How to survive as a single mother with a child. What do single mothers live on?

The described trend has continued for several years, and all the measures taken by the government at the present time, sadly, do not lead to the desired result. And this means that every year, again and again, many children find themselves in an incomplete family, and their mothers, finding themselves alone, sooner or later face a choice: raise their child exclusively on their own (or with the help of their own parents) or try to arrange a personal life, find a foster father for the child. However, the very word "stepfather" can scare even the most courageous and strong-willed woman. A lot of stories about the undeveloped relationship of the new gentlemen of mothers and children, up to torture, rape and murder, cannot but terrify. Obviously, a young mother should have special rules according to which her personal life should be organized so as not to harm the babies.

So, talk about your motherhood right away, directly and without hesitation. Even proudly. And if you use the services of a dating site, feel free to indicate in the questionnaire the presence of “successors of the family”, their number, gender and age.
In order not to harm, not to inflict psychological trauma on the child, you must trust him, inform him about the events of your life. And this applies to all aspects of it. When you get home from work, tell them how your day went.

Attention

Even if your "button" is only five years old. Find words that are easy to understand at this age. And then take an interest in the day of your child. As for your matrimonial intentions, explain to the child that the appearance of a man in your life does not mean depriving the child of love, attention and care.

On the contrary, a person will appear in the house who will help with the housework, take care of the baby, play with him, love, give toys.

How to survive as a single mother

Info

I, probably, like many mothers who raise children alone without dads, from the phrase single mom becomes somehow uncomfortable. Now there are many women who have acquired this status. Some got married, gave birth to a child and were soon left without a husband.

Others were left without a beloved man, after a positive pregnancy test. Many stories, one ending. You are a single mother. One of the main axioms says - "Only a woman needs a child," therefore, when you give birth and have a husband, do not reassure yourself that this is forever.

Alimony, in the future, as an argument is very unconvincing. Unfortunately, in our country the law is on the side of men.

And therefore, if the ex-husband once a month transferred you a ridiculous amount in the form of alimony, no one will pursue him. He listed something. And it doesn’t matter what his child will eat, how to dress, what he will buy medicines for, and teach this baby.

The life of a single mother

Important

The last, seventh rule says that you need to introduce children and parents to your loved one only when you are already sure that you have a serious relationship. Psychologists recommend that you first present it separately to the older generation.

Organize a meeting with younger family members outside your or his home, but within four walls (in any building, a person almost always feels more confident and comfortable than in an open space). The kids cafe is perfect. With a child, it is better to conduct preliminary preparation, without making surprises.

And, of course, your knight himself must be ready for the meeting, able to cope with the excitement. Otherwise, the rules are the same as the general recommendations for a conscious, decent and reasonable woman.

With a slight amendment to the fact that now you are responsible not only for yourself, but also for the dearest person - your child. Let us briefly recall that: 1.

Single mother - a cross on personal life?

By the way, Jada Pinkett-Smith almost got on the list the other day, which the tabloids prematurely recorded as abandoned wives. Also, single mothers are entitled to the following benefits: A single mother cannot be fired until her child reaches the age of 14 at the initiative of the management (even for inconsistency with the position held).
In cases of liquidation of the enterprise or the termination of the employment contract, the employee is expected to be dismissed with mandatory subsequent employment. At the same time, during employment, but not longer than 3 months, the mother has the right to receive an average salary. A single mother has the right to pay a sick leave of any duration for caring for a sick child until she reaches school age or sick leave for 15 days for children from 7 to 15 years old.

Single mother - how to become happy?

Otherwise, the word “Love” sounds to you. You will learn a new real meaning of this concept. Love is the ability to give everything you have without expecting anything in return.

Letting go, even knowing that it is likely that they will not return to you. You forgive all hurtful words, sleepless nights, whims.

You are learning forgiveness. The world takes on other, more saturated colors. In men, you will learn to value reliability, readiness to help.

You will learn to see the real virtues of a man. And where you saw flaws before, you will see virtues. There is a misconception that a single mother will throw herself on anyone's neck.

It is quite difficult for a woman who was left alone with a child to find a mate again. Having created our own small family (me and a child), we carefully look at who to let in and who not. And very often we are not in a hurry to find a husband. After all, we already know the difference between promises, words and deeds.

You will always be under the close supervision of neighbors, kindergarten teachers, other parents, teachers at school. Very often you will be discussed behind your back. How are you dressed, how is your child dressed. Don't buy into the smiles of others. They are false 90% of the time. You will be angry at the father of the child. It's okay to be angry, but don't take your anger out on your child. A quarrel with a child will lead to even more depression, and it will only make it worse for him. Don't take your hurt out on the little man. He is definitely not to blame for this, even if outwardly he is a complete copy of his dad and in character too.

This will not help you one hundred percent, and will lead to alienation of the child from you. The child will begin to strive in search of a "good" father.

And one fine day, God forbid, he will go looking for him. Therefore, it is better for the child to know who his own father is.

Single mother: how to live?

Meanwhile, numerous studies in this area have proven that there is no connection between the well-being of children and the number of parents as such. Because the more myths you dispel for yourself, the freer and more independent of the opinions of others you will become.

A single mother must avoid two great dangers. Mistakes of mothers In most cases, these parents want to realize their personal dreams through the child, thereby limiting his freedom of choice.

The child will never feel happy. Do not limit the circle of friends, communicate with people, and not just with an only child. In the event of life's upheavals, single mothers often turn to their young children for help. This is a very big emotional harm to the little man.

Personal account that single mothers live

It is highly desirable to meet not only for the first time, but in general for the first time “on neutral territory”, in a public place. Best of all on the weekend so that none of you are in a hurry.

Your relatives, friends, friends should know with whom and where you went, how long you are going to spend in the company of a new acquaintance. 5. It is good with each new meeting to learn as much as possible about the chosen one, his work, hobbies, hobbies, family, life, childhood, principles, culinary preferences, and so on.

At the same time, until a certain time, it is better to try not to become attached to him, not to rush with psychological and physical rapprochement, until it becomes clear to you that you would like a long and serious relationship with this person.

How to make life a single mother

As a rule, this happens at the age of 12-13, when it is no longer a child, but a teenager, he begins to strive to walk more, attend discos, concerts, excursions, go on vacation with friends. On the part of the parent, these tendencies result in excessive anxiety, overprotection and increased control. And the further, the more difficult it becomes to coexist with both. Many children who grew up with single mothers admit that they were literally "strangled with love."

Thus, if you are not an enemy to your own kids, find another object on which you will pour out love and tenderness. The second rule of the personal life of any adult categorically states that personal life is the life of an individual! If here and now you did not work out with a partner, and a man is not with you, this does not mean that you cannot enjoy yourself and your society.

In modern society, such a social phenomenon as a single mother is quite common not only for Russia, but for the whole world. Perhaps the main reason for the increase in the number of incomplete families is the increasing number of divorces. Even strong, at first glance, couples often break up in the future.

The reason may be in the tragic events that led to the death of his father. But now, mothers often choose their own fate, sometimes simply not wanting to notify the father of the child about their pregnancy. This choice is determined by a strong maternal instinct and the desire to protect your child as much as possible from the influence of a person who may not be a very good father.

Legislation of the Russian Federation not all women without a spouse are brought under the phenomenon under consideration. The legal definition of this concept is as follows: a single mother is a woman with a child who does not have information about the father in the birth certificate. Pretty simple wording, but not reflecting the main essence. Indeed, often we are talking about the moral and social infringement of a representative of society, which leaves an imprint on the development of the future citizen of the country.

single mother benefits and allowances

Also, according to the norms of the state, a woman who is not married and has a child is not always recognized as a single mother.

In particular, such a status is true in the following cases:

A woman raising a child whose paternity has not been properly determined.
A woman who gave birth in marriage or after a divorce, but within 300 days. At the same time, the paternity of the former / current spouse was disputed, and the court decision entered into force.
If a woman adopted a child, while not being in a marital relationship.

But it happens that even in obvious cases, the state does not recognize a woman as a single mother. This happens in the following cases:

If the spouse is dead. In this case, the wife is a widow.
A woman raises a child after a divorce in an incomplete family. And he doesn't get it.
If the child was born within 300 days after the divorce or death of the husband, then the former spouse is recognized as the father. And it is written in the certificate, if it is not disputed.
If the father was deprived of parental rights.
If a woman raises a child of her own free will or because of a court decision.

single mothers belong to the category of socially unprotected residents of the state for several reasons. Perhaps the most painful in terms of social life is their inability to lead a normal life: work, home. They lose meetings with colleagues, some joys, career successes. This can hit the girl's psyche very hard.

Another major reason is the absence of a spouse. This fact leads to falling out of several spheres of society at once.

Such situations adversely affect the development of women and the formation of a strong social unit. That's why Government of the Russian Federation provides for the provision of a number of benefits and other supportive activities to help a single mother in the development of the child and herself.

Income

The biggest headache for a single mother is finance and budget. She is alone, with a child in her arms, there is no spouse to support. It is very lucky if relatives or friends help. But not everyone has such close people, therefore, the government of the Russian Federation, to make life easier for women with this status, provides allowances and benefits. But first, it is worth considering government payments, which are suitable for both singles and complete families.

To date, there are three points at which a mother receives monetary rewards associated with assistance for the development of the child:

Benefit for pregnancy and childbirth.

The amount of this payment depends on the mother's average salary over the past 24 months. A similar system was launched in 2013 and is aimed at stimulating employment in those companies that pay for the work of an employee with a “white” salary.

If, in the last two years, a woman has been in a vacancy that was paid with an amount below the current subsistence level, then the amount of payments depends on the regional minimum wage. According to the same scheme, the calculation is carried out if the insurance period does not exceed six months.

Also for 2016, the allowance also depends on the money spent for the entire maternity period, which is paid by the organization where the mother works. The amount of payments is equal to the average earnings of the employee in question for the previous 24 months. If the mother did not work, then she receives only 547 rubles a month.

so, a single mother in this case will not receive so much. And if there is nothing to confirm the length of service, then the amount is reduced significantly.

The second point in state assistance to mothers is a one-time cash payment, which is made at the birth of a child.

At the moment, this amount is almost 15 thousand rubles. A single mother will receive as much as a complete family. It is worth noting that such a payment applies to every born or adopted child.

Remember, in order to receive the EDV, it is necessary to apply to the authorities within six months after the birth of the child. social security or to a branch of the Social Insurance Fund.

Affordable housing for a young family

If a single mother does not work, then in order to receive a payment, you will need to provide the following documents to the authorities:

Statement
Passport and its copies
Pension insurance certificate.
Certificate from the maternity hospital, which confirms the birth of a child
A certificate from their Social Security Council, which confirms that no EDV has previously been received for this child.
A cash allowance that is paid to care for a child every month until the child reaches 1.5 years.

For a single mother with more than six months of work experience, the amount of this payment is calculated quite simply. The amount of the benefit is 40% of the average salary for the last two years.

At the birth of twins or a second child, the amounts of payments for each separately add up. But the amount of the allowance should not be more than the average earnings of the mother over the past 24 months.

It should also be borne in mind that such payments are indexed by the government every year, which helps to increase the amount received.

With regard to labor benefits for working single mothers, the following points can be highlighted:

An employer, when reducing the staff of an enterprise, does not have the right to dismiss a single mother while she has a child under the age of fourteen in her care. Unfortunately, it often happens that a woman is fired due to serious disciplinary offenses. She may deserve them, or maybe in this way she is forced to quit.
If the reduction occurs as a result of the liquidation of the organization, then the administration of the company is obliged to provide the single mother with another job.
The mother is also provided with an allowance for caring for a sick child. The size depends on the length of service. For outpatient treatment for 10 days, an amount equal to half the salary is paid. If the child is older than 7 years, then only 15 days of sick leave are paid.
Single mothers can get 14 days leave at any convenient time.
If she is in charge of a child under 5 years old, then the woman cannot be involved in work in her free time, at night or on holidays.
If desired, a mother with a child under 14 years of age may work part-time.
In addition, a woman with this status has benefits when applying for a job. After all, the employer cannot refuse to hire her because of the presence of children. Otherwise, he will have to present a serious argument in favor of his decision.

Also in Russian legislation there is a moment that reflects the existence of a tax deduction for the child of a single mother. Income mothers will be partially or completely exempt from income tax. A parent can receive double the deduction for children until they reach the age of eighteen. Extension to 24 years is possible if the child enters a higher educational institution.

In addition, for single mothers there are benefits in other areas of life:

the right to receive free baby food and linen for newborns;
the right to purchase medicines at a reduced price. The discount sometimes reaches 50%;
if there is a massage room in the children's clinic, its visit is also free;
in a general education school, children of single mothers are entitled to two free meals a day;
if they enroll in an additional educational institution, they can be given a 30 percent discount on tuition fees;
upon admission to a preschool educational institution, the discount increases to 50%. They are also accepted out of turn.
in addition, every year children can get a ticket to the sanatorium.

The government is implementing a program Affordable housing for a young family”, under which single mothers are entitled to partial compensation for the cost of housing. The main condition is that a woman should not be more than 35 years old.

Expenses

Single mother or single mother. Modern vision of the problem (video)

The other day, a girl wrote me a letter asking me to help solve her problem - to understand what to do in her seemingly hopeless situation.

The situation is as follows: a young girl was abandoned by a guy in a position and asked to deal with her “problems” on her own and forget about him forever.

And so I get a cry for help from a girl who wants to know Is it hard to be a single mother?«

The situation is certainly not easy. And I know firsthand. That is why I want to develop this topic for young girls who are faced with the question “To be or not to be?”

parents and children

Once upon a time, 7 years ago, I myself was in a similar situation. Left alone with a baby in her tummy. The situation was aggravated by the fact that I no longer had parents and, accordingly, there was nowhere to consult with them and wait for support. Plus, I was worried about the work that brought meager income. Of course, for a very young me, the question arises: What should I do?

And the subsequent ensuing questions fell like a waterfall on my green head: “How can I raise a child alone? How will I feed him? How will I provide for it? Am I ready for the role of motherhood? Do I have the right to doom a child to an incomprehensible existence in my position? Is it hard being a single mother?? And a lot of questions that poured on me like they poured ice water on me.

And no matter how they tell me that everything will be fine. “Each child comes with his own good into this world” - I was scared.

Probably only now I understand that the worst thing at that moment was to take responsibility not only for myself, but also for the life of the little man who was born.

Questions haunted me, fear and despair were in my soul. Yes, and youth probably played its time. To be honest, I was scared! I was afraid that I would not be able to take on such responsibility and become a good mother.

Although undoubtedly this child was desired and very long-awaited.

But when your whole world collapses in an instant and you remain completely alone, and the closest and once beloved person betrays you, then fears appear.

The main thing here is to pull yourself together in time, throw off all your fears and, despite the blurry future, decide for yourself - I can!

So it was with me.

What happened next?

No matter how hard it was in life, I can firmly and confidently say that I overcame it thanks to my golden baby.

All my achievements that were, are and will be - all thanks to her.

It was my baby who became my inspiration and generator of all my ideas and actions.

Nobody says that everything was smooth and like clockwork. No one sat like Christ in his bosom.

Yes, there were sidelong glances from strangers and the fear of being left without money, sleepless nights and tears in the pillow, trials and rewards. There was a lot, but we got through it together.

All difficulties and hardships were forgotten when I hugged my daughter and leaned against my blood.

Therefore, my dear girls, if you are faced with the question: “Will I be able to bear the burden of a single mother,” I can answer that when God sends trials, he initially knows that you have so much strength to endure all the trials that fell on your soul.

I understand that the question of the financial component of the development of events may gnaw at you. But it can be solved, even sitting on maternity leave -