in poverty, she will live in abundance, and if not, then she will share everything with her husband: both difficult days and good ones.
Further, when the bride finally comes to the house of her future husband, a suzani (hand-embroidered wall carpet) stretched across half the room is waiting for her. An interesting event should happen behind it. Not what you think, but just a rite of obedience.
A girl tastes honey from the hands of family elders, and then must allow her betrothed to step on her foot. This is how she makes it clear that she is going to be an obedient daughter-in-law and wife and that her husband is the head of the family. Sometimes this process, of course, turns into a fun game when the bride removes her foot. But it is advisable not to do this. This again will not be Tajik.
And only after all this does she live with peace and love in a new family, where love for the younger and respect for the elders is the basis of all foundations.
Wedding ceremony in Tajikistan
It just so happens that a traditional wedding in Tajikistan is an event that requires serious financial expenses. In addition to standard expenses on a wedding dress, groom’s suit, flowers, renting a car, a banquet hall and, of course, organizing a rich festive table, in Tajikistan you need to take care of gifts for the bride and groom.
Thus, it is assumed that the man will provide his young wife with living space - a house or apartment. And she, in turn, must furnish their family nest - make repairs, buy furniture. All this, of course, requires a lot of money.
In addition, you need to invite all your friends and relatives to the wedding. The number of guests can easily exceed two hundred people.
Sometimes a wedding costs up to 5 thousand dollars. For many in Tajikistan, such spending is an unaffordable luxury. Tajiks often cannot afford to celebrate on a grand scale, but, as they say, in order not to lose face, they take out loans.
To stop negative practices, the President of Tajikistan signed a law on rituals. Now restrictions have been introduced on lush and pompous weddings.
Now the celebration should be celebrated on weekends from 8.00 to 22.00 and on weekdays from 18.00 to 22.00. The duration of the wedding celebration is set to three hours.
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A wedding is one of the most beloved celebrations in any national culture. They approach the preparation of the ceremony responsibly and seriously. After all, as the wedding goes, so will the newlyweds live. Therefore, every family, every parent spares no effort, no time, no money to organize a magnificent, memorable event. This is especially typical for a Tajik national wedding.
A Tajik wedding lasts seven days and nights. This spectacular event is preceded by preparatory rites and rituals, which can occur long before the scheduled event. Honoring national Tajik traditions is inextricably linked with religion. The majority of Tajiks profess Islam, which leaves its mark on the holding of Tajik festivals.
National Tajik wedding includes the following stages:
1) Matchmaking.
2) Engagement:
- - fotiha - announcement of the engagement;
- - tukkuz - exchange of gifts between newlywed families.
3) Bride ransom:
- - kalyn-tuy - bringing cattle and food to the bride’s house to celebrate the wedding;
- - Choygashtak - a ritual meal for the bride and her friends, the groom and his friends go to the bride’s house.
4) Nikah wedding ceremony.
5) Tuykhona - a magnificent celebration.
6) Rubinon - a celebration for the family and friends of the young spouse, where the bride reveals her face
7) Chilla - honeymoon.
Matchmaking at a Tajik wedding
The Tajik custom of matchmaking can be carried out both in early childhood and immediately before the wedding itself. The matchmaking ritual that takes place between families when children are just born is called govorbakhsh; when the children are older, it is called domanchok. While reading prayers, the mothers of the future bride and groom share a non (flatbread) among themselves, and children in shirts slightly torn at the seams connect them with the hems. Isn't it a beautiful custom?
At an older age, children were matched by the fathers of the family, making a choice at their own discretion or sovchi (Tajik matchmakers). They decided all agreements between the parties. And if the negotiations went well, they sent matchmakers. When children are already adults, the matchmaking ceremony takes place somewhat differently. The future engaged couple is officially introduced, the families get to know each other, the size of the bride price is discussed and the engagement date is set.
Engagement
The young man is always the first to know about the engagement. They announce to him which girl they have chosen for him. That same evening, the mother of the future groom goes to the bride’s parental home and presents a gift in the form of pilaf, which is covered with flatbread. A festive tea party is held, neighbors and relatives are invited, and the ritual of fotiha (beginning) and nonshikanon (breaking the cake) is performed. The most authoritative relative breaks the cake and reads sacred prayers for the health and happiness of the future family. The bride and groom's relatives exchange gifts for the newlyweds. The engagement is considered officially completed.
There is another meaning of the word “engagement” in Tajik culture - it is oklik (purity). The bride's parents present white material symbolizing the innocence and purity of their daughter. This custom is carried out when young people get engaged, being already adults and ready to start a family. The future husband's relatives bring the betrothed tray - laili - to the father's house. There should be four of them. On the first layli they place gul-non, fatir and kulcha - wedding cakes, as a talisman for the future family. On the second tray there are products for the wedding pilaf: meat, rice, spices and herbs. The third tray is filled with all kinds of sweets so that the life of the young ones is just as sweet. And the fourth layli is intended for the bride. On it lies fabric for a wedding dress, shoes, a white scarf and various accessories that will be needed for the bride’s outfit.
Bride ransom
The day before the bride price is to be paid, the so-called “takhta pas kunon” ritual is held in the house of the groom’s parents for the future father-in-law. It involves baking cakes and sewing wedding attire by women. At the end of the day, the bride price is paid.
A very important attribute for a Tajik wedding is the suzanne - a wedding blanket. It is made from homespun white cotton fabric. Only such fabric could appear before the eyes of Allah in its pristine purity. It is embroidered with national patterns, and a prayer is read during this process. Thus, the suzanne is filled with the magical power of protection. To enhance the effect of force, the embroiderer deliberately makes a mistake in one of the ornaments. According to legends, this protects young people from evil spirits. After the wedding, the suzanne takes its rightful place in the newlyweds’ room.
Nikah wedding ceremony
Future spouses approach the wedding ritual of nikah with great responsibility. For a whole week before the celebration, they fast, pray and complete preparations for the celebration. The wedding celebration takes place in the home of the newlywed. Nikah begins in the morning with the preparation of pilaf. Initially, they are served to the male half of guests and relatives, and then to the female half. Towards evening, a mullah is invited to perform the sacred wedding ceremony. After reading the prayers, the bride and her friends are sent behind a special curtain - chimilik. There, friends help the bride put on her wedding dress.
Traditional wedding dresses are very bright and colorful. Decorated with gold threads and jewelry, they look especially solemn. A mandatory item of attire is the burqa - the bride's headdress. It symbolizes the bride's modesty and piety. The groom's clothing consists of a gold-embroidered chapan (national robe) and a skullcap. After dressing the bride, her friends arrange ritual dances and songs, announcing the newlywed’s consent to the wedding. The mullah conducts the sacred nikah ceremony, all relatives and guests congratulate the bride and groom. Then the young people go to the registry office to legally legitimize their family.
After the ceremonial part, the wedding feast begins - tuikhona. The tables are covered with dastarkhan tablecloths, made from beautiful fabric with national ornaments, and served with traditional Tajik dishes: pilaf, tushbera, kurutob, kabob, non and other dishes. Young people and guests sing, dance and have fun. Relatives make congratulatory speeches and wishes for happiness and love, prosperity and prosperity, and multiplication of the family. At midnight, the groom takes the bride to her father's house, and the guests continue to celebrate.
The next stage of the Tajik wedding is rubinon. This event is for the groom's friends and neighbors. The young wife shows her outfits and reveals her face. The father-in-law and mother-in-law congratulate the daughter-in-law, giving her gifts. Guests also bring their gifts.
The final stage is the honeymoon of the newlyweds - chilla. The couple live in the husband's parental home. And the father-in-law and mother-in-law help the new young family settle in. It lasts forty days.
A traditional Tajik wedding is a multi-stage original process with its own customs and rituals, during which the newlyweds become closer to each other. Honoring the bride in the wedding ceremony speaks of a respectful and reverent attitude towards her as a woman, a continuer of the family. In Muslim culture, the authority of a man is unshakable, but the husband also respects and values his wife.
Getting married and having at least two children is the dream of every woman from Tajikistan. But before becoming a happy wife and mother, they have to go a long way.
In many Tajik families, parents begin to prepare for the wedding celebrations of their children long before the wedding itself, often immediately after the children are born. From their birth, parents, worrying about the happiest and most long-awaited day, begin to collect a dowry for their daughter and think about bride price for their son. Despite difficult times and poverty (more than half of Tajiks live below poverty), residents of the country try to observe the basic traditions and rules of wedding events.
Patriarchal traditions are strong in Tajikistan; young people are still not independent in choosing their other half. Finding a life partner, as in the old days, is a matter for the whole family, clan and even community. Gathering in a teahouse or at some event, the elders discuss which of the young people is about to get married. Suitable candidates can be proposed here. Then the information spreads further by word of mouth, and messengers from the grooms' families begin to contact the parents of potential brides.
Today, new technologies have come to the aid of those looking for a second half - dating sites, social networks, instant messengers. True, Tajiks are still wary of dating in the virtual space, giving preference to firmly rooted national traditions.
At the same time, in Tajikistan there are more and more young people whose parents agree to waive the bride price - once a mandatory condition for a wedding, and in cities they refuse the ransom. But the demand for dowries remains. Admirers of traditions are confident that the ancient heritage has practical benefits; thanks to adults, couples entering independent life are less dependent on circumstances and more prepared for real everyday life. Opponents of pomp believe that wedding expenses become a burdensome burden, because of which Tajiks, trying to celebrate on a grand scale, go into debt and leave to work. 
Several years ago, the Tajik authorities adopted a law to streamline national customs, celebrations and rituals. The new law strictly outlines the rules and requirements for those who are about to have a wedding or perform ritual ceremonies. The authorities strongly recommend that citizens reduce expenses for religious ceremonies and weddings, as well as divide wedding expenses between the families of the bride and groom.
Young people must have medical records with timely examinations by doctors and not have hidden diseases. The law also regulates the time of celebrations, the number of invited guests, the number of refreshments and the celebrations themselves. Bride shows, hen and stag parties, as well as memorial gatherings common in Tajikistan every 20 days, every Thursday, and other similar events have been completely cancelled. Now the celebration should be celebrated on weekends from 8:00 to 22:00 and on weekdays from 18:00 to 22:00. The duration of the wedding celebration is set to three hours. 
Any Tajik matchmaker knows where to go in search of brides. First of all, they are looking at girls - students of universities and secondary specialized educational institutions. Using the example of the city of Khujand, traditionally, in the unspoken popular ranking, the most sought-after and popular place for choosing brides is the Faculty of Tajik Philology, followed by the Faculty of Foreign Languages of KSU. In third place is the Khujand Medical College, followed by the Khujand branches of the Tajik Technological University and the State University of Commerce. 
Everything has been thought out for a long time. Those who do not have great ambitions and career plans for the future come to the Faculty of Philology. Such daughters-in-law are expected to work in schools or be good housewives and be able to raise children properly. On the contrary, the Faculty of Foreign Languages is mainly attended by those who count on career growth - rich families and those whose sons study or live abroad are looking for brides here. Those who also have doctors in their families are often drawn to medical college. The other two universities come for brides from wealthy families, those who want to have not only a housewife at home, but also an educated person who can bring income to the family.
The financial issue also plays a role here. Many girls study on a contractual basis. The cost of the contract in the first three educational institutions is relatively low. The groom's families also take this factor into account and adjust it to their financial capabilities, since the burden of paying for their daughter-in-law's education will fall on their shoulders. Matchmakers ask teachers about this or that girl - how modest, well-mannered, and polite she is. In terms of appearance, the criteria are as follows: they ask for white (that is, white-skinned), slim, tall, handsome or pretty, with long black hair. Nowadays girls with exactly these signs are in demand. And so that the potential bride is from the city.
In villages where almost everyone knows each other, it is easier to find a future daughter-in-law. And the villagers have fewer demands. Previously, the girl’s parents did not ask her if she agreed to marry such and such a guy. Now the rules have become a little more democratic: before the engagement ceremony, young couples are given the opportunity to meet and get to know each other better. However, the upbringing of rural girls often does not allow them to contradict the choice of their parents, and in order not to upset them, daughters agree to marry an unloved person. Sometimes parental pressure leads to tragedies.
Often the main criterion for choosing a future wife is a rich dowry. The larger it is, the higher the “demand” for the bride and, accordingly, the more applicants for her hand and heart. The lack of a dowry, the modesty of gifts or the size of offerings can cause scandals. Now Tajik grooms choose rich brides. Wealth helps to survive economic turmoil in the future. The man cannot find a job, but the bride came to the house wealthy, and also hard-working. There are often cases when men are unemployed and their wives are working.
Traditions put a lot of pressure on people; there are many unnecessary conventions. Tajiks continue not to look for a woman and a mistress, but bring into the house an assistant, a maid, who is obliged to earn back the money spent on her. According to tradition, the bride's dowry is put on display so that guests can see the valuables that the bride and groom received after the wedding.
In Tajikistan, every family still knows which clan they are descendants of. In pre-Soviet times, several large clan estates developed here, whose representatives considered themselves noble: Oya (Tura, Khon), Mirzo, Khuja. Moreover, they are considered the most noble. All the rest, who were classified as lower strata of society, were called omi. Literally until recent years, each clan was connected by family ties only with representatives of its own clan. A bride from a clan belonging to the Omi was chosen only in exceptional cases. In such marriages, the spouse had an advantage in resolving disputes and conflict situations, since he was from a higher class.
Daughters in families from the Oya class were never married to representatives of lower clans, considering this a kind of derogation. But in recent years, these stereotypes have begun to change. Now families, so to speak, of “noble origin” are making concessions. Representatives of Omi have also recently become wealthy, many occupy high positions. This makes you “forget” about belonging to a clan. After all, one of the main goals pursued when choosing a bride or groom was and is to preserve and increase family wealth, money, and real estate. And if earlier marriages were concluded for this purpose even between first and second cousins, now the law prohibits consanguineous marriages.
In Tajikistan, public holidays such as Navruz or National Accord Day often mark mass weddings for low-income couples. They are supported by local authorities.
A Tajik wedding, like all other ceremonies of nations, has its own traditions, peculiarities in rituals and customs. Let's take a closer look at them.
As expected, before the wedding, the traditional custom of matchmaking is observed. Tajik families are no exception, but for them this ritual occurs when children are just born or very young. Govorbakhsh - matchmaking of newborns, domanchok - matchmaking of minors.
In the first case, the children's mothers share the flatbread while reading a prayer, while the children stand nearby and connect the hems of their shirts, having previously torn them at the seams.
The matured young people were matched either by their parents themselves, having made a choice, or by special matchmakers. The Sovchi negotiated with both parties, and when an agreement was reached, they sent matchmakers.
Engagement
After the first stage of matchmaking, the second stage began - engagement (nonshikanon). The guy was the first to find out about the engagement; he was told who he was married to. The groom's mother went to the house of the future bride with national pilaf covered with flatbreads. They had a tea party and called all the relatives and neighbors. Guests learned during the meal that the girl was being married off. The most honorable guest broke a cake and read a prayer for the happiness of the future family.
Bride ransom
The day before the due date for the payment of the dowry, a kind of dough festival was organized for the father-in-law in the house of the future wife. This ritual consisted of baking cakes, cutting and sewing a wedding dress. And only the next day the final decision on the amount of the ransom was made. That evening preparations for the festive feast began. A shirt was cut from the fabric sent from the groom, and an outfit was sewn for the holiday.
Tajik weddings were held in the autumn, after the end of the harvest.
Suzani element of tradition
The main gift for a wedding is suzani; it was woven to protect against evil spirits and the evil eye. Only following certain rules could give the blanket magical powers. White homespun cotton fabric was taken and embroidered with patterns. While sewing, the Koran was read. And the respected mother of many children started sewing. Another custom for suzani is the deliberate inclusion of defects in one of the patterns. It was believed that during speeches of praise, in order not to jinx the speaker, he would stumble over an error in the pattern and would not be able to bring misfortune to the young family. The best bedspread was hung in the spouses' room after the wedding.
Wedding
A Tajik wedding began with the preparation of pilaf, to which all neighbors were invited. It was customary to first feed the dish to the male half, and then to the female half with their offspring. At this time, the future spouses were preparing for the ceremony, each in their own home. In the evening they sent for the clergyman, who concluded the marriage. The young wife's girlfriends and relatives called their neighbors' women, who, in turn, gave a cup of flour for the invitation, for good luck.
After traditional prayer speeches and meals, the betrothed and her friends went behind the curtain opposite the front door. The betrothed was dressed up with prayers and dances were held. Witnesses asked the future wife for consent to marriage and conveyed the answer to the mullah. And Akdi Nikoh began.
At the end of the wedding process, the groom accepted congratulations and went to the bride, the entire path was lit with torches. Before entering the house where the wife was, the husband jumped over the fire to cleanse himself. The girl, dressed in a burqa, was waiting for her betrothed behind the curtain. The wife said goodbye to her father and went to her husband’s house. Bonfires lit the entire path for the newlyweds, and in front of the house the bride jumped over a large fire and only then went to the house.
At the threshold of the house, the groom's father was slaughtering a kid. The girl must walk through fresh blood and step onto the poyandoz, which is held on both sides by elderly women. The groom's mother bowed before her son's wife, and the girl walked behind the curtain. All invited guests from the female side and their children were treated to pilaf.
