If the wife considers her husband a loser. How to live with a loser husband, the opinion of psychologists

Why a man is a loser and how to live with a loser husband: advice from a psychologist

1. How to recognize a loser?
2. Comes from childhood
3. In the same team with the loser
4. Rules of conduct

How to recognize a loser?

Whatever they try, nothing works. They can look for a job for months, go through dozens of interviews - and get rejected everywhere. At the same time, other men manage to move up the career ladder, go to the sea and buy a car. Are they just lucky, or is the root of the problem hidden deeper than it seems?

To understand why a man is a loser, a superficial analysis and a frank conversation with him is not enough. He himself may not know the true reason for his endless bad luck. Or he knows - but carefully hides: it's easier for him to live.

Psychologists distinguish several types of losers.

"Victim". Such men tend to immerse themselves in their problems, "cherish" them - and do not solve them in any way. Gradually, they get used to their state, programming themselves for the negative. "Victims" are looking for dirty tricks in everything, reject any opportunities, sincerely feel sorry for themselves.
"Hedgehog in the Fog" Today is good - tomorrow how it will turn out. This is how losers argue, who do not see their goals, do not make plans for the future. Trying to impose motivation on them or gently push them towards it is pointless.
"Dreamer". A beautiful house, a good car, a successful career - the dreamer has more than all this. True, only in global plans. Such a man sincerely believes that all the benefits will someday be - however, there is no time to achieve goals, and the possibilities, as it turns out, are limited.
"The Rogue". In his collection - all the advanced techniques. The hoarder does not recognize traditional ways to achieve goals, he constantly finds "magic" seminars, attends them, spending a lot of money on it. Bottom line: time passes, the methods do not work. And nothing has changed…

From childhood?

Losers are not born, but there are effective "programs" that trigger the mechanism of bad luck.

History first. Nina always dreamed of a son, and when her boy was born, she felt like the happiest woman in the world. From the first day of the child's life, Nina decided: he will grow up to be the smartest and strongest. As soon as the baby learned to walk, endless classes began: swimming, wrestling, English ... By the age of 5, the boy unexpectedly showed dancing abilities for everyone, but his mother categorically rejected them. Say, this is not a man's occupation! Attempts to break his son were crowned with success: the son stopped asking to dance, but he became completely indifferent to other activities. He honestly attended all the circles, constantly being under the gun of the word "must". Result: instead of a strong, self-confident man, an absolute loser grew up, in no way adapted to life.

The second story. Anton is the only son of Natalia and Vitaly. From childhood, he grew up in an absolutely democratic family, where freedom of action was encouraged. Everything was allowed to the boy - so the parents wanted to raise a harmonious personality. What and at what point went wrong - it became clear after many years. However, in early childhood, Anton quickly realized that he was the center of the universe. Freedom was manifested not in initiative, but in laziness, which completely took possession of the boy-teenager-man.

Psychology indicates many reasons for the birth of a loser in a man. Their search sometimes takes long months, and without the participation of a competent specialist, they rarely lead to the desired result.

In the same team with the loser

What is it like to live under the same roof with a person who does not succeed? Can an unlucky whiner become a successful man, and how long will it take? To begin with, a woman must firmly decide whether she wants to maintain a relationship with a loser. If the desire not to break the bonds is driven solely by pity, and the man himself denies all attempts to help him, the end is unlikely to justify the means. To endure just because there are no other men on the horizon is also not worth it.

It is a completely different matter when a woman loves her husband and sees prospects in him. Of course, you won't be able to change everything overnight. There are many cases when, next to one woman, a man was a hopeless loser, on the other, he made a dizzying career in a short time.

Behavior rules

A loser is a subtle nature that does not tolerate pressure or, conversely, excessive softness. To help a man get out of the pool of bad luck, you need patience and wisdom. You should not fully rely on your own strength: they are effective only when they are directed in the right direction at the right angle.

Dealing with losers has its own subtleties. Here are a few rules that will help a man quickly overcome the streak of bad luck.

1. Do not remind at every opportunity about the "status" of the satellite. Most men perceive such reproaches as an admission of their insolvency, which hurts their pride.
2. Be supportive - but don't overdo it. Remind about successful times, hint that black bars happen to everyone. Just don't be sorry!
3. Active attempts to pursue a husband's career are a bad help. The satellite must analyze the situation and come to the necessary conclusions.
4. Pay more attention to your man. Don't let him dwell on your problems. Positive thinking works wonders!

Can a woman make her man successful? Can she influence subtle monetary and career matters? It turns out, yes!

How to make your man successful?

I call fire on myself!

Husband is a loser

Anya married a novice businessman Igor immediately after graduation. The husband was 8 years older than her and doted on his young wife. Anya also loved Igor and was glad that their family had both love and prosperity at the same time.

Happiness lasted for three months, but everything collapsed in one moment. The crisis broke out, and Igor lost his business. All day long he sat at home and complained about life. Anya waited a bit, and when, according to her calculations, enough time had passed for depression, she began to take action. She brought Igor newspapers about employment and offered to call potential employers.

Then the first family scandal broke out in their lives. Igor replied that he was not going to work for anyone, and even more so for hire, and would only do what he liked. He also stated that if this is not possible in this case, then he will sit and wait for circumstances to change. Even if he will die of hunger, he will not work as a loader.

Anya was shocked by this monologue. She really wanted a child, and in the current situation it became impossible. There is no money, no work, and the husband does not care about himself or the fact that his wife is hungry. It turned out that the main thing is his pride, not his family. Then Anya took fate into her own hands and began to beat the thresholds of various organizations.

I must say that in those years there was a lot of work in the country, and therefore Anya, a certified journalist and advertiser, began her career as a building materials saleswoman. Her salary was barely enough for food, but the husband was completely satisfied: there is food, the wife does not saw, because she works all day, and if she does not work, then she does housework.

A year has passed, and Igor did not even attempt to change the situation. He still complained about his fate and languished from idleness. Their relationship completely deteriorated, and Anya filed for divorce.

She soon got married and had a child. Five years passed, and Igor suddenly reappeared in her life. He arrived in an expensive foreign car, and his clothes and shoes simply screamed about the wealth of the carrier. It turned out that he became a millionaire and had business all over the world.

Now he was going to leave forever for a small but very rich foreign country, where he had a whole bunch of real estate and useful connections. Igor said that he still loves Anya and wants her to go with him. "How could this happen? Anya wondered. - With me he was a complete loser, but without me he became a millionaire ?! What did I do wrong? What is my fault? Or is it not about me?

Of course, not all men become millionaires by breaking up with their wives. But still, there is a grain of truth in Anya's experiences, because according to the law of conservation of energy, if something is added in one place, then it will certainly decrease in another.

What is a "rescuer complex"?

How to block energy?

Husband is a loser

If you take everything upon yourself, show that you are able to cope with all the problems on your own, a man’s sense of responsibility gradually becomes dull and he stops caring about you. It turns out that with your excessive vigor you block his energy. What to do? To build a fool and a lazy person? But you can’t rely on your husband for everything and lead the life of an amoeba?

If you find yourself in just such a situation and always throw yourself at the embrasure, then these tips are for you:

Imagine that your husband is an adult and independent person who does not need constant supervision, control and guardianship. Come to terms with this thought. Remember that when we deprive another of independence, the entire responsibility falls on us.

Consider that you don't have to sacrifice anything to save your family. Especially if your husband does not want to give up his ideas for the sake of earning. Therefore, first of all, realize your goals, and do not sacrifice yourself for the sake of your husband. He does exactly that, and why are you worse?

Do not do for a man what he should do for himself. Once in an awkward situation several times, he will be more responsible about his affairs. This does not mean that you need to be indifferent to what happens to him. It only means that you see in him a responsible and adult person who is able to take care of himself.

If for a month he has not been able to fix the faucet, hang curtains, etc., do not do it for him. And do not become a bore, reminding him of his duties. Make it clear that no one can do this job better than him. It may be a long wait, but your patience will be rewarded.

Treat a man as a confident, competent person who you can rely on. Do not rush to call acquaintances and employment agencies if the husband has lost his job, and take on the duties of a breadwinner. Let him know that you are confident in his abilities. and believe that he will find the best way out of this situation. Give him a chance to prove himself!

saw woman

Rescuer

Husband is a loser

Faith is constantly associated with losers. Other men do not stay with her for a long time. Unemployed, lazy, dissatisfied whiners are drawn to her like a magnet to a refrigerator.

Faith considers all men weak, and always takes responsibility for relationships . She works five jobs because she wants to save up for a separate apartment, and she always complains about her hard life, dreaming of a rich and strong man who would help her solve all her problems.

But it is unlikely that such a man will meet on her way. And all because the installation, sitting deep inside Vera's soul, literally attracts all kinds of losers. The “all men are weak” attitude makes Vera work like a horse and treat men as if they were imbeciles. Until Vera is convinced that men are the same adults and responsible people as she is, her life will not change.

If you recognize yourself as a lifesaver, then you need professional help, because the attitudes that have been instilled in us since childhood are very difficult to change on our own. Be sure to take training self-esteem or individual work with a psychologist.

Strong attitudes literally block the penetration of a new experience that does not correspond to them, even if it is positive. Therefore, we only see what our settings allow us to see. The exercises below will help you look at the world with different eyes and change the situation for the better:

Imagine that your husband is an ideal man: he is a strong, independent person, he takes responsibility, he is successful and self-confident. What kind of life would you lead then? What would you do and not do? Imagine this situation in detail, get used to it.

What would you say? How would you feel? What feelings would you have for your husband? What would you stop doing right now? Try to live like this for at least a few days. Stop doing what annoys you, let your husband do it. Relax and enjoy life by being selfish for at least a couple of days.

Find an image of some famous woman that you like. Imagine that you are her. What kind of men can such a woman have? How would she act with them, how would she behave? Try on this image in all details. Live in it for a while. Every time you feel drawn to the helpless losers, return to this image of the fatal beauty.

And where did you get the idea that your husband is a loser?!

Husband is a loser

“You don’t know how to communicate with people at all! You’re not behaving properly with the management! You’re not dressed like that! You need to be smarter! You’re a complete loser! earn a penny all your life! You work hard all day, but you can’t see the money! "

If you believe that your husband is incapable of anything and only you know what to do, you get a vicious circle: the lower his self-esteem, the more infantile he will actually become. And when a man is dissatisfied with himself, he begins to love you less. This is the fastest way kill the passion in a relationship and make a loser out of her husband.

Undoubtedly, loving people always support each other. But here it is important that you act together. Your husband should also feel responsible for your relationship. If you don't believe in your husband, how can he believe in himself?

If you can't live a day without criticism, then these tips are for you:

If you continue to live with your husband, then there is something good in him. Remember what it could be? Concentrate on the positive qualities of your husband and remind about them not only to yourself, but also to him.

Help your husband understand where he could realize himself. To do this, he may need professional help or special literature. Do not nag him, but just talk, find out what he wants to achieve in life, and what prevents him from doing it. Most likely, he simply does not believe in himself.

Find a balance between criticism and praise because only a reasonable combination of these two components can motivate a person to achieve success. Praise should be more than criticism, and all your speeches should begin with it. Praise should be very specific and detailed, not superficial and formal.

You can only criticize the behavior, but not the personality of a person. If you really want to change your husband's behavior for the better, inspire him to exploits, then only talk about what can be changed.

In such a situation, a woman can become the main earner, if, of course, she likes to do this. She can also come to terms with the status quo, let her husband be herself (after all, that's how she fell in love with him), and enjoy life.

If you consider him a failure, and he is satisfied with his life, you are simply next to the wrong person. Your values ​​don't match, and you're both torturing each other. In this case, you either live long and unhappy, mutually suffering, or get divorced and find new partners with similar life values.

Each person draws conclusions based on his experience and his inner picture of the world. In the eyes of other women, you may look like a snickering bitch, but in your sweet and tearful eyes, you will always remain the unfortunate wife of a loser.

Having the same income, one woman can consider herself successful, and the other is not. . If you are the daughter of wealthy parents, accustomed to all the best, then most likely you will compare your husband with your father. And if the husband is less successful than your father, then he will be an eternal loser for you.

If you were brought up in an ordinary family, but your ambitions are high enough, then think about whether it is worth dumping the fulfillment of your dreams on another person? You must realize your ambitions yourself.

By building your life on comparison with others, you doom yourself to constant envy and discontent, because there will always be someone richer and more successful. If you evaluate your relationship with your husband only by the criterion of superiority over others, your marriage is doomed.

Why do you need a tenth fur coat? Why do you need a Bentley if you don't go further than a beauty salon? Why do you need fifty evening dresses if you are not a screen star? Why do you need a husband if you almost never see him because of his strong employment at work?

Frequent evaluation of relationships only by material criteria hides the emptiness of the relationship itself, lack of interest in each other and emotional vacuum. Think about why you are so obsessed with the status and money of your husband.

Maybe your relationship has come to naught a long time ago, and these pleasant details add self-confidence and replace love? Or maybe you have great ambitions and a huge potential that is hindered by laziness and fear, so you shift the responsibility for your happiness to another person?

If, despite your love, desire to help and competent motivation, the husband remains indifferent to his own success and the success of your joint family, it is obvious that this is not your fault. Remember that it is impossible to help a person when he himself does not want it.

If a man does not love himself, treats himself indifferently, he is not able to love a woman the way she deserves it. Is it worth wasting your life on a person who can't make you happy?

Elena GORSHKOVA,
psychologist-consultant

A loser husband is like a suitcase without a handle: it’s hard to carry and it’s a pity to throw it away. Save or be saved? Maintain or leave? Is the man himself determined to get rid of the “failed” assessment, or is it beneficial for him to remain in the ranks of the “humiliated and insulted”? The author of "Lady Mail.Ru" deals with the psychologist of the "Happy Family" center Natalia Panfilova.

What is bad luck

The concept of "loser" is largely subjective. For some, a failed husband is a failed genius: in his youth he showed brilliant promises, but ruined his talent. For others, he is a lazy person with many years of experience, who, in the opinion of his wife, cannot reach the heights that would be pleasant to her. She practically married a general, assuming that this lieutenant would make a dizzying career not today or tomorrow, but he didn’t really need it or he didn’t succeed.

In Russian realities, we more often characterize men in terms of material wealth: when the social bar is raised high, financial insolvency becomes the main equivalent of a loser. This is not surprising, material wealth speaks of the desire to improve life, the ability to overcome life's difficulties. An irresponsible infantile man who is pessimistic about life, avoids making decisions and creates obstacles for himself to make a breakthrough, is hardly able to provide a reliable rear for the family.

Psychologist's comment: “The concept of “loser” is usually considered in terms of underfulfillment and features of the person himself, his character. In the first case, he is labeled "loser" with many complexes, but he simply lives to the best of his ability. For example, the family once did not accept his talent, but demanded the continuation of tribal traditions, the person obediently tried to fulfill a scenario alien to him. And while he was not going his own way, he did not succeed much.

In the second, "loser" - a way of thinking, a state of mind, those whom we call losers from birth or those who became them under the influence of circumstances, broke down. The person himself diligently cultivates the syndrome of a loser in himself, living on the principle "I have nothing, I do not want anything." For many, this becomes a profitable position. Judging yourself as unsuccessful (“what do you want from me, I’m a loser”) removes responsibility from a person and shifts it to external or temporary circumstances, you can blame everyone and everything for all your failures.

How to spot a loser

Women have a huge reforming spirit, they are sure that they are able to change a man. A typical mistake is to dwell on what you like and close your eyes to the rest. Instead, it is important to be more attentive and study the character of the chosen one, listen to the opinion of other people who have known him for a long time, for example, classmates, classmates. Those who can say: "this guy is a loser, he always was" or "he always had it." The tendency to overcome difficulties or, conversely, to attract trouble is formed over time. If some habits have always been inherent, then they will have to be faced again.

Psychologist's comment: “Of course, the share of responsibility for the fact that a woman married a loser falls on her shoulders, in the sense that she did not see those qualities that help a person realize himself, help to become successful. Success depends both on talent and on the ability to realize this talent. ».

Way to success

Your actions will depend on the origin of the psychology of the loser.

1. If the fact is that a person was once forced to make some choice that is not good for him, a huge burden will fall on those who are nearby. It should be recognized that once a mistake was made and now there is an opportunity to correct it yourself. The task of relatives is to give strength and faith, to support in what is important and interesting to a man, to allow him to express himself. A woman can act as an observer, providing maximum freedom, but the initiative must come from the man himself. It's not a fast process, and it's certainly not easy to see an adult start from scratch. It will take patience to allow this to unfold.

Psychologist's comment: “If a man himself goes somewhere in the wrong place, psychotherapy, internal reflection, reflection would help him to a large extent. The first step to removing the stigma of being a loser is to realize your own participation in what happens in life. Influence from the outside in this case is insignificant. It is much easier for relatives not to interfere with the situation so that it begins to develop differently. ”

2. If a person shows negligence, it is first important to acknowledge this. Serious stimulating support, almost parental, will be required from the close environment. The wife can act as an inspirer, “try it or do it”, together look for areas where a man feels confident, and help to realize himself.

“In any case, without fanaticism, - warns Natalya Panfilova. - A supportive position can give a good result, but there are no guarantees. By agreeing to such a mission, there is no need to harbor hopes and illusions that you are able to radically turn the tide. If there is a desire - try, for the sake of love, faith in this man. In many of us, a Decembrist is hidden, to one degree or another ready to endure, seriously invest in the chosen one in the hope of receiving dividends. But there are dangers in this position. Relationships are about giving and taking. It is important to be aware of what you are investing and what you are getting.

If a woman realizes the maternal instinct in this way, then probably this gives a sense of harmony in her life, but in the future this will not be enough. The moment will come, and she will utter the sacramental: "I put my whole life on you, you are a loser."

At twenty, thirty years old, a woman tends to experiment and seek. By the middle of life comes the realization that it is sad to invest in a husband who needs to be put on his feet, without the possibility of just enjoying life in the end. It is important to stop in time, to stop living in the interests of others, to move someone somewhere. It is not necessary to get a divorce, but it is important to understand why you need the “cross” that you carry.

Suddenly the war, and we are tired

The now popular leadership race from office corridors has migrated to family life. Formally, the wife makes requests and is ready to wait: "Dear, do it, choose, help." But if the “expensive” delays and postpones, you have to do it yourself. That is, in fact, no one expects the result, which later becomes a family scenario.

A failed husband is a heavy burden: it’s hard to live with him, but sometimes it’s even harder to leave. Should I continue to help him or help myself? Stay or leave? Does a man have a desire to get away from his status as a loser, or does he like to be “unfairly offended” by everyone?

The word "loser" has a biased nature. Someone will say that a loser husband is one who did not take place as a professional. Others will answer that a loser is one who does nothing, a quitter and a slacker. A loser is someone who cannot fulfill all the dreams of his wife.

Faced with Russian reality, you understand that we characterize losers from a material point of view. Inconsistency in the material sphere of life is equated in meaning with the term "loser". Financial success is a kind of indicator that a person has a desire, a need to make his life better. Financial success is an indicator that a person is able to cope with life's difficulties. An immature, incapable of taking responsibility for his actions, a man prevents not only the realization of his own plans, he is also a brake on the rest of the family. Next to such a man, a woman does not feel confident, children are restless.

Psychologist's opinion: “The term “loser” is often characterized either from the point of view of the inability to realize one's abilities or from the point of view of the personality characteristics of a person. If we are dealing with the first possible component, then in this case a significant number of labels are attached to this person, talking about his inability, the impossibility of doing something. As a result, we see the appearance of strong complexes. A person stops striving for something and just goes with the flow. For example, instead of listening to the voice of the heart and developing his abilities, the young man succumbs to the opinion of the family and continues to work on some family business. He lives according to someone else's scenario of life and it is not surprising that in the end he does not succeed.

If we are dealing with the second case, then the “loser” in this case is a kind of personality characteristic. We say that you can be a loser from birth, or you can become one under the influence of circumstances. A person cannot cope with the weight of the load placed on his shoulders and “breaks”. After such a "breakdown" a person is in a state of emptiness and he himself begins to believe that he is a loser. It happens that people live in this state for a very long time and even manage to unconsciously derive subjective benefit from this state. After all, if a person recognizes himself as a failure, then the responsibility for what is happening in him is reduced. Like, what to take from the loser. It is much easier to shift a significant share of the problems to someone else, let the other be to blame for all the troubles. In family life, the spouse becomes such a “other”.

We calculate the loser

All women are reformers at heart. Each is 100% sure that she can change the man she likes. Even if everyone around her tells a woman that this man is not the best choice, that he has always been a loser, she does not notice the shortcomings. Instead of listening to those people who have known her chosen one for a long time, instead of taking a closer look at him herself, the woman turns a blind eye, being sure that everything will be different in her hands. This is a peculiar, characteristic feature for most women. They seem to need to overcome obstacles and face new troubles. Sometimes such a way of life becomes habitual and some events that give such a feeling of overcoming are repeated again and again with enviable constancy.

Psychologist's opinion: “Naturally, if a woman married a so-called “loser”, then 50% of the responsibility for this event falls on her shoulders. After all, in a relationship between two, only one person cannot be to blame. There are always at least two views on what happened. If a woman at one time did not notice that her partner does not have talent or does not have the qualities that are necessary to realize this talent, then she herself is to blame. In such a situation, it makes no sense to try to blame your spouse for everything, this will not help you or him in any way.

On the way to success

What needs to be done when confronted with the situations described above depends on where the roots of the problems of the person called the loser lie.

1. If we are dealing with a situation in which your spouse is doing something that he never liked, then this imposes additional obligations on those around him. An important moment will be the moment of recognition that a mistake was made at one time. However, we can hope that the error was not fatal and we can try to fix it. In this case, the task of those who surround a person is to support and develop the potential of a man, to direct his attention to those areas of activity that allow him to realize himself and feel successful. At the same time, you should not again impose your point of view on a man. Give him more freedom, let the man take the lead.

It is quite possible that a woman will have to be patient, because the process of self-development in an adult cannot occur quickly. In fact, at this stage, a man, in a sense, begins to live from scratch. So be patient and let it unfold.

Psychologist's opinion:“At the stage of self-determination, when it is still difficult to understand yourself on your own, you can seek advice from a specialist - a psychologist, a psychotherapist. It is important to develop the ability to reflect, i. self-observation, introspection. The first thing a man needs to do to stop feeling like a failure is to realize and take responsibility for the events of his life. It must be understood that any external obstacles are only part of the picture. Often a person unknowingly interferes with himself. At this stage of correctional work, relatives need to limit their intervention, because it happens that it is they who do not allow the situation to develop in a different way, unconsciously pulling it back to its usual course.

2. If a man is a failure because he is lazy, then the first thing to do is to recognize this fact. Strong support will be needed from relatives and friends at this stage. It is very important for a wife to inspire her husband to do one thing or another. It is necessary to find the type of activity in which a man can realize himself and begin to feel more confident.

Most importantly, there is no need for extremes. No one can guarantee you a result, even if you are ready to take a parental position in relation to your spouse to some extent. Do not live in a world of illusions, do not assure yourself 100% that your intervention will definitely change the current situation. Unfortunately, this is not always enough. If you love and believe in this man, then be sure to try to do something. Otherwise, the thought "what would happen if ..." will forever sit in your mind. However, one must understand that such a position in relation to the spouse cannot be permanent. This threatens to seriously disrupt the balance between "take" and "give". It is necessary to understand whether these parameters are equivalent in your life together.

It happens that a woman in a similar situation embodies her unrealized maternal instinct. For a while, this state of affairs will bring a sense of balance and harmony into her life. However, over time, this will not be enough, and then the spouse is likely to hear quite typical words: “I spent my best years on you, loser.”

What is needed to avoid such a situation? Stop for a while, look inside yourself and maybe you will feel that the time has come to stop living someone else's life. If you do not want to divorce your spouse, then explain to yourself why you are staying next to him, what it gives you.

Don't go in circles

Family life is increasingly reminiscent of work in a large company, where the race for leadership does not stop. The wife stops asking her husband for help. If he constantly says that he is busy or that he will do everything a little later. In fact, a woman stops waiting for the result, because she stops believing.

Psychologist's opinion:“It is difficult to say what needs to be done in this case. Perhaps the desire to go to the conflict will justify itself. The conflict, at least, will allow you to express your feelings in relation to what is happening. If you keep silent all the time and swallow resentment, then at some point either an “explosion” becomes inevitable and catastrophic, or a man begins to think that everything suits you.

It is very important not to forget that a man must remain a man. He should be the head of the family. It is important for a man to understand that he must take the initiative and, of course, will be responsible for his actions. Do not be afraid to criticize your spouse. Moderate criticism will become the basis for making changes in your behavior and in your life.

The main thing in the family is not to confuse who plays what role. A man should be proactive and active, a woman should be patient and responsible. A harmonious combination of these qualities gives a harmonious result.

• Let's move on to recommendations.
• Be a team
• Be careful about male self-esteem: male infantilism is often associated with low self-esteem
• Let your spouse feel important
• Let a man solve problems on his own and family
• Don't forget yourself and don't sacrifice your dreams
• If the relationship is at an impasse, your husband is happy with everything, although everyone, including you, considers him a loser, then it may be time to take the next step and admit that you made a mistake with the choice of a spouse.

The natural desire of every woman is to have a husband who will always be a support, a reliable guarantor of a stable family future. However, it doesn't always work out the way you want. And some of us are faced with the realization that their husband is a failure. What are the reasons for this and what can a wife do in such a situation?

Why is my husband a failure?

First, it should be noted that the very concept of "loser" is very subjective. One wife may consider her husband a loser who is not able to reach the desired heights because of his laziness and ability to get into various unpleasant situations. In another couple, the spouse is considered a loser if he failed to achieve career heights, although he showed great promise in his youth.

In the modern world, the financial viability of a man becomes the main criterion for his luck. And there is nothing surprising in this. Material wealth indicates the ability to overcome life's difficulties, the desire to improve living conditions. It is unlikely that a man who is infantile, passive, and avoids making decisions on important issues can provide a reliable rear for the family.

Why does the husband become a loser? Psychologists note that, as a rule, such a man is an introvert. He is usually non-confrontational, with a mild character, rather closed. The main sign of a loser is passivity, and in everything: in a career, personal relationships, everyday problems. Huge self-doubt results in fear of mistakes, constant doubts.

What to do if your husband is a loser? First you need to understand the causes of this phenomenon and then choose the tactics of behavior.

Born to be a loser

Some men are born failures. They have neither self-esteem, nor any abilities, nor desires, nor vital energy. Interestingly, all these qualities are clearly visible even in youth. But some women are sure that when they get married, they will be able to make a man out of such a man. Others choose the loser as their husband out of pity. Both those and others expect that with age a man will become more active, he will have a desire to achieve prosperity and well-being. However, as a rule, neither the birth of a child nor material problems can inspire such a person to labor exploits.

What can be done? Absolutely erroneous is the opinion that a loser from birth can be changed. A woman living in such a marriage expects only two possible scenarios: either put up with poverty, or constantly kick her husband, however, without much success. Naturally, it would be best to leave. In addition, if there are children in the marriage, such a father will not be a good role model for them.

Temporary loser

None of us is immune to bad times in our lives. A man may not fit into the new realities of the world around him, lose his job. And it happens that it is difficult for a person to master new technologies. In this case, he needs time to adapt to the emerging conditions of life or work.

What can be done? It's okay if you work for a while, and your husband takes care of the household. Let the spouse learn the basics of cooking, vacuum the apartment, take the children to training or other activities. In addition, homework is so monotonous and boring so quickly that anyone wants to get rid of it as soon as possible. What is not an incentive to look for a new job?

Increasing needs

Another fairly common reason that we consider a husband a loser is the ever-increasing needs of life. You see that your acquaintances are rapidly increasing their standard of living. And you have a desire to achieve the same. Then there is dissatisfaction with the husband's earnings, which until recently seemed quite acceptable. You set your friends as an example to your husband, constantly reproaching him for not being able to earn money for a new car or modern repairs in an apartment. Often in such a situation, the spouse begins to think that you only need money from him. As a result, subconscious or conscious inhibition of career advancement.

What can be done? First of all, you need to get rid of the feeling of envy. You should remind yourself that, despite the acquisition of, for example, a new car, acquaintances have enough problems of their own. If you really want to push your husband to develop a career, it's better to try to interest him. For example, you can dream together about the opportunity to spend a vacation in an exotic country and think about how much you need to save each month for this. Having calculated the required amount, the spouse can himself come to the conclusion that more earnings are needed.

If a woman is not ready to put up with a loser husband, but does not intend to be separated from him, every effort should be made to change the situation for the better. In addition to the above recommendations, we suggest using the advice of psychologists to help eliminate this problem:

• Don't lower a man's self-esteem. You should not constantly blame your spouse for failures, tell how clumsy and lazy he is. It is better to cultivate self-esteem in him, for example, entrust cases in which he can prove himself from the best side, and praise him for their implementation;
• Let your husband solve his own problems. You do not need to run to the rescue of your spouse when necessary. Man's destiny is to act and be responsible for his actions;
• Don't sacrifice everything to save a relationship. Remember that you are a woman - weak, requiring care. Remind yourself of this often, especially when you feel like doing something instead of your spouse;
• Realize as a person. Develop in your career, look for new ideas, expand your life horizons. Quite often, a husband begins to reach out for such a wife, after all, male pride is a big engine of personality development.

A failed husband is not a sentence for a woman. You should try to change the situation, help your spouse get out of the vicious circle of failures. But if all your efforts are in vain, think about whether you need this man.