How to wean a child to lie 12 years old advice. Why do children lie to their parents, and how to wean a child from lying? What to do if the child is lying

Hello. We have a very difficult situation with a child, in which, of course, we ourselves are largely to blame, but we still do not lose hope of correcting and changing something.
Our boy is 9 years old, finishing 3rd grade. Behavioral problems largely appeared in childhood, but then they were not so critical. We encountered serious problems in the 1st grade, the child categorically refused to obey at school, remarks, a school psychologist, calls from parents to school, etc., etc. It got to the point that we went to lessons with him every day and sat on the next desk, but this did not give any results. Then he was almost expelled, or rather, the director gave him a trial period. Conversations, begging, encouragement, threats, a corner - nothing helped. The child was NOT beaten or even spanked. Never. The maximum penalty is a corner. Trips to special The center did not give any results either. Then the problem was solved in a very specific way. He was confronted with a fact - there will be no changes - his mother will leave home. Then it worked. For a while. Just from the comments every day - we moved to 1-2 per week. At home, the problem was only with the lessons, but after he began to do the lessons himself, everything was decided. Then his grandmother came to live with us, on the line of his father. The woman is extremely specific, and she "took on him" She began to deal with him, focusing on the lessons, she also cooked food for him and "everything herself, everything herself ... poor child" By the way, the child was never deprived of affection and attention too. We didn’t have a choice who would take care of the child, since we all worked and she was alone at home. What happened in our absence - only they know, but it came to calls to my mother with screams and obscenities that this "poor child" did not obey. As a result - remarks about good mats in the diary. Further, my husband and I (this is his younger brother), unfortunately, drop out of this story for a year.
My mother-in-law is separated from her husband (the boy's father) and we return to her in order to help her. And here we realize the full horror of what is happening. For a couple of years, the boy began to have problems with the gastrointestinal tract, his constant cough intensified several times, his face constantly itches and in wounds, sores. At the same time, the food is not adjusted, he eats whatever his heart desires - chocolate, sweets, pastries, fried foods, etc. In addition to this, he absolutely does not obey at home - at school everything is fine, relatively. And if he listens to me and my husband, does not argue, then he screams at his mother, and swears with her, and whines about the case and without.
Naturally, he was put on a diet (nutritionist, allergist, pulmonologist), while we talked and explained - what is possible, what is not, and why this or that hurts, itches, and so on. At first, there were no problems, improvements began to be seen, but then we noticed that it was worth a little to heal one wound on the face, as others immediately appeared. As a result, the child began to secretly steal food from the lockers, despite the fact that he was not limited in tasty food - they simply replaced it with healthier food. On walks with dad, he would buy some soda and rolls every now and then. And if at the very least the problem was solved with dad, then the food didn’t stop like that. In addition, he began to hide sharply lowered grades, not to do homework. As a punishment, he was deprived of games on the tablet - he began to play by closing himself in the room while no one was watching, or sneaking around at night, finding the tablet and playing under the covers. He began to frighten a recently taken kitten, bringing it to a terrible state. Bad behavior with his mother only intensified - with us, he behaved more or less decently, even well. There was a habit of carrying various “finds” from the street to the house (at the age of 9), these were clothespins, some keys, well, you can still understand about the stones, then I found somewhere someone’s electronic cigarette. We talked and explained - that this is someone else's, that you don't need to pick anything up, that there can be someone's infectious saliva on an electronic cigarette. As a result, the next day, on the way to school (he walked by himself), he finds a small bill, goes to the cafeteria and buys waffles, buns, and eats it all in class. By the way, this is all that he can not and he knows about it. (they feed at school, we also feed at home before going out + apples, we give bananas with us) The teachers are in shock - he ate in class, was rude and waved them off, his mother was upset, he also managed to snap at her on the way home. There is absolutely no remorse. Mom, on emotions, pretended to leave again, and went to her sister. My husband and I supported this story. Yes, this is largely not true ... but WHAT TO DO NEXT ??? how to fix this situation? How to convey to the child that mom needs to be respected, that everything we do for him is for his good, and that some things need control?

Children's lies. To us adults, she seems so simple and naive. But the reasons that a child begins to lie to parents cannot be called harmless or insignificant. Does your child fantasize and pass these fantasies off as reality? Or is he telling a lie, trying to hide some of his actions and deeds from your vigilant attention? How to wean a child to lie? Do not rush to expose the little one and punish. After all, if we approach the problem from the point of view of psychologists, then, rather, educational work should be carried out, first, with the parents themselves. So that they do not mistakenly start to fight the investigation, which, in essence, lies are. But we tried to understand the reasons that prompt children to resort to such an unpopular way out of situations that are uncomfortable for them.

Children lie to their parents because for some reason they feel uncomfortable in their world.

It is a balm for spiritual wounds.
This is an internal conflict that has found a way out.
This is a lifeline in a seemingly hopeless situation.

And what is a child's lie for parents?

This is a distress signal.
This is a call for help.
This is an indicator that in the world of your beloved baby, not everything is as good as it might seem at first glance.

No matter how sad it may sound to you, the fact that the baby began to lie to you speaks of a crisis of confidence in your relationship. And it is you, the parents, who need to look for ways out of this crisis, as more experienced, balanced, authoritative.

Children lie when they stop trusting their loved ones.

Do not rush to expose the baby in a lie and scold him for it. Try to understand why the crumbs had a need to tell you a lie. After all, often, the reasons for children's lies are not at all those that are visible to you on a superficial examination.

You will not find a single recipe for solving this problem. Everyone will have their own. Depending on the problems of mutual understanding that have arisen between you and your child.

A crisis of trust between parents and children occurs when the older generation chooses the wrong model of relationships and not quite the right tactics for raising their children.

The kid will not lie to you if his life flows calmly and measuredly, if everything is in order with him. And do not think that he allows himself to tell you a lie, because the little one does not love and respect you.

Try to understand what is really behind his lies. What kind of need is the baby trying to satisfy in this way. This will be the answer to the question: "How to wean a child from lying?".

Children lie when they are afraid of punishment and censure

Why do children tell lies?

Any parent tries to give his baby all the best, tries to pass on his experience and his life wisdom to him, puts a piece of his soul into his beloved “blood”. But something, for all that, moms and dads, nevertheless, do not do it right. I wonder what it could be?

What are the reasons why, sooner or later, our children begin to tell us lies?

Too strict. If you punish the little one for the offenses he has committed, then you should not be surprised that the baby is lying to you, trying to avoid another censure for what he has done.
A game of feelings. If you defiantly get upset, grab your heart, blame the child for your poor health after his pranks or bad grades, you yourself provoke him to hide his mistakes in every possible way so as not to upset you.
Lack of attention. If the kid invents and tells everyone who is ready to listen to him, stories about a happy family, about how his parents love him, how attentive to him, then maybe all this is what he lacks in reality. And he plays pranks and lies only in order to attract your attention, which he so lacks.
Inferiority complex. The baby may be dissatisfied with himself. This happens when parents often criticize him, thereby developing an inferiority complex in a small person. A lie in this case is an attempt to change, to embellish a not too rosy reality. Be worthy of respect and admiration in your own eyes and in the eyes of others.
Limitations in expressing emotions . The child is not a robot. He cannot always have the same, certainly good, mood. He can be sad and upset, he can be annoyed and even enraged. And if he is prevented from expressing these emotions and giving them an outlet, he will simply withdraw into himself and begin to lie. For the sake of those who wish to see him always as a cheerful and cheerful toddler to his parents.
Fantasy. Dreamers and dreamers are perhaps the cutest and most attractive of all little liars. And such a lie is, rather, a manifestation of creativity and too much. The lies of visionaries are quite harmless if they are understood and directed in the right direction in time. Maybe you have a modern Jules Verne growing in your family or your own, native Jacques Yves Cousteau? ..

Or maybe your baby is not lying, but just fantasizing? Then you need to direct this feature of him in the right direction.

Well, how did you manage to determine its main causes by the nature of the child’s lie? If yes, then you have already gone halfway to eradicating this habit from your baby.

Now the main thing is to draw the right conclusions and diligently work on your own mistakes in.

How to wean a 4-5 year old kid from lying to parents?

It often happens that the child is still quite small, but he has already managed to face your disapproval.

And, afraid to once again see him in your eyes, afraid to lose your love, he, having done something that, as the baby is sure, will entail this very disapproval, uses lies as salvation, as protection. How to prevent lies, whatever their reasons, from becoming a habit, not becoming the norm for a baby?

If the child believes in your kind attitude towards him, he will not be afraid to confess his wrongdoing to you.

What should parents do in such circumstances?

Sit next to the baby so that your eyes are at the same level.
Calmly tell him that you know that the little one lied to you.
Ask the baby to tell you the truth, assuring him first that you will not be angry with him, as well as punish him.
Be sure to emphasize how much you love the baby. And no matter what he does, you will not love him less.
When the child gains confidence in you and tells you the truth, keep your word - do not blame him.
Help your little one deal with the situation. Explain what the child did wrong. And be sure to tell us how you should have acted in this situation.
Finish the conversation with another assurance that you love him, and are always ready to help the baby in any situation.

Of course, one such conversation is not always enough to fully restore trust.

Growing up, the child tries to protect his personal space from strangers. And he should be allowed to do so. Within reason, of course

What to do if a teenager (7-9 years and older) is cheating?

When children reach adolescence, very often the reason for their lies is the desire to create a personal space for themselves, a territory independent of adults, where only the child himself will be the owner.

And your task is to provide this territory to your teenager. Within reason, of course. But to give the child a real feel that he has moved to a new stage of growing up.

Mom and dad understand this. And we are ready to build relationships with him on a new level. But greater independence is not a synonym for permissiveness. Therefore, it is important here to clearly outline the framework of the independence of a teenager at this age stage.

And it is even more important that the child himself agrees with these frameworks. Discuss and be prepared to compromise. You can even sign a contract in writing. An agreement between two parties, when tangible, has great power.

If a teenager is sure that his parents love him, that they act only in the interests of his well-being, that they are always ready to listen, understand and forgive, he will not lie even if some agreements are violated.

Mom and dad, create trusting relationships in the family, become not only mentors, but friends for your child, and he will simply have no reason to tell you a lie!

A child can be honest with his parents

When he is not afraid of punishment, anger and loss of love of the closest people.
When he is sure that he will not be humiliated, no matter what happens.
When he knows that his parents will support him in any situation.
When you do not skimp on praise and encouragement.
When there is trust and mutual understanding between you and the child.

And never forget about personal example. How sincere, honest and open you yourself are, so your children will take these qualities from you. Create an atmosphere of harmony and harmony in your family. And then its small members will not seek salvation from adversity and loneliness in a lie ...

Video "How to wean a child to lie?"

When faced with the lies of children for the first time, parents ask a natural question: how to wean a child from lying? The fact of children's lies causes us sincere bewilderment: after all, from an early age we teach children that it is not good to lie! Why did the child begin to lie? Has the upbringing been in vain? And most importantly - what to do now? Let's figure out what a child's lie is: a parental fiasco, the bad influence of peers, or just a natural stage of growing up - and what parents should do in such a situation.

Why do children lie?

First of all, it is worth recalling the definition of a lie - a deliberate distortion of the truth. Lies are always conscious, so before accusing the offspring of lying, you must be sure that he lied deliberately. The duty of parents is to distinguish when the child is lying and when he is mistaken. Lies are not necessarily contained in words - silence can be no less deceitful. To the question "who ate the candy?" - the kid replies: “The cat did it” - or just shyly silent and looks away. Many parents believe that if a child has not told a lie out loud, he has not lied. This is not true. You can distort the truth with a word, silence, and even action.

So, you have established that the child is lying. Why does he do it? There are many reasons why children lie.

Lies for personal gain. This is the most unpleasant type of children's lies, because here lies are a tool for achieving a selfish goal. The kid knows for sure that he will have to lie, no external circumstances put pressure on him; he makes the rational choice to lie. There may be several reasons. Gaps in education - the baby does not consider it shameful to tell a lie. A bad example - children often imitate their parents and everyone they respect. Psychopathy is a congenital lack of empathy and an inability to internalize moral norms.
Fear of punishment. The most common form of childish lying. Children do not yet have a sufficient level of self-discipline, and it is not easy for them to avoid some temptations. But then, when the deed is done and the ban is violated, fear comes. The baby understands that he did badly, is afraid of punishment, and fear simply outweighs the inner attitude to tell the truth.
Fear of humiliation. Self-esteem is inherent in the smallest. The boy knows that he will not be punished if they find out that he was crying in pain when he seated his knee. But my father said that men don't cry! And now the child is lying so as not to drop his authority in the eyes of his father. It is very important for children to be treated with respect.
Bragging. This is a lie to raise status in the group. The kid exaggerates his own achievements or the achievements of his family, or even comes up with fables that put him in a good light. If a child boasts, this is a sign for parents - the braggart is dissatisfied with something in himself or his family, he is shy about something.
Lies in self-defense or in defense of comrades. Parents will have to make a difficult choice - whether to teach children to always tell the truth, or to tell the baby that in certain cases it is acceptable to lie. If lying is a means of saving life or health, it is acceptable.
Lies to test your abilities. Young children tend to experiment, to observe the reaction of adults and peers. Lying can be driven by curiosity to see what happens. If the baby does not yet know that lying is bad, he will almost certainly experience the so-called "delight of deception" - a feeling of his own strength, the ability to influence others through lies. Therefore, it is important not to indulge even the smallest prankster in his "innocent pranks", but immediately clearly explain what is good and what is bad.
Lies to get attention. Perhaps the child is lying because he sees no other way to get the attention of his parents. This is especially common in families after the birth of a second baby. The firstborn may feel abandoned and will do whatever it takes to get their parents' attention back.

Advice

In an effort to raise children, honest parents do not need to go too far. There is the concept of social role - those behaviors that we adhere to in order to meet social standards. In a certain sense, these roles are deceitful - they force us to do what we do not want, to hide real feelings and thoughts. However, it is a necessary part of the social order. Imagine what happens if children never hide their thoughts:

- How do you like borscht, granddaughter?

“Disgusting, grandma, to pour it down the toilet.”

- Why are you distracted, are you not interested in the lesson?

- Yes, Maria Vasilievna, the lesson is terrible. Yes, I don't like you either.

How to wean a child to lie?

There is no single answer to the question of how to wean a child from lying - each situation is individual. What is certain is that the first step of a parent who wants to wean children from lying is to understand the reason.

If you suddenly realize that the child is constantly lying for selfish purposes and does not repent of it in the slightest, you need to be guided by the principle of "do no harm." If this is due to gaps in education, a sharp change in moral course will lead to rebellion. “How is it, before it was possible, but now suddenly it’s impossible?”
If a lie is the result of a bad example, a simple moralizing also cannot get rid of. Especially if the bad example comes from the parents themselves. Trying to get a child to stop lying when he knows that you yourself are lying will be perceived as unfair. In this case, in order to wean the child from lying, the parents will have to unlearn to lie themselves, perhaps even change their usual way of life. In such situations, the help of a qualified psychologist may be required.

In the other cases described, everything is relatively simpler. If a child lies for fear of punishment or humiliation, boasts, experiments, or attracts attention, the main remedy is a confidential conversation. Parents are the closest people for children, and a lie is a heavy burden on the conscience. Explain to the child that in no case will you love him less or punish him if he himself admits to a misconduct. When he confesses, calmly discuss why what the kid did was wrong. Be sure to let him tell you what to do. Give the child the opportunity to think for himself what to do to correct what he has done, or at least offer solutions. In this case, he will perceive it not as a punishment, but as atonement. It is very important to convey to the little person that mistakes need to be corrected, and not hidden from them.

Also, do not forget about preventive measures - read fairy tales, tell stories from life, come up with stories in which it will be shown with illustrative examples why it is impossible to lie. And, of course, parents themselves should be an example for their children.

Many parents periodically catch their children telling lies. Toddlers tend to invent different stories, embellish facts and fantasize. If you do not respond to this, the child will continue to lie at an older age and grow up to be a pathological liar. How to wean a child to lie? Use the advice of psychologists - they will help you establish a trusting relationship with your son or daughter and make sure that the child always tells you the truth.

Children's lies - the norm or pathology?

According to a number of psychologists, the tendency to lie is a normal stage in the development of a child. Everything that the baby sees, hears and feels in the first years of life is new and incomprehensible to him. The child has to process a lot of information, learn to use it every day.

For an adult, it is obvious where is a fact and where is fiction, but the baby has yet to understand this. His logical thinking is at the stage of formation. Therefore, the baby sincerely believes in Santa Claus, the babayka and fairy tales that his parents tell him. If a child cannot understand or explain something, he uses his imagination. At certain moments, reality and fantasy intermingle with each other. As a result, parents catch the kid in a lie, although the child himself is sincerely sure that he is telling the truth.

Another thing is if children consciously begin to lie. This usually happens if adults forbid something to the child. The kid in this case begins to think about how to achieve what he wants, and the most obvious way is to cheat. Children's logic is approximately as follows: "If this is not possible, then it will become possible if I say differently." Therefore, kids begin to consciously lie and manipulate adults. It is important for parents to take action in time, otherwise the innocent children's deception will turn into a habit of always achieving what they want with the help of lies.

Causes of children's lies

Often kids tell lies because they take their fantasies for reality. However, children's lies can be quite conscious. There are a variety of reasons for this, including:

the desire to get what parents forbid;
lack of attention from parents or a desire to appear better than it really is;
fear of punishment for misconduct;
self-justification;
dissatisfaction with living conditions;
inconsistency with the expectations of parents;
pathological lies.

Let's consider the reasons for children's lies in more detail, so that it would be easier for parents to figure out what is happening to their child.

The desire to get what parents forbid

Example: the child has already eaten sweets, but wants more. He tells his mom that his dad let him take candy (even though he hasn't come home from work yet). “I didn’t know what time it was, so I was late home”…etc.

Solution: stop banning everything. Kids begin to lie if they constantly hear the word “no”, because this causes a protest. Therefore, they try to use lies to defend their interests. Revise the prohibitions, reduce their number and leave only those that directly relate to the child's health, safety, educational moments, regimen, food traditions. Only if you give your child more independence can he learn to take responsibility for his actions. It will not be superfluous to tell the baby that you can get what you want not only with the help of deception. Tell him that it’s enough just to ask for the same toy, explaining why it is so necessary. In addition, the child must understand that it is important to behave well - then adults will be obedient to him.

Lack of attention from parents or a desire to appear better than he really is

Example: the child began to talk seriously about his superpowers - incredible strength, dexterity, intelligence, courage, endurance - although for an adult it is obvious that the child is trying to wishful thinking.

Solution: How should parents deal with this? How to lie or how to fantasy? If the baby is lying and trying to wishful thinking, this is an alarm signal. He indicates that the child is looking for ways to interest loved ones, which means that he lacks warmth, affection, attention and support from his parents. Let your baby feel your love. Pay more attention to your child and develop your child's ability. Explain that each person has some kind of talent. Someone is good at skating, someone is great at singing or dancing, and someone knows everything about the Egyptian pyramids or space. So you need to develop and show your real abilities, and then no one will consider you a liar or a braggart. Read books and children's encyclopedias with him, walk, communicate. Take the child to some circle or sports section. So he will develop his real abilities, become more confident in himself and be able to show off real achievements.

Fear of punishment for wrongdoing

Example: the child has broken a vase and is trying to shift the blame to the cat or younger brother so that he is not scolded, deprived of something good, or, worse, beaten.

Solution: be calmer in your relationship with the baby, punish him only for serious misconduct, but not too severely. If a child is shouted at for the slightest fault, frightened with spanking, constantly deprived of sweets and watching TV, he begins to fear his own parents. Too often and severely punishing the child, parents provoke his desire to avoid them in any way. Make decisions after the fact: if the kid broke the cup - let him clean it up, if he offended someone - let him apologize, if he broke the toy - let him try to fix it himself, got a deuce - you need to work out and fix it. These terms are correct. They do not offend the dignity of a small person, so the need for lies disappears by itself.

self-justification

Example: the child acted badly and tries his best to justify himself - mumbles something indistinct, finds thousands of excuses, blames other people to justify himself and tells how much he himself was offended ("He started it first"). After that, a story is given about how the offender started first, what offenses he caused, etc. Note that the “offender” tells a similar story.

Solution: support the child in any situation and discuss with him everything that happens in his life. Children's lies aimed at self-justification are very difficult to eradicate. Pride does not allow the child to plead guilty, so he is looking for ways to whitewash himself. Talk to him gently and friendly, explain that you will not stop loving him, even if he was the first to take a toy from another boy or got into a fight. When the child is sure that his parents will support him in any situation, he will begin to trust them more.

Dissatisfaction with living conditions

Example: the child began to invent incredible stories about his parents, that his parents are very rich, they constantly give him toys, they take him to the sea, to distant countries, that his dad is often shown on TV. These dreams of a better existence speak of the child's dissatisfaction with their social status. A child can understand such things as early as 3-4 years old, and at 5 years old he will already be quite good at orienting himself in who is rich and who is poor.

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Solution: try at least sometimes to fulfill the wishes of the child and fight. Already at the age of 3-4 years, children begin to realize that people differ in social status, and by the age of 5, a clear understanding of wealth and poverty comes. There is always a child in the kindergarten who has been given more birthday presents, who has spent the summer more interestingly with his parents. This causes envy, and the kid begins to voice his dreams, passing them off as reality.

If a child is lying because he considers himself inferior to other children due to a lower social status, look for an opportunity to give him at least a part of what he so dreams about. Maybe not “just like that”, but for the child to put in a little of his own efforts . For "greedy" preschoolers who want all the toys on earth without restraint, explain that this is not realistic, but it is possible to receive good gifts from time to time.

Failure to meet parental expectations

Example: the girl loves to draw, and her mother sees her as a musician; the boy wants to join the radio circle, and his father sees him as a talented translator. While the parents are away from home, they draw and construct, and then deceive that they were diligently studying music or English. Or a child with quite average abilities, whom parents want to see as an excellent student, talks about the bias of teachers, justifying his low level of success.

Solution: Unfortunately, it happens that the expectations of parents are a heavy burden for children. Adults often want their children to do what they couldn't do. Think about whether your expectations contradict the inclinations and interests of the child? It is dishonest to force him to show his abilities and achieve goals instead of you (in accordance with your unfulfilled childhood dreams), "for you in childhood." For example, a mother could not become a translator, and now she is forcing her son to learn a foreign language. These expectations may not be in the interests of the baby. Parents should listen to the wishes of their children. Not wanting to upset a loved one, the child will begin to lie and dodge, but still will not succeed in an unloved activity. It is better to let your child go his own way - then there will be less deceit in your family.

pathological lie

Example: the child constantly uses lies for selfish purposes - he lies that he did his homework so that he would be allowed to go for a walk, shifts the blame to another in order to avoid punishment, etc.

Solution: specialist help is required. Pathological lies are quite rare in childhood. If a child deceives constantly, tries to manipulate others, then he needs to be shown to a psychologist. It will help you find a solution for your specific case.

How does lying manifest itself in children of different ages?

Parents may hear the first lie from their 3-4 year old children. By the age of 6, the child is already aware of his actions and understands that he is lying. However, in general, it can be difficult to understand whether the baby is lying consciously or really believes in what he has come up with.

As the child grows older, the motives that push him to deceive also change:

4-5 years. Children of this age are very imaginative. They still believe in fairy tales, magic, and often confuse reality with a fictional world. Often preschoolers lie unconsciously - they simply wishful thinking (such are the features of their development). Therefore, what a child says at 4-5 years old cannot be regarded as a lie. You have to treat it like a fantasy.

7-9 years old. At this age, all the actions and words of a person become conscious. Schoolchildren are already able to draw a line between their fantasies and reality. They begin to deceive intentionally, exploring the possibilities of lying, using it for their own purposes. If a child begins to lie often, parents should be wary. Behind constant lies can hide serious problems.

How to explain to a child that lying is bad?

Children's lies are a problem that needs to be addressed. If you notice that your child is trying to use lies for his own good, first of all, you need to analyze the behavior of the child, talk frankly with him and try to understand what is the reason for dishonesty. After all, children usually do not lie just like that, certain circumstances always push them to this. When you understand them, you can find a way to stop children's lies.

Use the following tips to teach your child that lying to other people is not good:

Talk to your child more often, discuss the topics of good and evil. Examples include situations from movies, cartoons, fairy tales. The child must understand that happiness, success and good luck accompany positive characters, and good always triumphs over evil.
Prove the inadmissibility of lies by personal example. If dad, being at home, asks mom to answer the phone and say that he is not there, the child develops a loyal attitude towards lies. Do not allow such situations, demand honesty from the household.
Tell your child that there is a "polite lie" that involves treating people with tact in order not to offend them (for example, when they did not like a birthday present).

Psychologists' recommendations for raising an honest child

Distinguish fantasy from deceit. Remember that preschoolers often have a blurred line between fiction and reality. If the kid's imagination is too active, perhaps he simply has nothing to do - diversify the child's leisure time.
Don't punish cheating. Your cries, indignation and scandals will only tell the child that the lie should be hidden more and, as a result, will lead to the fact that the child will not stop lying, but will only begin to hide his lie better.

In order for the need for lies to disappear, the child must be sure that loved ones:

trust him and each other;
never humiliate him;
take his side in a controversial situation;
will not be scolded or rejected;

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What our kids can't think of! Even a storyteller would envy their fantasies!

Surely all parents have already come across the first fictional or embellished stories of their little ones. But there comes a moment when you realize that the child is no longer just fantasizing , but develops his abilities as a professional liar.

Then parents begin to worry, not knowing how to wean their child from such an unpleasant habit. Often we don’t think about what our attitude, upbringing or reaction to exacerbates the problem.

Why is the child lying

If the growing offspring began to deceive his parents more often, most likely he stopped trusting them or is simply afraid of a negative reaction for a misdemeanour. It is very important for him to know that you will not scold him. Express dissatisfaction with the act of the child, and not with him as a person.

Scientists have found that a 4-year-old child lies about once every two hours, and a six-year-old - every 90 minutes. Lies “from the mouth of a baby” appear at 3 years old, and by 4-6 years old children reach perfection in this.

I am afraid of you!

The most common reason children lie is fear of parental yelling or punishment . When the child realized that because of a broken toy, his mother would swear (deprive him of sweets, put him in a corner, not let him go outside, etc.), then the next time in such a situation he would lie. He will say that he does not know where the broken truck is, or that it was taken away in the yard by adult boys, although the car will be under his bed.

What to do. If a lie has become a habit for a child, don't put up with it . Talk to him heart to heart, without accusations and irritability: “Let's agree that you will tell me that you did something wrong. Do not be afraid. I will try not to get too angry and I will be very glad that you told me the truth.”. Be sure to keep the promise, even if the offspring did something really terrifying.

Great dreamer

Children can often exaggerate to win the respect of peers talking about an actor brother or sister in America. To appear "cool", our offspring say that their parents easily let them go out late with older friends. This is done mainly by children of 7-8 years old when they want to impress classmates.

Always stress the importance of honesty in your family. Tell your child that you really appreciate it when people tell the truth and get very upset when they lie.

What to do. If you notice that a child often lies about his adventures, you should know: life seems boring to him , and to himself he seems weak, stupid and unworthy of more. Ask the child about his imaginary friends and achievements, but don't show negative reaction . Ask him how he would like to spend his day off. Try to understand what the son or daughter lacks so much in life. Find the answer - solve the problem.

Provocateur parents

Every parent has had to lie in front of a child . For example, refusing to lend money to a neighbor or turning off the phone so as not to talk to the boss. If you require a child to always tell the truth and at the same time demonstrate such inconsistent behavior , nothing good will come of it. At a minimum, the child will feel an internal contradiction, and will not know what to do next time. As a maximum, he will cease to trust adults.

What to do. If the growing offspring constantly deceives, ask him again again: "Are you sure that's what happened? Tell the story again". As a result of the repeated story, some inaccuracies, new facts and fresh fruits of fantasy will definitely come up.

You can use another approach: let your child know that you are aware of what is happening . Evil question: "Who scattered all the shadows in the bathroom?" replace it with calm "I know that you took my makeup". It turns out that the main words have already been said, and you can continue the conversation in completely different tones. So the child will understand that it is quite safe to tell the truth , and after a while it will stop cheating.

Lies cannot be punished

If you punish a child for lying, he will decide: you are screaming because you learned the truth. Then the conclusion will be fixed in the subconscious of the child: the truth must be carefully hidden. The child will decide that it was not the lie that angered the mother, but the truth . He will not stop lying, he will simply make sure that his parents do not know anything about it.

Elena Makarenko, child psychologist: “Remember yourself at this age. Surely the neighbor's dog ate the diaries, and the vase was smashed by a gust of wind. Do not be angry with the child and do not punish him. Remember how you yourself felt in a similar situation, and how you did not want to be scolded. And learn to distinguish between childish fantasy (which can be useful) and the desire to avoid punishment. Sometimes a child simply comes up with stories that have never happened to him in life - in this case, try to make it as diverse as possible.

A child will be honest with his parents when he:

I am sure that under no circumstances will mom and dad humiliate him;
not afraid of parental anger or being rejected by them;
knows that he will be supported in a difficult situation, they will advise the right way out of it;
sure that (if followed) it will be reasonable and fair;
knows that in a controversial situation, parents will take his side;
I am sure that there is trust between him, mom and dad.

Try to always emphasize how important honesty is in your family. Tell your child that you really appreciate it when people tell the truth and get very upset when they lie.

Praise the child for honesty. After all, it is better to teach him not to lie than to constantly punish him for minor misconduct. Good luck in this difficult, but quite doable business!

Expert video tips: How to wean a child from lying